Harry Potter was making his way down a muggle street in down town London. He wasn't really looking where he was going, but, then again, his feet had taken him this way so many times before.
He had a wife at home, who loved him. He had a beautiful daughter that made his life bearable; they were good to him. His family was fantastic; he really did care for them. But he could only love with a little part of his heart; the rest of it had been destroyed long ago. So, he came to the bar to make nights like this bearable. Harry didn't have lonely nights often. He didn't miss the love of his life so much any more; time took care of the pain. Tonight was one of the nights, though, and vodka was the only thing that was going to help him through it.
Harry looked up to see the sign for the muggle bar. He opened the door and walked in. He sat at the bar and ordered three shots. He took them from the bartender and then retracted into is own little world. He took the first shot and he took the memories that came with it. He always had flashbacks when he drank; they kept his heart beating and they kept his soul going. It helped to go back sometimes. Harry would never be whole again, not after he had lost everything, not after he had lost him.
Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long while
I've got a good life now, I've moved on
So when you cross my mind…
It was fourth year and Harry was getting restless. His awful visions woke him up when he tried to sleep and, despite warnings from his friends, he loved to sneak up to the astronomy tower in the middle of the night. He found it relaxing and mind clearing. Up there he could be whatever he wanted to be, with no pain, no pressure.
One night while wondering up the steps he thought he heard a sound. Was someone up there already? Should he just turn around? Harry's curiosity won out and he opened the door. What met his eyes that night was something that he will never forget.
Draco Malfoy was sitting on one of the window ledges, knees pulled to his chest, arms circling his knees, head bowed, crying. Harry, forgetting that it was Malfoy, thought it the picture of perfect despair; beautiful, yet haunting. Then he snapped back into reality and realized he was invisible. Harry removed his invisibility cloak and waited for Malfoy to address him.
"What do you want Potter?" Malfoy had turned his head and was giving Harry a look of indifference.
"I came here to think and get away from it all." Harry tried to act civilized since it seemed Malfoy was, "Plus, I couldn't sleep."
"I came up here to cry." Malfoy looked at the shock on Harry's face at his statement. "Might as well say it, you saw the tears."
Harry wanted to know what would make a Malfoy cry, and despite his better judgment asked just that, "Why were you crying?"
"Why should I tell you?" Malfoy looked out at the starry sky. Harry heard a sigh escape his lips. "If you must know, father has informed me that I will receive the mark in two years. I don't want to be a death eater and he knows it, but I'm a Malfoy and I don't have a choice."
Harry was a little stunned and it must have shown because Malfoy stood up and laughed bitterly. "What, you thought that because Lucius is some evil bastard that I am too? Well, you were wrong. I may pick on you, I may act cold, but I will not kill people for a living."
"I never imaged… you just seem… I mean…I'm sorry that you are being forced to do something you don't want to do. I know how you feel."
Malfoy turned an angry look on Harry, "You cannot possibly know how I feel. You, the Golden Boy, the hope if the wizarding world." Malfoy sneered at the thought.
Harry cut his eyes, "I know exactly how you feel. You have to live everyday knowing that you are destined to be something that you never asked to be. You are judged and looked at for whom you are supposed to be, who people want you to be, never whom you are! You can't even be yourself because you don't even know who that is and you are always alone." Harry could tell his angry outburst had hit something inside of Malfoy because the boy looked close to tears again. "Do you think I want to be who I am? Do you think I enjoy having to wonder if any day now I'm going to die at the hands of Lord Voldemort? I am who I am because my parents died. You don't even know what I go through."
"I'm… I… sorry. I guess we really don't know anything about each other. How can we be such opposites and still be so similar?" Malfoy looked at Harry and then started to walk towards him. Harry tensed up but relaxed again when Malfoy only extended his hand and said, "Hi, my name is Draco, it's nice to meet you."
After that they met almost every night in the tower. They would talk and share their fears with each other. It seemed that they were destined to become the exact opposite, good and evil, light and dark.
Harry came to see Draco as a confidant, someone who could understand what it was to be misunderstood. Draco saw Harry as an outlet, some one who finally saw him for who he was. Then one night they became more than friends.
Harry had been talking about his bad luck with girls and how he thought he liked guys anyway. Draco looked at him odd and had commented that he also liked guys. Harry never knew what it was that made him lean over and kiss Malfoy. He'll also never understand why Malfoy pulled him over onto his lap. But the kiss that night was the start of something neither boy could control. As Harry let his hands explore Draco's body and as Draco explored Harry's mouth Harry knew that this was the most complete he would ever feel. Looking back, Harry wouldn't have traded that night for anything and, despite the pain; he wouldn't trade anything for the years that followed.
It was awkward at first but the two boys found a deep attraction for one another and soon they had a hard time keeping their hands of one another. Maybe if they had known how their companionship would end they would have stayed enemies…
Harry downed another shot of vodka.
I try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been?
Draco Malfoy looked across the filthy muggle bar he was in and couldn't believe his eyes. It was Harry, sitting across the room, doing much the same thing Draco was doing… drowning in his sorrows. Draco had tried to forget about the boy he had loved so long ago; the man he still loved. The Slytherin had settled down with a muggleborn; it had been his debt to society after the defeat of Voldemort. His family has been killed and Draco had gotten off being a death eater by spying for the Order during the war. He wouldn't have had the courage to do anything without Harry by his side. But it had ended so horribly. Draco tried not to think about it, but tonight had been hard. So, he had ended up in a muggle bar that he had never heard of. Tonight the memories just wouldn't go away…
It was the night before the last battle. Draco was standing in a clearing waiting for someone. He heard a pop and turned around to face his lover.
