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9- All I Want

Drake had wanted to avoid JJ as much as possible. So much in fact, he chose to move out and into his fiancé's apartment. This didn't go over too well with his roommate.

"How can you!" JJ shouted. "This is so stupid. Why would you move in with her when--"

"You said it yourself. Why marry someone if you don't know what they're like all the time?" Drake pointed out. "It's just a good idea."

"For you!" JJ wailed. He tugged at his hair in frustration.

"I don't know what's wrong with you," Drake said with malice. "You're acting strange, saying weird things. It's almost as if your jealous."

"Of what!" JJ spat.

"Me getting married."

"That's just--uh!" The young man flipped off his so-called friend standing next to his boxes of stuff. He scowled and angrily asked, "What's the real reason your leaving?"

"To be with her!" Drake shouted louder than necessary.

"Bullshit."

"Fine, you caught me!" Drake stomped over to JJ, getting right in his face. "The real reason is because I want to get away from you! You're driving me up the wall! And, to top it off, you force yourself--"

"Force myself!" JJ laughed. "You were the one who kissed me."

"I was drunk!"

"Obviously not enough if you can even remember it!"

Drake shuffled his feet. "You," he said quietly, "will never have me." He turned on his heel and stomped toward the door.

"You're just afraid you're falling for me!" JJ yelled accusingly. He feared that his words weren't even half true.

Drake stopped in his tracks. Without turning, he retorted, "Your ego burns. But get this through your fucking head: I am going to be married in four months. I have no intention of leaving her for you."

That his a soft spot in JJ's already aching heart. He softly asked, "Then why'd you kiss me?"

Drake placed a hand on the doorframe and turned his head slightly to see JJ out of the corner of one eye. "I don't know," he whispered and finally retreated out of the room.

"So much for everything," JJ murmured to himself.

Drake moved out as quickly as he had moved in. After a week passed, JJ became aware of how alone he was in the world. Depression started settling in again and he ran to the only person he knew would help.

"So…you feel alone. Well, I don't blame you."

"Will anything ever go right in my life?"

"I dunno. I can't predict the future. But I think your success all depends on how hard you try."

"I do try. Really, really hard."

"Maybe it's not hard enough."

"Or maybe I just keep running after the impossible."

"You think Drake is impossible? Are you completely daft? If anything, he is the easiest thing you've ever gone after."

JJ look dead on at his advisor. "What are you smoking?"

"Weed. But that's beside the point," the man joked.

"Then explain to me," JJ said, "why you claim he's the easiest--when I'm finding it quite difficult."

"Well, look at your past infatuations. And how did they end up?"

JJ thought about all his previous love interests, not that there were many. It seemed to him like he really had bad luck when it came to boyfriends. JJ recounted the instances, "Daniel died in a car wreck two days after he told me he didn't love me. The other jerk left mysteriously. And you ran off with your honey bunny."

"Honey bunny…" he chuckled. "I'll have to use that."

JJ sighed. "Will you explain, please? Before I rip your head off, Dee." He ran his hand over his face, poking hard at his eyes in irritation.

"Oh, fine then," Dee replied indifferently. "First off, I know, for a fact, that Drake is not one-hundred percent straight. In fact, I would put all my money down and bet he is at least bisexual."

"At least?"

"Well, there is an off-chance that he could be all the way gay, but I'm not going to make that assumption."

"What makes you think this? If you've been off in LaLa Land with you weed, Drake is getting married and to a girl."

"Mmm hmm. And why?" Dee asked.

JJ paused and his face wrinkled up in thought. "I dunno," he answered. "Probably for whatever reason people usually get married for."

Dee made a game-show buzzer sound. "Wrong. Try again."

"He loves her."

Dee made the sound again. "Wrong again. Keep trying."

"I have no idea!" JJ threw his hands up in the air in defeat. He knew his friend must really be on something to sound this crazy.

"Alright." The raven-haired man scooted to the edge of his seat and leaned forward. "His family keeps bugging him about it."

"…And?"

"And he wants to please them," Dee said as if it were the most well-known fact. "He's been in a rocky spot with his parents since he moved to the city and became a cop. Now to get on their good side, he does whatever his parents want."

"So they told him to get married?" JJ questioned skeptically. "I don't believe that."

"In less or more words," Dee said. "His mom keeps pestering him about a daughter-in-law and more grandchildren. Then his dad goes and gives him some long-time, ancient, Parker family engagement ring and said, 'This is for your lovely lady, whom I hope to soon be a proud father-in-law to.' And guess what? One month later, Drake's engaged. Fancy that." He scratched his chin as an afterthought, and stared at his lovesick friend for a response. He only received a blank look in return.

