Author: Davan
Title: The Wooing of Hinamori Momo
Chapter: Four
Warnings: Spoilers...
Author Rambling: Okay, I am sorry that this chapter took so long. In fact the bad news is that the next one could take longer, feasible speaking of course. I am a afraid that I am neck up in homework and papers and STUFF. That and this weekends sole interst is the OU/TEXAS game, so I aplogize, I won't be in much a writing mood. The good news is I KNOW what I want in the next chapter, it just might take me a while to beat it out.
One maybe two chapters left.
Sixteen pages of goodness at for your reading pleasure...
Hinamori was day dreaming again. In the long run of things this she knew she was being very irresponsible as she was supposed to be doing paper work. She just wasn't couldn't seem to help herself. She forcible ignored the urge to doodle on what she was sure was a very important piece of paper. A casual peek at her captain assured her that he was engrossed in his own paperwork and would not see her own lack of effort.
She sighed, her gaze moving towards the window outside, it was almost time to leave, all she had to do was make it through another five minutes. A quick scan of her paper work to double check everything and she was nodding in satisfaction. She only had one paper to review and sign before she could quit for the day. She still had a nice stack of paperwork, but she had sorted it out and figured out what was due today and what could wait for tomorrow. She peeked at her captain again. He was still doing his paperwork.
Another glance. Another pause. Another sigh.
He looked up then, and catching her expression he smiled, even as he glanced out the window. "All right Hinamori, you can go."
She wasted no time in standing, "Thank you Captain, do you need anything else?"
He waved her off, "get going before you drive me to distraction with your sighs and constant glances out the window."
She bobbed her head. That was really all the excuse that she needed to clean up her desk, settle the papers neatly into their stacks… and then dart towards the door and outside. The sun was still warm on her tired eyes, the hours spent working on paperwork always managed to wear her down. But the sun was warm on her face, and the paperwork was at a standstill; she was free to go home. Perhaps make herself a nice cup of tea. The tea sounded wonderful and maybe a sandwich. The idea of having a full and warm tummy helped to sooth her frayed nerves after a long day behind a boring desk.
Some ten minutes later she was contently snuggled under a blanket, settled at her window, and prepared to watch Soul Society settle for the evening. The view was one of the many perks to being a Vice-Captain. The outside courtyard was beautiful, and her favorite evening activity was to sit and watch everyone wrapped up t here daily activities and headed home.
Dusk was such a beautiful time of the day, and one of her favorites. Soul Society was settling down, the sun was setting, and it was easy to distract herself from all the thoughts that had been crowding in her head all day long. Her Captain had long ago expressed his wish to do his evening rounds alone, she being his subordinate, had gleefully bowed to his wishes.
Hinamori had and was easily plagued by her thoughts. Her mind ran, most days, in a continuous litany that she had little control over. For most of the day she had been distracted, and had she been questioned, would have been forced to confess to her lack of concentration. Day dreaming of Hitsugaya… Her mind had been on overload since that night, and had followed the normal patterns: over analyzing. She had ripped apart every movement, every word, and during the two weeks since the event she had been on recon. She had managed to push it out of her brain however; for short periods of time. While staring outside her mind had gone to the longing for the warmth on her face instead of the warmth in his eyes. .
Once or twice she had pretended that Shiro-chan was with her on that old front porch, eating watermelons. That had brought up other memories and the knowledge that her choices might have driven him so far away that perhaps, even now, some things were beyond recall.
There were many things that Hinamori Momo regretted. Some things were far worse than others. For example, she regretted the trust that she placed so fully in her beloved captain Aizen. She regretted not being able to see past the carefully placed illusions that he had settled across her eyes; she had been his willing victim who had only wanted to see the best in her Captain. In return for that faithfulness she had been gutted by the edge of his sword. Past that defining moment, there were only one or two things she regretted more. Pitting Tobiume against her best friend was the worst.
The night she had asked Hitsugaya to leave her life…
That moment was probably in its own class of mistakes, of regret, the self-loathing almost unmatchable; sinking so far into the depths of her that she had never been able to remove its claws. To redeem herself and to wash it from her soul. She felt as if she could never be clean again nor did she ever look herself in the eyes and find herself clean of the expression he had given her then. Pain, misunderstanding, confusion, and anger had all been rolled into one look, one moment that had sent her world into a frothing collision of emotions; hatred of herself so deep she was still searching for the thread to lead her from the maze.
