Chapter 8: Progress

A/N: This chapter occurs between chapters 37 and 38 of For Tomorrow We May Die.

Monday, 14 October

"All right, I think you're done now," Lara said as Remus shrugged gratefully back into his robe. He didn't know which was worse—that he had to go through this or that he was actually beginning to get used to it. As he settled on the chair to pull his socks and shoes back on, he glanced up at Lara from the corner of his eye. She was politely busying herself with paperwork while he dressed.

"Thank you," he said a bit stiffly as he finally stood, attempting to hold his head up. The entire situation seemed to shave a good twenty years off his confidence every time he walked into her office, and he did not appreciate the youth charm at all. It was all he could do to maintain a polite respect with her.

"You're most welcome, Remus," she replied, snapping shut the folder that she'd been reading through. "We'll see you tomorrow at eight o'clock for your dose of Wolfsbane, then?"

He nodded.

"Have a good evening," she said brightly, opening the door, and he stepped out into the corridor, taking a deep breath.

By the time he emerged into the waiting room, he had regained most of his composure-- enough that he couldn't help a chuckle when he heard a familiar voice saying, "But Mum! That's the girls' bathroom!"

His eyes swept the room until he found a frazzled-looking Diana Murphy with Robbie in her arms and Edward protesting loudly as she attempted to catch him single-handedly. Remus smiled, leaning against the wall as Edward danced out of Diana's reach once again.

"Come on, Edward," she urged, attempting to catch him once more.

Remus was torn between a sense of duty that would have urged him to help Diana and a certain sense of commiseration with Edward. Perhaps it was because he was still smarting a bit from the assault to his own pride that marked every visit to the Ministry, but he could quite sympathize with the boy for not wanting to go to the girls' bathroom.

"But I don't even need to go!" Edward whined. "Can't I just wait here?"

"No," Diana said firmly. "You're too young to stay here alone."

"But Mu-u-um!"

"Edward, please."

"Why can't I stay out here?"

"I told you—you're too young. Now come on."

Edward looked around quickly, as though searching for inspriation, and Remus knew precisely when the boy's eyes landed on him. "Remus can stay with me!" he announced.

Diana closed her eyes, her lips moving slightly. After a moment, she drew a breath. "I'm sorry," she said in his direction.

Remus smiled at her. "No need," he replied. "If it will help the situation, I don't mind staying here with Edward for a few minutes."

"Yes!" Edward replied loudly, and Diana gave him a stern look.

"I wouldn't ask you to—"

"I'm offering," Remus replied. "If you're not comfortable leaving your son with a stranger, I understand of course, but it's really no bother."

"Please, Mum?" Edward asked. "I swear I'll be good! And I'll clean my room as soon as I get home!"

Remus scrubbed a hand over his face to keep from laughing aloud. It was enough to make him grin that Edward was so adamant about it, even if it did have much more to do with his not wanting to join his mum than an actual desire to stay with Remus.

"I'll eat my vegetables for the rest of the month!" Edward promised, and this time Remus couldn't help a chuckle.

"Sounds like a good deal to me," he commented with a grin.

Diana was looking at Edward skeptically, then glanced up at Remus again. "You're sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all," Remus replied. Edward was all but bouncing with excitement.

"I'll only be a minute," Diana said. "I just have to—"

Remus held up a hand to stop her. He wasn't interested in the intimate details of what she was going to do in the ladies' room.

"You remember your promise, Edward," Diana warned. "If I hear a peep out of you, you're going to regret it."

"I promise!" Edward announced, sitting in the nearest chair, his eyes wide. Remus was skeptical of any child, particularly any boy, who looked that innocent.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," Diana said, and Remus waved her on.

"We'll be right here." As she disappeared into the hall, Remus sank into the chair beside Edward.

Shortly after Diana had departed, Edward turned his big brown eyes towards Remus. "My mum is really scared of leaving me alone," he said.

"I think most mums are scared of leaving their kids alone," Remus replied.

