White Dogs: Perversity.
Rating: PG-13. R, to be safe for some parts.
Pairing: Sess/Kag, but there's very little to none in this chapter.
Song-fic: Song used….
Disclaimer: ::rolls eyes upward.:: Oh, that I were the one who had created Inuyasha that I had given life to Sesshoumaru. But alas, I cannot claim anything at all. For I was not the one to do the creating merely the one to envy the creator. Translation: I own ..::checks stock:: two pieces of lint and a monkey. Nothing more. I wonder where the third piece of lint went to?…::we switch scenes to see a piece of lint, obviously the runaway one, having a snog-fest with a dust bunny.:: …!!!::pales:: I didn't want to know that bad!!
Summary: Sometimes the storm of emotions needs to be let out. Kagome goes for a run and rages about how unfair her life is and all else. Then she cries. It's a typical girl thing to do when you feel like shit. And, she follows her decision.
A.N.: Okay, here's the bad news. Unless of course it's a false alarm. Bad news is that I don't know what's wrong with the formatting on my computer. Either that or there's something wrong on ff.net's side that makes my computer retarded. So, hopefully, the format will be good. If not, well, all I can do is beg you to try cutting and pasting this chapter into word and reading it there. Or suffer through it with me. But keep in mind that I will love you like whoa should you choose to suffer through it with me and leave me praise.
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"Love is destructive. If love does not shatter you, you know not love."
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Chapter One: The Love that Shatters You.
" I am not Kikyou!!!" Kagome's voice was strained… as if she was trying to keep from yelling. Which she was. Silence was the only answer she received.
Inuyasha had frozen the instant the name had left her lips, his tirade instantly forgotten. He stared at her.
Kagome closed her eyes and took a deep breath, forcibly unclenching her fists from where they had curled at her sides. She slowly pushed the tension from her body. Releasing the breath, she opened her eyes and glared at Inuyasha.
"I will never amount to Kikyou?" Deep breath, "Fine, I don't care. I'm not her. I never will be her. I don't even want to be her. Why can't you understand that? I'm Kagome. No one else." She took another deep breath, feeling the anger and pain clash in her breast. "I can't be someone I never was, Inuyasha. I can't be someone who's dead. DEAD!!"
Inuyasha seemed to regain the ability to speak and opened his mouth to do so when Kagome hissed a sharp, "Don't!"
He shut up promptly. Too shocked to do anything but stare at her.
She started towards him, paused a foot away and stared up into his amber eyes. The smoke blue of her own searched his eyes for something in him. Her small hand reached down to his clawed one and brought it to her chest, placing it just over her heart. It was beating strongly, a deep and steady rhythm that spoke of life and spirit. Again her eyes found his, causing him to look up from his hand. Whatever it was she was searching for, she must have found. "My heart beats. Does hers? No. Her heart stopped beating fifty years ago. When she was resurrected, it was not. The only thing that sustains her now is her hatred. What do you think keeps me here with you?" She backed away from him, tearing her hand away from her and letting it go. And cursed herself for nearly telling him that she loved him. She basically had anyways, but she counted on his density to keep that from him for the moment.
"…" He had nothing to say. What could he say to that? He didn't know. Whatever he could say would not help anyways. He'd only dig himself deeper.
In the background, Sango, Shippou and Miroku watched with intent gazes. They'd sensed the proverbial storm on the horizon, and proceeded with caution whereas Inuyasha went ahead in his typical fashion. Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes. Or arrows, since they didn't know what torpedoes were yet.
Of course, the battle did provide ample distraction for Miroku to play upon. His hand made the journey past enemy lines seeking to reach its target.
Sango barely blinked and Miroku was down twitching in pain, but grinning dazedly all the same. Target acquired and reached. Sacrifices had been made but well, a headache had been worth the bliss. Five seconds of it as it were. Bliss was bliss.
As he watched the little dancing Sangoes twirl about his head, he reviewed why the fight had started off. Inuyasha, being his usual charming self had made a snide comment about something or other that Kagome couldn't do as well as Kikyou. He'd been more or less…preoccupied by a certain rhythm that mother nature had…like the sway of female hips…ahhhh…Oh, yes, that's right. Fight. Not hips. Mind out of gutter. But it was such a nice gutter…gahh.