She had never really understood how precious their friendship was, how close she had held it to her, until she had soiled it; first with the tip of Tobiume then with words that she had deliberately let fall into the silence between them. She had stolen innocence from something that had been sacred to them both. He had let her.
"You can't keep doing this to yourself." She softly whispered as he paused just beyond the edge of her vision. She had not heard him come in, but it was obvious to her small world that he had entered her domain; it had changed. It always changed when he was around her.
"I can't keep doing what?" There were no pretenses here, not between them, not now. Not when the marks of Aizen's blade were still visible in angry lines down both their bodies; not when she was still trapped by a depression that he could not dissipate.
Not when she was still contemplating leaving Soul Society for the duration of her life.
"Coming here, it's not good for you." Her words were spoken deliberately, softly, in order to convey the message that hung between them.
He sat then, behind her; where she could not see his expression. He couldn't see hers either, she realized. An even playing field, that was good, she was going to need it. She had started to make decisions about things earlier that evening. Some of them she didn't like but her over worked brain had insisted and she had found that she could not fight the impulses. The burning drive, the need to ensure that the remaining bits of her heart could not be smashed. That the pieces of her soul would be given the time they would need to piece themselves together.
She would not be dependent on anyone neither could she allow someone to be dependent on her.
Unfortunately, this meant Hitsugaya..
"It is my choice." His words were simple, composed, and spoken with an ease born through years of practice. Yet, she could his hesitancy, feel the caution that was radiating from him.
"You are only hurting yourself Captain Hitsugaya."
She felt him flinch even as she mentally banished the tears that tried to pool with her acknowledgment of the blow she had just dealt him. She could not, would not, be weak on this. She had to make him see, had to make him understand.
She had done nothing but bring him pain, she had threatened his life, and then in the end of all things, after her betrayal against herself, beyond her own discovery of Aizen's betrayal, she had come to close to loosing Hitsugaya.
Her death she could understand, what more did she deserve? Not after the way she had handled everything, the treachery against herself, her beliefs, against Hitsugaya. She was still unsure how her own foolishness had not brought down a swifter punishment; she deserved it. Yet for him to come so close to dieing for her, to lose that control that he had so carefully honed. It was a blight on her soul that she would not accept. Better to break them both now than loose him to her stupidity later.
"It will always be my choice Hinamori." His tone was deceptively quiet. She shuddered with force of the emotions that were coursing through her small frame.
"And if I ask you to leave me here? If I ask you to go and to never walk back through those doors again; to let me face my demons and this nightmare that I brought upon myself! What then? For that would be my choice." She was panting with the effort to rid herself of the words, to free her self from the anger and the pain that had built up in her over the course of the day.
The room was thick with the silence between them but all she registered was the frantic beating of her heart. So much of her wanted him to refuse the logic of what she was saying, for him to tell her she was being foolish, that there was nothing she could say or do to make him leave her life. That he would always be there.
Yet, this was not the first conversation of this nature that they had had. She had already wounded him with her admittance that she had fallen for Aizen. That she didn't think she could love another, she had seen felt the way he had recoiled from her. She didn't have to look to know, the way his eyes had shuttered closed with a thick icy layer. A layer drawn so tightly drawn over vulnerable emotions that even she could not penetrate, she had not understood it, but she could sense it all the same...
Had used the way he had never had to work for anything in his life as a weapon. That he could not understand where she was coming from because he had not walked the road she had. School for him had been such an easy feat. He had barely paid attention in class, where she had struggled and worked so hard to accomplish her goal, he had merrily strolled through; ever holding his shield of ice forward. She had been intimidated by this new person; until he had opened his mouth then he had been her Shiro-chan. It had been another illusion to fool herself with.
