Chapter Four: February 15, 1869

I had been so busy at the clinic, that I nearly forgot it was my birthday, until Adam and Hanna came barging in, with Sully not too far behind them. He reprimanded them for not knocking, but luckily, I wasn't with a patient. I was actually pausing for a quick rest, and they caught me dozing off to sleep at my desk. Sully grinned at me, and I sighed heavily. The pregnancy was already tiring me out, and I wasn't very far along at all. I had a good six months left to go, and I knew that this was only the beginning.

The children were singing Happy Birthday to me, and Sully was scooping them up into his arms. The night before, we had had a very romantic Valentine's Day supper, and the children had stayed in town with Loren. Thankfully, Sully had arranged for them to spent one more night. I loved my little ones dearly, but I was so exhausted, that one more night was sounding more and more appealing.

Hanna reached out for me, and I took her into my arms, snuggling her against me. She giggled, and I looked up at Sully. Adam tugged on his hair, and Sully put him down. We had been urging the children to speak more, because they weren't very vocal normally. They were usually quiet unless asked to speak, and while that was fine sometimes, we were worried that it would become a habit. We wanted them to feel free to speak, and they were starting to come out of their shells a little more.

By the time I was ready to go home, the children were eager to go to Loren's. So, Sully helped me with my coat, and we carried the children back to the mercantile. We left the children with Loren once again, giving him strict instructions to put them to bed on time, though we both knew that when the children were with Grandpa, "on time" was always an hour later. The children were always very tired the next day, but naps always helped, and they were beginning to realize that their parents saw through their sneaky little tricks.

Sully and I rode home in silence, though his hand rested on my knee. I scooted closer to him, when the snow began to fall, and he pulled me close, kissing my cheek softly. I giggled, telling him he had better keep his eyes on the road, and he cleared his throat. We laughed and talked all the way there, and when we got home, Sully made me sit down and put my feet up, and he cooked me a wonderfully delicious meal of baked chicken and rice, something I hadn't had since before I left Boston.

Dinner was silent, and by the time I was halfway through my dish, my body decided that it didn't want any more food, and it also decided that it didn't like chicken anymore. I quickly excused myself from the table and hurried to the latrine to empty the contents of my stomach. Sully was right behind me, holding my hair back and gently rubbing my back. So much for romance. As soon as I was feeling better, he made me some tea to settle my stomach, and when I was feeling better again, we headed upstairs to bed. Sully gave me a nice shoulder and back rub, and I quickly fell asleep afterward.

When I woke in the morning, Sully wasn't by my side, and I wondered where he might be. So, I slowly pulled myself out of bed, feeling dizzy and a little ill, but I slipped into my housecoat. When I arrived downstairs, Sully was stirring something on the stove, and he smiled, walking over to kiss me good morning. He handed me a cup of tea to settle my stomach, and he told me to sit down. He was taking care of everything.

It turned out that my stomach couldn't handle breakfast that morning, so Sully and I sat in the living room instead, enjoying the peaceful hour before we had to go into town. It was going to be a busy day for me, and Sully was going to help Robert E. out in town. But, we had a little bit of time to be alone together. Alone was a precious word to us, and we cherished these moments, as they came few and far between those days. We took what we could get, but we were grateful for everything that we had.

May 15, 1869

Our miracle baby had held on for dear life, and it was growing by the day and moving more and more. I had estimated the due date around late summer, probably the very end of August, so I still had quite a while to go, but I was enjoying every moment, despite the morning sickness I still felt from time to time. The children were already arguing over whether it would be a boy or a girl, and Sully and I were only concerned about the baby's health. All we wanted was to bring a healthy child into the world, and we wouldn't rest easy until we saw his or her little face, heard the first cries and counted ten fingers and ten toes.