…Ahem. Where the fight had started had been just outside the village, the opposite side of the well. That was when Inuyasha had to gain the last word in the verbal spar that he and Kagome were having concerning the late rumor of a shard which had turned out to be nothing more then a grain of truth. That truth being that of a …well, to say the least Inuyasha was hardly amused.
Back in the foreground, Kagome had put a good amount of air-space between her and Inuyasha. With good reason, Inuyasha was beginning to look a tad peeved. Just a tad. He was still floundering for a foothold in the now one-sided argument and reached for the first thought that came to mind. Petty revenge, using something he knew that would strike her deep.
"Your right! You'll never be Kikyou. When Kikyou was alive she was twice the person you are now. Hell, she still is!" It was a low blow, and a lame one at that, but it hit hard and it hit true.
Kagome sucked in a breath and closed her eyes, looking as though she'd just been shot through the heart. Maybe that was not too far from the truth. Even though it shouldn't have hurt her as much as it did, his statements cut her to the quick.
Inuyasha ploughed on, regardless of how pale Kagome got with each new insult and mocking word he spilled upon her.
Finally, she held up her hands and opened her eyes. She cut him off mid word. " I give up."
Inuyasha froze again at how broken and...dead she sounded. Listlessly, she turned her back to him. Every line in her body spoke of forfeit. Of defeat. She had…given up? He stared. Impossible. She was kidding right? Kagome never gave up.
" I wonder if you'll ever stop trying to turn me into Kikyou and just let me be Kagome." The softly spoken words reached out to him, caressed his ears then snaked into his heart and slammed against its walls with a vehement ferocity.
She left.
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Her pale form flashed through the village, gathering assorted glances or stares from the villagers before they went on with their lives. They were familiar with Kagome's strange habits.
Soon enough she reached the forest edge and vanished into the foliage. Life went on. So did Kagome.
Her legs carried her weight easily enough over the worn path. The memory of that last battle spurred her on. One foot barely touched the ground before it was lifted again. The belated anger and pain also drove her on. Would that she had felt them earlier when she could have used to fuel to give back the pain as good as she had gotten…
The muscles of her legs ached, and they screamed till she was tempted to scream right along with them. But she didn't. Pride wouldn't let her give voice to her turmoil till she was certain that no one would hear her. She would break down in peace. Somewhere far away from him.
Anger curled and boiled in the pit of her belly, and she gritted her teeth, stretching close to the ground and pouring on the speed. She was probably going to hurt herself or pull a muscle or something but she was beyond caring at the moment.
How could he!? He had no right treating her like…like that! Grrrr! She wasn't a replacement for someone else. Kagome was who she was, not someone else. And…she just wanted him to realize that. Was that too much?
The miko's swift pace slowed, and finally she was only walking, her mind lost in thought as her body carried her forward regardless of her preoccupied state. Nonetheless though, she was winded. So, breathing hard she walked.
The path was a familiar one, she'd walked it many a time before. It was the path that lead to the well. She'd reached a decision, and she was if nothing else going to follow through with it. One had to know when to step back and take a breather and watch the game from a different vantage point.
Not to mention, being away from Inuyasha and the Sengoku Jidai would give her the time she needed to make like Houdini and release herself from the barbed wire and chains wrapped around her heart. She needed to reclaim who she was, and she couldn't do that when in the past where Kikyou's shadow still fell over her. In the future she was known only as Kagome. And that was where she'd find Kagome once again and become herself. No more Kikyou for a while. Or ever again if her wish would be granted…
Though she'd be shirking her duties to the Shikon; and this really pained her, but there were no more shards on the loose therefore no rampant youkai destroying lives. Naraku had the ones she didn't. Though she wanted desperately to go after him and stop him, she could not. Not till she had her identity back, till she was ready. It would do no good to go off and jump the gun. That would only accomplish an early death for herself.
She snorted. Stupid wench was she? Well, she wasn't the one that jumped into the chase without finding the rabbit. She paused her walk, chewing on her bottom lip, then started again.
After countless jaunts up and down this path, Kagome was more then certain that she could be blind-folded, spun around several times and placed on it, pointed in the right direction of course, and still be able to walk her way along it well enough. Perhaps she'd run into a few trees here and there, but she'd be able to traverse it relatively well enough. She was talented that way.
