February 1868

The children were staying with Loren on the night of my twenty-eighth birthday, and Sully and I had had a romantic dinner at the clinic, enjoying each other's company in our comfortably happy courtship. He had been kind and gentle with me, and I knew he was the one. Whatever it was I felt was missing in my relationship with David wasn't missing here. My heart felt complete with him, and I knew that our love was something special.

On this night, he was on edge but very gentlemanly. I sipped coffee after dinner, and we sat in silence. He seemed to be thinking hard about something, and it made me want to giggle, but I didn't. I didn't want whatever he had to say to be taken lightly. It was obviously important, and my heart was bursting with anticipation. I finally asked him what was wrong, and he told me he was fine. He needed a breath of fresh air. I told him I would wait, and he asked me to walk with him. I didn't think anything of it, and he helped me with my shawl. We walked arm in arm away from the clinic, snow edging up the hem of my skirt. As we walked, he seemed to loosen up, and we talked about how clear the stars were. We talked about everything and nothing, and it was magical.

After a while, we paused to talk, and the cold didn't seem to matter, because the night was ours, and we were enclosed in this…this feeling. He was still nervous, and it almost seemed like he wasn't speaking. He was so quiet. He was so soft and sweet, and I wanted to hold him. We pulled each other into a soft embrace, leaning into one another and feeling the beating of each other's hearts. It wasn't long before his hands rested on my shoulders and gently pushed me back. His lips met mine instantly, and we let our lips linger together for a moment. When he finally pulled back, I smiled at him, telling him that this was the best birthday I had ever had. My heart was full on wonder and the need to know the secrets of his heart at that moment. There was still so much I didn't know, yet I felt like I knew him more than anyone.

When his smile faded, I wondered if I had said something wrong, but his eyes were still shimmering with happiness. He tucked his hands into his pocket, and he pulled something out. I couldn't see it in the dark of night, but when he opened it up, the diamond shimmered under the moon and starlight. I know I gasped, because his face grew worried. But, he got down on one knee, something I never thought I would see Byron Sully do, especially in the snow, and he asked for my hand in marriage. I could have fallen dead right then and have died happy.

He slipped the ring onto my finger after I said yes. I didn't hear myself say it, but it's what I wanted. We were going to be married. I was going to be a wife, just like my mother wanted. Perhaps I wouldn't be a complete disappointment in her eyes anymore, but I didn't care. All I cared about was the fact that I was the happiest woman in the country at that very moment. We sealed our engagement with a kiss, and we walked back to town to share the news.

March 1868

I'll never forget the day that our little family grew a little closer. I was watching the children, while Sully was out at the reservation. Adam was being particularly fussy, and I had given him a dust cloth and told him to wipe off all of the dusty windowsills on the downstairs floor of the clinic. Hanna was helping me fold linens and towels, and the rain was coming down in sheets outside. That was March. It rained off and on mostly every day, and I knew that the children were beginning to feel cooped up indoors. They wanted out, and I wanted to take them out, but that was against my better judgment.

By the time the thunder was roaring, Adam had made his way back into the examination room. He dropped his dusting cloth to the floor and moved over toward me. The lightning flashed outside, and the candle-lit clinic lit up with a white flash. Adam screamed and wrapped his arms around my legs, and Hanna quickly scampered across the table and jumped into my arms, wrapping her little arms around my neck.

"Mama! Don't let the storm monster hurt us!" Hanna cried out. At that moment, my heart stopped and melted at the same time. "Mama!" She sobbed, and Adam began to repeat the word over and over again. "Mama! Mama! Mama!" His arms clutched my legs, and I knelt down, scooping him up into my arms. They both clung to me, as if they were trying not to fall, and I settled down at my desk with them, holding them close and softly singing a lullaby.

April 1868

By April, Adam and Hanna were calling me "mama" on a full-time basis, and Sully and I had discussed it. He wanted them to have a mother, and I was the only mother they had ever known. I was surprised that even Loren was pleased that everything was working out, though he and Sully still had a lot of tension between them.

I was feeling more and more like a mother everyday. Sully even let the children stay all night with me when I didn't have patients. I tucked them in and sang them songs, and sometimes, we all curled up in one bed and fell asleep, oblivious to the hour.

