Disclaimer: Okie-dokie... this is getting friggin' redundant. From now on, let it be known that I don't own Hellsing; not in this chapter, not in any previous chapters, and not in any chapters to come. 'Nuff said.

Author Note: This story is quite a bit longer than most, but I doubt that will earn me many complaints. Like I said in the beginning, the thousand-word thing is just a guideline, not a rule. Anyhoo, enjoy!

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Shake What You Got

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"Oh, it's been so long," Seras breathed happily, taking in the scene around her.

The constantly changing lighting, the pulsing, powerful beat of the music, and the even louder din of the crowd; it was all just as she'd remembered it. The last time she'd been in this club was back in her human days. In fact, if memory served, this was the site of her last date. It had only been a year ago, but it seemed so long ago now.

"Hmm... It's funny, how one little bite can change your perception of time," the vampiress thought, waxing philosophical. "Still, one thing certainly hasn't changed..."

"This is your idea of fun, Police Girl?" a voice from behind her asked sarcastically. "Spare me."

Seras rolled her eyes before letting her head fall. "A night out with a grouch still seems like an eternity."

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Tonight's merry little misadventure had started out much the same as they always did: with the words "I'm bored" coming from Alucard's lips. Seras hated when he said that. It always meant that she had to escort him around town in search of something that he might consider "fun", which was not as easy as it might sound. Provided she could actually find something to catch his interest, Alucard's terrible temper and slightly-veiled insanity almost always made a mess of the situation. A mess poor Seras had to clean up and accept the blame for.

No, the former policewoman was going to try something different tonight. They were going to do something that she enjoyed, and if Alucard had fun in the process... well and good. If he didn't, tough luck for him. As soon as her favorite club, The Box, came to mind, Seras could think of nothing else. She had always loved to dance; she wasn't necessarily fantastic at it or anything, but she always had a great time. After putting on her sexiest duds, her favorite shoes, and a little makeup, the result was without a doubt the hottest corpse ever to grace the dance floor (she could give the living quite a run for their money, too). Surprisingly, even Alucard had shown a little fashion sense: he still looked overly formal, but he had shed his trenchcoat and hat in favor of a dress shirt and black vest. Unfortunately, he didn't leave his attitude at home with his hat.

The tall, ancient vampire scanned the crowd, not particularly impressed. He muttered, "So we're here. Now what? Few of these people seem to know how to dance. We'd be better off wandering the club and feeding of the drunk."

"Master!" Seras hissed, elbowing him in the ribs. "That's an awful thing to say. Look, just try to enjoy yourself. There's bound to be some way you can occupy yourself without hurting anyone, right?"

"Such as?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Right on cue, the DJ stopped the music and shouted, "Hey, hey, ladies and gents! Do you know what time it is?"

A loud roar from the audience indicated that they certainly did. Chuckling, the DJ continued, "That's right! It's time for the once-a-week dance competition! So tell me: who's the hottest thing on two feet tonight? I... uh, oh! Who's this approaching the stage?"

"You see, Master? I told you that something fun would pop up! Let's watch the competition," Seras urged him, positively beaming. Not only did she love this sort of thing, but it was the perfect way to keep Alucard occupied!

She was just about to turn to face the stage when she saw Alucard's face warp into a look of complete shock. Worried, she asked, "M-Master... what's wrong?"

The vampire, dumbstruck and (for once) speechless, pointed at the woman standing on the stage. When Seras turned around and saw who it was, it was all she could do to keep from swooning. Standing right in the middle of the dance floor was Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, wearing a skimpy top, bell-bottom jeans, and a purple beret.

As Alucard began crossing himself, the DJ yelled, "Now, I think you all know Lady H. This red-hot ice queen has been the reigning princess of the dance floor for months now, and I'd be willing to bet that she's itching for some competition. Any takers?"

With nothing but hushed murmurs from the crowd, he shrugged and said, "Well, I'll give you some time to think it over. In the meantime, would you grace us by strutting your stuff, Lady?"

The bespectacled blonde grinned smugly and gave a nod, followed immediately by music blasting from the stereos. To the two vampires' utter amazement, their boss could really shake her tail (and pretty much everything else, too). Integra moved across the stage with effortless ease, earning shouts of admiration from the crowd.

"Did you know about this? Well, did you?" Alucard nearly screamed, gripping Seras by the shoulders.

"I-I-I had no bloody idea!" she gasped, still in a state of shock. "I haven't gone here since I was turned!"

"I see," Alucard replied, mulling the situation over. Suddenly, he got that all-too-familiar look of mischief in his eye.

"Master, you're not--" Seras started to beg, but it was too late. Alucard had already leapt over the heads of countless people and onto the stage.

"What the devil?" Integra screamed, blushing furiously under the green light. "Alucard, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm here to show my master how to dance," he replied nonchalantly. "Don't get me wrong; you're very good, great even. Still, can you stand up against the groove of the night?"

"Oh, do tell," Integra chuckled, her confidence returning. "Then, by all means, teach me, monster."

Seras cradled her head in her hands. This would not end well.

"Oh, for the love of... Alucard can't dance!" she mentally moaned. "He's so hopelessly old-fashioned that I doubt he's heard of the Hokie-Pokie, much less the kinds of moves Sir Integra was pulling. Unless, by some act of God, they play waltz music, Master is going to make a fool of himself..."

