"WHEN I AM QUEEN"
Installment # 1: "A Deep Breath"

Need I post a disclaimer? Just read one of my other stories.

The doorbell rang and I was expecting it to be my Indian food. Paris had just left, and I finally had the night to myself.

I swung the door open and there was a young man, dark-haired and monosyllabic such as his uncle standing there. He was somewhat melancholy and broody, dark, with an air of mystery. "Boo," he said, standing up straight. He held a large box bearing the name of the diner on it.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as sweetly as possible.

"Well, Lorelai's out of town. You can't fare for yourself. Luke sent a care package." Jess invited himself in, and I stepped aside. Why did I step aside?

"I can use a phone. I ordered Indian."

"Planning on burning the house down afterward?"

"This was supposed to be a night alone. What's with all the interruptions? Seriously. All I ask is to have a night alone where I can do laundry and eat food I normally wouldn't get to eat and be alone," I said overdramatically.

Jess set the box down on the kitchen table. He had a book tucked away in his back pocket, but I couldn't tell what it was. He turned to look at me, sizing me up. I looked over at the cardboard box sitting on my kitchen table. "That's a lot of food."

"Yes," Jess said blankly. "Enough for, say, twelve?"

"It's me we're talking about here."

"Six then."

"That's still a lot of food."

"Add me and we're down to three."

"Nobody ever said we were going to add you."

"C'mon. Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"Why?"

"Because… I want to get out of the workzone. I have this terrible pounding headache and I'd like some peace and quiet."

"Then go to the bridge."

"Yes, but that's too quiet, I have no company, and no food."

"You could just take food and use the swans as company."

"Swans aren't people. And I generally don't get along with swans."

"And you generally get along with me?"

"Generally? Yes."

"Fine. Stay. Eat. But you will leave as soon as you have finished your meal."

"Fine." He pulled a chair out and sat down, rummaging through the care-package. "You weren't thinking this was an excuse just to see you, were you?"

"No."

"Because it wasn't."

"Okay," I said, confused. I took a bite of my hamburger and Jess started eating his fries. We ate in awkward silence until Jess began talking about the book he had in his back pocket. It was something by Kerouac. Our discussion became heated, going into Jane Austen, poetry, Beats. "How did The Fountainhead go, anyway? You never told me."

"I committed to it. I got through it. I made little or no sense of it, but I made it all the way through."

"Good boy. You deserve a bone."

"You did promise me you'd make it up to me," Jess said slyly, throwing me a look across the table. I could feel heat rising in my cheeks and I averted my gaze, playing with one of my fries.

Jess stood up to clear his plate at the exact same time I did, and our eyes met as the distance closed between us. I set my plate down on the table again and so did he. I couldn't rip my eyes away. The deep brown honey gaze of his eyes seemed antiquated like an experienced elderly man in a nursing home and yet like the rapidly moving pupils of a toddler taking in everything around him. His gaze permeated my brain and I was far less than an arm's length away.

I could feel him moving in. I could feel me moving in. I felt the urge to kiss him as though there was no tomorrow – and no Dean. Wait! I was about to kiss Jess! I wasn't attracted to Jess! I couldn't be attracted to Jess! I loved Dean and I always would love Dean. But the need to feel Jess's lips on mine was overwhelming.

His were warm when we finally met. Although it had only been a duration of seconds, it seemed like it had taken forever for him to grab me up and caress my lips in his.

I was lost. Jess had lost me. I had lost myself. Dean had lost me. I was, well, lost. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I could only feel Jess as I kissed him, and as I allowed him to kiss me.

The phone rang shrilly and I jumped off him, eyes wide, bringing my fingers to my mouth. He bit his bottom lip in frustration, both of us holding back the urge to recapture the moment.

I was coming to me senses as I ran to the phone. Jess grabbed his jacket and stood in the archway.

"Hello," I said shakily into the receiver.

"Hey, Rory!"

"Dean, hi!" I replied, raising my eyebrows and turning to Jess, making desperate gestures to get him out of there.

"Guess where I am?"

"At home?"

"Nope. I thought I'd surprise you."

"But… Dean. I was supposed to have an alone night, remember?"

"Then I'll only stop by for a minute. Or less. I miss you Rory, c'mon."

"Dean… I'm a total mess. I don't even remotely resemble the Lorelai Leigh Gilmore you know, so maybe it would be best if you just didn't come."

"See you in a sec," Dean said, and the phone clicked off. I pulled it away from my ear and glared over at Jess. He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, playfully as if saying 'Bring him on.'

"We have to get you out of here," I said to him, taking his arm and pulling him out the front door.

"Fine. I'm leaving. See me… leaving. Dean." Jess nodded to the taller of the two and Dean glared up at both of us.

"Dean! Hi. Uhm, Jess was just dropping off some food. Totally innocent. I swear. He was just leaving."

"Really?" said Dean quizzically as he walked slowly up the steps taking in the scene.

"Look, before you go all Frankenstein on my ass, how about you hear my side of the story?" Jess offered.

"When I want to hear your opinion, Jess… well, I'll never want to hear your opinion. I'm asking Rory what's going on, so why don't you just run on home."

"I really was just dropping off some food," Jess said as he walked off into the night. Dean looked at me, hurt. He stepped over the threshold of the house and walked into the kitchen.

"So, he was just dropping off some food, huh Rory?"

"It's loud there. He wanted some peace and quiet and I offered to let him have a little of the food. I didn't want him to stay, he just looked so pathetic that I couldn't say no and there's a lot of food there anyway."

"Fine. Whatever."

"Please say you believe me?"

"Rory, what am I supposed to say? I don't believe you."

"What did you think was going to happen?" He just looked away. "Seriously, Dean, tell me what you think would've happened."

"Rory…"

"You don't trust me is that it?"

"Well, I don't trust…"

"Him. Nobody ever trusts him. He's not that bad of a guy. Honestly, I think some people just need to give him a break including you."

"Rory, what were you two doing in here?"

"Eating!"

"Please do not lie to me."

"I'm not lying, Dean! I wish you would just listen to me for a change, god. Jess doesn't even care about me and he listens to me a hell of a lot more than you do."

There was a loud noise and my cheek stung insanely. I bent over in pain, holding my hand gingerly to my jaw where a red mark was forming. I looked up at Dean in disbelief. At first, he looked very, very angry. And then, it faded into concern and then, in turn, his own disbelief. "Rory…" he reached out to help me, but I recoiled and tripped over my own legs, falling into the counter.

"Get… out…" I said warningly.

"Rory, please. I am so sorry. You have no idea. I didn't… I'm sorry."

"Dean. Just, do yourself a favour and get out."

"I don't know what came over me, Rory, I don't. I don't know what happened. Please, Rory…"

"Dean! I swear to god, if you do not leave this house right now I will call the cops or I will run to Babette's." He just looked at me in shock and disbelief and pain and sorrow. His eyes told volumes.

"I am truly sorry, Rory. I…" he saw my glare as I held my palm up to my bright red, stinging cheek and looked as though he was about to cry. Then, with one sad glance, he turned his back and walked out the front door.

I collapse onto my bed and let tears come pouring hot and wet down my cheeks, feeling the immense sting as the pooled where Dean had hit me.

Dean had hit me. Because of Jess.

And he was right. About Jess.

Installment #1 est fini.
When I Am Queen - written and performed by Jack Off Jill, recorded on Clear Hearts Grey Flowers
A Deep Breath - written and performed by Deadstar Assembly, recorded for Deadstar Assembly selftitled