Harry got off the plane, after having a long a nap and watching "Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban" which he thought was really crap. When he walked out of the terminal he was shocked to find Mr. Weasley standing next to a Porsche smoking a jay, his expression was one of true bliss.
'Mr. Weasley, where did you get that? Could I try some? Nice car, by the way' Harry said grinning like a she she cat.
Mr. Weasley jumped and spun him around until he lost his balance and fell. 'Harry I never had time to thank you for the car. I just confiscated this, but since it is Mundungus' and he is in the Order I am getting rid of the evidence. You might as well help me'
Harry took a few puffs, and the world whirled around him and turned brilliant orange. Mr. Weasley turned into a kangaroo wearing a bowler hat and a red polka dot dress. 'Mr. Weasley, are you sure you can drive? You haven't got opposable thumbs.' he asked worriedly.
'Of course I can. It's much more fun this way, and I still haven't crashed.' Arthur answered emphasising the still.
They hopped into the car. Arthur immediately started the car, and pressed the accelerator down to the floor. They sped off with the screeching tires, and Arthur's whoop of joy. 'I've been practising, you know. I can drive on two wheels and can do a 360 spin without killing myself, wanna see?' asked Mr. Weasley a grin so wide that the ends of his mouth seemed to break. Due to Harry still being high from the puff of wacky tobacky he answered 'yasser! My dick is so small'. So Mr Weasley took that as a yes, and he began speeding up like a maniac, swerving uncontrollably nevertheless with a hint of skill. He unexpectedly jerked the handbrake causing the car to spin non stop. 'wwwwwaaaahoooooooooooo' screamed Harry who was enjoying the spin.
When the car slowed down, Arthur took off the handbrake and sped off in the opposite direction as if nothing had happened.
After half an hour of solid maniacal driving, Harry and Arthur arrived at the burrow. 'oh no, there is no where to park!' screamed Harry bursting into tears, and throwing a tantrum. 'oh not to worry Harry, there is a space between the shed and the house' Weasley said his eyes bright with excitement. 'yes but Mr. Weasley, I know you are high, but the space is-' Mr. Weasley interrupted Harry 'Harry there is no such thing as no space when it come to a Weasley, now watch and learn'. Harry braced himself, as he predicted that Mr Weasly was about to do something unwise. Without further hesitation, Arthur stepped on the accelerator, driving towards the small gap, before arriving to the alleged parking space, he abruptly turned the steering wheel, causing the car to tilt on its two left wheels, and entering the gap smoothly.
Harry felt quite impressed, he did not think Mr Weasley would be able to pull it off. However his admiration for Mr. Weasley soon wore off as he noticed there was no way to extricate themselves from the car.
'Listen, Mr. Weasley, how are we going to get out of here?' asked Harry perplexed. Harry and Mr. Weasley were thinking for about 10 minutes 'I've got it!' shouted Mr. Weasley, his eyes gleaming with enthusiasm 'we can climb out of the top.
Harry and Arthur then hurriedly climbed out of the convertible and entered the burrow. Both with big idiotic smiles across their faces.
'Welcome home honey bear!' said Mrs. Weasley her face full of joy and appreciation for her husband. 'oh and hello Harry dear, did you enjoy your vacation, is Hawaii nice this time of year? Arthur Weasley! Why don't you ever take me to Hawaii'
'Well dear Mollywobbles, I would, but unfortunately I can't drive to Hawaii, and flights are too expensive!' answered Arthur still grinning stupidly.
Harry decided to leave and try to understand everything that had happened with the help of Hermione and his friends. He went upstairs to find that Ron's room was completely different; it had a heart shaped double bed and was surrounded by rose bushes.
