Everything
By Renton
Disclaimer: You know who owns Remus and Tonks, I don't need to spell that out. Everything is by Alanis Morisette. No copyright infringement is intended on either part.
Summary: Without Snape or Dumbledore to get the Wolfsbane potion from, Remus is not looking forward to the next full moon more so than usual. Also to complicate matters is the fact that for the first time in a long time Remus had someone else in his life he was concerned about. HBP Spoilers! RL/NT
Author's Note: If you know me or have spoken to me you know Lupin and Tonks are two of my most favorite characters out of Harry Potter. So obviously I shrieked with glee when I read that wonderful passage in HBP. This is my first shot at writing these two together, so please give me some feedback. :)
Rating: PG-13
One
"Who, being loved, is poor?" - Oscar Wilde
"Remus?"
"Hmm?"
"It's about a week to the next full moon, shouldn't you..." Tonks fidgeted with the hem of her Weird Sisters t-shirt as she sat next to Remus on the Weasley's sofa that was put in front of the roaring fire. Both her and Remus had been invited to the Burrow for dinner that night and the after dinner conversations had drawn out much longer than had anticipated so Molly kindly invited them to stay the night since Tonks lived in London and Remus near Hogsmeade. She knew that the Wolfsbane potion that Remus took to control his lycanthropy needed to be taken a week before the full moon in order to work. She knew that Sn...Snape used to make it for him since the snake was part of the Order. But with him obviously not a part of the Order anymore and Dumbledore gone, Tonks wondered if Lupin could get the potion himself? But the longer the akward silence grew between the couple Tonks became aware very quickly that Lupin did not take the potion. "But Remus you need the potion, you shouldn't go without it."
Remus felt his skin begin to flush as his annoyance with Tonks tried to rise. He fought it off though, knowing Tonks only meant the best by her comment and she wasn't trying to chastize him for not taking the potion. "Dora, I have to go without it..."
"Why?"
"Do you not know how expensive that bloody potion is?" Remus asked a bit harshly, which was not his intent. Looking out of the corner of his eye he saw Tonks biting her lip and turning away from him. Sighing he shifted his weight on the couch to face her and turned her face back to him and said in a softer voice, "the only reason why I was able to take that potion was because Severus was brilliant enough to make the difficult potion and Dumbledore was more than willing to foot the bill for the supplies. I cannot afford such a potion, so I'm on my own this next full moon."
"Remus you're not alone..."
"You know what I mean Dora," Remus said and Tonks frowned and brought her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. He had noticed that during the month they had been together Tonks was no longer trying to correct him for calling her by her first name. Lupin gave her the nickname of Dora because he knew that she didn't like being called by her first name but he didn't feel right calling his girlfriend by her last name.
"Remus you should've told me, I...I could've got the potion for you." Tonks said softly, he was right, she didn't know how much the potion cost but material worth was nothing to her if it meant that Remus wouldn't hurt himself during the full moon. "I would've found a way to get it for you."
"I don't ask for handouts," Remus said, "you should know me well enough by now to know that much."
"Even if it could bloody save your life!" Tonks snapped and looked at Remus with her deep blue eyes that had a mixture of pain and grief in them. Shaking her head Tonks stood and smoothed out her t-shirt and her violet hair, "Remus I know we've been only dating a month but you need to understand its no longer just about you. I love you Remus, I love you so much but if you're going to continue being so selfish and only thinking about your pride I cannot continue this." Turning away Tonks added, "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."
Remus sat on the couch a bit taken aback by Tonk's emotional outburst. Not because he was hurt or upset at her for saying that, but because it was the truth. For years, more than he wished to remember, it had only been about him. If he had died during those lonely years, no one would've cared. His parents died years ago and maybe at that point in his life the only person who'd show up to a funeral would've been Dumbledore. But now that has all changed, now he had Tonks, he had Dora. True, there was still a part of him screaming that his was wrong, that he was too old, too dangerous and too poor for someone as breathtakingly beautiful and kind as her. She was very wise as well, she was just, for a lack of a better term, perfect in every way. Yeah she was clumsy, but that only added to her personality. Sighing Remus looked up to the ceiling when he heard a door to one of the bedrooms shut. Remus needed to fix this, he needed to fix this now. Standing from the couch Remus tried to go up the stairs without making too much of a racket.
As he ascended the stairs he bumped into Fleur, "Fleur, what are you doing awake at this hour?"
"Bill, 'e needed some water," Fleur looked at Remus and asked, "you and Zonks, 'ad an argument?" Remus nodded and Fleur pushed her hair back behind her shoulder, "she came up 'ere looking very upset. Wouldn't say why."
"I was being a fool, I need to go apologize to her."
"Well I will not keep you," Fleur went down the staircase as Remus walked down to the end of the hall and quietly opened the door to the room that Tonks and himself were sharing. He peaked his head in before he continued inside, she was laying down on the bed but was not asleep. Tonks' eyes made contact with his and she rolled over and looked away from him.
"Dora?" Remus closed the gap between the two of them and sat on the edge of the bed watching her try her best to ignore him. Placing one of his large hands on her leg he whispered, "Tonks."
Tonks looked up at him and he noticed the tear stained that went down her cheeks. Sitting up she pulled her leg away from Remus' hand and crossed both under her, remaining perfectly silent as she did. She wouldn't say a word, he needed to apologize, and she wouldn't interrupt him.
"Tonks, what you said down there about me was the truth, every single word of it. I was only thinking of myself, of my pride, as you said. But I cannot apologize for my nature, for so many years it has only been about me. I had no one Dora, I had no friends or family. James and Lily were dead, Sirius was in Azkaban and Peter was presumed dead as well. After what transpired there I shut myself off from the rest of the world. Who was going to stop me from doing so? My friends, my family, were all gone. If I had died during those years on my own there would be no one to mourn me." Scooting closer to her Remus took one of her hands and began tracing circles on the top of her hand with his thumb. "But now I have you Dora, now I have you in my life and for the first time in a long time I am at a complete loss. I'm...I'm actually quite terrified of turning next week, because...I know what it put James, Lily and Sirius through to see their friend change into a monster. I cannot imagine what it'll be like for you to witness it. I didn't tell you about the Wolfsbane because I thought maybe if it wasn't brought up, maybe you wouldn't ask about it. I'm flattered that you would offer to buy something like that for me but I could not ask you to spend that much on me. Not because of pride Dora, but because I don't want our relationship to be only about who can afford the potion that month; or better yet, who can actually make it? I apologize for hurting you Dora, I never meant to make you cry."
Remus had just laid his heart out to Tonks there on the bed, and she was surprised by how open he had just been. He had told her honestly how he felt, why he felt the way he did and admitted that he cared about her. Crawling over to him Tonks wrapped her arms around his neck and she could feel him bury his head into her shoulder, kissing the top of his head Tonks whispered softly to him, "you're forgiven love. I think both of our problems is that we care too much about the other."
Pulling himself up he smiled and ran his hand down the side of her face, "if that is our only problem I really think we're going to be okay."
She smiled and yawned, "I'm wiped out, lets get to bed." Tonks got under the covers first and Remus climbed in behind her. They both laid on their side and Remus rested an arm over her torso and he felt her hand slip into his and she brought it to her chest. Just before they both fell asleep Tonks whispered, "I love you."
"I love you too."