Bankai was something every Death God struggled with, yet he had complete his training at an amazing rate. He had achieved it so easily, she had been jealous. She would never have told him, never to the sin that stained her soul. He was an enigma, a genius, and she had never seen it coming. She who had bandaged his torn knees, kissed away his bruises, and told him grand tales of lands that both of them had known were never real. He had been her Shiro-chan and she had lost him to a sword and a Captain's cloak long ago. This would be no different, years of fondness were diluted by the ever creeping knowledge that sooner or later he would realize that he didn't need her, and then he to would leave; because she was too stained to hold him...
A moment such as this had been long overdue in coming and she was once again helpless to change anything.
"So you want me to walk out, to leave you here, to fight Aizen's memory, alone." His voice was flat, raw, and it echoed from somewhere inside him. She ducked her head in shame. He had done so much for her, even as far as to place her life above his own, and the only way she could repay him was to send him forward without her.
She was hurting him, and everything in her cried out against it. He was Shiro-chan, someone she had loved as a brother and called friend her entire life. And here she was pushing him away, protecting him the only way she could. The knowledge was not a balm to her aching heart, if anything it shattered further, pieces gathering to block her ability to breathe.
"Yes," it was choked out, and with one simple word, she did something that would haunt her footsteps as a hollow hunted the unsuspecting. She ruthlessly slammed the door between them.
Hesitation, a long pained silence, and something else she didn't understand twisted in the air around them. He shifted and she turned to meet his gaze. What she saw stole her breath: anger, pain, betrayal, and sorrow. They clashed to hide whatever else he was so desperately trying to show her through his eyes. It was an acknowledgement, an understanding for the depth of her words; of the part of her that no longer existed. Before she could fully read into what he was feeling and thinking, what he was reading in her own devastated gaze, the shield of ice slid neatly into place.
He nodded, once. There would be no arguments, she realized, her heart heavy with the truth, which she had brought upon herself. She was ruining something precious. He would follow her wish; he would leave her here, to face her own demons. That should have made her happy, her goal had been met, and she had finally won; he would be safe. So why was she suddenly struck with the urge to cry out? For him to never leave her, that she didn't want be alone.
She would not, could not, give into that impulse.
"As you wish," simple words, accompanied the equally simple action of him standing and walking to the door. He paused before turning towards her, and she felt her breath catch for the briefest of moments in both confusion and wonder, "for now."
Then he was gone. The ominous sound of the door sliding closed sealed her fate. It was for the best, she told herself stubbornly. She would only hurt him more if he stayed close to her. Would only fall prey to the same depression that hung so tightly around her these days, she would never be the girl he knew again, she wasn't even sure if she could live with the person she had become. He would become a target for Aizen when he returned to finish what he had started. She would not let him fall because of her.
Slowly the room cleared of his presence, and just as slowly she moved back into her original position, starring at the wall, eyes blank, though her mind was no longer calm. Only when all was settled and she could no longer feel any presence near her, when the bells outside chimed with knowledge of the late hour, only then did she cry.
That night still haunted them both. It was in the lingering tension in there silences where there had once been camaraderie. It was the hesitancy she had no control over, in the careful dictation of his words when he talked. Even now when she had finally opened her eyes to a truth she had not considered, to the tantalizing butterflies in her tummy; this new light he was shinning with in her life confused her. He was no longer the child she had held so dear and neither was she impervious to his charms as a man. Every time she turned, he was there; a casual glance and there he would be; before something strange would flit over his features. She would turn away; fighting the sorrow that filled her even as she reminded herself what she had done was for the best.
Even now with the memory of his almost-kiss lingering on the horizon of her memories, ready to be recalled at the slightest provocation, she was unsure of how to proceed. What action to take and how she felt about it.
She knew how she felt about him. There was no doubt in her feelings towards Hitsugaya Toushirou. It had been difficult, at first, to understand, to grasp the knowledge that had lingered so slightly out of reach. It had taken a walk out to the practice field just south of the city, a calming practice she had taken up during her recovery. The walk in the sunshine to her secret place brought her a sense of peace. While she was out and about she would talk to Tobiume. After all Tobiume was as real as she and the one part of her that was never unsure as the steps she would take. The important thing was that it gave her something to talk to.