Sometimes, Sully would find us in the morning, and he wouldn't disturb us, but he would make us breakfast downstairs. From time to time, it felt like we were already married. The only problem was that we weren't, and if our kisses started to take us too far, we would have to remember that the wedding was still a month away. We knew it was sudden, but it was what we wanted. Mother, Rebecca and Marjorie were coming out for it, and I was amazed that Mother seemed pleased once I told her who I was marrying. Sully was the man of my dreams, yes, but not the man Mother would have chosen. But, she simply replied that she was happy that I had put my head back on my shoulders. Little did she know that I had no intention of quitting my practice or taking Sully's last name. We had talked about it, and Sully told me that whatever I decided to do he would be fine with. He was a little disappointed that I didn't want to change my name, but it was something that meant a lot to me. I had several reasons behind it, and I told him that in my heart, I would be Michaela Sully.

I had taken the children to the café for lunch, and Sully was waiting at the clinic when we came back. Hanna ran up to him and jumped into his arms. I was amazed at how much she had grown. Her hair was long and dark, and it formed into natural ringlets on the ends. Adam's hair was becoming more like Sully's, and he was the spitting image of his father. I loved seeing the three of them together, and I couldn't wait until we were officially a family.

We greeted one another with a kiss, and Sully explained to me that he needed my help at the reservation. So, we piled into the wagon and rode off. The twins sat between us and practiced their words. They were speaking quite well now, and I knew that within a year, they would probably be talking enough to talk back to us when they were in trouble. But, it thrilled me to hear their little voices.

When we arrived at the reservation, Sully took the children to Cloud Dancing and Snow Bird's hut, and I was taken to Black Kettle. He was feverish, and the purple coneflowers hadn't worked. So, I administered Quinine to him, and I hoped it would break the fever. Hours passed, and by nightfall, the Cheyenne Chief was feeling better. It was too late to go back to town now, so Cloud Dancing and Sully set up a teepee for us to settle in for the night. I couldn't help but feel nervous about sleeping so close to Sully, but we would have the children between us.

When we crawled into the teepee, the children snuggled under the large fur blanket, and Sully and I scooted them closer together and crawled underneath on either side of them. I suddenly didn't know what to say. This wouldn't be the last time we slept so close, and soon, we would be sleeping even closer. I was anxious for our wedding night, and I hoped that the butterflies that I felt then would disappear before our special night came.

We couldn't see one another in the darkness now, but I felt his hand find mine, and sucked in a sharp breath. He gave it a squeeze, knowing I was scared, and he whispered goodnight to me. I hoarsely replied the same back to him, and we tried to fall asleep, our hands joined across the sleeping children between us. It was going to be an interesting night.

In the morning, a little sunlight filtered into our teepee, and Sully was still sleeping. I couldn't help but let my eyes roam over the shape of his muscular arms, the line of his jaw, and the contours of his lips. If only I could have leaned over and kissed him without waking the children…but no, that would have been inappropriate.

Hanna woke with a squeal, tugging on the braid I had pulled my hair into the night before. I let out a yelp, and Sully opened his eyes, sitting up quickly to see my predicament. He tried not to laugh, before he pried her fingers from my hair, but when the little one began to giggle, neither one of us could contain our laughter. Adam opened his eyes and rubbed them sleepily. I greeted him with a kiss to the forehead, and he gave me a big, strong hug that filled me with such happiness. I found it amazing how each word, each kiss and each hug these children could provide touched my soul in various ways. I couldn't imagine my life without them or without Sully. They were a part of me now, and they would be forever.

The next day, we had a late dinner at the clinic, courtesy of Charlotte, who had heard of us being at the reservation so long yesterday. Thanks to Charlotte's wonderful talents in the kitchen, everyone was full, and the children had already fallen asleep. I told Sully they could stay the night, because they were too sweet to wake up like this. So, we each carried a child upstairs to put down to bed. Once they were peacefully tucked in, we disappeared into the hallway. Sully explained that he should be going home. He had to be up early to work on the house. Our house. It was nearly finished, a beautiful two-story cabin with gorgeous landscaping. I couldn't wait until the next month when we'd move in.

