Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King
CHAPTER TEN – Love and Forgotten Memories
"Yoh..." a small voice called out gently.
"A-Anna." Yoh answered, trying to stand straight, but failing.
"Stop it, you'll hurt yourself." she ordered.
"Hai. What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I came to get you. I knew you shouldn't be integrating with the Great Spirit, yet. You're going to kill yourself if you keep stressing your body by trying to help people like this." she told him.
"Anna... I can't just ignore problems like you do." he said.
"I know... demo... you always ignore problems closer to home." she said.
"What do you mean?" he asked, genuinely confused.
"Don't you get it? I need you... we need you." she said quietly.
"We?" he asked, realization slowly dawning on him.
"Hai. I'm pregnant, Yoh. You're going to be a father." she smiled faintly.
"I... I'm going to be a father? I'm gonna be a father... Oh, Anna! I love you so much!" he cried happily, pulling her down to the ground with him in a loving hug.
"Hello, there, baby! I'm gonna be your daddy! I can't wait for you!" he said, rubbing her stomach affectionately.
Meanwhile, Pilika ran into the cave, out of breath and winded. She expected to find her brother sobbing senselessly on the ground. To her horror, she saw that his emotional barriers had already hardened his heart to protect it while he slowly recovered once more.
It was the same thing he'd done after they lost their mother to an abusive father and their father to hypothermia, only then it wasn't so bad because he could throw himself into taking care of her. She was his crutch that he used to bring himself back after that, yet she knew that deep inside he still blamed himself for killing his father. Neither of them had ever liked him, but murder never sat well on Horo's conscience.
Now Horo stood with a resolved look on his face, refusing to acknowledge his pain. If he ignored it, he could forget it ever happened.
"Onii-chan! Onii-chan, I'm so sorry!" she began to cry, hugging him closely to her. His face never changed, he looked at her with uncaring cerulean orbs.
"Forgive me, Horo! Onegai! Please forgive me!" she sobbed into his chest.
"Let's go." he said coldly, stalking out of the dark cave.
"Stop it, Horo! Stop acting like it doesn't affect you! Stop pretending it didn't happen! Stop living in that dream world where Ren not remembering you doesn't hurt!" she yelled, struggling to catch up. He whipped around, glaring viciously at her.
"How the hell did you know that!" he snapped. She stopped in front of him, shocked.
"Because... Because I did it. I had to choose one of you to forget everything to cure you of stone. And it was my fault that you were turned to stone! And it was my fault Cole ever came after Ren! And it was my fault that Ren went into a coma! I did it! I wanted to fucking kill him! I wanted him dead! He was ruining our lives! He was getting too close! We can't trust others, Horo. We can only trust ourselves, only family. He was going to take you away from me! He was going to steal you from me! I love you! I'm in love with you! I've been having fucking rated Triple X dreams of you since I was ten! I've been spying on you since I was eleven! I love you!" she yelled, shrilly. Horo's icy face faded in surprise.
"What?" he choked out.
"I did it. If I could go back, I'd do it again, only the right way." she sobbed.
"I can't believe you. I can't fucking believe you! You little bitch! You ungrateful whore! After all I did... after I killed my own father... you were the one who tried to destroy the only one who ever really mattered to me?" tears welled up in his azure eyes and he sank to his knees.
"You would just betray my love and trust like that? How could you?" he asked, looking quite stricken.
"No, Horo. I did it for you. I did it for us. I did it because I love you so much. He would have hurt you. I was trying to protect you." she said softly, going to her knees as well and bringing him into her arms. She held his head to her developing chest and brushed her cheek against his soft, messy hair as her hands began to roam down his chest. Suddenly, he became aware and shoved her roughly away.
"Love? LOVE! You don't know shit about love! You don't know how it feels to pine for someone for a whole year, not even knowing if he'd even live! You don't know what it's like to watch him die so fucking many times! To wish you could do something, ANYTHING, to help him, but find that you can only sit back and watch! He was the only one who ever believed in me. Love is being willing to die for him, or even give him up if only to see him happy. I... I hate you. I can't even begin to describe how much I hate you right now. I can't even look at you." he turned sharply and ran off.
"Horo..." Pilika burst into a new round of tears, her heart crushed.
Horo Horo ran with all his might. He ran with every last ounce of strength in him. He didn't know where he was going; he just needed to get away from her. He needed to find a place to just think. Things were going too fast, and he didn't even know why Ren didn't remember him. Ren... What would happen to his love; all alone with no recollection of anything?