"Yeah, I guess so," Edward said, looking down. "But I think my mum's scareder than most mums are. I think she thinks it's her fault that I got bit and Dad died."

Remus blinked at the boy, slightly taken aback. "Why do you think that?" he asked.

Edward shrugged, then extended his arm suddenly, pushing up his sleeve. "That's where I got bit," he said, pointing to a pair of jagged scars that stretched from the inside of his wrist nearly to his elbow. "I got dragged halfway across the street," he explained. "I've got scars on my knees and back, too."

Remus opened his mouth, then closed it again, not really knowing what to say. Edward didn't seem to think the one-sided conversation was awkward at all, though.

"My dad came running out, and he knocked the werewolf off me, and it turned on him instead. Ripped his ear off." Edward glanced at the door, then lowered his voice. "Mum doesn't know that."

"How old were you when you were bitten?" Remus asked quietly.

"Four," Edward replied matter-of-factly. He looked down at his shoes suddenly. "It was my fault, you know. I wasn't supposed to open the gate, but I did. Mum had went back inside for something. I don't know. But I opened the gate and there was a werewolf on the other side."

Remus' head was swimming, and he was struggling to find the right thing to say, but Edward changed the subject again, just as abruptly as before.

"Do you like Miss Lara?"

What kind of question was that? Remus was sure that he was supposed to respond to that in a way that made it clear that Edward was to be polite and respectful to Lara Berkely, but something prevented him from simply lying. At the moment, Remus did not like Lara very much. Luckily, Edward didn't seem to need an actual answer from him on this matter, either.

"I don't like Miss Lara," he said matter-of-factly. "She doesn't even treat me like a little kid. She acts like I don't know anything."

Remus was torn between feeling a certain obligation to defend Lara and not feeling any particular desire to do so. Finally, he settled for neutral ground. "Perhaps you should mention that to her."

"Why?" Edward asked, drawing his knees to his chest.

"I don't think she realizes when she's doing that," Remus replied carefully.

"Does she treat you like a little kid who doesn't know anything?"

Remus snorted softly. "Sometimes," he admitted. And that's on a good day.

The door opened and Diana reappeared, her eyes darting across the room worriedly. Remus waved slightly at her, and she hurried to the chairs where they were sitting, looking relieved. "Did he behave himself?" she asked, giving her son a stern look, but there was something else behind the sternness that Remus couldn't quite read.

"Yeah," Edward replied, sounding a bit miffed.

With a slight chuckle, Remus nodded his agreement.

"Thank you," Diana said, smiling a bit. "You've been much more helpful than was necessary."

Remus stood, a smile lingering on his face. "It's no trouble at all," he assured her. He knew he should leave, but for a reason he couldn't quite identify, he wasn't particularly eager to be back to headquarters. At least she didn't seem too eager for him to be off either.

"Hey, Mum! Can Remus come to dinner?" Edward asked suddenly, and both Remus and Diana stared at him blankly for a moment, then their eyes met again and they were talking over each other.

"Oh, I er… um…"

"I'm sure Remus has better things to do…"

"Well, actually, I don't, but I wouldn't want to impose…"

"It wouldn't be any imposition at all, but I don't want you to feel obligated…"

"Oh, no. I wouldn't. I mean…"

"This is very awkward."

"Yes, it is."

Edward was looking back and forth between them with great interest, and Diana gave him a dirty look, then cleared her throat. "Would you like to come for dinner some time?" she asked. "I'd love the opportunity to repay you for your kindness."

"I…er…" He glanced at Edward, who was looking expectantly at him, then glanced at Robbie, who was looking warily at him. "I'd like that," he said finally. Diana smiled.

"Tonight?" Edward asked, and Diana looked as though she were about to scold her son, then seemed to change her mind as she looked at Remus again.

"Tonight?" she suggested. "I was planning a roast."

"All right," Remus agreed, even as he wondered what he was doing. She looked a bit surprised, then nodded.