One day she had been discussing Hitsugaya. She had long ago admitted to herself that she was attracted to him, that not watching him was impossible and that she had noticed too many things about him to pull off the bland expression she needed to survive. That no matter whatever this was she would give everything to keep him safe. She had been winding down when it had hit her with the same clarity Tobiume's name had so long ago.
She had fallen in love with him.
Mentally and physically she had reeled against the blow. It was like being punched in the stomach, her breath suddenly coming in short gasps. Several long moments later, she had simply sat down and stared at Tobiume, the truth of her thoughts giving her a sense of liberation. Had filled her with dread.
For with all revelations came knowledge and it terrified her. She had always loved him. He was her best friend, the person who had gotten her through her darkest days; he had stuck by her, watched her back, and followed her into the school of Death Gods. It had never been this, never the knowledge that his smile would cause her to do anything for him; the fascination of every aspect: from his mannerisms, the way he hid from the world, the desire to know him.
She had discovered need. The second revelation: she needed him. That knowledge had stung, because she had worked so hard to not need anyone. She was Hinamori Momo and that was enough. Because of that, no one should need her either. It was a promise, given to herself. She had needed Aizen, needed his words and his smile, the praise, and she would never travel that path again. She would become a loner, even with her friends. She was happy with them, cold function with people smiling and laughing with her, but she kept something back. She could never rely on someone as heavily as she had on Aizen. It had been a bitter pill to swallow.
It stung her pride, her conscious, and part of her rebelled; yet, it soothed, and eventually the part of her that hated it, caved. She had struggled with the bittersweet knowledge. She needed his touch, needed his smile, needed his unfailing self-assured mannerisms; just as she needed his gentle words, soft glances, and reassurances that she had for so long denied herself.
No, it had never been like this. The moment she had realized it, that she would sell her soul to keep him safe, she had known that she loved him. It had hummed through her veins, an intoxicating knowledge that would not leave. She lived for the moments she spent with him, for the softness in his eyes rarely shown, for the gentleness in his touch as he handed her a report, or placed a hand on her shoulder. She lived for the day that would never come, when all could be set aside and she could finally tell him the truth.
It had been embarrassment that had sent her fleeing from the room they had occupied that night. She would never have escaped the web he had weaved so gently around her otherwise. She was positive even her bones were aware of this knowledge. Even now it haunted her: his touch, the look in his eyes. All she had to do was close her eyes and she was there, it was as vivid in her mind as ever Aizen's betrayal had been.
And while she had come to accept this knowledge, while she knew she would have to live with it, learn to deal with it; she was terrified. She was petrified of this new emotion, of this all encompassing need, and the knowledge that she depended on him. She would not say she was his, but everything in her cried out that it would not take much for her to be so. For now, she held onto her control, she held onto the shields and the walls that had gotten her through the decades. Held in a clenched fist the iron desperation as she worked to fix the chinks and cracks that were rapidly appearing in her armor; slowly leaving her bare to his eyes.
She needed time to think. Time to reorganize; he had surprised her with his blatant move during the ball. She had not been expecting it, with perfect hindsight she was able to recognize that he had given her all the signs she had needed: appearing more often, dropping casual words, accepting her invitation to tea. Even if the tea had been cancelled due to due to a fight that broke out in his division, he had accepted.
She was also able to understand that he had been seeking her earnestly during the ball. She had thought that perhaps it was her own fascination with him that ensured that she saw him constantly, but now she wondered if perhaps as she had been dodging him and the people around her if he had not been trying to communicate something else entirely with her.
Those two dances he had tried to win left her wondering what information she would have gleamed from such an encounter. Would he have asked her to meet him somewhere later to talk? Would he simply have danced and never said anything, leading her through time honored steps, just to watch her reaction? She didn't know, she couldn't know, because what had happened had been completely unexpected.
He had known she would flee, she could see it in the maneuvering he had used on her when they had been alone. He was a skilled handler of people and she had fallen neatly into the steps he had set before her. By sitting next to her he had offered her a chance to bolt, and when she stayed, he had ensured a closed escape route. Idle conversation had relaxed her guard; by taking her hand he had made it impossible for her to run. The soft tone of voice had coaxed her into his world, sucked her into a discussion she had no intention of having.
