This is my escape, ladies and gents. This is what I love to do.
Lip Balm
…
Silver clouds that had once hung faint over Gilbert's head now drooped gray and heavy over his shoulders, stirring the air thick with mixed tension and worry. Lines that had once etched into Amy's complexion evaporated and magically appeared on his, giving him the look of a haggard man with a secret greater than himself.
And as he watched Arnie, Amy, Ellen and Becky color in the invitations with foul smelling crayons, he knew. He knew that they did not care. He knew that they did not know. And he knew that he didn't want them to find out.
That I'm not here for Arnie. I'm not here for Amy. I'm not here for Ellen or Becky or Tucker. Gilbert swallowed hard, his own saliva burning his throat. I'm here for me.
But yet he smiled reflexively, hugged warmly and spoke cheerily, only distant eyes giving away his true sorrows.
Gilbert leaned casually against a wall before walking to the rickety kitchen table and sitting down, picking up a blue crayon and coloring in an oblong shaped balloon. Arnie tittered wildly, coloring in his own balloon of a multitude of meshing colors.
The house was warm and gave him a sense of security, and it was only when Chad and Amy were around together that he felt a bubbling uncertainty inside of him. Chad's smile seemed too wide, Amy's words too kind, his eyes too cold, her hands too rigid.
"Gilbert? Are you okay?"
Gilbert looked up from his invitation, smiling, "Yeah." He picked up a yellow crayon and colored in the blocked words with great absorption.
No, Becky, He thought silently. No.
…
He wanted to bury Arnie underneath the ground. Gilbert wanted to hide him far, far away where no jutting fingers would point in his way, no sly glances or sniggering giggles reached his ears. And sometimes he wished that Arnie would just know. Know that he was being laughed at. Know that he was supposed to feel small. But he couldn't.
And so instead, Gilbert took the pain. So Arnie would be happy.
Gilbert parked in front of Mr. Lamson's grocery and walked into the building with Becky and Arnie, the familiar ringing noise of the front door echoing in the abandoned store. Mr. Lamson's familiar and lined face popped out from behind a door, a broad grin brightening his features.
"Gilbert? Gilbert, my boy! How have you been? It's so nice to see you." He took Gilbert's hand in his and shook it clumsily. "My, it's nice to see you. Why, Miss. Becky, you have blossomed into a beautiful young woman. Your hair is longer I see, it suits you." He also grabbed for Becky's hand and joggled her hand quickly.
"Are you two hung-"
Mr. Lamson stopped mid-sentence when he spotted Arnie at the doorway, eyeing a candy bar with a sly interest.
"Arnie?" Mr. Lamson said, his lips stretching wider. "Arnie, my dear boy, oh, how you've grown!" He wrapped his arms around him. "A man, you are, growing up fine, just like your older brother." Arnie stood oblivious to all manners of compliments and merely sneaked another glance at the chocolate bar.
"Hungry?" Mr. Lamson asked. "Hungry? Here, have the candy bar. No, two. I insist."
Becky laughed, "That's very kind of you."
Gilbert smiled weakly, "How's business, Mr. Lamson?"
His jovial facial expression died. "Not well, son." He said hoarsely. "Ever since the Missus passed on, I've never been able to manage this store like the old days." He fished a spotted handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed the corners of his eyes. "Cancer does no justice."
An awkward silence dragged on until Arnie broke the stillness by dropping a can of soup on the ground.
"Sorry," he said in a sing-song voice. "Sorry, sorry, sorry."
Mr. Lamson only smiled. "My, it's good to see you folks. Endora doesn't have many changes, you know. Hasn't changed a bit in the last twenty years. That's why we all love it though, right?" He laughed forcedly, pushing a few thin fingers through his thin hair.
Arnie laughed also, having no idea of what he said. "Here, Mr. Lamson," He said in the same sing-song tune. "Here." He thrust out the invitation with the multicolored balloons, impatiently wiggling it under his nose.
Mr. Lamson took the badly cut paper and answered without even glancing at it, "I'll be there."
Becky and Gilbert grinned, "Thank you."
As they turned to leave, Mr. Lamson spoke out. "Gilbert, will you be staying?"
"No sir," Gilbert said, running a hand through the ends of his hair. "We have to pass out more invitations.."
"I meant staying ..in Endora."
Gilbert hesitated before exhaling. "I don't know." He answered truthfully. I don't know. Shutting the ringing door behind him, Gilbert glanced over his shoulder to see the dark shadow of Mr. Lamson still standing a few feet away from the entrance, watching and waiting.
Watching and waiting for everyone to leave as they always did.
…