Before he left, he pulled me close, kissing me softly, and I fell into the kiss, wrapping my arms around him and letting it go further. My back pressed against the wall momentarily, stunning me as his hands caressed my neck and my shoulders, and I shuddered against his body, wanting more but needing to stop. I needed self-control, so I dug deep inside of myself and forced myself away, smiling sheepishly at him, my cheeks flushing. We said our goodbyes, and I could barely wait to see him again.

May 1868

With Hanna acting as the flower girl, Adam as the ring bearer, and Charlotte as my Matron of Honor, Sully and I were married in a beautiful ceremony on May 20, 1868. Everyone in town was in attendance, including Hank, whom I heard whispering something along the lines of it being about time I got married, because I wasn't getting any younger. I could have done without that, but I couldn't have cared less, because it was my wedding day, my friends and family were there, and I was making my relationship to Sully official.

Mother, Marjorie and Rebecca had come all the way from Boston, and I had been so appreciative. I knew my relationship with my mother was strained, and I did the best I could to keep things light and simple, though mother was by no means a light and simple lady. But, thankfully, Mother didn't make the wedding as difficult for me as I had expected, and she seemed to warm up to Sully. I was pleased that everyone was getting along, and walking down the aisle was the proudest moment of my young life.

The day couldn't have been more wonderful, and though we didn't have a honeymoon planned, Charlotte and Ethan had promised to watch the children for a few days. Sully and I were secretly delighted, though we didn't want the children to think we didn't want them there. We loved them, but we needed a few days of privacy.

After we said our goodbyes and thank yous, and after we had taken my mother and sisters to the clinic to stay, the townsfolk threw flowers and rice as we rode away from town. My hands trembled in my lap as Sully led the borrowed carriage away. I couldn't think straight. All I could think about was that he was leading us to our house, our bedroom, our bed, our union.

When we arrived, I didn't know what I was doing. My mind was, at that moment, a blank slate, as he carried me over the threshold and closed the front door, shutting out the world, enclosing us inside for the next few days. Without words, we came together, pulling one another close gently, kissing away worries and reservations, though mine still tried to hold on for dear life. He felt me trembling, and I thought I might shatter into a million tiny pieces. I was afraid, I was worried of not pleasing him, and I was worried that whatever pleasure I was supposed to feel might only be pain. But, as he guided me to our room, and we began to disrobe in front of one another for the first time, my body began its natural reaction. I ached in a way I had never ached before, and it caused me to tremble even more.

He bent down to strike a match and start a fire in the hearth, and I quickly removed some of the pins from my hair, hoping it wouldn't look too much of a mess for him. But, when he turned back toward me, our desires for one another overshadowed everything else, and our passion combusted, as we helped each other out of our final garments.

I had never been this exposed to anyone but myself before, and feeling his eyes roaming over me caused me to flush with embarrassment, but he pulled me close and assured me that he thought I was beautiful.

Seeing him for the first time caused so many emotions to stir inside of me, and I wasn't sure if I could go through with it. But, he promised we would take it easy, and he would never do anything to hurt me. I trusted him with my body and my soul, and we made love that night, slowly, tenderly, and he never broke his vow; he never hurt me.

We spent the next few days wrapped in each other's embrace, exploring and discovering new parts of one another that we had never known before. I was tender and sore for a while, but he cared for me and made me so comfortable, and thinking about it brought tears to my eyes. How did I get so lucky as to have a man like Sully?
I had always expected to have this experience with David, but I had never been able to picture us the way Sully and I had become. So many nights, I had dreamed of being with Sully, but nothing compared to the way it felt to love him and for him to love me.

The next few days were filled with exploration, romance and this magical feeling of being all alone in the world. But we were far from lonely. Sully told me stories of his life, and I did the same. We talked and dreamed of the future. I knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted children, and so did I. I was nervous about becoming pregnant. The idea of carrying a life inside of me scared me out of my wits, but at the same time, the thought was so natural, and my body felt ready. I was a mother, yet I had never experienced the joy, excitement or miracle of bringing a child of my own blood into the world.

When I expressed my anxieties to Sully, he took me into his arms and told me that it was my body, and if I wasn't ready, we wouldn't have children yet. I playfully noted that it could be difficult to prevent if we kept up our…activities as we were, and that conversation dwindled away, throwing us into the arms of passion once again. We were scared and going into this blindly, but we were in it together, for better or worse.