The removing of her hair barrette would leave her feeling vulnerable, ensure that her shields would crack, small chinks emerging that he could exploit. Her hair up and out of her face was a shield, it helped her hide the woman she was from the world by giving her a child-like quality that some still would not look past. When he had settled his hand into the thick of her hair he had distracted her; by smiling and letting her see the emotion he so carefully kept from everyone, he had enthralled her.
Even at her best, even if she had been forewarned, she was not completely sure if she could have avoided that moment. He had years of knowledge to play against her, and she had worked so carefully to keep him out of her life that it now seemed she had done her work too well. He had a very real advantage he could exploit if that was his goal.
She didn't really know what his goal was. After days of pondering and confusion, she wasn't even sure how she felt about the fact that he had almost kissed her. Once the initial embarrassment had slid though her system, once she had been able to repress the urge to turn red, she had started to analyze everything; only to come to the same conclusion over and over again.
She didn't understand why.
It was just too much for her to hope. She had long ago rejected the idea that he would want something more. She had settled her shields neatly into place hidden that part of herself from the world. She had learned how to live without him; had taught herself to no longer think of him every day; now he pulled something like this.
She would need to observe her own emotions and thoughts to understand what was going on. It was a basic death god principle; you must know yourself before you knowing anything else.
She needed to research.
She would not think beyond herself, would push the traitorous hopes away from her. She would take time to sit back and relax; he had not given her anything to worry about. In the last week he had not once mentioned their meeting outside the ball. There was no awkwardness in his step or hesitancy in his movements. In fact he was so good at this that she had almost convinced herself that she had imaged it.
She settled the blanket closer around her shoulders. The sun had fallen to the darkness for another day. She smiled and rested her head against the cool glass, her breath forming small patches of mist on the glass. It had all been going so well, she mused. Her plan had fallen together, she had been able to gather information, but this past week had been full of much more than just information she could use to start to understand what was going on. She had discovered strange little inconsistencies that had only reveled themselves to her hindsight.
Yet it had been Kira who had provided the warning that had made her wonder if things were really going in the direction she thought that they were. Her recon work it seemed was not as honed as it should have been.
They had been eating lunch together when he had mentioned that Captain Hitsugaya had been hanging around her quiet often lately, and he was curious, had something happened? There had been an almost smile quirking his lips, and a delicate quirk to his brow that insinuated so much more. She had denied it of course, had even glared at him, only to receive a laugh for he was only 'teasing' her.
She had laughed it off as well. Later, when she had been alone, she had wondered if there hadn't been something more to his question.
She quickly redoubled her recon efforts. She had realized several things quickly.
Hitsugaya was a captain. And at being Captain class meant being sneaky in broad daylight. It was disturbing. Especially since Kira had noticed, he was a great friend of course. Once she had gotten over how easily manipulated he had been by Ichimaru. It was no different to how Aizen had played her; just different.
So how long had this been going on?
She doubted that she would be able to place it to a time frame. But careful observation of her surroundings and notes from years of working around the politics of the Gotei 13 had told a story. A story that she wasn't quiet sure she wanted to read.
Kira's observations had not been that far off the marker.
Flashes of silver and tiny bits of white where there wasn't supposed to be any. She had decided she was either being stalked by the entire Gotei 13. Or Hitsugaya had a lot of time on his hands.
That was not her only disturbing revelation. Notes that had been later reviewed and studied and reveled their truth: Matsumoto was working for the wrong side. The woman had started casually asking her questions, questions that were just not like her. A little bit too much interest in her personal life for her taste.
She jumped a foot as they tray slapped against the table in front of her. The annoyed blond woman slid into the chair with a disgruntled look, a pout sliding across expressive features.
"Today is the worst day ever," she informed her as she picked up an apple off her tray and biting into it viciously. Hinamori got the impression that she was imagining something else as she glared at it.
"Uh, are you okay?" she questioned, hesitantly. When Matsumoto got like this, there was no telling who she was mad at.
"It never stops!" The girl muttered, completely ignoring her. "I didn't even get my nap, and what does he do? He sits there and he glowers, and makes sure that I go over every piece of paper at least twice…" her hand twitched around the apple she was holding. "And then he makes me deliver every last one… and then it starts all over again…" more twitching, and glaring at the apple.
