I don't own anything they are all Joss' so please don't sue me I don't have anything!

Well it has been a year since his death and I have not looked for a new pilot I could not imagine seeing someone in his chair. I could not stand to see the look on her face if she were to see someone replacing him not that anyone verse could even come close.

She thinks I don't see her sitting up late in the cockpit. She has become numb and her eyes are empty.

I miss her smile not that she did that much but hay when she did it lit up the room.

I wanted to, many times, hold her to comfort her but I never saw a tear, or heard a sob. She did not break down; I could only go on the way we had for years nothing changing. She painted a brave face for all of us but I could see the cracks.

"Was one year today?" I was as quiet as I could be. I just wanted to help anyway I could "You'll be want'n to go to the grave?"

"Nope I good cap'n" she was lying to me and I knew it she had not been good since the day we buried him. "I don't need his grave to remind me of 'im" I let her get away with that shying away from me but only for now and only cause it was Zoe.

"What's' the next job?" I could see she needed something like work to help her to keep her cool compositor. These days where getting harder and harder on her.

"We's headed to one of the core worlds not quite sure what one but Inara needs to get to a client, and see'n as we are not wanted by the alliance anymore and all I figured we'd take her. Expecting she will fill in the blanks when we get a might closer."

I don't wanta to talk about Inara or her Gorram job. I hate that stupid job but she needs to hold onto it. She is a whore for the love of God, but it's her life and in there ain't room for me or love.

"We got work there also?" I knew Zoe would see that I would never make a run that far outa our way just for Inara.

"None she needs hear 'bout" I smiled at her I didn't her to think this was all about inara, very few things were anymore.

"Anything I need worry about or are we doin it legit?" she was smiling I missed that smile even if it was empty, I know she hopen we was doing something we was'ent suppose to. Hell we all were hopen the same damn thing.

"I will tell you more later I'm not want'n Inara hear she'd be more pissed then when River hid Vera from Jayne" I grinned as big as I ever had. Well wait Janye was mad but if Inara knew what I was up to… "Ok I think she'd be a might madder"

"Ok cap'n" she looked at me and my goofy grin and pushed passed me in to the kitchen oh well I had to keep trying. After all this was Zoe and she deserved all I could do for her.

I knew she would spend the night in the cockpit and I had things to prepare if this job was going to go well… ok I had lots to do if this job was a go at all. I will check on her later, after all this is the day she lost him.

TBC…

Well this was floating around in my poor head bare with me becasue I still don't have a Beta. please Review!