It was mid-May, and the children and I had spent two hours baking a cake for Sully's birthday. He didn't know we were planning a surprise family birthday party, but we were, and as soon as he returned from checking his traps, we would surprise him. It was more exciting for the children than anything, but I enjoyed doing something special for him. Our anniversary was just a few days away, and we were already planning a romantic night at home, while the twins stayed in town with Grandpa Loren. We were very eager for that day to arrive. For now, we would enjoy Sully's birthday. I was anticipating the look on his face, when he came home to our little surprise. Sully could usually read me like a book, but I had managed to remain nonchalant for a week, as the children and I planned the big day. I was mightily impressed with their ability to keep quiet, and I only hoped that they hadn't accidentally let it slip, and Sully was pretending that he didn't know anyway.

When Sully showed up, we presented him with his cake, and he was surprised and embarrassed at the same age. When I kissed him, I teased him about how he was just as old as I was now. The children danced around us, wanting to dig right into the cake. We had made chocolate cake, Adam's favorite. We sang to him, and we made him blow out his candles, before I cut the cake and let the children go ahead and have some. They were dying to eat it, and we knew that it was cruel to make them wait a moment longer, when the sweet cake was right there, taunting them with its deliciousness.

While the children ate, I brought Sully into the living room, and I presented him with something that Cloud Dancing had taught me how to make. It was a medicine bag, a brown pouch that he could wear around his neck. He had admired them for so long, and I was proud to present it to him. He was speechless, when I draped it over his neck, and he thanked me with a loving kiss, as our baby kicked me firmly in the side. I laughed against his lips, and I placed his hand on my belly, telling them that our little one was saying happy birthday too. That brought tears to his eyes, and he told me he had everything he could have ever wanted for his birthday. Myself, our marriage, the children and the little one on the way. We were blessed, and I could barely believe that within a year of our marriage, we had become pregnant, lost a child and become pregnant once again. We knew that some things were meant to be and others weren't, though it was much easier to believe that when things weren't happening to us. But, we were still dealing with our emotions and taking it a day at a time. With each day that passed and each movement our child made, we knew that it had all been worth it. We were going to be parents to a child we had created together out of our love for one another. This child would surely be a sight to see; a wonderful creation of pure love and devotion. Three more months. I could hardly wait!

May 20, 1869

Our first anniversary was nothing like we imagined it would be. Just as Loren was about to pull away from the homestead with the twins in tow, Hanna vomited in the wagon, and she began to cry. Bless her heart, we couldn't just tell Loren what to do about it. My maternal and medical instincts advised me not to let her go away. So, we took Hanna back in the house, and we let Adam go with Grandpa to save him from being further exposed to whatever Hanna had. This was the first time Adam and Hanna had been separated since birth, and it was quite an ordeal. It broke my heart to hear Adam and Hanna cry for one another, as Loren drove the wagon down the road.

We took Hanna upstairs, and I discovered that she had a slight fever. I gave her something to settle her stomach, and I put a damp cloth on her forehead. Sully came in with hot soup, and we waited by her bedside. She started feeling better, but she liked the company, so if we tried to leave, she cried out for us. By the time we got her to sleep, it was late, but Sully was eager to celebrate our anniversary too. I had to admit that I was tired, but I might have had a little strength left in me. We held each other close and started toward our bedroom. Before we even got to the door, Hanna began to scream for us. Sully and I were absolutely exhausted now, and after we had gotten her back to sleep, we sat with her as long as we could in case she woke again, then we disappeared to our bedroom and fell asleep, still in our shoes and clothes.

The next morning, I woke up to a flower beside my pillow. It was a gorgeous red rose, and I sat up as quickly as my pregnant stomach would allow, and I brought the flower to my nose, inhaling the sweet scent of it. I looked over to see Sully sitting in the rocking chair, smiling at me. A smile crept over my face as well, and he stood up and moved toward me. I laughed happily, as he took me into his arms, and I made the joke of how I was amazed that he could still carry me with all of this extra weight. He paid no attention and said that he thought I was more beautiful than ever. Finally, we celebrated our anniversary. It was a day late, but it was certainly worth the wait!

When Hanna woke, Sully and I were dressing, and she came padding into our room, her hands clenching her favorite doll. I buttoned the last button on my shirt, and I slowly lifted her into my arms. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me she was feeling much better, much to my relief! But, I took her back to bed anyway and told her that she needed to rest a little while longer. I poured her a glass of water and sat at her side, telling her stories until she drifted off to sleep again.

