Note: Sorry I haven't updated in a while but I've been waiting for my beta to tell me if I needed to change anything. But since this is an unpaid job… But I decided to go ahead with chapter three anyway. It's up to all of you to tell me if I'm way off in left field or something. Please…
Same disclaimer. Own nothing of importance. Can't get anything if you sue me, so please don't.
Sarah watched him leave the wash room and grabbed the tub to steady herself. The tears that had sprung to her eyes began to fall. She hadn't realized just how lonely she had been since she got here until he asked to be her friend. She had been fine working and saving, thinking about her trip home. Why did he have to decide now was the time to seek her friendship? She was trying to get her emotions under control when Vanora stepped around the wall.
"Sarah? Girl what is wrong?" She went to her and put her arms around her shoulders. At that time, it was the worst thing anyone could have done. That only brought more tears. After a moment, Vanora was taken into a great sobbing hug. "Now, now. It's alright. Shhh, you'll be alright." She tried to soothe the younger woman. Finally, Sarah had cried herself out and was snubbing, trying to get her breath.
After a moment, she got control of herself and stepped back from Vanora. "I'm sorry, I don't usually behave in such a manner. I'm alright now. Thank you." She tried to go back to the bar, but Vanora stopped her.
"What happened, Sarah?" The concern in her voice was mirrored in her eyes.
"It was nothing. I was just thinking about… home." The tears started to build up again and she shook her head to stop them.
Vanora waited for her to get control again. "It's alright child. We all get a little sappy sometimes when we remember things we'd be better off forgettin'" She pushed the girl toward the front, "You go home and rest. I'll get one of the others to cover tonight." Sarah tried to protest, but Vanora would not hear of it. As soon as the girl had left she looked for Gawain. She had seen them talking and thought maybe he had told the girl about the Saxons and what they had discussed. She didn't see him and decided she would ask him the next time she saw him.
Sarah headed toward her room against her wishes. She knew from experience that it was better to stay busy than to have time to think. She didn't want to think right now. Unbidden, the memories came into her head. Derek, the man she loved, the man she wanted to marry, tall with dark brown hair that was wavy no matter how much he tried to keep if straight. She had told her father when Derek's family had first moved into the village that she would marry him someday. She was only six and Derek had been ten. It had taken him almost fifteen years to get the courage to ask her. She had turned down several proposals while waiting on his.
She was so lost in her memories that she didn't realize that she had climbed to the top of the wall until she was looking over onto the field below. She took a moment to look around and saw that dew had settled on everything. The moonlight made the grass sparkle, like jewels and she found herself just letting her gaze wander over the beauty before her. She sighed and touched her lips, remembering the kiss the knight had given her. It was different from the kisses Derek had given her. Derek had been clumsy, the knight's kiss had been confident. She wondered what it would be like if he hadn't stopped.
She imagined he would be just as confident while making love. Unlike Derek, but it had been the first time for them both. She remembered the night they had gotten carried away with their kisses, she had wanted Derek to love her, but had been disappointed afterwards. It was hard to believe that women were so eager for what she had experienced. It was mostly painful and afterwards all she had felt was relief that it was over. He had promised the next time would be better. She never got a chance to find out. The Saxons attacked the next week and she hadn't seen him since. That had been almost six months before.
She thought back on what had happened earlier. Why had he upset her so much? Could it be that she wasn't really as happy being alone as she pretended? She let her mind wander on her last thought. She had never been a loner. Her memories took her back to happier times when people were always part of her life. Both young and old, she had drawn them into her daily life and found that she missed that part of her old life. She needed to go back and find out about the people she had left. The people she hoped were still alive. If they were, she knew they would have settled back where the village once stood. They were a people of traditions, of habits. Even with the constant threat of Saxons, they had not left their land.
But why, if Derek was alive, did he not come searching for her? She would have searched for him if he had gone missing. She shook her head to dispel the traitorous thoughts and headed back to her room. 'Probably because he doesn't know which way to go.' She made the excuse without realizing she had done so. She had enough money to buy a horse. She had walked here before, but it had taken a long time to make it this far. She wanted to go home much quicker and a horse would allow that. Other than that, she would only need a few provisions to get her home. She could find things to eat on the way. She quietly went over her list of needed items and knew she was ready. Why she hadn't left already, she couldn't figure out. Maybe she just needed that little push that the knight had given her. She just needed to realize how lonely she really was.
Gawain went to his room and plopped down on his bunk. What in the hell was wrong with him? She had more than made her feelings known and he had still kissed her. He wasn't like Lancelot, when a woman told him she wasn't interested in his advances, he believed her. That's why Lancelot was always ahead in their little competition. He kept on when Gawain gave up.
He remembered the look in her eyes as he lowered his lips to hers. She had been frightened, her eyes wide, but he had seen a little spark of desire, hadn't he? He saw the light reflected in them and felt her tremble as his lips touched hers. He felt her body against his when he had pulled her closer. His body began to respond to the memories and he sat up, 'Damn, I've got to get control of myself. I'm acting like this was the first time I've ever kissed a woman.' He stood up and began pacing the room. There was only one way to get this out of his system. He needed to go work off some of this energy at the practice yard.
He grabbed his bow and headed outside. Archery wasn't his strongest method of fighting, but at least it required his full attention. Besides, it was dark outside and he'd have to pay closer attention to see the target. He was stomping toward the yard when he saw her coming down from the battlement. He quickly ducked into the shadows. The last thing he needed right now was to run into her and have to face those eyes.
He watched her walk past him, and heard her talking quietly to herself. It sounded like a list, food, clothes, horse, what was she talking about? Then he remembered what Vanora had told him about her saving to return home to find her family. He sadly shook his head. Poor girl, he had pushed her into leaving and he knew she wouldn't find anything good when she got there. Maybe Arthur would allow him and maybe Galahad to escort her so she wouldn't be alone when she found the truth. He'd ask him in the morning and see what he said.
He didn't know where exactly she had come from except somewhere northeast of the fort. The northeastern shore was several weeks ride from the fort and a woman didn't need to travel that far alone. Arthur would surely want someone to travel with her. After all it was his fault she was going. He headed back to his room, forgetting about the training he was planning to do. He wanted to get some sleep so he could get up early. He didn't know what time she would be planning to leave and he didn't want to miss her.