"All right," she said. "I'll, um… I'll see you around six?"

"All right," he agreed, suddenly struck by the realization that the last time he'd felt this nervous he'd been attempting to ask Rebecca Morrison to spend Valentine's Day in Hogsmeade with him when he was fourteen. You are not fourteen anymore, he told himself firmly. Get a grip. "Can I bring something?"

"Er…" she faltered, and half-looked at Edward before seeming to take hold of herself. "It isn't necessary," she replied.

"Ice cream," Edward interrupted, matter-of-factly.

Remus and Diana both looked at him. "Ice cream?" Remus repeated.

"Edward!" Diana gasped, sounding scandalized and amused.

Edward smiled the sort of charming grin that only a seven-year-old boy could convincingly pull off and swung his feet. "Just a suggestion."

Remus chuckled and looked at Diana again. "Any particular kind of ice cream?" he asked.

When Diana didn't answer, Edward filled in the silence for her. "Chocolate raspberry."

Diana's lip was twitching and she looked as though she was trying hard not to laugh. Remus wasn't even trying.

"Chocolate raspberry it is, then," he said. "I'll see you in a few hours then?"

She nodded, and shifted Robbie to her hip, moving an escaping tendril of hair from her face. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Mum…"

"Hush, Edward. You've said enough."

"But…"

"I said to hush."

"But, Mum…"

"Edward…"

"I think I'll leave you to the rest of your afternoon," Remus said, deciding it was an excellent time to make his departure before a certain boy got in trouble again.

"Mum!" Edward said urgently.

"I told you to shut your mouth and—"

Remus was halfway out the door when he heard Edward interrupt her.

"But Remus doesn't know where we live!"

Remus stopped suddenly and closed his eyes. Smooth, he thought dryly. Takes a seven-year-old kid to point out the obvious. He turned back into the waiting room slowly, not quite meeting Diana's eyes. She wasn't quite meeting his either.

"Erm, yes…" She deposited Robbie into Edward's lap. "Hold your brother," she commanded, and Edward wrapped his arms happily around a squirming Robbie while Diana looked at a scrap of parchment she'd pulled out of the massive handbag that she carried. She hastily scrawled something on it, then handed it to Remus. He glanced at it, then smiled sheepishly again.

"Six," he said.

"Yes," she replied. "I'll see you tonight…"

"Enjoy your afternoon."

"You too."

As he headed for the door again, he heard her hiss to Edward, "Don't you ever do that to me again, young man. Is that clear?"

Remus was still chuckling when he reached the street entrance.

At five till six that evening, he stood outside a small house that looked to be in desperate need of a bit of minor repair work. One shutter hung askew from its hinges, grass and weeds threatened to overtake the stone walkway, three pickets were broken on the fence and two more were missing altogether. The paint was peeling slightly on the trim, and there was a board nailed hastily over one of the steps to the terrace.

In one hand, he held a container of ice cream and a bottle of cabernet—he had his doubts about the wine, but the only person he might have asked for advice on the matter was Severus, and he didn't really have any pressing desire to explain to Severus Snape why he needed wine to go with a roast. So, he'd made his best guess. Red wine to go with red meat, and all red wines looked largely the same to him.

In the other hand, he held a bouquet of chrysanthemums, feeling extraordinarily foolish and more than a little guilty. He'd spent far more on the wine and flowers than he should have, particularly considering he still owed Severus twenty galleons for last month's Wolfsbane. And as he thought about the flimsy excuse that he'd offered to Molly for not being at headquarters for dinner tonight, he felt a wave of something akin to nausea sweep over him. For a man who wasn't doing anything wrong, he was certainly doing a fair job of acting like he was hiding something.

Taking a deep breath, he let himself in the gate, cringing at the high-pitched squeal as rusted hinges protested at the use. Diana Murphy apparently had better things to do than make minor repairs around the exterior of her house, but she was going to regret it if she let them go for very long. It was tempting to lubricate that hinge—a simple spell would be sufficient and would take care of the horrendous noise—but he firmly told himself that he would do no such thing. Particularly not as he was arriving for dinner.