Insecurity crept up her spine like little demons intent on making a home in her mind. They jittered that that was all she was good at. After all her, her love said so, wasn't he right?
No! He wasn't. She was worth more then a memory.
Shaking her head, she came to a stop in the clearing that held the well, a portal to the gates of time.
~Yes, go back, run home to your mother and forget all the pain the past had given you. All the agony he's given. Run like a coward~, the demons cackled at her, tore at the walls of her mind and danced about with violent glee. Her clouded eyes slammed shut and she clamped her hands over her ears, but she refused to fall to her knees.
~Shut up! Shut UP! I am not running. Even if I wanted to I couldn't. I have to pull myself back together. You're not going to taunt me. Go! Get out of my head!~
Their voices faded, though the word coward still echoed in the far corners of her being. Fading, and then were gone.
She straitened, swallowed and forced her suddenly heavy legs to take her towards the well. It couldn't be helped, but as she came closer to the well, her heart clenched in guilt. Though it was a course she needed to take, she felt she going to be abandoning Shippou and her friends. Not to mention Inuyasha. Her heart quailed at the thought, but she firmly told it to shut up as well.
But she wasn't going to be gone forever. She'd be back. After she'd healed enough to take up the burden once again.
After an eternity and a moment, she reached the well's edge and peered into he abyss with something akin to longing and apprehension. Her eyes blurred and a tear fell to the darkness. It was then she realized that she'd been crying for quite a while. Her cheeks bore the testament as the air that hit the trails of salted liquid. She brushed the back of her hand over her eyes a few times to erase them as well as she could.
The well was waiting. She needed to go home. Her smile was weak, but it was there as she looked up at the sky and closed her eyes to take a deep breath. ~Just for a little while~, she promised herself silently and jumped.
An ancient magic caught her and curled about her in a gentle cocoon to deliver her through time safely. Her eyes drifted shut as she reveled in the weightless sensations; there was nothing else she could name that felt like this. It was a wonderful feeling, a soothing balm to the pain that she'd been in.
And it was over all to soon. Lesson number one, Happiness comes in short doses. Savor what you get and move on with life. And hope to god that next does came soon.
Lesson well noted and moving on with life, thank you. Hoping now.
Hand over hand she climbed up the ladder and into the well house. With a deep breath she took in the Tokyo air and felt her nose wrinkle in distaste. Nothing could beat the fresh, untainted air either.
Well, home waited.
Kagomestarted walking. Five steps to the door she froze. And slapped a hand to her forehead with a mocking grin that she certainly didn't feel.
"Dammit. I forgot my bag." Dry look over shoulder. " Well, no use crying over spilt milk. Sango will take care of it for me."
The door opened and the head of a certain younger sibling poked out, curious as to who was making those noises…
"Kagome! You back!" He zipped out the door and glomped her.
Yes, she thought, wrapping her arms about her brother's shoulders. Here, Kikyo was nothing more then a fairy tale that no one had read and Kagome was real.
Souta poked her in the ribs, bringing her from her thoughts efficiently. "Okaa-san's made oden."
Kagome perked up, "Well, then. What are we waiting for? Oden beckons." Arm draped over his shoulders, she lead him inside and shut the door with her foot.
There was truly no place like home. Or a brother's love to make the pain go away, though she knew it would be back later. She'd deal with it then. Right now, she was going to spend time with her family. Something that she'd been unable to do for a while.
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Frustration. Artist's rut had to be the most aggravating thing aside from his moronic half brother that he'd ever had the misfortune to encounter. How long had he been staring at the blank sketchpad again? Lately there had been nothing of inspiration for him, but he'd been able to over come that little obstacle many times before. Why not now? What was so different now? Quite frankly, he mused dryly, he was going to go mad if he couldn't do something with that canvas soon. He was going stir crazy, frantic with the need to paint but unable to find the perfect outlet for it. Not even clearing his mind and waiting for the masterpiece to solidify was helping.
The blank canvas mocked him and he glared at it balefully while chastising himself for giving an inanimate object a personification. Canvas could not mock him…but he could certainly burn it. Or melt it. It was very tempting, but would be a waste of both canvas and the toxins that made up his venom claws.