By the time our "honeymoon" was over, Sully and I were ready to bring the children home. It was an adjustment, but they acted as if we had been family forever. Watching them grow and learn and play was a wonderful thing, and seeing them every morning before work and every night before bedtime was a blessing, because they were my children now. I was their mother, and I was going to be the best mother, wife and doctor that I could be. It was amazing what those two little rosy-cheeked wonders could do to my heart. Sully repeatedly told me that he was so happy I came into his life, because he couldn't think of anyone else he'd rather be with or have helping him raise his children…our children.

From time to time, I wondered if Abagail was happy with my place in her children's lives. I wondered if she thought of me as a good mother or a good wife. I knew Sully didn't like talking about Abagail, but with me, he could talk about anything. He told me Abagail would have loved me, though I couldn't imagine the both of us living in the same world, loving the same man. I couldn't imagine the choice Sully would have made.

June 1868

Not long after Sully and I were married, I legally adopted the children as my own, giving them a legal mother and father. Since the children were still so young, we all adjusted to living together fairly well. Sully and I had to adjust to not sleeping alone, however, because we had both been so used to sleeping in the centers of our beds, so sleeping next to someone took some minor work, though I didn't mind. We were very absorbed in one another for the first month, and with the children now three and talking constantly, we looked forward to retiring to our room at the end of the night, though sometimes we were too tired to do anything but sleep. Two three-year-olds wore us out enough! Sometimes, they would find their way into our room in the middle of the night and crawl into bed with us, and we wouldn't find them until the next morning. They would be singing to us when we woke, and they would offer to make breakfast, which Sully and I quickly declined. But, Hanna loved to help me in the kitchen, and I had the feeling that she was going to be a much better cook than I was. I hoped so, anyway!

We packed the children up on a warm, sunny Saturday and went out to Willow Creek. Sully helped Adam with his fishing poll, and I sat on the blanket braiding Hanna's long, slightly curled hair. She told me stories about her and Adam's daring adventures, and I feigned fear during the scary parts. She was such a delight, and I felt honored to watch her grow from a nonverbal, nearly helpless infant to a walking, talking little girl. I had a feeling she was either going to be an actress or a teacher. She loved to talk and teach people the little things she learned, though we always knew how to do the things she learned. But, it was fun to play along and let her help us. She was caring and sweet and patient. She was the most patient child I'd ever seen, and Adam was nearly the opposite. He was always getting into things, and he was always trying to grow up too fast. Sometimes, he would rush Sully through the boring parts in the bedtime stories, just so they could get to the exciting parts. At three, these children were already their own little people.

Adam squealed happily, when he caught a big fish with his papa, and Hanna and I clapped in support. Wolf lazily lifted his head and watched, and the sun shone down on us. Sully said the Spirits approved, and I wasn't surprised. When Adam found a bullfrog, he shot off in its direction, and Hanna got up to follow. I called after her, just knowing that I was going to have quite a mess to clean up later, and when I heard Adam fall down in the mud, I sighed, and Sully hurried over to help him up. I frowned, shaking my head, but I couldn't suppress the laugh that came with it, and when I watched Sully and Adam go back to fishing, despite Adam's dirty trousers, Hanna came back over, settling back down in my arms, still clean, and I planned to keep her that way.

Hanna eventually grew tired and rested in my arms, while Adam got even more dirty by holding a slimy fish in his hands. Sully jokingly told him to toss it to Mama, but I quickly moved out of the way before he gave our son anymore smart ideas. Adam sure thought it was funny!

By the end of the day, we were all tired, and we went home to rest. The children played with their carved toys on the floor, and Sully and I sat in two large, wing backed chairs, watching them and smiling at one another. This was our family. We had come together and made it ours. But, I could see the hope in his eyes. He wanted a child, and so did I, but I was worried. I was worried that there would be complications like with Abagail's pregnancy. But, I knew that each woman had those fears when she was expecting a child, and I knew he was worried too. But, we still wanted to create a life together. We weren't going to let fear stop it from happening. It was only a matter of time before it happened. I could feel it. Our lives were about to change forever.

