Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness
Who will be there for you?
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Phantom of the Opera – "Learn to be Lonely"
Only Simon and River were in the sickbay with the woman. River watched with bright eyes as her brother worked to find out what was wrong with her, why she was unresponsive to most stimulants. Finally, frustrated, he threw a tool against a wall, not noticing how the patient flinched slightly at the sudden sharp sound.
"What am I doing wrong?" Simon demanded as he turned to look at his patient, then up at his sister who was staring at him eloquent eyes.
"She forgot how to wake up, she screamed in the dark for so long." River informed him and slipped down off the counter she was sitting on and went to stand besides the patient and started stroking her hair. "It's like kittens." She said softly with a delighted smile, looking up at Simon. He smiled back at her as he thought on what she said, a sudden realization sunk in.
"Wait, are you saying that she was aware of being trapped in that pod?" He asked, but didn't wait for an answer. "Then her mind could be shattered. It is possible that her body isn't function as normally as it should be, she could've been weakened by the long status." He thought out loud as he went to get new tools to test his theory. He didn't look up as Mal walked in to check in on her.
"How's our patient doin'?" Mal asked as he stopped to stand besides River. She ignored him. Simon looked up at him distractedly, then back down at the readouts.
"I'm having trouble reviving her. I have some new theories, but it'll take time to figure out exactly what is wrong with her." He straightened up. "I doubt she'll ever wake up. The damage to her mind and body may be too severe" He said, looking down at her with pity. Mal shuffled from foot to foot as he thought about it.
"But you'll keep tryin', right?" He asked. Simon nodded, and then frowned thoughtfully. "What are we going to do with her? We can't very well turn her over to that man. Who knows what he was going to do to her in the first place."
"That's for me to know and you to find out." Mal said as he left. Simon stared after him, and then grumbled softly under his breath.
A couple of hours later, Simon appeared in the kitchen area exhausted and slumped down in a chair besides Inara. She smiled at him gently and patted his hand.
The others came in, looking for dinner. Jayne threw himself down in a chair and stabbed his knife in some kind of fruit that Kaylee had managed to gather on their last stop.
"How's that girl of yours doin'?" He asked, pointing the knife at him as he chewed. Simon looked at him with faintly veiled distaste.
"I'm having trouble reviving her. I'm afraid she might just die without ever waking up. Her mind-" Simon said, but was interrupted by Jayne's snort.
"She looks like a Gorram ghost. Better to let her die." He stated as he took a large bite out of his fruit. Mal came in on the last comment and cuffed Jayne on the back of his head. He glared up at him as the captain sat down at the head of the table.
"Lettin' who die?" Wash asked as he and Zoë came in together, Kaylee smiled to herself as she sat down at the foot of the table. She noticed that they had been holding hands until they entered the room.
"That girl the doc's slavin' over." Jayne said, now had moved on shoveling food into his mouth.
"Ah, how is she anyway?" Zoë asked smiled at her husband as he pulled a chair out for her. He sat down besides her and draped his arm over her shoulders.
"Not doing well." Simon said, favoring a shorter respond in fear that Jayne would interrupt him again. "I'm having trouble figuring out what is wrong with her."
"You mean she won't ever wake up?" Kaylee asked dismayed. "She looks so purty lying there, like a real princess. I wanna find out what she's like!" she protested.
"I have a feeling River does too, she hasn't left her side since we released her from that pod." Simon said with a sigh as he neatly scooped up a fork full of a mashed something. He paid it no attention, though, his mind was elsewhere.
"What was the name of that one princess from the fairy tales?" Wash asked. "The one with blood-red lips?"
"Snow White?" asked Book, Wash nodded, pointing at him. "She seems more like Sleeping Beauty to me. But both ladies do have parallels to our own sleeping beauty." Book mused.
"Didn't they both get woken up by a kiss from a prince?" Kaylee asked with avid eyes and enchanted smile. "I'd love to be woke up by a kiss from a prince." She finished dreamily. Zoë and Inara smiled, each of them sneaking a sly glance towards the ones they hold in their hearts.
"Humph, load of Gorram rubbish." Jayne grumbled. "All this sweetness is bound to make a man sick."
"Jayne!" Kaylee protested. "You have to admit it's all very romantic."
