Hey everybody! It's me… or is it? Well… I hope you like this! Please send feedback, and I am so sorry if it's short!

I own nothing… wish I owned Lupin… but I don't and this is a tribute to the person who does… Tonks.

This takes place right before OOTP

Girl Through The Window

She'll Kill me If I tell

Remus's Point of View

The Order of The Phoenix was formed again. I won't deny I hadn't missed it. I would fight beside Dumbledore and take a spell for him any day, but after awhile of living in shadow and being a recluse, there's only so much a person can take.

But then again, I am a recluse. Nymphandora Tonks had willingly said that to me.

I was invited to a dinner with the group, and I had nicely declined. The full moon was only a few days away. Tonks (at the time donned in lime shoulder length curly hair and knee length jeans and a baggy shirt ripped at the sleeves) had looked at me and said very bluntly;

"You're a recluse, you need to get a life Remus….."

Well, now we're even. She told me last week she liked me. Does that sound childish or is it just me? Why was I thinking like a self-conscious third year? Why did I want to love her too? I know I hurt her feeling, but I can't be with anyone! No, I won't jeopardize her life. No.

This inner conflict torments me, causing me to get less sleep than I already do. She's beautiful. I love her bubby gum, or blue or purple or whatever color hair she has at the particular time. I love her when she winks at me, and I love her smile and the way she says "Yep, everything's coming up roses!" her current saying.

My thoughts these days jump rapidly from topic to topic, like they are now as I walk though the Black household. Wood squeaks beneath my feet as I walk with a cup of coco, warming my cold hands.

I thought of everything and nothing. I felt ashamed and embarrassed of my almost childlike emotions, yet felt like basking and living in them as well. For one day, I didn't have to think about Voldmort or the war or a mission. Now all I thought about was Tonks.

We were supposed to take Harry tonight, and Tonks was among the group. Oh no. I was selected because Harry knew me. The others were volunteers, and Tonks had willingly volunteered. How could she do that? I had broken her heart! She put her every emotion on the line, and I had walked away and left her (I think) to tears. It broke my heart to do so, because weather I wanted to admit it or not, I love her too.

Thank Merlin only my heart new that, because if it didn't, I would never know it, it would have been a secret dug deep that would be like a dusty empty shelf that never would be looked at.

It came so suddenly. No one can pick where and who we love. It happens, and it can happen in an instant. And, it felt like I was the only one denying it. I never thought I believed in love at first sight, but I guess secretly I did.

I loved her. I truly deeply all consuming loved her. It was crazy and almost unbelievable, but I loved her. I was in love. I felt strange, like I wasn't myself, like I was acting different. I never thought like this. Did all people in love act like this?

No, I couldn't love her. I was so poor. I barely had enough to keep myself alive. I would NOT bring her into poverty. I wouldn't do that to her. I was too old. She needed someone who could take her out at night and dance with her… till the sun came up. I was not that boy. No. I was a werewolf. I could kill her, hurt her, harm her… bite her. NO! I would not make her suffer like that. The thought made me want to kill myself for the very idea that I could do that to her. I would have to learn to say good-bye.

I wandered aimlessly letting my feet guide me to random rooms in the old spooky house. I knew the place right and left and upside down so it didn't matter. Too much was on my mind.

I ventured into the Black library. I had a day off. To me, that was a negative, it gave me more time to think about her. I looked around and the lit fire crackled in the silence of the dark room. Brown and old dusty books surrounded me. I walked to a shelf near by. A book caught my interest. It said "Le dancer"

What? This was… odd. Why was THIS in the black household? I pulled the book out, and felt a hard push against my back and fell forward. The door closed behind me as I hit the ground. I had just fallen though a secret passage! A passage in the Black household that I never heard of it? That seemed hard to believe.

Stone surrounded me. I saw a torch of fire above my head as my guiding light but that was it.

I stood up and pressed my hand to the door. Nothing. I was stuck. I took out my wand and cast a few simple spells. Nothing. I was getting frustrated. I hit the wall with my fist… and heard music.

Music? There was in fact music! For the first time I saw a hallway. With nothing else better, I walked down it. The music grew louder and louder as I walked down the hall made of stone. It was instrumental and classical music. Why? None of this made sense! But then again, not many people would fall though a secret passage and follow the music they hear. Once a Marauder always a Marauder.