He willed his mind to stop its racing and just concentrated on running. His mind filled with the constant beat of his shoes on the hard, packed dirt, his short gulps of air. He concentrated on breathing, the feeling of his lungs quickly filling and deflating. Thud, thud, in... Thud, thud, out... Over and over, the pattern never stopping; the only thing that ever seemed to stay the same in his life. His fists clenched into tight balls, moving back and forth as his ran, eyes on the distant horizon. Legs pumping, burning with the effort it took as he ran on, never looking back.
Finally, he could go no further and he collapsed in a heap on the ground, trying desperately to fill his lungs with life-giving oxygen. He glanced around; finding himself near the bridge Ren had been dropped off of. Standing on the bridge stood a lone, familiar figure. The youngest Tao stood there, leaning on the rail and staring sadly into the depths of the misty water. Quickly recovering, Horo dragged himself to his feet and slowly walked over, either unnoticed or unacknowledged by the other. He leaned on the railing beside the object of his affection, every now and then glancing at him.
"Hey, there." he said softly.
"Who am I?" Ren asked to no one in particular.
"I think you should figure that out yourself... But I'll try to help." Horo said.
"Please...Please help me." Ren pleaded. Horo felt a jab of pain in his heart at how helpless Ren sounded.
"Don't worry. I'm here for you. I always have been." he whispered, pulling him into a gentle hug. After a brief moment of hesitation, Ren slowly hugged him back, bringing his arms around his waist. As one of Horo's hands held the boy close to him, the other drifted into silky violet locks, running them through his fingers. He held Ren close, burning the feeling into his memory for fear it would slip away into oblivion.
"Tell me about myself." the Chinese said as they pulled away, a small smile gracing his lips.
"Where shall I start?" Horo asked.
"The beginning, I guess." Ren said.
"Alright, then. You were born in China, in a large estate nestled between the mountains, on January first. You were born into a family of shamans, links between this world and the next, and you were always expected to be perfect. You were the heir to a large fortune, you see, belonging to a famous family that for generations had been engaged in the dark history of China, Tao family. It made its reputation as killing machines, using its shamanic powers to carry out assassinations, espionage, spying, and war.
However, as civilization matured, humans feared your family's power, and banished them to the mountains, where they were lost in China's past. You were the one upon whom the task was placed, to bring Tao family back to its former glory, and rule the world with a strong hand.
Every five hundred years, there is a contest for shamans, the Shaman Tournament, to determine the Shaman King, ruler of all shamans. The Great King of Spirits will make the world however the Shaman King wants it to be. Anyway, you were expected to win, so you were sent here, to Japan, with your Chinese warlord spirit, Bason.
All your life, your father fed you a load of shit about spirits being tools to use to your advantage, and that they had no feelings and must be dominated. He told you that weakness was failure, and failure was unacceptable. He taught you to be a killing machine, never allowed you to get close to others, claiming it was weakness; all because he just couldn't trust others because of Tao family history." Horo began as they walked out of the park, heading for the hotel. Ren's face remained impassive as he soaked this in.
"Please, continue." he urged when he saw the Ainu staring at him intently, searching for any sign of his feelings.
"When you got here, I don't know much of the details, but, you met Yoh Asakura, and he whooped your ass in battle. Then, the Tournament actually began, and we all made it into the preliminaries. I was staying at the Asakura house with Yoh, his fiancée Anna, and our midget human friend Manta, whenever I could sneak away from Pilika, my younger sister. You were staying in an expensive apartment with you older sister, Jun. Jun is the only nice person in your family, and was always closest to you.
Then you and Yoh tied in your third battles and we all got to go to the second round. That was the night we first met. We were all having dinner in celebration of our passing. Tamao was there, because she crushed on Yoh, and you called me stupid. So I was going to call you a name, but I didn't know who you were. You said, 'Tao Ren. Don't you forget it.' So I pushed you over and we got in a fight, one of many to come thenceforward. We bickered in good fun and you'd always call me Ainu-baka while I made comments about your hair.
That night, you left for China to challenge your father and destroy the hate he had branded you with. But he was too strong, and locked you in the dungeon. Yoh, Manta, Ryu and I came to your rescue and we all defeated En, your father. Then we met your mom, Ran, and grandfather, Ching. They were okay, though a little confused.