"Then why don't the doc try kissing that ghost?" Jayne retorted. "Maybe then she'll wake up and give him a good time." Simon's face looked disgusted at his vulgarity.
"Jayne, you keep a civil tongue in your head." Mal scolded, pointing his fork at him. Jayne returned to his dinner abashed and grumbled, careful to be soft enough that Mal couldn't understand what he said. Simon stood and picked up his dishes. Kaylee reached out and took his sleeve.
"Wait, why don't you sit a bit?" Kaylee implored. "You've been workin' too hard and we're worried 'bout you." He smiled gently at her and nodded.
Several moments had past, and they were talking of what to do next, since none of them felt right about taking her to the man now. None of them noticed River as she walked into the room dazedly, blood on her clothes and face.
"Simon?" at her small voice, he turned to her. He stood up so quickly that the chair was overturned and hurried to her.
"River, what happened?" He asked as he sat her down and examined her bloody nose. It seemed that something hit her in the face.
"She got scared." River said, her attention was far away from the room she was in with the others. "New sensations, something hadn't been felt for so long." She looked up into her brother's eyes, her own was tearing up.
"She woke up." She whimpered. "And now there's pain." Simon stared at her a moment, then turned her over to Kaylee and hurried to the sickbay. There he found the woman on the floor quaking, her eyes were seemed too big for her face and her breathing was too fast, almost hyperventilating. Her eyes seemed to be the only part of her that worked right, as they followed him as he came down to her side and carefully picked her up to cradle against him and check for any injures.
"Shh, shhh." He whispered soothingly. "It's okay, nobody here is going to hurt you." He brushed her hair away from her face and found a cut there where she had hit her head against something. The others crowded around the doorway, watching as he quickly finished examining her and returned her to the bed. There was a little blood and bruising that was appearing on her wrist, where she must've accidentally hit River, since there was nowhere else the blood could've come from.
"Is she okay?" Kaylee asked, peering around Mal. Simon nodded as he walked around the table to get his syringe to administer a sedative for her, to calm her breathing and the racing of her heart. Her breathing slowed as the sedative took effect and her eyes blinked sleepily. He grabbed a penlight and carefully holding up her eyelids, checked her eyes. She groaned softly in protest, but he was done.
"There are some bumps and a cut, but she'll be fine." Simon reported as he pulled on gloves to start cleaning the cut on her forehead. She watched him sleepily from under lowered lashes, but her breathing was anxious. River reappeared in the room and moved to stand besides the exam bed. She started stroking her hair and after a moment, her breathing calmed.
"Why don't we leave the doctor to his ministering and get to our jobs?" Mal said as he waved his hands at the crew to shoo them out.
"Tell me how she's doing, Simon!" Kaylee called out as she vanished behind the door, missing the nod of acknowledgement from him. Mal gave one last look, and left.
Mal was sitting on the catwalks above the cargo bay, deep in thought, when Inara found him. She quietly sat down besides him and waited for him to speak first. He looked over at her and gave her a crooked smile.
"Whadda think 'bout our new girl?" He asked as he looked back over the cargo bay, which was sadly empty.
"It is a miracle that she woke up at all. I stopped in on her on the way here." She smiled softly. "River's braiding her hair and she was sleeping." Mal nodded. "Simon says that as far as he can tell, her body is fine, though weak, but her mind might not be. River told me she forgot how to be alive."
"I reckoned it be so." Mal said. "Being asleep that long." They were quiet for a while, each thinking their own thoughts.
"Do you think we did right, wakin' her up?" Mal asked suddenly. Inara's lips parted, casting for a moment for the right words and she sighed.
"We have no way of knowing. At least this way, she has a chance at actually living, instead of being trapped somewhere between life and death." She finally said.
"Yes, it can be dreadful to be trapped in purgatory." Both of them looked up to see Shepard Book holding his bible. "At least this way, she can decide if she is in heaven or hell."
"Are you going to get on with that talk about that special hell for me?" Mal asked annoyed. Inara tilted her head down to hide her smile, she had heard what Book had said to Mal through the grapevine, nothing remained secret for very long on such a small ship with such a small crew.
"I think you did the right thing, Captain." Book replied. "It is a dreadful thing to be trapped in purgatory." He murmured as he walked away. Mal and Inara watched him.
"Do you think he's alright?" Mal asked, jabbing a thumb towards the retreating Shepard's back.
