Chapter 20

April 23

Results are due back at the end of this month. I think I know how Hermione feels year after year. I'm restless waiting for my letter from the Ministry to come. I know I'm going to get the job; it's a great thing, knowing you'll get the only job you want. I'm a hell of a lot calmer than the rest of the seventh years, and I'm glad. I'm just really eager to get my letter.

Ron got his already; it wasn't much of a thinking, long-processing job. Florean Fortescue's elderly, and will probably be passing on soon, so he gave his ice cream shop to Ron. Ron will own it and operate it and everything. I didn't say anything to him, but it's a little… sad. I mean, it's going to be his career for life. After seven years of schooling that's all he gets? Those seven years were worthless, then. He should have some ambition, aim a little higher.

Hermione's made about forty trillion applications in all subjects. Arithmancy, history, Charms, Transfiguration, Muggle Studies, even Potions. I'm kind of interested to see how that turns out.

Ginny applied for a Muggle relations job, a curse breaker at Gringotts, and something to do with Transfiguration. None of our N.E.W.T. results are back until later this month, and only Ron has gotten his application approved.

Speaking of Ginny, I don't know what to do. I gave my feelings some thought, and all, but I don't know what I feel. I don't know what to feel. What I do know is that I can't keep making her cry. She's done so much for me—brought my grades up, made me quit drinking, made me feel so good.

I don't know how to tell her. Every time I do something, I do it wrong and I hurt her.

I have to somehow make it right. I really screwed up last time, and I can't just buy her something again. I really need to think.

April 25

I've been thinking for the past forty-eight hours straight. I haven't paid attention in class at all; not that it really matters since we've already taken the exams. The last Quidditch game of the year is coming up and I wasn't even fully mentally there at practice. I've been thinking about Ginny so much. I still don't know how I feel about her.

I did figure out that I needed to fix things with her. I asked her out for tomorrow night. She didn't give me an answer; I'll just have to wait for her.

What if she doesn't want me back? What if she's fed up with everything I've done? I don't think I could take that rejection… I mean, all she's done is accept me. Always. What if she never shows up? What if she hates me and won't have anything to do with me?

Nothing like a smoke to take your mind off things. God, that feels so much better. I never understood why people ever wanted to give up smoking. But wait… Ginny never liked my smoking… but I can't stop; I just can't. I gave up drinking for her, but I can't give up my smokes.

April 27

Ginny and I went out to dinner. The atmosphere between us was kind of formal, but I suppose that's really my fault. She didn't say much at the beginning of dinner, so I tried to keep a one-sided conversation going. Halfway through the salad and my attempts at pleasant conversation, she said, "Harry, what the hell are we doing here?"

I was startled. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean," she said, "are we going anywhere?"

"If you don't like this restaurant, we can leave—" I said, confused.

"Shut it, Harry; you know damn well what I mean. You and I. We're hitting all these speed bumps; when are we going to start hitting the freeway? I like you, Harry, but I'm not taking any more of your crap, even if it means breaking up. You hurt me and hurt me, and you can't keep buying me back; I don't care if you buy me a house. When am I going to start feeling good about us?"

I sighed. "You're right. You are. Let's go back to the Tower, okay? I'm not really in the mood for dinner."

"How dare you just—"

"Come on." I left some money on our table, scooped Ginny up in my arms, and walked out of the restaurant.

When we entered the Common Room, Ginny's jaw dropped. "What did you do?"

The Common Room was set for our night. There were candles on a table set for two, a glowing fire in the fireplace, and mistletoe hanging from the ceiling. I had kicked everyone out of the room, and Dobby was doing me a huge favor, for which I intended to repay him.

I conjured a white rose behind my back and handed it to Ginny. "For you," I said.

Ginny took it with… I'm not sure what—on her face. An expression of concern, or confusion, maybe. "You do know what a white rose means, don't you?" she asked.

"Yes. Nothing is happening tonight." She smiled.

We sat and talked like nothing was ever wrong, like we were starting over from square one. We talked and laughed and, when the dinner was over, moved to the couch by the fire. Inevitably, we began snogging. After being liplocked for about five minutes, Ginny pulled back. "Harry?" she said. "I do love you."

I, surprisingly, was expecting this. "I love you, too."

Ginny drew back. "You—you do?"

"Yeah," I said. "I really do." And we kissed some more.

