Author's Notes: I don't own it. Review.

Cell Block Tango!

Hermione was peacefully sitting in the library getting a head start on her Potions assignment, when she was overcome with the urge to get up and sing a number from Chicago. So, that's exactly what she did.

Hermione: Pop!

Ginny was feeling a bit putout because Hermione ran off to the library claiming she had to finish her Potions assignment at least 2 weeks in advance. Ginny suspected it was because she had been talking about how wonderful Harry Potter was for the past…1…2…3…4 hours.

She wouldn't have thought it was because of this, but something told her when Hermione started whacking her head of the table chanting "Harry is a whiny, legally insane, egotistical, bloody annoying git with a hero complex," it might've been because she was a bit tired of hearing about him. No, Ginny concluded, she just wanted to do homework.

Ginny Weasley decided that she should talk to someone who was as loyal a member to the Harry Potter fan club as she. But who? Moaning Myrtle, of course. Ginny was in the middle of explaining why she thought Harry's eyes (Moaning Myrtle claimed "The way his hair falls into his eyes when he's screaming at someone is breathtaking") were his best feature, when she suddenly started singing.

Ginny: Six!

Sitting at her desk in the "swivel-y chair of great entertainment and procrastination," as Snape sarcastically dubbed it while being in an epically bad mood, Minerva McGonnagal was pleased to see that she only had two more papers left to read. However, when she realized one of those was Hermione Granger's. Why did she always write a bloody book? Nobody cares about the extra dozen ways you can turn a rat into a chalice, Minerva grumbled. She wasn't extremely distraught when she burst into song. At least, she thought, I won't have to read her paper right now.

McGonnagal: Squish!

Cho Chang was hurriedly filing her nails. She didn't want to be late for her date with Oliver Wood. She nearly had a mental breakdown while deciding which dress to wear ("Pink or Fuscia?"). But, finally, she decided on the pink one. She flooed to Madame Puddifoot's and asked if Oliver Wood had arrived yet. The woman gave her a sympathetic smile and handed her the note that Oliver left for her.

Dear Cho,

Maybe if you didn't burst out into tears every two seconds, I would have gone on another date with you. As of right now, the mere thought of going out to dinner and coming home looking like I just went swimming, isn't one of the most romantic things of which I can think.

From,

Oliver Wood

Cho, of course, burst into another round of over-dramatic sobs after she finished reading the letter. She ran back to her common room and then started to sing.

Cho: Uh uh!

Padma is not that interesting of a character. So, why don't we just say she was by the lake skipping some stones when she decided to sing? Happy? Good.

Padma: Cicero!

Colin Creevey was stealthily snapping pictures of his new obsession: Ron Weasley. He was precariously balanced on a tree branch (No innuendo, Merv!) in an attempt to get as many pictures possible without anyone noticing. He was on his way down the tree when the fates turned against him: he started singing.

Colin: Jordan!

Hermione: Pop!

Ginny: Six!

McGonnagal: Squish!

Cho: Uh uh!

Padma: Cicero!

Colin: Jordan!

Hermione: Pop!

Ginny: Six!

McGonnagal: Squish!

Cho: Uh uh!

Padma: Cicero!

Colin: Jordan!

Hermione: Pop!

Ginny: Six!

McGonnagal: Squish!

Cho: Uh uh!

Padma: Cicero!

Colin: Jordan!

All: He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!

Hermione: Pop!

Ginny: Six!

McGonnagal: Squish!

Cho: Uh uh!

Padma: Cicero!

Colin: Jordan!

Hermione: You know how people
have these little habits
That get you down. Like Viktor.
Viktor liked to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP. So I came home this one day,
And I am really irritated, and
looking for a little sympathy
and there's Victor layin'
on the couch, drinkin' a butterbeer
and chewin'. No, not chewin'.
Poppin'. So, I said to him,
I said, "You pop that
gum one more time..."
and he did.
So I took Victor's wand off the floor,

and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.

All: He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

Hermione: I betcha you would have done the same!

Ginny: I met Blaise Zabini from
London, England, about two years ago
and he told me he was single,
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd
fix him a drink; we'd have dinner.
And then I found out,
"Single" he told me?
Single, my ass. Not only
was he married
...oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Purebloods, you know. So that
night, when he came home, I fixed him
his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold
their arsenic.

All: He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!

McGonnagal: Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
mixin' up the potion for Hogwarts,
minding my own business,
and in storms my husband Riddle,
in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the Auror,"
he says. He was crazy
and he kept screamin',
"you been screwin' the Auror."

Then he Avada'd himself.
He Avada'd himself ten times!

"Remind me not to mess with McGonnagal," Ron whimpered to Harry. Harry nodded and took a step back. A large step back.

All: If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

Cho: Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan
vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam
a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg...

McGonnagal: Yeah, but did you do it?

Cho: Uh uh! Not Guilty!

"Wimp!" Goyle shouted and Crabbe laughed stupidly.

Padma: My sister, Parvati, and
I did this double act
and my husband, Ernie,
used to travel round with us.
Now, for the last number in our act,
we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row
One, two, three, four, five...splits, spread eagles,
back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.
So this one night before the show we're down at the hotel Cicero, the three of us, boozin', havin' a few laughs and
we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some.
I come back, open the door, and there's Parvati and
Ernie doing Number Seventeen the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later,
when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.

"I would really like to switch rooms!" someone in Padma's room squealed.

Padma: They had it coming
All: They had it coming
Padma: They had it coming
All: They had it coming
Padma: They had it coming all along
All: They had it coming all along
Padma: I didn't do it
All: She didn't do it
Padma: But if I'd done it
All: But if she done it
Padma: How could you tell me that I was wrong?
They had it coming
All: They had it coming
Padma: They had it coming
All: They had it coming
Padma: They had it coming
All: They took a flower
Padma: All along
All: In its prime
Padma: I didn't do it
All: And then they used it
Padma: But if I'd done it,
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

Colin: I loved Lee Jordan
more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy...
sensitive... a painter.
But he was always trying
to find himself.
He'd go out every night
looking for himself
and on the way
he found Rose,
Pansy,
Lavender and Katie.
I guess you can say we broke
up because of artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.

All: The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

Group 1 (Hermione, McGonnagal, and Ginny):
They had it comin'
Group 2 (Cho, Colin, and Padma):
They had it comin'
Group 1:They had it comin'
Group 2:They had it comin'
Group 1:They had it comin'
Group 2:They had it comin'
Group 1:All along
Group 2:All along
Group 1:'Cause if they used us
Group 2:'Cause if they used us
Group 1:And they abused us
Group 2:And they abused us

All: How could you tell us that we were wrong?

Group 1:He had it coming
Group 2:He had it coming
Group 1:He only had himself to blame.
Group 2:He only had himself to blame.
Group 1:If you'd have been there
Group 2:If you'd have been there
Group 1:If you'd have seen it
Group 2:If you'd have seen it

All: I betcha you would have done the same!

Hermione: If you pop that gum one more time!

Ginny: Single my ass!

McGonnagal: Ten times!

Cho: Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.

Padma: Number seventeen-the spread eagle.

Colin: Artistic Differences.

Hermione: Pop!

Ginny: Six!

McGonnagal: Squish!

Cho: Uh uh!

Padma: Cicero!

Colin: Jordan!