'What happened here? And did I seriously conjure that car?' Harry asked both Hermione and Ron. 'Do you seriously not remember anything?' asked Ron in a confounded tone. Ginny just burst out laughing 'Ron and Hermione sitting on a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g' chanted Ginny patronizingly 'oh put a sock in it, will you?' asked Ron his anger rising. Harry seemed to ignore the little incident between Ginny and Ron 'No! Ron I do not remember, now will you please stop the scepticism' Harry was beginning to feel frustrated that his own friends did not trust he was speaking sincerely
All of a sudden Ron felt the temperature drop all around him causing the hair at the back of his neck to stand on end. He was petrified as he saw Harry irises darken until they were fully black, it seemed to Ron that he was staring into a void which was his friend Harry. 'ummm… Harry I thiiiink.. yyou should… ummm… calm down.. you'rrre sccaring meee' Rons voice was one filled with fear, as his stutters became more prominent. Hermione noticed a wet patch forming at his crotch and slowly drip lines formed down the legs of his trousers. 'Ron you're pissing yourself!' Hermione squeaked. Ron did not react at all to Hermione's stipulation and continued on staring into those black satanic eyes.
After a while Harry seemed to snap out of it, 'OK, could we try to figure out what the hell is happening with me?' he asked.
'Well, Harry, do you remember what caused this to start?' Hermione asked, going into work-mode.
'I don't, I just remember lying in bed, and then waking up in Hawaii' answered Harry thoughtfully.
'You changed this room, married Ron and I, conjured a car, and somehow got to Hawaii, obviously your powers have increased. I doubt Dumbledore could pull that off. However you lose control and forget what happens to you. I have never heard of anything like this, but maybe if you put your thoughts into a Pensieve you will be able to remember everything' Hermione said pensively.
'True, I'll order one'. Meanwhile Ron had run away to the toilet to change. When he came back he asked Harry worriedly 'Are you okay, by the way, we heard Dad calling Mum Mollywobbles, do you know what that means'
'It's probably the weed talking, Ron, he confiscated some. I tried it too, it was first-class' Harry answered dreamily.
'Harry, are you seriously taking drugs?' asked Hermione, her face contorted with worry and her eyes flying to the door, as if expecting the police to burst in any second.
Ron's concerns were very different, 'How come I didn't get any, give me your Invisibility Cloak, and I'll go to the shed and nick some'.
'Of course. We'll share you know' he said to Hermione and Ginny, who started to giggle as she saw Hermione's expression of pure terror.
Ron sneaked off to steal the drugs, and the others went to the garden, which they had to de-gnome. Harry spent the afternoon throwing gnomes over the fence, and once, feeling mischievous, he knocked one out by hitting it against the fence and put it down Hermione's back, who screamed and started jumping around. Harry and Ginny were still rolling on the floor laughing at her when she got it off her back.
'That wasn't funny you know!' She yelled as she stormed off.
'I was only trying to thank her for her help, you know' Harry said as he and Ginny got up. Ginny laughed again.
'You know, you are much more fun now. Could I help you with anything?' asked Ginny.
'Thanks. Ron and Hermione will obviously be busier with each other now, so we could spend our time pranking everyone. You'll probably be able to help me at times, and anyways, it's nice to have someone who appreciates my talent' Harry answered smiling.
'Let's go, Ron probably has the weed by now and we can smoke grass on the grass after dinner, if you catch my drift' Ginny said as she got up.
After dinner, they excused themselves as if they were going to bed. They gathered in Ron's room without Hermione, and tried to work out a way to get outside without alerting their parents.
'Maybe we could climb down using the bed sheets' suggested Ron.
'Why complicate things Ron?' Harry asked. Harry smiled coyly before sprinting off to the window and leaping out of the room. He swung off a branch and landed rolling ten feet lower with a soft thud on the grass.
The others watched astonished, until Harry got up and hissed 'what are you waiting for? Ginny, come down first, as you're lighter.'
Ginny shrugged and jumped off the window. She landed on Harry, who fell on his back, slowing down her impact. 'Good catch, by they way that jump was wicked'. She said.
Ron looked extremely worried, but managed to conceal his apprehension by jumping out the window 'tally ho!' he screamed, landing on the grass 'ow! I twisted my ankle I'm dying. 'Keep is down' hissed Ginny 'can you do yourself a favour and shut up for 5 minutes?' Ron decided it was best to do what he was told, last time he disobeyed her, she used the bat-bogey hex on him. 'Yes Ron, die on your own time, not mine, we have to smoke some weed' Harry's tone was of a strict nature.