"I thought you wouldn't come." Draco looked at Harry; he knew they both had pained expressions on their faces. It had been two years since they had left school. Both had been so caught up in the war that they had had little time for each other. Draco was spying for the light and Harry was training for battle.
"You know I will always come to you. No matter where you are Draco, I'm right there beside you." Harry slid a hand around Draco's neck and leaned his forehead against the blonde's, "We've gown up since that night in the astronomy tower, haven't we?"
"Yes, we have, Harry. I loved you then, I still love you, I will always love you" Draco looked into Harry's eyes. "We have to say goodbye."
"No, Draco, we can make it work, please. No one has found out yet, and we have been together for years." Harry gave Draco a pleading look.
Draco shook his head, "You know that we both have to marry woman and have children, carry on our names. The world couldn't handle us. I don't know what will happen to me after the war. Our lives are so uncertain. We just need to end this. You know it's for the best."
Harry felt a tear run down his cheek, "If I don't have you, I don't have anything. I always knew it would come to this, but I don't want to leave you." Harry pressed a frantic kiss to Draco's lips and the other boy responded.
They kissed until they needed to breathe more than they needed to be together and then Harry started trailing kisses down Draco's neck. Draco ran his hands down Harry's chest and rested them on his hips. Harry came back up Draco's jaw line and found his mouth again. Draco began to rock his hips into Harry's as he wrapped his arms around the Gryffindor's neck.
"I love you so much; you gave me everything you had." Draco heard Harry's words from far away. Both boys were breathing heavily and still kissing passionately as they rocked into one another.
"I love you too; you understood me when no one else could." Draco moaned out the last bit.
Harry came first, followed by Draco as they collapsed to the forest floor. They clung to one another until they could breathe normally and then they stood back up looking into each other's faces.
"Goodbye, my lion, my love, you will be forever in my heart." Draco felt the tears but he held them back.
"You will always be with me, I will only be a shadow of myself without you." Harry turned to go with tears streaming down his face. He took one last look at Draco and then he disappeared.
Draco had seen Harry defeat Voldemort the next day on the battlefield. Draco had killed people on both sides; he had to appear a death eater while secretly taking out his own. He had killed his father while no one was looking and an aurora had killed his mother. Draco had been captured at the end of the battle but later released. That day was the last time he had seen Harry. He had spent many lonely nights since then.
Draco's wife and children meant a lot to him. Despite popular opinion he was not a cruel man and he did love his family in a way. Harry was the past and Draco had to tell himself this just to get through each day. Some days were better than other, but it never really got easier.
Yet, here was the boy he would never forget, right across the room. Draco couldn't have stopped himself even if he had wanted to. He approached Harry.
We can sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they may be the best days we may ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past
"Harry?" Draco eyed the boy now sitting to his right.
"Draco?" Harry looked a bit stunned, "What are you doing in a muggle bar?"
"Apparently the same thing you are."
They sat in silence for a while just absorbing the others company after so many years apart.
"Do you ever wonder if we did the right thing?" Harry spoke up first. He looked at his lost love with a broken smile on his face.
"Everyday of my life." Draco brought his hand to rest on Harry's cheek.
"Was it worth it Draco? Our families, our status, out perfect lives. Was it worth it to you?" Harry couldn't hide the pain in his voice.
"No, love, I am lonely without you. I miss you. But, we were never meant to be."
Harry leaned in and kissed Draco on the lips. The kiss was soft and sensual; Draco melted into the other man. Regardless of the other people in the room, the two deepened the kiss and Harry nipped at Draco's bottom lip for entrance. Draco obliged and Harry slipped his tongue into Draco's mouth remembering his taste as if it were yesterday. After a while they broke apart to stare into each other's eyes.
That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away
"We can't do this." Harry looked at Draco with a wrecked look, "We made our choice and we have lives, people who care about us, people we should care about."
"I care about you." Draco held on to Harry's hands.
"I care about you too, but this isn't meant to be… you said it yourself." Harry let go of Draco's hands and looked him in the eye. "I still love you."
Draco felt his eyes tear up," Till the day that I die." Draco watched Harry walk out of the bar into the night.
So, try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been
Harry walked along the street with tears streaming down his face. Why did Draco have to show up? It had been getting easier; Harry had actually started to feel, he thought. Maybe he was fooling himself, he couldn't feel, he would never feel again.
His wife would be worried about him, he had to get home. He could go and sit in his daughter's room, watch her sleep. When Harry looked at her he forgot about all the pain and for just a moment it was worth it, she was worth it. Draco would always be in his heart. Draco was a part of Harry; his family was also a part of him. Harry would love them both forever.
Draco sat at the bar and ordered another drink. He was fooling himself, drinking never really helped. Harry hadn't changed, he mussed, still handsome, still sexy. Draco should go home to his wife; even when she tried, and he loved her for it, she wasn't Harry. No one would ever be Harry and that was something that Draco was going to have to live with forever.
No, we'll never know
What might have been