August 1868

I would never forget the look on his face when I told him. His beautiful blue eyes widened and sparkled in the hot August sun, and his hands immediately moved to my stomach, and his knees buckled. We held one another up, both surprised, both hopeful and both weak in the knees. A baby. I told him it would be a long time before I started to show, but he was so eager, already read to talk to the tiny life that grew inside of me. Our third child was on its way. It was my first birth child, and I knew that Sully was scared and happy at the same time. Abagail had died in childbirth, so I assured Sully that I would teach Charlotte the proper way to perform a Caesarean Section in case it needed to be done. She had brought a lot of healthy babies into the world, so I was confident that this would be no different. But, as a doctor, I knew that there were always risks of complications, and that made my heart, the one that beat as a mother and a wife, worry about the complications and the what ifs. I kept telling myself that I was going to be all right. My baby would be healthy. There was no need to worry.

I hadn't had to have my pregnancy confirmed. I knew it, because my body usually worked like clockwork, and my monthly was two weeks late. I knew it, and I was so pleased to be able to tell my husband.

We held one another for the longest time, until Hanna and Adam came in from playing on the porch. They asked what we were hugging for, and we shared the news that they were going to have a baby brother or sister. The looks on their faces were priceless, and I'll never forget them. Adam looked absolutely confused, and Hanna's eyes glittered with possibilities. She immediately proclaimed that she wanted a sister, because she already had a brother, but Adam wanted a brother, because he already had a sister. Then they suggested that we have one of each, and Sully and I quickly put an end to that conversation. One set of twins was enough! Though, of course, we would handle and love whatever miracles came our way.

For the next week or so, Sully watched my every move, but he finally got used to the idea that I was strong and capable of taking care of myself. Just because I was pregnant didn't mean that I became an invalid, after all. But, it was sweet to watch him carry the water in from the well, rub my feet at night and make sure I got at least eight hours of sleep. That wasn't the frustrating part. The frustrating part was that he treated me like I was going to break. I wanted him to hold me, and he was afraid that he was squeezing me too hard. I had to constantly assure him that I was fine, and it took a little convincing, but he finally warmed up to the idea that I was fine, and we could still be intimate without hurting the baby. I wasn't far along, but Sully wanted to be cautious. It took some getting used to, but we quickly cut around corners and discovered the joys of loving one another carefully.

Word had spread as soon as we got into town the next day. Adam and Hanna went about blurting to everyone that we were expecting. I couldn't even count the amount of people who touched my stomach that day. I was happy to get into the comfort of the clinic and put Adam and Hanna in the back room to play. Sully was heading out to work on some construction with Robert E. They were being paid fairly, I couldn't complain.

While I was updating a patient's chart, Charlotte came in, and I knew right away that something was wrong. I looked up into her eyes, and I saw the tears. I stood and walked over to her, asking her what was wrong. Then she told me that Ethan had left, taking all of his things and leaving nothing but five dollars in her money sock. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe that my best friend's husband had abandoned her. Ethan hadn't had the sunniest of dispositions, but I had never dreamed that he could leave Charlotte and the children. Four young children. My heart broke for that family, and I wanted to help, but I wasn't sure how. The only thing I could do was hold her and let her cry out her frustrations. I couldn't understand how she must be feeling. The man I loved had left me, but he had died. He had an excuse. Ethan had no excuse for what he'd done. He hadn't left a note, he hadn't left anything but a large burden on Charlotte to take care of the farm and raise four children at the same time.

Thankfully, the rest of August was uneventful. There had been no sign of Ethan and no word from him. The Cooper Children and Charlotte were spending an increasing amount of time with myself and my family, and it was nice to be able to spend so much time with them, but I saw such a sadness in Charlotte's eyes. She was doing her best to make end's meet, and at the end of the day, she was sore from tending to the fields and running after four children. Colleen and Matthew weren't old enough to look after their little brothers yet, unfortunately.

Adam had taken a liking to Colleen, who was just a year older than him, and he chased her around, making her squirm, because she was the one that liked to chase boys. She didn't like boys to chase her! But, Sully said that Adam took after him. He liked older women, and Sully said that his soon took after him. Sully and I were only a few months apart in age, but he liked to tease me, because I was that much older than him for just a little while.

