Could I risk it? Could I risk breaking her heart again, just when everything seems so right, like nothing else could ever go wrong? I couldn't. She was the only one who accepted me for what I am, and loved me for it. But if I don't, what will become of us, of her? It's too dangerous, not to mention Greyback hunting me down already. If Greyback finds out about her, who knows what he'll do to her. And besides-
"Remus?"
Remus Lupin's train of thoughts were cut off by a voice calling his name, a voice he knew all too well.
"Nymphadora? What are you doing at this hour of the night?" he asked.
"I should be the one asking you that," she replied. "And it's Tonks. How many times do I have to tell you?"
At this, Remus chuckled. Tonks has always reprimanded him whenever he called her by her first name. Memories flooded back as he continued to stare at her, from their first meeting, the missions they did together, coping with Sirius' death, and how he had found out about her true feelings. It had barely been a month since they've been officially together. But I must stop it now, he thought. I would only bring her danger.
"Honestly, Remus, what's bothering you?" she asked, concern written all over her face. "You know you can tell me anything."
This is it; this is the right time to tell her...
"Nymphadora," he started. "Since James died, my life had been miserable, to say the least. I believed Sirius killed Peter and betrayed James, and he was in prison for it. I pretty much considered my self the last Marauder. To add to that, I was unemployed, for no one would want to trust, er, someone like me. But when Dumbledore hired me to teach at Hogwarts, life began to get better. I found out that it was Peter and not Sirius who betrayed James. It became even better when the Order was reformed. But I found myself having the time of my life when I met you."
He paused for a moment, then continued. "You made me feel that life was not to be taken seriously, instead have fun while living it. You made me forget what I am and who I am, you made me unwind, made me feel young again," At this, Tonks quirked an eyebrow. "But the most important thing to me is that you accepted me for who I was and what I was, despite my condition. You embraced my personality wholeheartedly, and you even loved me for it. For that I am eternally grateful."
"Why are you telling me this?" Tonks asked, worry starting to grace her face.
He started to speak, but nothing came out. He couldn't bear to tell her. But I must, he thought bitterly.
"I don't think it would work out between us," he finally said.
The tears that were forming in her eyes fell silently when she had absorbed what he said. "Why, Remus?" she asked him. "Was it something I did? Tell me what went wrong. Tell me!" She had grabbed him by the collar and started to shake him. He did nothing to stop her, but he avoided her eyes.
"It's not that. It's just that, oh for Merlin's sake, we're in the middle of a war, Nymphadora!" he exclaimed, looking her directly in the eyes. "And you being with me would only endanger you and your family. Greyback's after me and it wouldn't do you any good if you stayed together!"
"So that's it, isn't it?" she spat. "Bloody hell, Remus! I'm an auror! I can look after myself just fine! And I don't give a damn about Greyback, so long as I'm with you-"
"It's bad enough that I've gotten you into this mess," Remus said. "I shouldn't have done this in the first place. Now other people could get hurt because of me! Nymphadora, you have to understand that I'm doing this because I want to-"
"You want to protect me? Well, for your information, I don't need you protecting me all the time! I'm not a child, Remus!" she cried.
"Nymphadora," he said, slumping to a chair and massaging his temple. "You don't understand, I'm doing this because I want you to survive this war. You're right, you may not be a child, but you're still young. You have a bright future ahead of you. I, on the other hand, have outlived my life and, well, it doesn't really matter if I die."
"Remus, that's utter nonsense," she said, sitting next to him and taking his hand. "You still have a lot to do here. The Order still needs you, Harry still needs you, I still need you. I want to see the end of all this with you..."
"There are some things that we have to sacrifice for the cause," he replied. "And besides, this is war. Death is a part of the war, it can't be avoided."
"I know, Remus, but-"
"Even though we love each other, this just isn't the time for us. Maybe if the both of us make it through this war, we can start all over. But not now."
She looked at him intently, tears threatening to fall from her eyes once more. "You're right. This is a bad timing for us," she chuckled lightly. "But you have to promise me that if we get through this, we'll start over. Promise?"
"Promise," he replied, then he kissed her on the forehead. "Go to bed, Nymphadora. You need rest."
She nodded. "Goodnight, Remus. I love you," she kissed him on the cheek and turned to leave. "And it's Tonks." When she had closed the door, he relaxed on the chair he was sitting on and let out a sigh.
"I'm sorry Nymphadora," he whispered. "I just can't afford to lose you. I love you too, more than you'll ever know. But this isn't the right time for us to be together. Perhaps when the right time comes, things will be better."