They all tiptoed towards the shed ' now, not all of us can go at one moment in time to begin the fun, so we will have to go one by one' said Harry instructively 'now who'll go first?' Ginny could not contain herself 'I'll-'she was cut off by Harry 'alright, if nobody wants to go first, I'll do it' Harry discreetly skipped merrily like a 6 year old girl, on her way to her first day of school. As he got closer to the store room he had an epiphany, he remembered a philosophy or rather, he was not sure if he remembered but it sounded familiar 'why walk when you can dance?' He said under his breath. As he said this he began to dance insanely towards the shed, whilst all his chums stared concernedly 'what's up with Harry' Ginny whispered to her brother. 'I don't know all I know is that I want some weed, and I want some weed now!' he whispered imperatively.
Harry finally, after much boogieing arrived at the door of the shed. He fervently knocked on the door 'knock knock' he said as he softy thumped the door. There was no answer, Harry began to get hysterical 'I said knock know you fucking-guy' Harry said in a very Pakistani accent, which scared him half to death. After 10 minutes of just standing by the door, the others began to get inpatient 'what the bloody hell is he doing standing there? Why doesn't he just open the door?' asked Ron, truly disconcerted. 'That's it, I'm gonna go and see what's up'. Ginny made her way to the door of the shed, where she saw Harry, his eyes filled with tears 'it won't open, I've been knocking and knocking, look at my fists' she couldn't help but fell sorry for him. So she just bent the rust covered handle and opened the door.
Almost instantaneously Harry got to his feet, as if nothing had happened and swaggered into the shed. He found himself in a very enclosed space, 'where is it?' he asked a mirror. 'Stop mouthing what I'm saying you stupid twin' Harry's anger began to rise to an uncontrollable level, so he walloped the mirror, making his hand go through it. He took his blood covered hand and used his other hand to punch it insanely. He was stopped by Ginny 'leave this for later, we have more important things to deal with now' Harry was adamant to stop his bashing, but he realised that smoking weed is the only essential thing left to do. The belting could wait, for a more appropriate time and place, for now there was work to be done.
Ginny keenly signalled Ron that it was ok to come to the shed. Ron in reaction to the call began to run like a psychotic maniac, swinging his arms in a circular motion. As Ron entered the shed, he spotted Harry's blood encrusted hand, and apathetically went on to look for the weed. 'Where the hell is it?' asked Ron, losing his serenity. Harry turned his neck and began sniffing the room like a blood-hound. His head juddered for a second next to the ceiling.
He then embarked on a frenzy of blows to the ceiling which resulted on it beginning to crumble 'what are you doing?' shouted Ginny, her eyes filled with confusion. Harry just ignored her, as a bag dropped into the centre of the room. Harry then smiled vivaciously as he said 'now that my friends, is how it's done'. As they all bent down to reach for the holiness that was the weed, the holy ceiling (full of holes) collapsed on them, knocking them flat on their unsuspecting faces.
Harry vanished all the wood and with a flick of his wrist the ceiling began to appear anew. Both Ginny and Ron were in awe of this, this was quickly worn off, as they reached for the weed. Ron began to roll the weed, in Arabic gum and fired up.
The others quickly followed protocol. A haze began to form as they puffed the magic dragon. 'Puff boy, puff!' instructed Harry whose voice was getting hoarser with every puff. He was beginning to get high, this was apparent as he hovered off the floor in the lotus position and chanted ' I'm the boy who lived! The boy who got high… and something else, I forget' both Ron and Ginny, who were also getting extremely high, clapped at Harry's chants. They went on to make a mound with some of the weed, and Harry lit it up. The haze thickened, and they decided to open up the room and let the smoke out.