Hinamori went back to eating her own lunch. Deciding it was a wise course of action to give her space. Just in case she decided an innocent bystander was a better target than the apple.
She decided it would be wise to intervene when she grabbed her fork and repeatedly stabbed the apple. In fact, she wasn't sure what the fruit had done to deserve such a violent act but even Yachiru, who had happily been approaching their table, had looked concerned and veered off to go find some other victim to sit with.
"Matsumoto!"
The girl looked up. "What?" She pulled an innocent mask over hear face and Hinamori sighed.
"I am not falling for it, what is wrong?"
"I am not at liberty to speak about it." She said after several moments of careful deliberation.
She felt her brows rise up in surprise. "You're not at liberty to speak of it?"
"No," the tone was mutinous.
She rolled her eyes. "Then why are you sitting in front of me desecrating an innocent apple, and muttering if you're not at liberty to speak of it?"
Matsumoto blinked. "I wasn't muttering."
"You were most definitely muttering."
"I don't mutter."
"You were."
"Couldn't have been because I never mutter!"
She grunted, "I assure you, you were muttering."
Matsumoto paused again. "All right, but I wasn't muttering."
She let her head plop onto the table with a groan.
"So what are you doing tonight Hinamori?"
She looked up, "uh?"
"Very simple question, are you going out with someone, perhaps for a drink? Are you eating dinner with a friend? What are you doing tonight?"
"Making tea, and going to bed, why?"
"Oh? Would you like to come over to my place? I am, um, having friends over."
Hinamori paused at her tone. "No thanks."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
Disappointment flashed across her features. "All right."
As strange as that conversation had been they had had several more like it. Each time the girl asked what she was doing that day. Then she would invite her over to do something with 'friends.' It had become such a habit in their conversations that Hinamori herself had starting to become suspicious. A little spying and then paying Yachiru to follow her one night had reveled several things.
The most important was who these 'friends' were. The fact that they came in the tall blond variety had gotten her thinking. Matsumoto had been a shoulder to cry on more than once. But if it came down to it she would most likely side with her captain. If she would go against Ichimaru why not Hinamori? The knowledge had made her blood run cold. Matsumoto knew far too many things about her own personal preferences. Matsumoto had been her confident, her ally, and her friend. Still she was sure that she was now helping Hitsugaya. That made her nervous. Because she wasn't sure what she was hoping to accomplish.
So she did what she had learned to do best in the last several decades. Hinamori Momo went on full defensive mode and ignored them both to the best of her ability.
What she had not reckoned on was that once two blonds, of varying shades, put their heads together she in over her head.
She had been casually sharing a meal with Yachiru. Who had informed her that her Ken-San was busy playing without her, and could she ever so nicely eat lunch with her? It was beyond her to refuse the girl anything when she looked that mournful. Besides she was rather certain that her Ken-sans disappearance had more to do with a certain healer, than him going to off to play without Yachiru. She would never tell the small girl that, however.
Of course, she had not expected to look up from her meal laughing at something Yachiru had been telling her to find him watching her. Settled against one of the walls in the common room with that infuriating smirk plastered in place; for the first time his normal mannerisms did not reassure her. Instead the hair on the back of her neck stood up.
Yachiru had drawn her attention a few seconds after that with a loud declaration that it simply was not FAIR she wanted to go cutting as well. When she had gained enough of a reprieve from the girl to look up, he had been gone. Before she could wonder someone jostled her from behind and she yelped with surprise. Yachiru grabbing an apple off her plate and threw it at the person with a loud 'watch what your doing!" Loud enough to make her ear drums ring.
It had been a very long time since she had been knocked around and by the time she had finally collected her thoughts and her hearing was no longer ringing with Yachiru's shout whoever it was had left. It was the sight of a small pink flower on her plate caused her more than a moment's confusion, however.
It was a rather delicate looking flower with small gentle petals moving out in a rather pretty pink. Yachiru, of course, had promptly displayed a rather excited air and asked if perhaps she could have the beautiful flower.