September 1868

I lost my baby. I hadn't even expected it, but I woke Sully in the middle of the night, painful cramps wracking my body. There had been nothing we could do, and it happened so fast, leaving me feeling lost, confused and sadder than I had ever felt in my entire life. He had held me through the pain, but I still felt so alone. He didn't know the physical and emotional pain of miscarrying a child I had actually carried in my womb. He tried to understand, but I knew he would never be able to completely grasp it.

He tried to take my mind off of it, and I loved him even more for it. But, all I really needed was his support and love and the love of our children. Hanna and Adam didn't understand that their baby brother or sister had been taken to Heaven early. They didn't understand that it was gone forever like their birth mother. For days and days, my tears ran hotter than my blood, and I set fire to the sheets that were stained with my loss. Sully only stood behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist, as we watched them burn. The children had stayed with Charlotte that night, and I hadn't spoken a word. Sully knew I needed him, but he knew I needed space at the same time.

I cried myself to sleep for nights and nights and nights, and I kept myself shut up in our room for the first week after it happened. But, Adam and Hanna's cheery dispositions sparked me to join them outside for long walks by the creek. Grace, Dorothy and Charlotte all came by when they could, brining baskets of food or pieces of advice. Sometimes they all came over at once to talk, and we ended up sitting in a circle and quilting, talking about anything but the miscarriage, but it helped.

When I was finally able to really talk about it, I was sitting in bed, my journal in my hands, and Sully was tucking the children into bed across the hall. My heart felt heavy in my chest, and I knew it was time. And, when he came into the room, shutting the door behind himself, I took his hand and mine. We had to talk. He knew it. He crawled into bed beside me, and we held one another. It took a little prodding on my part, because I knew it was difficult for him to talk about as well. He had already made plans for that child, and we hadn't expected to lose it.

We opened up to each other about how we felt, how much we wanted that baby and how we didn't want this to stop us from having children in the future. His voice broke several times, and when I cried, he kissed my tears away. When his own tears fell, I brushed them away with my fingertips. We were there for each other at one of the weakest moments of our lives. Sully had lost so much more than I in the past few years, but this was the heaviest blow I had ever received. A child of my own had been taken from me, before I had ever gotten the chance to feel him kick.

The blanket I had already started to knit was still unfinished by my rocking chair. Sully had carved it shortly after our wedding, and he had said he couldn't' wait to see me rocking our baby to sleep at night in it. Now, the rocking chair sat empty night after night, covered with a large picnic blanket in one of the spare rooms. I couldn't stand looking at it and seeing the child that could have been. I couldn't look at it and stop myself from crying and asking myself why. Why had it happened to me? Why couldn't I stop it? Why?

It wasn't until late October when we were able to start to heal. Despite the pain that had withered my spirits, I was able to stand up, walk into that guest bedroom and uncover the rocking chair that still held the unfinished blanket in its seat. I carried it into our room and placed it beside the hearth, and when Sully came home that night, I was sitting there, staring into the flames. He came to my side, and he asked me if I was ready. I told him I couldn't hide from it forever. It was time to accept the truth. We picked up the pieces of my failed pregnancy, and we decided that this child would never be forgotten. It hadn't been meant to be, but we still had so many years ahead of us. We had those to look forward to.

November 1868

We had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner this year, and even Loren showed up to be there for Adam and Hanna. Sully carved the turkey, and I, along with Loren, the children, Charlotte and her children and Dorothy all sat around, talking and reminiscing about what he had to be thankful for. Despite my recent miscarriage, I still had so much to be happy about and grateful for. I had my wonderful new husband, my beautiful Hanna and Adam and many wonderful friends whom I could now call family. I had our home, my practice and my family back in Boston. I truly felt blessed, though my heart still longed for the child I had lost. Sully knew it, and he was patient with me. Sometimes I would wake him, not knowing that I was crying. Sometimes I was haunted my nightmares or dreams of what could have been. But, I took it a day at a time, and that was really all I could do.

After dinner, everyone left, and Sully and I sat out on the porch with the children. We watched the sunset together. Adam and Hanna snuggled up in our laps, and everything was calm for once. Nobody moved. Nobody spoke. It was silent. It was beautiful.