As this was happening, Hermione watched from the bedroom window. She had held herself from screaming when she saw the roof collapse on her friends. She paced around the room debating whether she should go down or not, and then looked out again and breathed out relieved as she saw the roof had been somehow fixed. Harry, no doubt. The room began to haze after that, and after a few minutes, it had become so dense that it seemed to be truly solid. The door and windows where suddenly opened and a cloud of thick smoke slowly drifted skywards, reminding her of a ghost. She watched as the others came out to gaze at it. Harry started to wave his hands frantically, as the smoke reassembled into the form of a huge spliff, with the words 'Reality is an illusion created by a lack of grass' floating above it. The Weasleys were lying on the grass smiling idiotically at the cloud as if it was the most splendid thing they had ever seen. As if sensing her stare, Harry turned around and smirked at Hermione. He pointed his hand at her and muttered something. A small cloud of smoke detached itself and flew into the room before she could close the window. It gave her a funny feeling. The world was spinning around in a whirl of colours. That was the last conscious thought she remembered before going to sleep.
Once the cloud was out of sight, the group silently decided to go their separate ways. Ron still overwhelmed by the shit, tried as hard as he could to walk in a straight line, failing miserably. He kicked a stone unconsciously, causing his foot to slip forwards. This resulted in him landing square in the nuts, damaging his most precious possessions. He noticed the grass in the lawn, and decided to make an inventory of all his household owned, and began to count the blades of glass, naming the most noticeable ones as he did so. He kept to this activity until he finally fell asleep, after counting 16,453 blades of grass.
Meanwhile, Ginny had walked up to the house and hit her head against the door, as she had forgotten it was closed. 'Get off my way, you stupid door!' After glaring daggers at it for approximately two minutes, she turned the handle and walked into the kitchen. She looked at the clock that showed each family member's status; thought for a moment, and noticed there was one important absence. There was no 'High' status. She quickly grabbed a quill and wrote 'High' in between two other items. Subsequent to this, she went up to the roof to gaze at the stars and look for a constellation in the shape of a spliff in it until she dozed off.
In the meantime, Harry decided he'd have a serious discussion with his malevolent twin. He walked up to the toilet, as he remembered meeting him there before. He stared angrily at him and asked 'What is your name, and who sent you?' He continued to gawk at the mirror, not understanding why his reflection kept on mouthing his words.
Then he heard a different voice, which seemed recognisable 'Harry, can you hear me'
'Why, yes, I hear you. What's your problem?' Harry asked back calmly, as if he talked to the mirror often.
'Well, I'm stuck inside your head, and my previous attempts to get into contact with you have had rather adverse but spectacular effects on your charming personality. Obviously, since you are high you are in a more receptive state of mind' He then looked at Harry's stupid grin and burst out laughing psychotically.
'What is so funny, big balls McGee?' Harry enquired while his pupils dilated and contracted rapidly, like a bored blowfish.
'I just remembered that you have no idea of all you have done, and well, you make such stupid faces and say such things nowadays that I have to admit you have already surpassed the Marauders' answered the voice.
'I'm a little chickadee' said Harry dancing to the music of Harry potter movies, he though that it was so beautiful. 'what is a chickadee?' asked his reflection.
'It's an extravagant thing my good man, now that will be 5 pounds please!' he said sticking his mouth out like that of a fish. 'For what?' asked the voice. 'well, I don't know whether you noticed but I just gave you a dance, you should be so kind as to pay me for it… but listen you don't have to pay for that, it's on the house, however there is something else you have to pay me for' said Harry matter-of-factly 'oh…and what's that?' asked the reflection. 'well, you know that when you stay at a hotel you have to pay a certain amount for the residence?' asked Harry. 'Yes' he answered. 'Well it is the same here, I am giving you residence in my brain so you must pay me! Oh and by the way, you owe me a penny for my thoughts'. The voice just burst out laughing at Harry's crazy astuteness; 'Well, Harry, I know you won't need my help for pranking, but I must advise you to watch what you did on your birthday once you receive the Pensieve'
'I will, homojo, anyway I'm bushed so I'll just say goodnight' as he said that he just collapsed in the bathroom.
'Where am I?' said Ron, his voice guttural. Ron become aware that he was on his lawn in a pool of dribble; he moreover noted that nobody was there. He tried to get up, and as he did, he felt a severe pain in between his legs. He noticed his testicles felt flatter than usual 'I wonder what happened' he said out loud to himself. 'Why am I talking to myself?' he said once again. 'Hey look I'm still doing it. What's wrong with me, please someone stop me.
