Why You Don't Let OCs Have A Camera
Chapter 3: Cross Dressing and Perverted Innkeepers
A/N: Hi. ... Minor shoujo-ai . Disclaimer?
Kana: ... She does not own Fire Emblem.
Camera switches on and looks around the camp, showing the season has changed. Where once apple trees were in blossom, they are now bearing almost grown fruit. Buttercups and dandelions and daisies dot the fields in the background, creating a peaceful scene...
"YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT?"
The camera swung around, focusing on Lavender, the formerly sleeping sage, talking to Talirei, our former host and nomadic trooper.
"Well, it was a tip from one of the travelers that passed us recently... He said the innkeeper at the nearest town charges less if there more pretty girls in the group that's staying, and, well, of the guys, you probably look the most girlish of us all..."
"But I refuse to CROSSDRESS! ... Again."
A few snickers arose from the crew at the added 'again' comment, and the camera swung around and noted the light flush on Kana's scarred face. If only they had possessed the camera back then, oh, the blackmail...
"Besides, the guy's probably a pervert and will grope me," retorted the sage, folding his arms over his chest, and huffing indignantly.
"Oh, but Lavender, you'd make such a pretty girl. I'll lean you my light purple dress, even," came a mocking voice from just off screen , and the camera shifted slightly to show a woman in a two piece, green, two-piece dress, with short, black hair to her shoulders, and a smirk on her face. A dancer.
"Shut up, Sophia!" he barked, before looking at the camera, blinking a little, before he made the realization that it was turned on, and filming everything. "KLAEI! I swear to Saint Elimine, I'm going to snap. Your. Neck."
Lavender's hand covering the camera. Cut to black.
Camera switched on and reveals the company, even the ones yet to be introduced on the dysfunctional little reality show, en route to the next town. The camera-holder, the usual myrmidon, was somewhere in the middle of the decently large group, and also on the back of a horse, or, actually, wyvern, as you could see the swishing tail on screen occasionally. The camera then fell towards one of the pack horses, used outside of battle for item carrying and transportation purposes, who was currently carrying the sage... Who was by no means dressed as a sage. He wore a two-part dress, humorously enough after eventually being convinced that it would be better to cross dress and save the gold, he preferred that option to getting used as a decoy next time they ended up in battle, which wouldn't be too far away, with their lackluster luck. He was forced to ride sidesaddle, and was one of few allowed to ride the horse, since he had injured his ankle earlier that day, as was revealed by the bandages on the ankle closest to the camera.
"Do you have to even film the walk THERE, Klaei?" The camera turned to the speaker, the one sitting in the main saddle of the wyvern as it walked awkwardly amongst the mess of people and horses. His wyvern knight helmet was removed and the strawberry-blonde hair tumbled down to his shoulders, accenting his almost purple eyes.
"Yes," came the reply from the one behind the camera, turning back over the group. "'cause I want to give a full view of the incident, plus for once the camera is fully charged and we have a LOT of film to kill, so..."
"Elimine, you're hopeless..."
"Well, since we lack a host, I'll narrate!" the camera-myrmidon stated cheerful, adjusting the camera and zooming in on a young lady, wearing all black clothing, sitting on the back of a large buckskin horse, Rose, the cleric lady from a previous shot, sitting behind her, arms around her waist, head resting on her black robes.
"Here, we see Rose and Kirra, the hottest lesbian couple in camp... Probably because they're the only ones in camp, but-" the lens shakes as the camera-myrmidon was hit roughly by the wyvern rider. "What?"
"They're not like that."
"...Uh-huh. And Talirei's straight." This time, he had to duck an arrow show his way, and grinned sheepishly at the nomadic trooper nearby, who aimed a glare in his direction. "Anyway... The male you just saw with the weird eyes and pretty blonde hair," he turned the camera back to the wyvern knight, who looked at the camera, flatly, "goes by Laurel. Isn't he just the cutest?"
"...Camera. Off. Me. Now."
"Fine."
The camera then turned back forward, towards the rather near town. There were a few shouts of 'Finally!', 'About time!', 'Thank Saint Elimine!', and the likes erupted from the odd little band as they entered the town. But one cry shook the whole group.
"I hate this!"
It came from Lavender, sounding fully feminine, as commanded, as he was lifted from the horse by Kana, since he was unable to walk, the front part of his dress with high slits falling between his legs, revealing his legs, so quite a few hormonally stressed boys whistles, and Lavender's face turned lovely shade of red, which accented perfectly the color they had applied to his lips.