The entire time, I could hear Sully downstairs in the kitchen making breakfast and cleaning up the rest of yesterday's dishes. I felt grateful to him, because I had been too tired to do anything yesterday, what with Hanna ill and the baby draining all of my energy. But, Sully said he was happy to help out, because he wanted me to be rested for when the baby arrived. I knew he was still scared, as was I, and neither one of us wanted me to take any chances. This baby needed rest, and my exhaustion was the baby's way of telling its mother to slow down. I had a feeling this child was going to be there to tell me to slow down throughout my life. I had the feeling he or she was going to try to protect me, when it was my job to protect my child.

Loren brought Adam back that afternoon, and apparently, whatever bug Hanna had gotten had spread to him, and I had to quarantine him from his sister the rest of the day. I never expected motherhood to be easy, but seeing these children with upset tummies broke my heart. But, they were strong, and I knew that within a day's time, both of them would be up and running around outside, getting into anything and everything that could tear or dirty up their clothes. I had that to look forward for the next several years of my life.

August 4, 1869

After nearly twenty hours of labor and two hours of pushing, Josef Michael Sully was born in the wee hours of the morning, on the fourth of August. He came into the world quietly, not crying until Charlotte gently slapped his bottom, but he was perfect and pink and full of energy. His little arms and legs were all over the place, and Sully and I knew we were in for quite a journey with this one. I couldn't believe I had a son. I had given birth to my first birth child, and he was an equal mixture of myself and his father. He was beautiful, and his eyes were just like Sully's; his skin was smooth and pale like mine. He didn't have much hair on his head, but if he took after either one of us in that respect, he'd soon be toddling around with hair longer than his body length. He was perfect.

The pain had been almost unbearable, but when I heard his first cries and saw him for the first time, the pain disappeared, and Charlotte handed me my newborn son. The words "It's a boy" had shocked me and given me great joy at the same time. It was a miracle, really, and I had insisted on having Sully at my side. He had been so frightened, especially during those last few hours, when the pain seemed like it would never go away. But, everything turned out perfectly, and Josef was everything I had imagined him to be and more.

The children had wondered what was going on, and Adam kept asking why his mama was in so much pain. Thankfully, Sully handled the questions during my contractions, and by the time we made it into town, Hanna was asking the questions. After the baby was born, Sully brought the children in to see us. Hanna and Adam were captivated by the wriggling little pink thing that I held in my arms, and I explained to them that they were looking at their little brother. Hanna was disappointed that she didn't have a sister, but she promised to love him a lot anyway. Adam wanted to take him fishing right then and there, but it was much too soon

Sully and I spent the day lying side by side with our baby between us. Josef was a hefty eater, and he was a calm baby, not crying much, but I knew that would probably change in time. When I looked into his eyes, I saw the same fire in him that Sully said he saw in me. I knew we had brought quite a handful into the world, and we couldn't have been happier!

The first few weeks were rough. Josef didn't sleep well at night, though he was perfectly content to sleep all day. Sully and I practically became creatures of the night, sleeping as much as we could in the daytime and staying up at night to tend to little Josef. I knew that Hanna and Adam were feeling left out, so Sully and I included them in the diaper changing as much as we could. Hanna didn't mind it, but Adam preferred to watch and learn. As much as he liked getting dirty, he couldn't fathom the idea of changing his little brother's diaper after seeing his papa and me get a few surprise sprays courtesy of our Little Mister Josef.

Our first outing to town together had been quite difficult. Josef didn't take well to the bumpy wagon ride, and I couldn't blame him. Sully promised to fix the weak axel as soon as we arrived into town and got to the livery. Hanna and Adam argued the entire way there, trying to decide how they would split the penny that Sully had given them for being so good while we adjusted to having Josef around. I had warned him that bribery would get us nowhere, but it was just a penny, and the children had behaved well enough to deserve it.

