Chapter 14

February 28

Sirius,

I don't even know why I write "Sirius" at the tops of these damned letters. It's stupid, pointless and suggesting there's something mentally wrong with me. Sirius is dead, dear God.

I haven't talked to Danielle since the day she ran out when Ginny came in. I wish she wouldn't do that. I don't understand why she does; she's not bad-looking or have anything to be ashamed of. Maybe she's just shy or something…? I don't understand how she disappears so quickly, either… I don't think anyone can run that fast. Maybe she can Apparate? Haha, Hermione would scold me if I voiced that when she was here: "You can't Apparate or Disapparate on Hogwarts grounds!" She'd probably send me reading Hogwarts, A History for real at that.

Oddly, I miss that. A little. Having friends so close you can predict what they'll do… hell, having friends at all. I mean, I suppose I have Danielle… sometimes, and Ginny's around, but not so much anymore. I think she's been avoiding me since our last encounter.

I walked in on her in the Common Room a couple days ago. She was sitting on the couch facing the fire, her back to me. I saw two empty bottles laying on the floor next to her, and they weren't butterbeer bottles. I called out her name and she turned around. Her eyes and nose were red and blotchy, like she had been crying. She hiccupped.

"Hi, Harry," she slurred. She got up from the couch and stumbled as she tried to walk.

"Are you drunk?" I asked stupidly. I knew she was. I should, of all people. She grinned a silly grin at me and made her way over to me, stumbling, and fell forward. I caught her in my arms. She giggled a bubbly, drunk giggle and, without warning, pressed her lips against mine. I didn't know what to do so I just stood there. She pulled back and passed out. I caught her again and laid her on the couch. And for some reason, I sat there for a while… and began petting her hair. After a couple minutes I realized what I was doing and bolted back to my dorm. I hate putting it that way—bolted—but that's seriously what I did.

The next morning as I came out of the dorm for breakfast, I saw Ginny telling some third years to stop breathing so loudly. Then she turned, saw me, turned red and ran to her dorm. I haven't seen her after that. I don't exactly know how to confront her after what happened, and she's clearly avoiding me. Wait… yes I do. Sort of. I have an idea, but… I'll let you know how it turns out. I believe Ginny has the support group the day after tomorrow.

Oddly again, this makes me think of Ron and Hermione. Maybe I really should take him up on that talk.

March 1

I really did. Take him up on the talk, I mean. We went to the Three Broomsticks. I only had one butterbeer the whole time! Probably the whole peer pressure thing. I asked him how Hermione was, and he said fine, but he didn't bring her. The meeting was, after all, between the two of us. I respect him for that.

He said he's really enjoying playing Keeper for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, but he would never consider playing Quidditch professionally after we graduate. He's looking to work for the Ministry like his father. I told him I wanted to be an Auror, and had already sent in my application. He seemed impressed that I had sent it in already, but all he said was, "You should probably bring your grades up if you want to get the job." It wasn't snobby or anything; just the truth. Maybe he's right. I'll try, at least.

We were chatting about everyday stuff—like two people who hadn't seen each other for years and were just being polite. Nothing personal; all general. Then all of a sudden, out of the blue, he asks, "Do you still smoke, Harry?"

It caught me totally off-guard. I told him, "Yes, once in a while, when I need to. Why does it concern you?"

"I'm your best friend, Harry," he said. "I'm concerned. You've been smoking for a year now, and I haven't heard anything of you quitting. It's not good, Harry. You know that."

"Since when did talking to a friend involve preaching?" I said.

"I'm not preaching," Ron said. "Well, maybe I am just a little bit. But seriously Harry, you could die from it. And it makes you smell awful… not that you do right now, I'm just saying," he added hastily. "And Harry? No girl wants to kiss an ashtray. Including my sister." He smiled, put money on the counter and left.

I can't believe he said that! I'm not dating Ginny! I don't know why he keeps pushing this. Ginny's his younger sister, and I'll always think of her that way.

But I was thinking of what he said about school. He's probably right… at least somewhat. And the smoking thing is true, but how else am I supposed to relax? I'm not addicted. I don't go through a pack or two a day. I only light up when I need to calm down. I can control it.

I really do want to be an Auror. I have definitely had a lot of experience with Dark Magic. I'm sure to get in… but the grades thing has been on my mind. And N.E.W.T.s coming up… I've got to do well on those at least, if not my classes.

I guess I'll go to class tomorrow… sober. All of them.

A/N: Progress! And you won't see "Dear Sirius" at the tops of all the letters anymore. At least not as much. Wow, I know this wasn't very long but I try! Sorry about typos if there are any; I didn't reread thoroughly.

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OutofAzkaban

ghst.sama- Don't worry; it may seem like Harry's going to be a sissy but you have my guarantee he won't.

IamSiriusgrl- Sorry about the shortness! I really need to work on that, don't I? I promise the next one, if not long, will be longer than this one. I'm glad you noticed the little subtleties about Danielle… see if you can catch any more!

roxygurl25- I'm waiting for that email! Yeah, I'm thinking the loner thing too. Read my reply to ghst.sama.

code112358132134- Thanks but more feedback? Praise, criticism, things you noticed…