Monday, September 6th, 1976
Dear Diary,
I am in a complete and utter state of confusion. Since that one night at the carnival, my communication with James Potter has reached a bare minimum. I'm trying to figure out how to put this into terms that you will understand. Let's just say that we talked more the week in fourth year when he hacked off half of my hair. And I was giving him the silent treatment then.
So what in the world is going on? I mean, he's liked me since second year. And if he didn't like me, he at least conversed with me. And now, just when I am finally beginning to realize and appreciate his personality, he stops caring about me. So I have spent the past two months trying to figure out why there has been such a lack of correspondence.
James says it was because he went to Egypt for a month with Remus' family. Apparently, all of the Marauders, or whatever that group calls themselves, are going on vacation together. And James claims that they were so busy he barely had time to write to his parents, let alone me.
But that is such a crap reason. I've read enough teenage magazines to recognize lies. So, I've come to the conclusion that the truth is such a complicated and warped story that he cannot even bear to tell me.
I must be a horrible kisser. He must have snogged me on that ferris wheel and decided that I have no experience whatsoever. He probably only kept making out with me because he was literally locked onto the ride next to me.
And then, he must have met some girl in Egypt. A beautiful, exotic-looking girl with long, dark, flowing hair and a gorgeous smile and tanned legs and sparkling eyes and… and… an accent! Or maybe he met an American girl. Oh God, if he met an American girl… I hear they give it up all the time. No morals over there.
I wonder if I should confront him about this or just let it go. Maybe this wasn't meant to be; maybe this was fate. Professor Groote claims that relationships are written in the stars, if we can properly decode it. I should go get my divination textbook.
Tuesday, September 7th, 1976
Dear Diary,
I never really was much of a divination student. I mean, I can't be. James and I are obviously meant to be. And if my textbook wants to tell me that we are completely incompatible and will lead each other to ultimate demise, then it can just rot in hell.
Thank Heavens Dorcas called me right in the midst of all that before. I was beginning to lose my mind.
"Lily, I cannot believe we are going back to school tomorrow." She said, upon my answering of the phone.
"I know. By the way, I think you're finally beginning to master the telephone, Dorcas. You're not screaming into the receiver like last time!" I told her.
"Hey, hey, don't tease me! It's not my fault I don't come from a Muggle family." She giggled. "But, I'm calling about important matters. What are you wearing tomorrow onto the train?"
I paused for a minute. I hadn't considered any outfits too seriously. I had barely even packed my trunk.
"Probably just jeans and a tank top. I mean, we're going to be putting on our robes anyways, Dorc.'
"I think I might wear this really cute skirt. I mean, like, I have a nice tan. I might as well show it off before I go back to my pale, pasty, English self."
That was Dorcas' obsession. While I obsessed over my flaming red hair, she was preoccupied with her skin tone.
"Okay, you'll have to tell me all about your summer. I've got some stuff to tell you, but I'll save it for when we're all back together!"
"Alright, Lily. Well, I'll see you tomorrow. I've got some homework to finish."
We said our good-byes and hung up.
And then I went over to my closet. Maybe jeans and a tank top just wouldn't cut it if I was dressing to impress.
Wednesday, September 8, 1976Dear Diary,
It's pretty late. I'm the only one left in the common room. And I actually don't know whether or not it's past midnight, so maybe I should have dated this entry as Thursday. Everyone else is already in the dorms sleeping, since classes do start tomorrow after all.
But so much happened today that I just had to record everything before I forget.
I stepped onto the platform with my family and there was James, waiting. I didn't think he was waiting for me at first. I figured he was looking for Sirius Black to come over with a cola or something. Maybe Remus Lupin was running a bit late and James was going to show them where they were sitting.
Psshh, no. I am always wrong about these things.
"Lily! How are you?" He said, striding over to me.
"Um… I'm good. How was the end of your summer?" I replied, trying to appear nonchalant.
I pushed my hair back with my right hand. That was such a nervous habit. I bet James knew that, too. I bet he saw me push my hair back in first year when teachers asked me questions and I was scared to respond. I bet he saw me push my hair back when nobody asked me to dance at the Yule Ball in fourth year. I bet he remembers that I was dateless then.
"Yes, we didn't see too much of you these past few weeks, James." My mother put in, with a smile.
"Oh, I went to Egypt with a few of my friends. You should have seen some of the architecture there!"
And James was off and running. A topic that made him sound smart and dignified, yet it was also interesting. My parents were sucked in immediately. And well, even I was sort of impressed by his description of the Sphinx.
But that isn't all. He even picked up my trunk that my father was carrying and stored it properly. He even gave my family some space while we said our goodbyes, before inviting me to sit with him!
"Lily, why don't you come sit with my friends and I?" he said in a charming voice, almost well, princely.
I thought for a second about Dorcas, Emmeline, and Marlene. They would probably be sitting in a compartment, smiling and laughing. Marlene would be touching up her nail polish, Emmeline would be making some last minute adjustments to one of her essays. Dorcas would be trying to copy Emmeline's essay word-for-word.