In town, everyone came to see our little boy, and Josef didn't mind the attention, though he started to get fussy after a little while. I was surprised that Josef seemed to take a liking to Hank. He started crying, and when he heard Hank's voice, he stopped. I was impressed. I never knew that Hank Lawson had such a calming effect on small children, and it almost worried me. But, I knew that there was some good in Hank…somewhere.

October 1869

We almost lost Loren. He had come over to pick Adam and Hanna up, and he slumped over in the wagon. Sully placed him in the back of the wagon, and I sat back there with him and with the children, as Sully rushed into town. Poor Josef screamed in his basket the entire way there, and Hanna tried her best to calm him with songs and stories, but nothing seemed to help.

By the time we got into town, Loren was completely unresponsive. A crowd began to gather, and I asked Grace to take the children. She gingerly took Josef into her arms and called for Adam and Hanna to follow her. The twins were adamant about staying with their grandfather, but Sully convinced them to go so I could make him all better. Finally, they followed Grace, and Sully and Robert E. pitched in to help me take Loren inside.

After I examined him, I realized, to my horror, that he had suffered a stroke that had possibly impaired his mobility and his speech, and it seemed as if the entire town pulled together over the near death of their beloved storekeeper. His stroke had sent me way back to Boston and to my father's death. One morning he just slumped over, and we never saw him open his eyes again. Seeing Loren like this made me realize how serious his condition was. If I lost him, it would be like losing my father all over again.

I had never seen Sully so shaken. I knew he looked up to Loren as a father, even though he and Loren had been on opposite sides of the fence a lot of times. He had been his father-in-law, but they had never truly been close. He was absolutely petrified, afraid that the children would grow up without the only bloodline to their birth mother. Loren was all they had left of Abagail, and living without him was like letting another part of Abagail die too.

But, Loren was a fighter. He opened his eyes the day after his stroke, and unfortunately, his speech was impaired, and the left side of his body was immobile. While his body was fighting, his will was not. He was trying to give up. He wanted to die, and he'd even expressed that to me during on of his therapy sessions. For a week, I tried to keep his left side exercised, and I helped him with his speech. But, he got to the point where he no longer wanted to try. He wanted to die, and he begged me to put him out of his misery. I, of course, kept working with him, and I knew it would take something more than my medical skills to convince him. So, I tried the dirtiest trick I could think of and pulled in reinforcements. Hanna and Adam. Those two were his weakness, and they could talk him into anything. He didn't want to see them, because he didn't want their last memories of their grandfather to be of him lying helpless in bed, so I told him not to let those memories be that way. He had to fight for them, and I knew that as soon as he saw those children's faces, his heart melted again, and he saw what he had to live for.

Another week later, Loren was still resting at the clinic, and I was taking Josef into another room to put him down for a nap. I was absolutely shocked, when I heard my husband's voice coming from Loren's room. I didn't want to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help myself. He and Loren were talking about Abagail, about the twins…about everything. Loren's speech wasn't perfect, but he got his point across. He was asking Sully's forgiveness for his selfish attitude toward Sully's marriage to Abagail. He was thanking him for letting him be a part of his grandchildren's lives after everything they had been through. Sully apologized too, and I stood out there with my young son in my arms, and my heart was full of hope. I knew this would bring our family even closer. I hoped that the feud was over forever, and a part of me felt selfish for wanting to put Abagail in the past. But, she was the past. I didn't want those children to forget where they came from, but I knew that holding onto the past and not moving forward would do nothing but hurt us all.

Hanna and Adam brushed past me and hurried in to tackle their grandfather with kisses, so I decided to make my own entrance. I carried Josef in, and Sully put his arm around my waist. We sat there watching Adam and Hanna present Loren with flowers they had picked for him. Dorothy came in, and she found a vase of water to put them in. We all sat around talking, and the children told silly stories. It was wonderful that Sully and Loren could laugh together now, and I knew they still had a long way to go. They had their differences, but they had come to a decision to put the past completely behind them and start over. It wouldn't be easy, but it was definitely a big step.

To Be Continued...