Harry Potter (POV)

I know I should trust Blaise, and I do. Honest. It's just the thought of her with Malfoy that makes me feel physically ill. Think about it, the love of my life is sleeping with my enemy of a lifetime. How can you get on with life and pretend you don't think it matters?

Let me tell you something; I never wanted Blaise to go on this stupid mission anyway. I begged and I pleaded – I know, I know, pathetic right? – with her not to go, but she felt she had to do her part. And now because of that, I'm sat here at home, all alone waiting for her to come back from work in St Mungo's and going through all the sickening, torturous thoughts in my head. Can you even imagine what that feels like?

Deep breaths Harry…

Now that I have got that out of my system, I can go back to being the trusting fiancé that Blaise thinks I am. If she could read my mind whenever she was around, she'd be totally fed up and disgusted with me. I'm not usually this…shall we say – schizophrenic? – usually I'm a pretty easygoing guy. No seriously, I am. It's only because I love Blaise so much that I worry. I mean, what if Malfoy is better in bed than I am? Does my wife-to-be like it better with him? Or is this just my paranoid side rearing its ugly head?

Okay, I have got to stop thinking like this! It's driving me crazy and it's only in my head! If Blaise could read my mind; she'd think I don't trust her. But I do; it's Malfoy that I don't trust.

Anyway, now that Blaise has gone back out to God knows where, I think it's about time I went to the Order of the Phoenix HQ. Since Dumbledore disappeared – and we have no idea where – the position of Leader has officially been given to me. I'm not sure why; I think someone else would've been a much wiser choice. Like Lupin, for example. Or Hermione. Possibly even Tonks, although I'm a bit dubious about that. But whatever, the point is, someone else would've done better as Leader. Anyone but me. No I am not going soft in my adult life, but I sure as hell don't want the weight of about a hundred or more people's lives on my conscience.

When I went into Headquarters, Hermione was working on a new attacking charm. For some time now we've been able to attack Voldemort's Death Eaters instead of just defending ourselves if they attacked. Hermione looked as though she'd pretty much mastered the charm and was about ready to teach the others.

"Hello Harry" she said when she saw me.

"Hey Hermione" I said. Close up, she looked exhausted. "Have you been practicing all day?" I asked incredulously.

"Oh, well, you know…here and there" she murmured, "I wanted to get a good practice in. That way we'll be prepared if we're attacked."

The Hermione of sixteen years ago would not be so willing to learn an attacking charm. But since the Death Eaters had taken her parents only a few years ago, she was now more determined than ever to protect herself and others.

"You should take a break" I said "don't tire yourself out, ok? And we have a meeting about now remember?"

She smiled tiredly, "I think it's already started without us Harry" she said.

"How can it start without me? Come on"

In the next room, the Creevey brothers and Luna Lovegood were working on the latest edition of the 'Quibbler'. Since the Ministry of Magic became a favourite haunt of Voldemort and his Death Eaters, the Daily Prophet has been shut down except to produce one last edition. To tell everyone Voldemort was back and they were all in trouble. Now the 'Quibbler' publishes…well, I'm not exactly sure what they publish. I don't ask Luna what they put in it, I trust their judgement. I think.

"Hi guys" I said to them as I walked past them scurrying around gathering materials for the paper.

"Hi Harry" Colin looked up from the photograph he was placing on the page and waved, then he looked back at the paper.

Dennis was even more abrupt; he did no more than glance over at me and then go back to whatever he was doing. He takes his job seriously, does Dennis, perhaps a little too seriously, I'm afraid.

But Luna looked up and gave me this big grin and almost yelled; "Hiya Harry!"

I do like Luna, but sometimes she's a bit too much; especially right now when I was late and my mind was screwed up from thinking about Blaise and Malfoy. Alone. Together.

Then I was finally in the boardroom where the senior members of the Order were already gathered, waiting for me and Hermione, apparently.

"The meeting will now commence!" declared Fred in a notable impression of Snape when he calls the meetings to order. I swear, Snape gets an alarmingly disturbing kick out of saying stuff like that. You only have to look at his greasy face to know he loves being a senior member of the Order.

Snape shot Fred a filthy look and muttered something no one could hear above the normal chatter. Fred just grinned back. Hey, sometimes you've gotta have humour in your life. Especially when at any moment you could be attacked. If Snape can't handle that, then maybe he shouldn't be here.

I sat next to Fred, noticing that he was wearing his bright green dragon skin jacket again and said; "You having fun with old Snape over there?"

"The best" Fred grinned again, "he's so easy to wind up. It's great!"

I laughed; it's true, Snape really is easy to wind up.

"Did Blaise enjoy herself last night then?" Fred asked slyly.

"I don't want to talk about it" I muttered.

Fred grinned; "Ooh did she tell you she liked Malfoy better?"

"Why would you even want to know that?" I asked suspiciously.

"I don't, it's just you seem very sensitive about it"

I laughed sardonically; "Understatement of the freaking century" I said.

Fred laughed loudly, drawing attention to our corner of the room. I was in for a lecture.

"Harry you know we can't start the meeting without you!" yelled Cho, "Why do you insist on being late!"

If I'm honest – and I usually am in Cho's case – I don't know why she's even here. I mean, she always whinges and complains about something or other. I only considered her for the Order because I really thought she might mature if she did. But she didn't and now we're stuck with her.

"Alright, alright!" I exclaimed, holding up my hands for her to stop yelling, "Sorry I was late, OK?"

She glared at me then sat back in her chair and sulked. I rolled my eyes; when would she ever get over herself?

"Now," I said, addressing the rest of the Order, "we all know that several members have gone out to spy on Death Eaters and those close to Voldemort. I'd just like to know if any of you have made contact with them since they went on their mission. Aside from Blaise that is; I saw her this morning"

There was a chorus of whistling and I couldn't help grinning.

"I'm serious!" I protested, while trying to look like it.

When the laughter had subsided, a few people put up their hands.

"Yeah?" I said to Dean Thomas.

"I heard from Ginny last night;" he said, "she sent me an owl."

"Who did she go spy on?" I asked, since I couldn't remember.

"Voldemort and his Inner Circle"

My heart jumped into my throat. I love Ginny. But not in the way that you think. She's like a sister to me; I wouldn't want anything to happen to her.

"Is she okay?" I demanded.

"She said she was, yeah" Dean said.

I sighed heavily and sat back down.

Being Head of the Order is hard work.