He walked along the path, his eyes darting back and forth from the dying grass to a small burst of color under one windowsill to the warm glow from within the house. When he reached the door, he hesitated, then knocked.

"Remus is here!" The shout was accompanied by a noise not unlike how Remus imagined a herd of hippogriffs would sound. The door swung inward, and a grinning Edward was looking up at him. "Did you bring ice cream?" he asked.

"Edward!" Diana appeared a few steps behind her oldest son, bent at the waist and attempting to extricate the hem of her robe from her younger son's hand. Robbie's eyes grew wide, and he only tightened his grip, balling his fists in her robe.

"Good evening," Remus said, addressing Diana over the top of Edward's head.

She straightened, placing one hand on Edward's shoulder and moving him out of her way. "Good evening," she said, smiling.

She looked substantially different than any of the previous times he'd seen her. Her hair was falling around her shoulders, the ends curling slightly just above her waist. Her robe was a rich shade of blue, and neatly pressed, which only made the wrinkles where Robbie's hand had been gripping it that much more obvious. She was wearing makeup, and that Remus could tell it probably spoke of how out of practice she was at applying it. Her eyes seemed brighter, but there were unistakable circles under them and lines at the corners. He would have liked to believe that she was pretty, but she looked tired and frazzled more than anything else. He felt more foolish than ever for bringing flowers.

He offered them anyway. "Thank you for inviting me," he said as she stared at the bouquet as though she'd never seen anything quite like it After a moment, she literally shook herself and took the flowers.

"Come in," she invited, stepping aside, nearly tripping over Robbie, who had attached himself to her left leg at knee level. Remus instinctively snaked out an arm to steady her, but she obviously had a bit of practice with this sort of thing. She righted herself, shifted the flowers to her left hand and used her right to disentangle herself from her son.

"Come on, Remus!" Any thoughts he had of Diana were quickly preempted as Edward grabbed his hand and pulled him through the house. He found himself in the kitchen, offering the box of ice cream to Edward, who stashed it in the bottom of the pantry. "Mum put a charm on it to keep it cold," Edward explained, and Remus fought a grin.

"Smart mum," he said, as though Chill Charms didn't exist in every magical kitchen in the world so far as he knew.

"She's very smart," Edward said. "Does that need to go in here too?"

Remus looked at the bottle of wine Edward was pointing at and frowned slightly. He didn't think reds were usually served chilled. "No," he said after a moment. "It stays out."

"You can put it over here," Edward said, pointing to a spotless counter. As Remus placed the bottle towards the back, Edward grinned. "I cleaned off that one. Mum's been making me help her clean all afternoon, and I took care of Robbie while she got ready," he announced.

"You must do a lot to help your mum," Remus said, oddly amused that Edward was telling him these things. He was apparently quite out of practice at having a conversation with a child.

"Edward, are you boring Remus to death?" Diana had put the flowers somewhere and had Robbie on her hip again, his head resting against her shoulder, thumb in his mouth. As soon as he saw Remus, his eyes got as big as saucers again and he shrank against his mother, tightening his grip on her robe.

"No," Edward replied, pouting a bit.

"No," Remus concurred. "We were just discussing the joys of housework."

Edward grinned up at him, and Remus winked in return.

"Well, here, Edward. Take your brother and go play."

"But I want to help in here…"

"Just go," Diana said, and Edward sighed, reaching for Robbie.

"Come on," he muttered as Diana worked herself loose from Robbie once more and placed him on the floor. Robbie's lower lip quivered for a moment, then he took Edward's hand and toddled after his brother, still casting doubtful looks in Remus' direction.

When the kitchen door shut, Diana sighed and turned towards Remus again. "I'm sorry he keeps bothering you like that," she said, shaking her head. "He isn't usually this outgoing."