Ron managed to get to his feet but with much difficulty, he made his way into the house to see what was going on with Harry and Ginny. Ron spent a long while trying to find his friends, but he felt he needed to take a dump, so he made his way to the bathroom. 'toot toot toot'' sang Harry from the toilet. Ron opened the door to be charged by Harry and knocked down the stairs who yelled at him 'the Hogwarts Express is dangerous, didn't your mother ever tell you that standing in front of the train could leave you permanently dead?' Harry's expression was undecipherable but smoke continually poured out of his mouth.
He sprinted up the stairs and jumped three meters straight up onto the roof, where he saw little Ginny sleeping so peacefully 'Oh…isn't that sweet?' said Harry in a motherly tone. 'she seems so peaceful it would be a shame to wake her up' after saying this a sly smirk appeared on his face, as his began to roar 'wake up! Cockedoodledoo!' his screams were so loud that she immediately woke up. 'What the fuck is wrong with you you stupid son of a bitch I was sleeping couldn't you see!' she hollered back at him. All he could do was smile at this. This made her incalculably pissed off, and it made her lunge at Harry, throwing a punch at him, but missing. This caused her to lose her balance, as she began to flay her arms in an uncontrollable manner until she fell off the roof.
Harry, charmed the ground, making it like a trampoline, causing Ginny to bounce right back up to the roof. She hugged him forcefully, and sobbed 'Oh, Harry, I'm sorry I got angry with you' Harry looked down at her 'Of course I forgive you, by the way do you want to give everyone a fright?. They should be having breakfast now' She answered, 'Yeah sure'
'Good' Harry said. He then walked up to the chimney and transfigured himself into Chris Cringle, and Ginny into Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. He then expanded the chimney, jumped onto Ginny, and slapped her arse, causing her to jump down. She squealed as they landed softly on the kitchen. Harry bellowed 'Happy Christmas everybody… Ho!Ho!Ho!' he was going red in the face. Mrs. Weasley Ron and Hermione gaped open mouthed 'you see mum' said Ron 'Santa does exist' he added smugly. But what was plaguing everyone was how come Santa came to visit them so early? He was meant to come on Christmas.
Suddenly snow flakes began to fall in the room, which caught everybody by surprise 'beware of the falling coconut' screamed St. Nicholas. 'what coconut-' Ron was cut off by a coconut hitting his head, as now coconuts were falling in abundance instead of snow flakes.
Within minutes the whole floor was covered with coconuts which impeded everybody from walking. Chris then took his bag and took out what seemed to have been many presents, which he just chucked at everybody, both Ron and Hermione had looks which suggested utmost joy. They hurriedly opened their gifts to find that all the boxes were full of faeces. Ron felt extremely sick at the sight of this 'hey, I did this'- Chris then turned back into Harry and told Ron, 'did you recognise anything?' the fact that the shit he concocted this morning was right in front of him made his stomach lurch.
Then Rudolph turned back into Ginny, who collapsed on the floor, tears streaming down her face because of Ron's flabbergasted expression. Harry vanished all the mess, and laughed outright at Hermione's irritated face. 'That was fun wasn't it?' He cried happily. 'You know, I want to take you on a trip, so first I had to get you into the right mindset. Do you mind Mollywobbles?' Mrs. Weasley blushed crimson, as she nodded 'I trust you Harry, but don't do anything dangerous.
'Great!' quacked Harry. 'Let's have a nice breakfast, and fly away' said Ron, coming towards Harry 'come fly with me, lets fly, lets fly away' sang Harry melodiously. To that Hermione, Harry and Ron sat down to have a nice breakfast which consisted of two eggs, bacon, sausages, hash browns and fried tomatoes. Hermione almost chocked on a hash brown as she saw Harry eating in a most abnormal manner.
Harry pinched the egg and rapidly was swirling it around the fork, trying to catch the egg yoke in his mouth but instead got it all over his face and intriguingly none of it even came close to his mouth. He soaked Hermione in egg yoke he gave the excuse that he was upset because he was possessed by a 'voice' as he insisted on calling it. Hermione took no notice of Harry delusions, and continued to roar at him 'are you mad!' Harry just stared at her, as if she was crazy. 'Of course not, I only hear voices when I am alone.