Suddenly, the sound of maniacal laughter invaded her thoughts. A deep voice boomed, "Now, now, Seras Victoria. Don't write your master off just yet."

Her head jerked upward to watch the musical face-off. Alucard was smiling with that Cheshire Cat grin of his and muttering something just loud enough for Integra (and Seras, with her heightened senses) to hear.

"Releasing Boogie Restrictions to level five... level four, level three, level two, level one! Activating Michael Jackson Initiative!"

With little to no warning, the madly grinning vampire took off across the dance floor with a mix of modern and retro dance styles, including everything from the "Moonwalk" to the "Robot" to dirty dancing. Seras exhaled a sigh of relief, immensely relieved that her "date" hadn't made a total goober of himself. If anything, he was an instant hit! Still, the beautiful blonde with the baby-blue eyes was not to be outdone.

"Ha! Not bad, bloodsucker, but not good enough!" She began dancing with even more gusto and passion than before, making the crowd go absolutely bonkers. Seras clapped with admiration, but stopped when a certain pair of crimson eyes glared daggers at her. Soon, master and monster were engaged in a hotly contested battle of rhythm that had to be seen to be believed.

Just then, Seras felt someone tap her on the shoulder. She turned to face a very tall, slim man wearing a wide-brim hat sloped downward to cover his face.

He spoke directly and to the point: "May I have this dance?"

Seras couldn't exactly say why, but there was something very familiar about this man that caused her to instantly take a shine to him. Smiling, she said, "All right... why not?"

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"Getting tired, my master? I know that frail human body of yours must be--"

"Shove it up your arse, Alucard! I can keep going like this until sunrise!"

"What amazing endurance, ladies and gents! Let's give 'em a hand!" the DJ roared. Suddenly, he noticed two figures climbing the stairs to the dance stage.

"Are you off your rocker?" the female fairly screamed. "You didn't say anything about dancing HERE!"

"It's all right; just follow my lead," he gently instructed her.

"Oh, ho! It looks like we have two new challengers!" the DJ exclaimed. "What are your names?"

"You may call me 'Slim', I suppose," the man answered.

"S-S-Seras," the panic-stricken nosferatu managed to squeak out.

Alucard stared incredulously at his fledgling. He snarled, "Police Girl! What do you think you're doing?"

"What he said! Don't interfere!" Integra snapped.

Seras was trying to come up with an excuse/apology, but the thin man intervened on her behalf. Cocking his head sideways, he playfully asked, "What? Afraid this lovely lady and I might beat you at your own game?"

"No!" they both shouted hotly.

"Then it's settled; let's see what they can do!" the DJ said, cueing the lights.

As the song "It's Getting Hot in Here" began playing, Seras couldn't help but feel the irony in the musical selection. Although death technically made her immune to temperature extremes, she felt like her face was on fire. How in the world could she possibly--?

"Relax," her partner whispered. "I'll bet a pretty girl like you dances beautifully."

Caught off-guard by the compliment, Seras smiled, and for a brief moment her apprehension melted away. That moment was all it took.

Seras scarcely knew what was happening as she followed her dance partner's lead through what could only be described as a highly modified tango. Twists, turns, doing the splits, only to hop straight up afterward; he seemed a god of the dance, and she was matching him step-for-step.

As the final note of the song played, the two did an amazing double-backflip. For nearly a full five seconds, you could have heard a pin drop in the nightclub. Then, all bedlam broke loose. The crowd was nearly hysterical, and the DJ's announcement of two new champions was largely drowned out in the clamor.

As Seras and Slim took a bow, he said, "You see? You had a dancing godess in you the whole time."

"Y-yeah..." she said, her face flushed. "Who knew?"

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After the competition, Alucard, Integra, Seras, and Slim met backstage.

"Allow me to shake your hand, Sir. You too, Seras," he said, pumping their hands warmly. Despite the embarassment of losing, Alucard couldn't help admire moves like that.

"Truly amazing," Integra muttered thoughtfully. Turning to Slim, she asked, "Might I inquire where you learned to dance like that?"

"Oh, the same way everyone does, I would imagine," Slim answered. "Practice, and lots of it. Haha! Of course, one always does one's best work on a mission. For instance, I came here to feed the two of you a slice of humble pie to keep you from getting arrogant."

As she listened to Slim speak, Seras's eyes suddenly widened with recognition, and her skin turned even paler than usual. Whether she was holding her tongue or merely struck speechless is up to debate.

"Oh? And how exactly would you know me?" asked Integra, narrowing her eyes with suspicion.

"More importantly, how would you know me?" demanded the No-Life King. "Could it be that Iscariot or Millenium employs even better dancers than yours truly?"

"Haha! I ought to know you," he retorted, removing his hat. "I shine your silverware."

Integra managed to choked out "WALTER?", just as she heard the sound of a fainted vampire hitting the floor behind her.

THE END

Whew... another chapter finished. Boy, I know you have to write when inspiration strikes, but I really wish it would stop striking me around midnight. Hahaha! Anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I certainly got a kick out of writing it!

Please review, you dancing fools, you!