So along the second round we met Lyserg; he left us later to join the X-Laws, some people with priority issues. After he left, we met Chocolove, a comedian who tells boring jokes and laughs at them. Then Faust VIII came along and joined us. When we got to Patch Village, we had to split into three-person groups, and you registered you, Chocolove and me as Team The Ren. We won our battles, but then we all had to beat Hao, Yoh's older identical twin brother, because he tried to steal the Great Spirit and create an all-shaman-who-are-strong-enough world.
Well, before we got there, we fought his goons. Yoh was ahead, and we had to help him, but I got hit down. I would have been killed, but you jumped in front of me, holding back the blow. You actually died for a while, but we worked together to bring you back, with Lyserg's help again. Then we caught up to Yoh just as Hao stole his soul, and fought him until Yoh came back. Then Yoh beat him and the Tournament was put on hold. We all went home to our past lives until the Oracle Bells rang again. So we fought again, and Yoh became Shaman King.
Yoh, Anna, Manta, and Tamao moved to Patch Village for training, Pilika and I watched over the Funbari Onsen while they were gone, Jun went to France, Ryu lived on the road, Chocolove lived in New York City, Faust took up doctoring again, Lyserg went back to England, and hell knows what became of Hao. You stayed at your apartment here, saying it was for educational purposes, but I think you just dreaded meeting your father again." Horo stated as they entered the lobby of the fairly large hotel.
"Where are we?" Ren asked, glancing around.
"Just a temporary home, if you can even call it that. I had to get away from my sister. I needed some independence, and I couldn't face her, so I came here to think things through." Horo explained as he unlocked the door. Faint traces of a scuffle still remained and the bed was still unmade from the previous night.
"What did you DO!" Ren asked, showing off a bit of a Ren-like personality as he looked about the disheveled room in disgust. Horo chuckled slightly, glad to see some sign of the old perfectionist Ren was.
"I was just getting to that." he said, slumping into the armchair as Ren settled down on the bed. Ren looked on in interest.
"One day, I wanted you to go with me to some singing audition. It wasn't even important, but I forced you to go. We took the bus, and got in a terrible accident. You shielded me from the blast. When I woke up, you had gone into a coma. You died several times those first few months, but I refused to let them pull the plug on you. You woke up nearly a year later, on your birthday, only a few days ago. You were paralyzed waist down and couldn't use you right arm, but I didn't care, because you were alive and well.
Then your cousin, Cole, attacked you. He was in love with you, but you were in love with me, and that, just when I thought I'd lost you, is when I realized I loved you, too. I busted in and watched you defy him even though you were afraid. When he left, I got you out of there, and brought you here. Faust heard about our trouble, probably from Yoh, and fixed you up, also doing something that made you able to walk and use your arm again.
The next morning, you told me the truth about Cole and how he raped you. Then he came in, led by my sister, trying to take you, but I wouldn't let him. Then you were possessed by Rahu, the God of Destruction and harbinger of the Shaman Tournament. You tried to kill me, but Cole jumped in the way, to his death, to make you happy. Then I... I had to kill you. But Ketu, Goddess of Destiny, healed you. Rahu, before he left, said something about leaving us a gift, as well, and then we kissed.
Next I know, you're punching me and running off and Pilika is spouting nonsense about being in love with me, turning us to stone, and trying to kill you." Horo Horo finished, his eyes watery with tears.
"I... I see." Ren said shakily.
"...And?" Horo asked, scared.
"I just... I don't know what to think. You have to admit, it all sounds very radical. I don't remember any of this." Ren sighed. "I feel so lost."
"You should get some sleep. You look terrible and haven't slept well recently. Maybe you can sort out your mind tomorrow. I'll be right here if you need me." Horo said, curling up in the chair with a yawn.
"Goodnight, Ren. I... I love you." he added hesitantly, not wanting to scare the other boy.
"You... You don't have to sleep over there. We can share the bed." Ren said timidly. Blue eyes flew open.
"Really?" he asked cautiously.
"Yeah. I mean, it doesn't mean I love you or anything. I'm not ready for that. But, I mean, after all you did and how understanding you're being... I couldn't just let you sleep there." Ren stammered.
"Alright, then." Horo said cheerfully, glad Ren would give him a chance to build his trust. He slipped under the sheets, facing the younger boy, and closed his eyes again, promptly falling fast asleep. Ren lay for a moment, staring up at the ceiling and pulling his thoughts together before letting it all slip away. He snuggled up to Horo's larger form, sharing heat as he slipped into a land of dreams and fragments of forgotten memories.