It wasn't long before the stars began to shine, and we took the children to bed. I was feeling restless, however, and I moved to stand by our bedroom window, looking out over the land as the moon watched over us all. My heart was filled with hope at that moment, looking up at that vast, endless ocean of black sky and white stars. When I saw one soar across the sky, I closed my eyes and made a wish. At that moment, I felt his strong arms envelope me, and I leaned into him, enjoying the solace of his embrace.

We stood there for what seemed like an eternity before retiring to bed. I still couldn't sleep, so Sully held me close, and we took turns telling one another stories of our pasts. We could have spent it doing a number of other things, but sometimes, we just needed words, and that was what this night was. He gave up sleep to stay up with me, and he kept me entertained with stories of his adventurous childhood. I told him of my extremely boring etiquette lessons, and he laughed, figuring that I had wanted nothing more than to break free and run like the wind. It was true. I had felt suffocated as a young girl, and my only release had been helping my father and learning the ways of medicine and helping people.

With December approaching fast, I told Sully that I only had one wish for this Christmas, and he asked me what it was. Hoping that wishing on the falling star had worked a miracle, I told him I couldn't tell him or it wouldn't come true. Little did I know, my dream was about to come true in a very big way.

Christmas 1868

I wanted him there right now. I wanted to look into his eyes, and I wanted him to tell me that he was happy. I was happy, and he wasn't there for it. When I looked at the clock, it counted down the minutes until his return. He was checking his traps. The children were napping upstairs. I was sitting there, sitting with a secret buried deep inside. I couldn't believe it.

When I heard his familiar footsteps on the snow-covered porch of the clinic, my heart began to pound. When he walked in, his tanned skin a contrast to the bright white snow, his eyes found mine, and I was lost in them. He smiled and walked over to me, kneeling by my chair. He drew me in for a loving kiss, and I knew it was time. I had waited too long to say it. But, I had wanted to be sure. Then, I told him.

He stared at me, his eyes as round as I had ever seen them. Tears were in my eyes, disbelief and shock still dripping from my words, but it was true. Not only was I late, but I was three weeks late. I hadn't wanted to believe it, and I had stayed silent, but when two weeks came and went, and another passed us by, I knew I was pregnant.

He pulled me close, and I wanted to hold him forever, encasing our child between us, until it was time to bring it into the world. I was so scared, and my entire body was quaking. It was an empowering feeling to know that you were carrying a life inside of you, and it was so scary, because you were responsible for that life. I couldn't lose another child. I didn't think I had the strength for it.

Sully promised me that he would be there throughout the entire pregnancy to do whatever I needed. I told him that was sweet, but it was completely unnecessary, but I still loved how he doted on me.

We didn't dare tell anyone about it, especially our little loose-jawed Hanna and Adam. We would tell them when and if the time was right. For the meantime, we were just going to pray that everything worked out. Hopefully, all would go well. It had to.

It was difficult not to tell the children on Christmas, as they sat by the Christmas tree with their newly acquired gifts. They looked so happy, but it was nothing compared to how Sully and I felt inside. I was still trembling from excitement, and we were holding one another close, living in the moment and admiring the family we had now. Hopefully, in a year, we'd have another little one around the tree.

Hanna came up to me, crawling into my lap, asking me to tell her a story. I couldn't think of anything, and Sully took her into his arms. She asked him to tell her about the lady who had given her life. She knew a little about Abagail, but she was still too young to understand. When Sully looked at me, I smiled, tears glistening in my eyes. I wanted Hanna to know everything about the woman who brought her into the world, because frankly, I wanted to know more about her too. Adam needed to hear it too, so I pulled him into my lap, and we listened, as Sully slowly recounted his days with Abagail and how much she wanted to be a mother. Oh, I could feel Abagail's excitement, when Sully told of her finding out she was expecting. My own heart leapt for joy, knowing that I was carrying a part of Sully inside of me; a part of myself. I could sense the worry in Sully's voice though. He didn't want to lose me. He didn't want to lose our child. We were going to hold on for one another and for the children.

By the time the children had fallen asleep, Sully and I were exhausted and ready to retire ourselves. So, we slowly took the children up to bed, Sully carrying them both, so I wouldn't strain myself, and once they were in their nightclothes and snuggly under the covers, we went to bed talked and dreamed and hoped about our future miracle baby.