Dee clarified, "That means he doesn't love the bitch."

"How do you know? Maybe he really does." JJ hoped that he was wrong and Dee was right. But it didn't seem like Drake would do such a thing like getting married when he wasn't in love, even though he is known for doing things for others rather than himself.

"Feh." Dee stood up and paced the living room. He looked towards his open bedroom door and caught saw Ryo abruptly put him head down and pretend he was reading. Dee smirked as two dark eyes peered back up at him shyly. Dee's mind chuckled at the I've-been-caught-listening-in face his lover was now wearing.

Dee's thoughts wandered to the time when he and Ryo met Cyndi for the first time. They were minding their own business in their office, and in she popped. She had caught them in a precarious position, which was even more so since they were at work. She didn't leave right away, too dumbstruck to move. Dee's bad temper made him shout obscenities at her. She evilly responded with, "They shouldn't let queers be police officers." Dee nor Ryo had ever spoken to her again.

Dee retold this story to JJ, fabricating some details to make Cyndi seem more of a 'bitch-whorebag-slut,' as he so gently put it.

"I know she's a bitch," JJ affirmed. "But your still not answering my question."

Dee padded over to his friend and sat next to him. He grabbed a hold of his shoulders and stared right into his blue eyes. Dee stated, very clearly, "Drake loves you."

There was an awkward silence followed by JJ's hysterical laughter. When JJ came down from his high, Dee scowled and said, "I'm serious."

"And I'm straight!" JJ chuckled. He tailed off when jade eyes glared at him dangerously.

Dee started, "Let's take a little quiz. First question: Why does Drake move in with you? A) It's free. B) He wants to be closer to you." He waited for an answer. JJ gave him a blank look and didn't reply. Dee answered for him, "D) All the above." JJ looked at him quizzically.

"What happened to C?"

"Forget C. Next question: You sexually seduce a spoon. Why does Drakey pitch a tent? A) He was thinking about her. B) He was thinking about what he wanted and wished your lips were around something else. C) Uh-- there is no C." He paused, hoping JJ would answer. When he didn't, Dee said, "B." The lavender-haired man snorted, still unconvinced.

"Third question: Why does he sleep next to you the night of your birthday? A) He passed out from exhaustion. B) He intentionally stayed there. C) It was your special, pity, birthday present."

"C," JJ answered. Green eyes glared at him malevolently.

"Wrong. Drake doesn't pity anyone. He wanted to sleep next to you. Question four: Why does he kiss you? A) He was completely out of it. B) He wanted to delve in your taste and loved every minute of it." He didn't wait for JJ to respond, before he answered, "B."

"Number five: You spend a wonderful day together two years ago like sweethearts. Why? A) He was trying to be cute B) He wanted to be your sweetheart. Answer: B."

JJ yawned widely, trying to tell his friend his 'explanation' was boring him and he didn't buy it.

Dee continued despite him, "Last question: Why did he move out? A) To experience life with the Queen of Hades. B) He realized he's in love with you."

"A, A, A!" JJ huffed angrily.

"No, B," Dee countered. "He loves you, JJ."

JJ took time to ponder Dee's strange reasoning. If what he had said was true, then why was Drake running away to marry a girl he didn't love? As if he read his mind, Dee said, "He's afraid to fess up to what he is and what he feels. To do so means being a rebel against his traditional family. He is going to make the biggest mistake of his life if you don't stop him."

"Why me?"

"Well, he doesn't exactly have to hots for me," Dee answered. "And he doesn't really seem to want my opinion."

"This is all so complicated." JJ sighed heavily. "You know, in my entire life, I've only wanted one thing. One thing! And I've never gotten it."

"What do you want?" Dee asked.

"All I want is to be loved. Truly loved," JJ replied with saddened eyes. "Nobody has ever said 'I love you' to me and actually have meant it. Not my parents, not my siblings, not my ex's, not you, not Drake--"

"But I do--"

"Not like I want! I want someone who loves me so much that they want to be with me, and only me, for the rest of our lives. So much that they say it through kisses and sweet touches. They want me for me and not for the way I look. They would make love to me and not just fuck; so that every movement was made from love. He would hold me and comfort me when I feel down. He would never leave me, not for someone else or any other reason. He could take my craziness and love that too, because it's a part of me. We would share everything, every fine and intricate detail of our lives; know everything about each other. But I'm just a dreamer aren't I? And a big queen. I guess I'll take anyone; just as long as they love me."

JJ was crying again, but Dee knew that those tears would soon dry up and never have to shed for lovesickness again. JJ would get his happy ending, Dee would make sure of that.