Hermione thought it best not to provoke or even question Harry's insanity further, and bide her time until she felt she could find a solution. Breakfast continued as normal.
Afterwards, they all went up to their respective rooms, with the exception of Harry who found himself in Hermione's. 'Harry what in blazes are you doing?' she said, as Harry opened her underwear draw and started stuffing his shirt with her bras 'I'm packing!' Even though Hermione was not feeling too happy with what Harry was doing she couldn't contain herself, and burst out laughing, this was very unlike Hermione.
Fifteen minutes later, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny met outside the burrow, their belongings prepared for the greatest trip they would ever have. Ron was the first to ask 'How are we getting there, Harry?' Hermione scowled 'What do you mean how are we getting there? What's there?' Harry answered evenly 'Guys, from now on you will refer to me as 'Admiral Francis', in accordance with prophecy. I think we should leave the luggage in a dump'. Without warning he grabbed every one of them, and apparated to Disneyland Paris.
The others were so shocked at what Harry had done, that they did not notice him spot a man dressed up as Mickey Mouse, and jump on to his back. The ill-fated man did not know what hit him as Harry pulled his ears and started howling at him 'Pour l'amour de dieu! I want French fries!' The man started running away with Harry clinging to him, and he quickly tripped up because of the extra weight. He turned round to see and Harry rapidly turned into a baboon. This almost gave the man a heart attack, but the man gave a loud screech, and Ron who could not contain himself he was laughing so much; and saw a wet patch forming at the man's crotch, which suggested that since he was wearing a Mickey Mouse costume he must have pissed a lot.
The man ended up fainting; the baboon became confused and began to tap Mickey on the head with impressive force. After 3 solid minutes of bashing, he was not waking up so Harry decided to turn back to normal and without notice, he stepped up to Hermione and said 'I'm an ickle piglet! Let's go on a rollercoaster!' He grabbed Ron and Hermione's hands like an excited little boy onto a remarkable ride; as they were already inside the complex they didn't need to pay anything. Hermione wisely chose to sit with Ron for her own safety. The ride took off with the passengers screams as usual. However, in Harry's opinion going at 120 km/h wasn't stimulating enough, so he incremented the speed until sparks began to come out of the rails. By this time the speed had trebled, and most people were shrieking with terror, with the exception of Harry, who had a demented expression and was laughing hysterically. When he got bored, after about ten minutes, Harry couldn't stand the pong of vomit and smoke, the ride slowed and everyone rolled out of the ride, with their skin stretched taut and their eyes bulging and bloodshot. Harry compassionately took his friends to a bench to recover from their tribulations and got them cotton candy.
Five minutes later, Harry got frustrated with the amount of time Ron was taking savouring his sustenance, and violently grabbed his balls. This caused Ron to yelp and drop his cotton candy, which Harry caught nimbly with his other hand and stuffed into his mouth. 'What the hell did you do that for?' screeched Ron, with his voice abnormally high. Hermione and Ginny couldn't stop themselves from laughing at him as Harry answered 'Well, you know, you were taking too long and the temptation was just overwhelming. Do you want to go on more rides or go somewhere else?' Hermione was the first to answer 'We want to get out NOW!'
'Your wish is my belly button, I mean command, sorry I got confused the words are almost indistinguishable' Harry's face was one of worry and in order to redeem himself by giving Hermione a charming bow 'Subete no ningen wa, umare nagara ni shite jiyu de ari, katsu, songen to kenri to ni tsuite byodo de aru. Ningen wa, risei to ryoshin o sazukerareteari, tagai ni doho no seishin o motte kodo shinakereba naranai'. (All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood). Ron asked 'What the hell is that?' looking mystified. 'I think he's speaking Japanese, Ron, you know what that means?' answered Hermione as expected. 'No'. 'It means he is taking us to Japan, you imbecile' she glared. At that note, Harry hugged them all and they appeared in Tokyo, Japan. 'You may now take off your seatbelts' he said in an air hostess voice. Ron, Hermione and Ginny just stared at Harry as if he were crazy, which if you hadn't noticed he was.