He stared down at his hands. Draw them? Frown. He was not that desperate. Besides, he shot a glassy look over to the other sketches he had done out of pure frustration. All were of his hands in various poses. All were going to burn one of these cold nights. Great kindling. He cracked his knuckles and went back to staring at the blank canvas.
Waiting. Nothing. All right. Very well. Patience. Wait some more. Still nothing. Resist urge to rip canvas into pieces and toss them to the four winds. He drummed his fingers on the desk, then ran one hand through his hair. Repeat.
It was…nice to have two arms again. About four hundred, a little less then five hundred really, he'd grown back the lost appendage. Before which, Inuyasha had been dragged to hell with the miko abomination. Well, may hap, merrily skipped to hell would have been a more appropriate metaphor. It probably was because the other miko had vanished suddenly and had not been there to stop him. What a waste. His brother was weak if he allowed himself to tricked in such a way. The girl was obviously moderately intelligent. Quite the mystery, that girl. What had she been called? Oh yes, Kagome. An intriguing creature. Powerful as well, but untrained. Which made her a walking time bomb. From what he'd gathered, she was a volatile little thing and either very foolish, or very brave.
Very few had ever dared to defy him. The few that did had all been youkai, no humans had ever even thought of standing up to him. She was the first human, much less a female one, to ever stare him in the eye and not turn tail and run away screaming bloody murder. It had gained her his respect. Grudging respect albeit.
As they continued to cross paths and she continued to surprise him that grudging respect morphed into something else he didn't dare put a name to. Obsession, perhaps. He stood up from his desk and gladly escaped the white mocking of the canvas. With a languid stretch he padded from said desk towards the large bay windows of his high-rise abode. Modern day Tokyo lay before him, shimmering buildings and frenzied beings crawling through their mundane lives.
Gods how he longed for the past. When he didn't have to hide his true nature and appearance behind a new appearance and an alias. When he was the ruler of all that he surveyed.
The present held no interest for him. Writing tales of his adventures and selling them as fantasies may have made the yen but it certainly was a droll existence. He'd seen all the world had to offer twice over and found it to be nothing spectacular. A few exceptions here and there but otherwise about as exiting as a snail on angel dust.
He yearned for a good challenge. And he was not talking about that canvas. That could go to hell in a hand basket.
Once more he lifted his hands to his eyes to study them. By human standards, they were male. Though the nails were a little longer then the norm even though they were retracted. His markings, and his overall appearance had not been altered through time. He was still, by all means, Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western lands and second in status to none. But, to any one else he was a slender, but strong young man with oddly hued green-gold eyes, spiked platinum blonde hair with bangs that framed his face and a serious disposition who went by the name of Wasuremono, Hitori. Author and artist, a young genius that any major organization would slit throats to get their hands on. Universities, colleges, businesses, blah blah blah.
For the sake of survival, Sesshoumaru had faded into the shadows and Hitori had stepped forward. A nice little trick he'd developed a long time ago. All higher youkai such as he had the ability to shape shift. It came in handy. He could become anyone.
Idly, hismind turned back to the girl and he wondered what had become of Kagome as he went back to the canvas. Had her own power destroyed her? Or had she finally reached the age of reason and left Inuyasha to return to wherever it was she had come from?
She was an anomaly as far as human nature went. One that had captured both his attention and respect, and now left him with a mystery to solve.
Before he'd even realized it, Sesshoumaru had sketched something upon the formally blank canvas. His hand dropped to allow him an unobstructed view of his work.
He was startled to find that it was a portrait of Kagome as she had appeared every time she'd ever faced him. The fire in her eyes was nearly alive for all that it was a crude drawing. Her chin was lifted stubbornly, jaw clenched, shoulders thrown back with a regality he'd not known any human to possess.
"Oh, bloody hell. It would just figure that she'd be the one to draw me from this rut." He traced the Kagome-sketche's features with his gaze, less than amused but more than pleased. Well, it was a start.
He set to work with further bringing the sketch to life, afterwards he'd get rid of it or hide it away, but for now, he was not suffering from the block and that was all he really wanted. Who cared how it was achieved, it meant nothing anyways.
He kept telling himself that.
End chapter.
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