"Ignore them," the swordmaster said, and the sage tightened his grip around Kana's neck, a little bit out of nerves but most of it out of anger and frustration as he noticed them nearing the largest building in the small town, with a hanging sign (that creaked a bit much for his liking) consisting of... Something, Lavender didn't much care, he was too busy trying to figure out why women liked to expose their midriff. But soon he was forced to focus on the numerous eyes that turned to him as Kana walked in to make book the rooms for the night. The innkeeper, a man around his thirties, eyed Lavender, with that greedy wanting gaze the poor sage had gotten about half the day, only much worse.
"Anything I can do for you today, sir, and... lady..." he said, not once looking at Kana. Or, for that matter, the camera-wielding myrmidon who was filming his every look and movement and word.
"Yes. I need the cost for a room, with two beds. My sister here is injured and we need to wait here for the rest of out group to arrive so she may be healed."
"How'd a lovely young lady like that hurt herself?"
"I..." Lavender said, using the most innocent, young, feminine voice he could muster, "fell from the back of my brother's horse, who is tied outside..."
"Oh, how awful... How about fifty gold a room?"
That was an amazing price, considering that the normal fee was around two-hundred gold a room. The camera myrmidon couldn't help snickering at the fact the innkeeper actually fell for it.
"Good. Then I need seven rooms," stated Kana, noting as the innkeeper nearly fell over. "And quite a few stables, mostly for horses, but for one Wyvern."
"What!"
"I said I had a group coming... And he's one of them," he said, motioning to the camera-myrmidon.
The camera lens made a nodding motion.
"Uh, Kana, we're running out of batter-"
Cut to black.
Cut to one of the rooms. Kana's apparently holding the camera and it's lens focused on Lavender, who is going through a bag, bent over, skirt showing a bit much skin on his legs and, erm, 'rump'. He then looks behind him, blinking, and frowning.
"Hey! Get that thing off me!"
The swordsman laughed, and pointed the camera down, but it was pointed up when the sage pulled off his top and tossed it to the floor. "My god, that's so uncomfortable... Wait. Do you have that back on me! Kana!"
The camera went flying as he was tackled by the sage, and he get an upside-down view of Lavender pining the swordmaster down, looking rather awkward, since he's straddling Kana and looks like a girl, and is not wearing a top.
"You know the camera's on?"
"Ugh!"
Shot of Lavender's hand up close. Cut to black.
Cut to the next morning, camera once more in the hands of the myrmidon, focused on Lavender, still in drag, brushing his now tangled light purple hair and walking down the stairs to the main room of the inn, followed by the camera-myrmidon, unnoticed. The innkeeper was one of the first down there, and he noticed the lovely lady Lavender descending the stairway. He took a seat in one of the chairs by the table, leaning back in his chair, brushing his hair with his fingers.
"Wow, missy, you're up early this morning."
The purple eyes looked to the innkeeper, and he accidentally blushed. "Um..." the feminine voice returned, "I guess I woke up early because I couldn't sleep well in.. the... bed..." the voice slowed as he noted the look he got from the innkeeper as the older man approached.
"Well, maybe you'd join me in my bed tonight."
The sage used his feet to pushed himself back and sound the back of his chair to the wall. A hand was on his shoulder and the other hand was in the split of the skirt, touching his thigh from the knee up. "Er," the sage said, awkwardly shifting.
"You're such a beautiful lady. Why travel? It cant be any good for your skin... Which is so soft..." The hand once on his shoulder now traced down his face, and Lavender leaned to the side to avoid the touch.
"Oh? What's the matter, my pet?"
"I-"
"Get your hand off him."
"Him!" the innkeeper jumped back. "What do you mean him!"
"That's a guy," stated the swordmaster, slowly descending the stairs, smirking. "We knew your weakness for woman and exploited that with our dear little Lavender."
"Kana!" the sage dropped the female voice, and jumped from his seat and rushed over, embracing him strongly. They had planned this, in case of emergency. The swordmaster wrapped his arms around the sage's waist and spun him around, planting a strong, forceful kiss on his lips, before placing him back on the ground beside him, arm still on his waist. "He pulled the act rather nicely, don't you think?"
The innkeeper practically gagged and ran off in the other direction. Kana released his grip on the sage's waist, laughing lightly, as did Lavender.
"That was once in a life time."
"Yeah," Kana jokingly looked to Lavender. "You do make a pretty girl, and we have some time before the others wake up..."
"Kana!" he flushed, but allowed the swordmaster to lead him up the stairs.
The myrmidon turned the camera around and put it on a table, talking into it. "And so, we see the making of a new couple. Or, rather, a couple that has been but we were to blink to notice it. Well, I'm officially disturbed. This is Klaei, signing out."
Cut to black.