"I think the idea of what she endured is affecting all of us." Inara answered. She looked up as Mal stood. He brushed off the seat of his pants and then rested his hands on his hips as he looked down at her.
"I think I'll drop in and see how they're doing." He said as he left. Inara smiled sadly as she returned her attention the empty cargo bay.
"Hey, Simon. What's the report?" Mal asked as he strolled in. Sure enough, River was braiding intricate braids in the snowy locks. Simon looked up from where he was examining a readout, mildly surprised.
"Oh, hello. She's sleeping now, all the excitement wore her out." He said as he put the data pad down on the counter and moved to stand besides his sister, resting a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and then returned her attention the braids.
"She'll be fine?"
"Maybe, her body is very weak, she'll have to learn to use it all over again." Simon said. "I can set up a program for her to exercise her muscles and teach her how to use them. But I've never done anything like this before; I'm not completely sure what to do with her." He finished worried. River looked up at him and smiled.
"I can teach her." Simon smiled at her and brushed a hand over her hair. "We can both teach her." He told her. Mal grinned suddenly.
"I feel better now, knowin' that she's got two saints to look over her. Although one of 'em's a little questionable." He amended as he looked at River. She stuck her tongue out at him and he smiled back at her. Simon gave a short laugh and went back to looking over his information and River to her braids.
Several days later, she was doing better. Kaylee had taken to calling her Princess and the others picked it up. Princess was able to move around the ship slowly and carefully with River's help, but her steps and movements were uncertain and shaky and a wind was libel to blow her over. Simon had taken to leaving her in the care of River, since she seemed to improve the most under her tutoring. But they couldn't get her to talk and as Jayne said; her eyes seemed a mite too empty to be human.
Mal bounded into the engine room to find River and Kaylee dressing up Princess with face paints and bows that fluttered like multi-colored butterflies in her hair.
"Cap'n!" Kaylee greeted him delightedly. "She smiled!"
"Really?" He asked, nodding. "That's good news. Jayne should be happy to hear that. Maybe he'll be convinced then that there's somethin' up there yet." Kaylee smiled and carefully tied another bow on the end of a braid that River had finished with.
"Whadda need, Cap'n?" She asked, looking back up at him.
"Huh, I forgot." Mal said after a moment of thought and crouch down besides River to better see Princess. She looked up at him, her eyes were outlined in kohl and it made her pale pink eyes glow at him and her lips were rouged up so that they were no longer a faint purple, but red. Suddenly she gave him a small smile and carefully drew a line down the middle of his face with rouge. Kaylee laughed as Mal grinned ruefully.
"Oh, yah." He snapped his fingers. "I remember now. Simon wants to see you both." He said to River, waving his finger between her and Princess. She nodded and stood up, pulling the other one up with her. Princess wavered for a moment and Mal held out his hands to catch her, but she didn't fall and regained her balance. Hand in hand, River carefully leads her up the steps with the patience of a saint and the disappeared.
"She is amazing with her." Kaylee said with a smile. "I don't think I could do what she did for Princess."
"Me too."
It was nighttime and most of the crew was asleep, River, one of them among those who had followed Morphous' lure into wonderland. But Princess was still awake as she sat up on her bed, gently rocking back and forth, her eyes staring into the dim room that she shared with River. She could hear the soft breaths and sighs, sometimes moans from fears and trials coming from the other bed, but her head never turned.
Slowly, a tear formed at the corner of her eye and traced its' way down her cheek and with a final shimmer at her jaw, fell to the blankets. But she did nothing to acknowledge it, she still felt as she was trapped deep inside of the darkness that had claimed her for so long and she could still see herself screaming there.
She knew that there was other people around her, but she had a hard time understanding them, hard time knowing if they were real or just a part of her imagination that had protected her for so long, that had created new worlds for her to become lost in, maybe forever.
"No, please..." River whimpered softly in her sleep and Princess slowly turned her head to her. "Please find me. I don't wanna be alone anymore..." She moaned in her sleep. Slowly, carefully, Princess stood up and moved over to kneel besides her bed and stroke her hair gently. She calmed under her touch and sighed, the tears forgotten on her cheeks and soaked in her pillow.
