Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, they are all Joss'. I don't get anything but happiness and reviews for my effort (I hope) Major BDM spoilers! Please don't read if you don't want to know.

Time has not eased my pain, I thought I could move on with my life after a year, but it has not happened yet. I still smell him everywhere I go. I had to change crew quarters to an empty one just to sleep at night and even then I would wake in a cold sweat and could swear I could feel his arms around me. I have become numb to my emotions; it is the only way I could keep flying with this ship and its crew. Don't get me wrong their all shinny and the best crew in the verse when it comes to doing their jobs, but none of them could replace my husband.

"Was one year today?" Cap'n's voice was quiet, and I could have blessed him for it. "You'll be want'n to go to the grave?"

"Nope I good cap'n" I was lying to him and he knew it I had not been good since the day we buried him. "I don't need his grave to remind me of 'im" that was true but that was 'cause I see him everywhere in this gorram ship still.

"What's' the next job?" I needed work to get me through this day, or so I thought. I had not thought about him this much in a while.

"We's headed to one of the core worlds not quite sure what one but Inara needs to get to a client and see'n as we are not wanted by the alliance anymore and all I figured we'd take her. Expecting she will fill in the blanks when we get a might closer."

He still hates that job o' hers; they are long over they gave it a go for awhile after the Miranda issue but he cant get past her job and she cant neither.

"We got work there also?" I raised my eyebrow in a way that told him it was a long flight for us to make just for her.

"None she needs hear 'bout" he smiled at me I was know'n not think this was all about her, very few things were.

"Anything I need worry about or are we doin it legit?" I was smiling, hopen we was doing something we was'ent suppose to do cause all this legit work was maken me all most as itchy as Jayne seemed.

"I will tell you more later I'm not want'n Inara hear she'd be more pissed then when River hid Vera from Jayne" He grinned as big as I had ever seen him then his eyes went all contemplative. "Ok I think she'd be a might madder"

"Ok cap'n" I walked passed him and in to the kitchen and sat down quietly at the table I did not want to talk to anyone but I knew that was not going to happen, Kaylee was in the kitchen cook'n she looked worried as I knew everyone would be "I'm ok Kaylee" I said as soft as I could hope'n to put her mind at ease.

"Its just, well, it being a year and all?" she was tyrin to help but it was just making me upset. So I gave her the look that said not to push it.

I got up and wandered to the cockpit where I knew no one would be, I did this a lot shortly after it happened; he was here for me at least for a while. Now he was almost gone from here. I closed my eyes and just let the feel of the ship sink in to me. That is where he found me…

TBC

…. Well it may be that I need a beta seeing as I don't have one, but I hope you all like it. I hope to write a short 2nd chapter.