But I didn't really have time to react. I swear that was it. James just grabbed my hand and I followed him into a compartment on the train. He slid open a compartment door and there were the other Marauders, gathering around a sheet of paper.
They all looked up and glared accusingly at me.
"JAMES! Do you remember anything, you git?" Sirius said. "You're supposed to knock first if you have company."
"Sorry, mate." James replied, after sending me an apologetic glance.
"Hello, Lily." Remus said, sending me a smile.
I smiled gratefully back. I was in quite a few classes with Remus, it was nice that he at least knew my name.
James gestured for me to have a seat.
"Oh, she's staying?" Peter Pettigrew said.
Bastard, I thought to myself. I don't have to take this.
"No, I'm not. You guys obviously have stuff to catch up on."
I headed for the compartment door.
"Lily!" James started, taking a step towards me.
I kept going. I never fit in with his friends. I knew that much. So why did I think things would suddenly change? Why would I even want to hang out with those pricky boys that liked to cause so much trouble?
I stopped in the vestibule between the compartments. Should I go to Emmeline, Dorcas, and Marlene? So much had happened; I really wasn't up for telling them the entire story. I could go hide in the bathroom, but that wasn't really the way I wanted to spend my first day of school.
I looked over my choices. I would have to go tell my friends. They would be supportive no matter what. I took a deep breath, tried to steady myself, then turned to go find them.
Until, however, a voice sounded from inside the Marauder's compartment.
"Jesus, you guys! I like that girl. I like Lily Evans!"
I stopped. Now was not the time to walk away. A person only gets to eavesdrop on conversations like this one once in a lifetime. Not often do you hear a person confess their love for you…when you're not even present.
I stood against the wall with my back as rigid as possible, trying to stay out of view in case any of the Marauders looked up through the glass pane of the compartment door.
"We KNOW that, Prongs." I could hear Sirius say exasperatedly. "You talk about her enough, mate. But we're doing important planning. We can't let anyone overhear. That goes for all of us, even when Lily is the subject at hand."
"I agree!" Peter piped in.
I chanced a look through the pane of the door. Peter had his hand raised, nodding largely. Sirius was staring fixedly at James.
"Go after her. Tell her you're sorry for how we behaved." Remus suggested.
My eyes widened. James was going to come look for me. He was going to discover that I was standing right here in the vestibule of his compartment. I looked around for a quick and easy escape route. There was nowhere to hide. Well, duh, I was on a train. Where was I going to hide?
Finally, I swung open another compartment door and sprinted past large groups of strangers. I could tell that everyone's eyes were focused on me. I could imagine what I looked like, running crazily at top speed without even an offer of an explanation.
After running through about three cars and thoroughly causing a scene in front of some people that definitely knew me, I reached Emmeline, Dorcas, and Marlene.
"Where were you?" Marlene asked, looking up at me. "We saved you a seat and then figured you weren't coming."
"I um, got held up." I responded, running a hand through my hair.
Emmeline cocked an eyebrow. "You're running your hand through your hair, honey. What's the matter?"
DAMN. Why does everyone know what my weaknesses are!
"James Potter." I answered quietly.
That wasn't such a good explanation, I know. But I couldn't start giving detailed reports of my life. Any second now James was going to burst through the compartment door, trying to smooth over any awkwardness his friends had caused me. And I was excited for this. I was excited to see how James was going to handle his friends humiliating me.
James stumbled into the compartment, directly on cue. From the disheveled state of his robes, I had a hunch he had also run through a few compartments, just as I had done seconds before.
"What do you want?" Dorcas asked, icily.
Oh man! My friends were going to treat them the same way they had treated him all last year. You see, we spent the previous years being as rude as possible to James Potter. Any pricky statements, any practical jokes, any casual joking was always directed at James. I had always thought I hated his guts, see, so it made no difference to me whether or not he got teased for his glasses.
"Lily, I'm so sorry." He approached me, ignoring Dorcas' comment entirely.
"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it." I said, watching my friends send me confused looks.
"I want to make it up to you. Can we talk at dinner?" He asked, sending me puppy dog eyes.
I nodded, numbly. James kissed me on the cheek and hurried out.
"What the bloody hell was that?" Dorcas finally said, looking around at everyone in the compartment.
"James just kissed Lily." Marlene answered.
"Well, duh." Emmeline added. "The weird part is that Lily didn't smack him."
I still didn't say anything. What do you say when your friends are already catching on? Was I just supposed to tell them that, yes, I have an extreme obsession with James Potter and I cannot control it no matter how hard I have tried?
"YOU LIKE HIM." Marlene gasped. "You like the boy we spent our entire childhood teasing! You like the boy we've called Egghead for years because his head is oddly shaped!"
I gave my friends a small smile.
"Please tell me you're not wearing the tank top and jeans you said you were going to wear." Dorcas said. "If there was ever a time to dress to impress, it's now."