Princess knelt there, watching her sleep, wishing in some deep corner of her mind that she could join her in dreamland and not be in the blackness anymore. Slowly, she rose up and walked to the door and slipped her fingers in a crack that was left here. It took too much to open that door and she panted slightly as she slipped through and stood in the hallway.
She wondered as if a ghost through the ship, flitting from place to place. Kaylee's door, with the colorful sign with her name, phantom fingers traced the letters of her name and she moved on. Zoë and Wash giggling softly together in their room as they slowly fell asleep in each other's embrace. Book's door was open and she could see his head bent over his bible in prayer. She hovered by Mal's door, her hand reached out to the door, but shied away before she touched it. She turned and hurried away, her bare feet making the softest pat pats as she followed the corridor into the maze of the ship and finally came out into dinning area. There was a light on and she could see Jayne's back as he bent over his guns and knives.
Phantom quiet, she came up behind him and stood there, watching him clean his arsenal. Jayne looked up once, sensing something, but he just shook his head, berating himself for flights of fancy. For a long time she stood there, just watching as tears fell, ran down her face. She didn't want to be alone in the silence no more; she wanted somebody to see her, to acknowledge her. But she couldn't remember how to ask for that anymore. How do you ask for that when all you know is blackness?
Her hand shook as she raises it and brushed her fingers across his broad back.
"Hey!" He shouted as he erupted up out of his chair, knocking the chair back and whirled around. She cried out as his knife sliced across her arm and she fell backwards as he reached for her throat, caught up in the moment of fear and fight. He froze; knife held in raised hand, staring down at her curled up on the floor crying.
"Aw, Gorram." He said suddenly, lowering his knife, her crying was making him feel rather uncomfortable. "Whadda you go and do that for?" He asked as he dropped the knife on the table, still blood on the blade and crouch down besides her. He cupped her tiny shoulder in his hand as he pushed her slightly to see what damage he may have caused and swore at the sight of the blood streaming from a deep cut on her biceps.
"Stop crying, woman." He muttered as he gathered her up and was surprised at how light she was, she really did seem ethereal in more ways then seemed. Quickly and furtively, hoping to not run into any other members of the crew in fears that they'll think the worse of him, he carried her to the sickbay and laid her on the examining table.
She laid there whimpering softly, a thin hand clasped over the cut where he had placed it to help stop the bleeding. She watched him as he tore through the neatly stored supplies that Simon had spent time taking care of, looking for the supplies he wanted.
"What are you doing in my sickbay at this time of the night?" Simon said annoyed as he appeared in his sleep clothes, his hair tousled and sticking every which way. He yawned, but stopped abruptly when he saw Princess bleeding on the table.
"What the Gorram did you do to her?" He asked outraged as he rushed to her and gently pried her fingers away from the cut.
"She snuck up behind me on those ghosty feet and startled me as I was cleanin' mah arsenal!" Jayne growled and tossed the packets with the needles and threads besides her on the table. Simon grabbed one and opened it with his teeth as he pointed at the clean gauze. Jayne quickly grabbed a handful and started mopping at the blood, careful to not hurt her any more than he had already.
"Did you have to cut her like this?" Simon scolded as he looked around for his syringes. "Do you have to make a mess?" he complained as he finally found the syringe he wanted in the wrong compartment and filled it with a pain killer.
"You never keep 'em where they're easily found." Jayne grumbled as he dropped the bloody gauzes on the floor. "And that knife just went through her like butter. Besides, them Albinos, they ain't normal."
"They just don't have any pigments!" Simon said frustrated as he carefully started stitching the wound together. "When will you get it through your thick skull that she is traumatized enough already, Man? He didn't see Jayne's stricken face as he stepped back or Princess' wide eyes following him out.
Jayne made his way back to the dinning room where he saw the knife was still laying on the table, it's edge lined in blood. He stared at it for a moment and with an angry oath, he swept his entire arsenal into the bag but for the offending knife. That one he picked up gingerly and dropped into the garbage chute. He never wanted to see that knife again. He grabbed some rags and quickly mopped up the blood and they too followed the knife into the garbage. He hefted the bag over his shoulder and carried it back to his room where he dropped it into a corner and crashed down into his bed.
"Gorram girl..." he muttered softly as he stared up at the ceiling. "Whadda you go and do that for?"
Learn to be your one companion
Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you?
You've always known
Your hart was on its own
So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Phantom of the Opera – "Learn to be Lonely"