"I don't mind," Remus replied, offering a smile. He glanced around the kitchen. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"Er…" She glanced around as well, then shook her head. "I got the roast on a little late," she said apologetically. "We were a little late getting home."

"Is everything all right?" he asked, his smile slipping a bit.

"Oh, yes," she said, shaking her head. "It's just… you know how things are at the Ministry. I'm afraid that Edward really fights Lara, and… it just makes it worse."

Remus nodded. "Of couse," he said quietly. "I'm sure it's hard for him to understand." And impossible for you to understand. He had no doubt that Diana was a loving and supportive mother, but she didn't seem to grasp the situation entirely. And perhaps that was just as well. As difficult as it was to endure some of those indignities, he supposed it might be more difficult still to be fully aware that a loved one was enduring them.

She was studying him carefully. "I forget that you know exactly what he's going through," she said softly. "Forgive me. I don't mean to sound insensitive."

He shrugged uncomfortably, no reply forming in his mind or on his tongue. She gestured towards the table, and he sat.

"If your experience is anything like Edward's, it's simply appalling," she said quietly. "Half the time, I don't know whether I want to scream or cry."

He looked away. "Just be there when he wants to scream or cry," he advised softly.

Her hand covered his, squeezing slightly. Her hand was small and frail-looking, but there was a gentle strength in her thin fingers. "Is someone there when you want to scream and cry?" she asked.

A lump rose in his throat as he looked at her; after a moment, he turned his hand over and squeezed hers in return, forcing an affable smile. "I have my friends," he replied as lightly as he could.

Her hand lingered atop his for a moment longer, then she stood suddenly. "You're very lucky then," she said, moving briskly towards the stove. As she opened the oven door, a savory aroma enveloped him, and his stomach growled in appreciation.

"It smells wonderful," he offered as she straightened, shutting the door again.

She smiled. "It'll only be about fifteen more minutes," she assured him. "Do you want something to drink? Tea or—"

Whatever would have followed the 'or' was pre-empted by a shout, a loud crash, and an ear-splitting wail. Remus drew his wand and headed for the door, but he was a good five steps behind Diana, who was outpacing him at a dead run.

"Edward!" she screamed, tearing through the hallway. "Robbie! Are you all right! What happened?" She disappeared into another door, and Remus followed her—she was already wading through a scattered mess of books, broken glass and shelves to get to Robbie, who was screeching miserably at the edge of the mess. Edward was standing against the wall, pale and wide-eyed.

"It was an accident…" Edward began as Diana scooped Robbie into her arms.

"What happened?" she demanded, picking her way back out of the rubble. "Are you hurt?"

Edward blinked rapidly. "No… He was chewing on my Morholt card! I took it away from him and put it on the shelf. It isn't my fault he tried to climb up to get it!"

"He climbed the shelf?" Diana repeated, her voice suddenly low and eerily calm. "You let your brother climb the bookshelf?"

Remus glanced at the mess on the floor, then at Robbie, who had resumed sucking his thumb and clinging to Diana's shoulder.

"I didn't—"

"I can't leave you alone for five minutes!" she shouted. "I can't even trust you to watch your brother while I cook dinner!"

"I'm sorry—" There were tears in Edward's eyes now, and Remus busied himself with righting the bookcase.

"I can't be everywhere at once, Edward!" Diana yelled. "I have to have a little help from you, and I can't even trust you to keep your brother safe in our own house!"

Edward sank to the floor, drawing his knees up to his chest. Tears were rolling down his face. "I said I was sorry," he whispered.

"Robbie could have been hurt!" Diana snapped. "He could have been killed!"

"I'm sorry…"

"Diana," Remus said quietly, placing a hand on her arm. She whipped her head around to look at him. "It was an accident."

She tightened her grip on Robbie and leaned her face against the top of his head. "I know," she whispered. "I just can't be everywhere at once. I can't do everything at once. What kind of mother can't even keep her own children safe?"