I thought that saying "I love you" would be hard. Every guy says it's his worst nightmare to be in that position. I thought it was really easy; no pressure at all, and everything turned out for the better. I don't know why so many people think it's so hard; it's really easy—you just say it and she's happy.

Ginny and I fell asleep on the couch. We woke in the morning before anyone saw us. Before she left, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "Thanks for everything Harry. Love you."

I smiled and said "I love you", and she left. This is so easy. The perfect solution.

Everything is going perfectly, and it looks like it's going to continue to go this well. I'm so excited—after this long of crap, it's good to finally have things going well. The girl, a great career…

Speaking of career, I wonder when I'm going to get my N.E.W.T. results back… it should be pretty soon now. I wonder what's keeping them…?

April 30

Still no results, but Ginny and I are cruising like its nineteen-eighty-nine. Things are so amazing now; I wouldn't want anything different. She's never mad anymore, she's always there, and I've even ventured back to group! The people there were really nice about it; no snide comments at all.

I think it's really working. Amazing, I know. I never would have expected anything out of this, but I think my cravings are become more spaced out and less intense.

Ginny and I bring each other gifts sometimes; I only do it because it makes her smile, but I think she really enjoys picking something out for me. Ron is even acknowledging that I'm progressing, and I feel so much better now that the openness between me and Ginny and the 'I love you's aren't a problem. I hated the old fights and the rocky road, but now things seem to be clearing up. It's amazing how three little words can mean the world to a girl and totally change her mood.

Ginny and I are going out tonight, and I'll be sure to say how that turned out.

May 1

The date was okay, I suppose. There was nothing really memorable or anything to set it apart from our other dates. We went to dinner, we ate, we talked, and we took a cruise around Hogsmeade and stopped at Honeydukes and the Three Broomsticks, and then came back to GryffindorTower. Nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary.

Ginny did seem a bit clingier than usual, though. I usually don't notice, but today it really bothered me. I think she could tell something was wrong, because every time she told me she loved me, I just nodded and said I loved her, too. What does love mean, anyway? I don't know if we even know what we're saying.

When we were taking a walk through the warm streets of Hogsmeade, she asked me where we were going. It's the one thing I hate about females, and I told her we were going to Hogsmeade. She laughed, as if I were making a joke, and said "No, Harry, you know what I mean. Are we just playing or is this meaningful?"

I swear, I thought I knew her. She seemed so grown up, and lately she's been eleven years old again. I can't say I miss the eleven-year-old.

"Gin, please," I said.

"I know, Harry, I'm sorry," she said. "I won't force you. When you're ready to talk about the future, let me know, but don't wait too long."

I basically ignored her for the rest of our date. I mean, I love Ginny. Really. I tell her all the time. But there are little things that sometimes get on my nerves. She used to be so cool, calm and collected, so mature and grown-up; not like the little girl who trusted a diary and almost died. She seemed to have wisdom.

Now there are little things about her that annoy me sometimes. I didn't think her chewing her nails was annoying, but it was. She doesn't do it anymore, thank Merlin, or I might go insane. Her smile is contagious, but her silly girl giggle is just that—a silly little girl giggle. It drives me up the wall. Her genuine laugh is amazing, though, but it seems like she doesn't use it as often anymore.

I miss those talks we used to have; the deep ones, the meaningful ones. That night where we talked about her drinking problem, where she asked me if I thought she was pretty. I miss the serious her, the playful but not so immature Ginny.

Maybe I'll talk to her about it. I don't know. It seems like it would be awfully awkward.

May 2

My results are finally here! I wonder why it took so long; it should've been easy to stamp a "yes" and just mail stuff back. Actually, I guess it's early because Hermione still hasn't gotten hers, and I must've been a real shoe-in because I know everywhere would be dying to accept Hermione.

I guess it's the moment of truth… I wish Dad and Sirius could've been here to see this.

My letter of acceptance!

Dear Mr. Potter,

We have received your application for the Auror position. Unfortunately, your N.E.W.T. scores aren't near high enough for you to receive the position, and your Potions grades aren't up to snuff, either.

We understand that you may be a good asset to our team, considering your history, but we make no exceptions to the rules. We're sorry, but we cannot lower the standards specially for you.

We do think your talents would be put to better use elsewhere. Have a pleasant day.

The Ministry of Magic

What? They can't do this to me! I'm the best applicant they've ever had, and will ever have! How could this happen to me? I'm their best bet, damn it!

topps- You did it again. :P

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roxygurl25- Yes, denial would be it. Well, Snape's a loser.

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