The small pout and wide eyes had her nodding. Yachiru was always rather excited about anything pink. She was also rather irresistible when she took on that particular pleading expression. The wide beaming smile had been more than worth the relinquishing of the flower. She did wonder who had pushed her however. She didn't think that looking for someone with an apple sized knot on their head was going to be very productive.
She had more important things to worry about, anyway, namely Hitsugaya.
Like yesterday when he had invited her to tea…
"Hinamori," she had been surprised at his sudden approach. She was delivering paperwork to the 13th Division captain, Ukitate Jyuushiro, and while she had to pass his division she had not expected to see him.
"Hello," she said not able to hide the surprise in her tone. The hated blush, for once was not present.
"Are you busy today?" His tone caught her off guard and she looked up. He wore a serious expression that made her nervous. "There are some things that I would like to discuss with you, perhaps over tea this afternoon?"
He was doing it again, drawing her in with the sound of his voice. But she was gaining ground in her ability to read him fort she could see the expression in his eyes. It made her nervous.
"I am afraid that I promised my Captain that I would take the brunt of the paperwork today since he was rather generous in taking a good portion of my own during the planning of the party." Never had she been so relieved to be overloaded with work.
He nodded, "Another time perhaps?" his expression never changing from 'normal'. For he was cool, calm, his expression giving nothing away all the while he held himself upright with the same casual arrogance she had come to recognize. This was not the Hitsugaya he had shown her and yet there was a certain gleam in his yes that had not been there before.
"Of course," He had moved off then, back to wherever he had been before he had interrupted her walk. She wondered if perhaps if she had once again missed a more subtle message.
There had been small subtle hints in his words that she had not been able to decode. She was not a dense person. In fact she considered herself rather intelligent. But she could not work pass the walls of self-doubt and loathing that she had placed around herself long enough to understand what was going on. She had been to long out of the loop, had cut herself off from the subtle politics of Soul Society. It seemed that she was about to get a crash course in understanding how to operate with no information and decode unspoken messages.
She wasn't quite certain if she would make it through the experience intact. Hitsugaya was an adept player. Even when he had first arrived he had taken to the world of meanings hidden behind words, and things that were never said, as if he always known them.
That wasn't what worried her. In time she was confident she would be able understand the hidden meaning in his words. Understanding, after all came with patience and time, both of which she had. No it was the other signals and messages that he was passing along that left her uncomfortable and uncertain.
Such as the day she had taken a report to him for her captain. Instead of just having her drop it on his desk like normal, which had oddly enough been clear of paperwork, he had taken it from her himself. His fingers brushed along hers a moment longer than had been necessary.
And then there was the time he had slid past her in a crowded path. Knuckles had gently brushed against her cheek for the briefest of moments. Fast enough that she had not seen the move. When she had whipped around in shock all she had gotten for her efforts was amused glances from everyone else in the corridor as he moved through the crowd.
The worst part was the flowers. Which she was not quite sure were coming from him but she couldn't think of anyone else who would go to the trouble.
Small pink flowers would show up in the most unlikely of places. In her desk when she was working on her paperwork, when she was positive that there had been nothing there before. When she delivered paperwork to him she would often reach into the pocket on her robes she would find them. Once on her pillow when she returned home. It had happened enough at work that her Captain was asking if she had a secret admirer he should know about.
If she had not known better she would have sworn that she was being stalked.
She would have believed that she was imagining the whole thing expect for when she would turn to him questions in her eyes, his would answer with the melting of the ice he shielded himself with; soft gentle looks or even more so, the appraising ones that would force a blush to her cheeks at his expression. And still no attempt to discuss the night of the ball.
It would have been so much easier if she could just work up enough nerve to ask him what was going on. From the amused glances she was receiving from him and the inquisitive ones from Matsumoto; she was positive they were both amused that she had let it go on this long without confronting him. After all she wasn't the type to just let someone play games with her like this.
And she almost had several on occasions. Frustration could carry her long way. The constant moves that were catching her off guard tempted her to chase after him and demand answers. Once she had even ended outside his rooms one night but she had never quiet managed to knock on his door.
She had turned into a coward.
Instead she took an alternate route and did what she had always sworn she would never do. She went and found Rukia to ask for her advice. Matsumoto her normal confident was out of the question these days as she couldn't be sure that whatever she told her wouldn't end up in her captain's ear.