"One who is human," Remus replied, patting her arm. He glanced across the room again, where Edward was still sitting against the wall with his head on his arms. "It's all right," he said, gently squeezing her arm. "They're both all right, no lasting damage. We'll clean up the mess after dinner."

She nodded, then looked at Edward again.

"Let me talk to him?" Remus asked, and after a brief hesitation, she nodded, but didn't move.

"Edward?" she asked. He lifted his head and looked at her through tear-filled, red-rimmed eyes. "I love you," she assured him, and Edward sniffled.

"I love you too."

She took Robbie out of the room, leaving Remus alone with Edward. Remus stepped gingerly through the mess, then knelt beside Edward, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Are you all right?" he asked.

Edward nodded slightly, wiping his face on his sleeve.

"None of the glass cut you?" Remus pressed, settling onto the floor.

Edward shook his head.

"Scared you, didn't it?"

"I didn't mean it to happen," Edward said suddenly.

Remus squeezed his shoulder gently. "I know," he said. "And your mum knows too."

"She's angry with me."

"She's scared. You and your brother could have been hurt."

"I really didn't mean—" Edward began again, then sank his head into his arms again, shaking. Remus rubbed his back a bit awkwardly, looking at the mess again.

"It's all right," Remus assured him.

"I didn't mean for my dad to get killed either," Edward whispered.

Remus gently squeezed the back of his neck. "Of course you didn't."

"That was my fault too, though."

"No, it wasn't," Remus said firmly.

"Mum thinks so."

Remus didn't know what to say to that. He wanted to insist that Diana thought no such thing, but he couldn't be sure that it wasn't the truth. After a pause that was far too long for any denial he might make to sound convincing, Remus cleared his throat. "I'm sure your mum knows that it wasn't your fault," he said, cursing himself for not sounding sure.

Edward said nothing, and Remus finally gathered the boy into his arms, hugging him hard against his chest. Edward hugged him back fiercely. After a moment, Remus let go, and Edward pulled away, swiping his sleeve across his face again.

Remus stood, drawing his wand and looking at the mess once again. "Fragmenemoveo," he said, sweeping his wand towards the corner. The broken bits of glass, porcelain and ceramic sifted out of the rubble and piled into the corner. Pocketing his wand again, Remus nodded at the mess that was left. "Why don't we work on this until dinner?" he suggested, and Edward nodded, still sniffling.

"Just be careful. There might still be broken glass."

"All right."

They worked quietly for a few minutes, Edward's sniffling growing less frequent as he directed his efforts towards putting books back on the shelf. They had nearly picked up all the scattered books when Diana reappeared in the doorway, Robbie clinging to her. She seemed to have given up even trying to remove herself from his grip.

"You didn't have to do this," she said, leaning against the door.

Remus shrugged. "It's all right," he replied. Edward was standing against the shelf, still looking subdued, his eyes still red and his nose still swollen. Remus reached for the boy's shoulder, pulling him forward. "Besides, I think it helped us calm down a bit."

Diana nodded. "Dinner's ready," she said, and Remus followed her back to the kitchen.

A/N: And here you all thought I'd abandoned this story entirely ;)

Silverthreads: Thank you for your comments, as always. It always thrills me to have a writer I admire leaving comments on my stories.

hopgoblen: Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying, even if it does bring back difficult memories.

yukka: Thanks for your encouragement! I promise I won't be abandoning anyone any time soon ;)

duj: I have to admit that this story is one of my favorites to write as well. I love exploring the issues in it, and there is simply so much emotional content to play with that I'm like a kid in a candy store. You're absolutely right about the nature of the condition-- it's not a superficial discrimination, but a justifiable fear, which makes the victim all the more complex.

JMM: You're probably not reading, but thank you for your comments. I'm not sure precisely what prompted them, but I do agree with you. Or rather, I tend to think it was very irresponsible for Dumbledore to hire Lupin in the first place, knowing what he knew.

As always, thanks for reading, and more thanks still for leaving comments. And blessed be larilee for taking the time to beta for me.