More and more torches lit my way through the stone carved passage way. A passage way or a secret hiding place? It was beginning to seem more like the ladder.

What I saw next shocked me.

Then, I saw a room. Windows covered half f the upper wall, and the side was lined with mirrors. The floor was covered with a polished wood floor. The music sped up and hit the crescendo and died.

And Nymphadora Tonks landed; her hands crossed at the wrists, her hands lying light, her legs in a lunge and her back bent back at a slight angel, her head crooked to the side lifting upward.

My mouth was hanging open.

A tight black (leotard was it?) was clinging to her figure, and a pear of knee length dance pants and shoes with ribbon tided up to above her ankle, the shoes sticking out from her foot. They were dirty and worn.

She was absolutely beautiful. I had never seen her like this. Nymphandora Tonks was a dancer.

The music started again. She lifted her leg into the air into a graceful pose. She lifted herself onto the top of the shoes. They were Le Pointe shoes. She twirled and spun and leaped into the air, her legs in a split in the air, her arms held up one in front of her body, the other in mid air. She landed, turned and her mouth dropped open as she saw me.

Shock, embarrassment and suddenly anger filled her face. She opened the door and grabbed my arm and pulled me into the dance studio.

"What in the name of hippogriffs and squirrels are you doing?" She bellowed at me, her grip most likely leaving a bruise on my arm. "THIS is privet!" I didn't see the want to cry in her eyes.

"Nymphadora….."

"NO! Don't say the name! How could you… why would you do this to me?" she let my arm go roughly, ripped doff her ballet shoes and threw on jazz shoes. She picked up her wand and flicked it too the 'boom box' as Hermione called it, and a strong fast song came on, and her body flew into fast intricate movements.

Her legs flew here and there; her body shook and moved to the beat, her face rough and angry. She was furious. She kicked her legs out and bent back the ballet elegance and grace never really leaving.

I don't know what made me sit down on the ground against the mirror in the front of the room. She was phenomenal. Her pink hair changed as she spun into shoulder length brown curls.

She lifted her leg completely against her side and lifted it above her head; and she fell forward into a split on her right leg, her whole body laid down completely on the ground. Over her leg, her hair tumbling around her head that was touching to her knee, her breathing was heavy. I saw her shoulders moving up and down as she breathed. The song ended and her body remained as it was in the split.

After a few moments, she turned her head sideways facing me. Her eyes burned. I hadn't realized I hadn't been breathing. I had been too busy staring at her.

"If you tell anyone, I will curse you. I will hurt you… rephrase that I will kill you. This was supposed to be a secret…"

"Where did you learn to do this?" I asked, completely ignoring her comment.

"Anywhere I could, why?" she asked heatedly. I smiled, amazed at what she accomplished.

"When did you start?" I asked leaning closer to her. I had that self-conscious third year emotion. Actually, I think it was becoming the self-conscious curious first year.

"When I was two." She flipped herself around doing a split on her left leg.

"Amazing." I said smiling. "Your hair…"

"It changes to my natural appearance when I'm furious." She said angrily.

"Ah…" I said gently.

"Look, you already broke my heart, do you have to COMPLETELY ruin my life?"

"I was not under the impression I had." I said calmly. She never lost it like this. I had really hurt her. For some reason, I felt nothing. I didn't feel bad, I didn't feel angry. Nothing. Because I felt nothing for her pain, I felt worse than I ever had. I felt like I had killed her, destroyed her. I think I really had.

"If you tell ANYBODY… I will kill you." she repeated.

"I know…" I said softly.

"Get out." As I race out of the dance room as I was told, I lied to myself, and told myself I didn't see her crying onto her tights.

If I told anyone, she WOULD kill me. But, I deserved it. I had already killed her.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I watched her slip into a different pair of dance shoes, and put on a sad song and drop to the floor as she danced, her emotions out, where only the mirror could see it.

I was just watching her through a window, and I saw her cry, and I just walked away as I watched her dance…..

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

I really hope you liked it! PLEASE review. P.S This story (and Tonks) in this is based on my life of love and passion for dance. It's my life. I dance 12 hours a week. I do Ballet, Jazz, Le Pointe and Lyrical. All of which you will hear about Tonks doing. You shall see!

Thanks again to all who review. It means so much and I will update as soon as I can! THANK YOU