Harry was observing all the Japanese people which were walking around until he found a very short, old man, with a walking stick, he found it appropriate to walk up to him and say ' Is that you Yarimochi?' the old man was puzzled 'h'ow you know?' 'It's written on ur forehead' Harry answered calmly, as he had read the man's mind. The man got scared and run away to find a mirror and make sure.
After Harry's interaction with the native population was over, he took them to the world's largest Ferris wheel, from which they admired the view of all the skyscrapers in the huge city. After that, they visited with him the most famous tourist destinations, and especially enjoyed the Imperial Palace gardens, where Harry bought them rice with fake money and poured all his rice down his throat at once, so that he could use the sticks to hit the bottom of the bowl as a drum.
'Diddydums, Diddydums…' he hummed absently. Once the others were done eating he got up and grabbed them all again.
They arrived at America, in the stands of an arena where a rodeo was taking place. 'This is getting too much, you know', Hermione said tiredly. 'OK, last stop for today' Harry acquiesced. He then conjured a muggle stereo which played very slow danceable music causing him to unzip his trousers in a provocative manner, causing everyone to stare at him. Once his trousers were off he remembered he didn't have cowboy clothing, jumped under the seat and came out dressed like a cowboy.
He seemed out of a storybook. With two guns in their holsters, a huge cowboy hat, a shirt, and jeans which didn't seem to have any space for his balls. Ron stared at him 'who castrated you?'
'I have balls you know, just don't want to get them blown off or gored' Harry answered smiling idiotically. He then rolled down the steps to the barrier separating them from the bulls and jumped over it landing on a bull that was already occupied. 'There is only enough space for one of us, you know?' he said calmly, before sticking his fingers into the man's eyes, who screamed and fell off. The alarm rang and the bull was let out into the arena where Harry was struggling to stay on top of the enraged bull. The commentator was laughing at what he had done, and explained to those who hadn't noticed 'Ladies and gentlemen, we have here a boy who decided to knock out our performer and take his place on the wildest bull we've got'. Everyone cheered as Harry kept bouncing on the bull, since he was lasting a very long time. Hermione, however, was sticking her nails into her skin with worry. Ron and Ginny just screamed like the rest.
When Harry got pissed off for getting his balls squashed, he dangerously stood on the bull and jumped off to face it amidst everyone's applause. He proceeded to take his guns out and shoot the bull in the head. The clapping died down and screams of terror took its place. He had caused a mad stampede, and thought they resembled a load of elephants after seeing a mouse. After a few minutes all that was left were the four wizards and those that had been trampled too badly to get out and were groaning in pain.
Someone obviously called the police and barricaded all the exits and sirens went off in it. The amplified voice of a policeman could be heard inside the building, 'Drop your weapons, put your hands over your head; Paddy, read him his rights'. An Irish voice replaced his, 'You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law; you have the right to an attorney, if you can't afford one, one will be provided by the courts. Resistance is futile. Don't try any shit or we'll shoot your ass!' The other voice came back, 'Keep to standard operating procedure, Paddy, or I'll end up blasting yours one of these days' he whispered.
Harry sighed sadly as he looked at the growing pool of blood, 'This isn't fair, I had just started having fun and everyone runs away'. The others were getting scared about what would happen to the police if they got Harry pissed off. He turned round and asked them playfully 'Are you up to a car chase, or you wanna fight?' They noticed he already had a heavy machine gun, filled with paintballs in his arms. Hermione was as usual the first to answer, 'Harry, this was meant to be a holiday and we need to rest, please? And where is our luggage?'
Harry's shoulders slumped in defeat as he said, 'Ok, whopper. Let's get a Chinese flying saucer shall we?' They put their hands on his and he took them to the island of his previous stay, ending up next to the hotel.
While they were looking at the hotel, Harry had disappeared and come back with the luggage. 'Where was it, Harry? Hermione asked. Harry stared off into the distance thoughtfully for two seconds, before getting bored and rolling his eyes up and down until he got dizzy. 'Hmmmm… I forgot it in the Burrow'.