That and Rukia was involved with Ichigo. That meant she had some very real experience herself in things these things; even if her explanations never really made all that much sense.
So off she had gone.
"It sounds to me like he is courting you."
Hinamori paused, tea cup raised to her lips, eyes wide as she starred at the girl in front of her. "What is courting?"
Rukia laughed. "It's the term that Ichigo uses actually. From what I understand it's when a man is interested in a woman, and to get the women interested in the man, the man does silly things. Like um, take the girl flowers, and out to movies, and gives her chocolate."
"But Hitsugaya has only ever given me a few flowers, if it's him at all, so surely that doesn't mean he is courting me, yes?"
Rukia laughed again. "Well Captain Hitsugaya is not Ichigo, so obviously he would go about this different than him, wouldn't you say?"
Hinamori brooded over her tea as if it held all the secrets in the world and Rukia with a smile and knowing look let her.
She looked up a few minutes later. "But why… I mean…" she stopped and took a deep breath. "How did Ichigo court you, and why?"
Rukia smiled, "Ichigo had to explain all of this to me to," she assured the girl patting her on the leg. "Ichigo said he liked me, which was easy enough to understand. But because he liked me he wanted to do things for me, like give me the stuffed Rabbit he got me for my birthday. Well friends do such things for each other, but when I man does this for a woman he is courting it's a sign of his affection." She looked proud of herself, and Hinamori nodded. She could understand this; they had a system similar to this here in Soul Society. She had just never heard it be called 'courting' before. And the man never gave the girl such silly and impractical gifts like stuffed rabbits; it was always something she needed.
"But you see in the living world it's expected of boys to give the girls such offerings."
"Offerings?" She said, suddenly very confused.
The knowledgeable look on Rukia's face dissipated for a moment, before she sighed. "I don't understand it myself really, that part. But that is what they always seemed to be like to me. I mean what else do you call constant gifts that really have no meaning other than to get someone to like them, offerings. But anyway, they present these offerings to the girls and if she deems the man acceptable she accepts them, and they start to get to know each other in this sort of ceremony where he takes her out and feeds her and they talk and then he pays and then they go for walks. This can be repeated as many times a week as the female deems fit, and the man can afford." Rukia shrugged, "rather strange way to go about it if you ask me."
Hinamori nodded, though she admitted quietly to herself that she hopped that Hitsugaya didn't go about this in the way of living. It was rather confusing and she didn't want to be seen as some sort of shrine or something.
Rukia shrugged, "confusing isn't it?" She hesitated for a moment before plunging on, "Hinamori, may I be frank with you?"
She looked up startled, before nodding slowly.
"I honestly don't know what is going on between you and Hitsugaya, I mean, I know you like him, you have for a quiet a while yes?" at her nod she continued on, "and I know you have come quiet a long way in healing yourself from everything that happened with Aizen. Everyone here is proud of you and we all want to see the best happen for you," she reached forward and grasped her hands tightly and looked at her with the most serious expression she had seen on her face in quiet a long time. "But sometimes you have to let go of the past to embrace the future."
Hinamori watched her, trying to read her words, trying to judge everything that she had just told her, before ever so carefully nodding. "Thank you for your time," she told the girl with a smile.
"Of course, you know you are always welcome here." She smiled and released her hands. "Do come see me more often."
"I would like that." She murmured only half paying attention as she was lead to the front door and sent on her way with a smile and a wave.
Hinamori sighed shifting away from her perch. Moving to the kitchen she carefully made herself another cup of tea. It was looking to be another long night. She had quiet a bit of thinking to do.
Erebrandir- big shiny eyes oooo... nice... long... review! And thank you! I will not bore you with how many times the last part of three was re-written, or how many types I wanted to just delete the whole thing because it was so... NOT what I wanted. But thank you! And I couldn't help but add more characters, there just, THERE. Part of bleach, and now my story. And the roughness comes from editing your own stuff, but maybe I did better this time! Thank you so much for the amazing review, it totally made my day, really!
Dove-chan - how many points! (greedy arent I?)And ya! I love a good waff scene, really, I do. So glad you enjoyed mine!
Ori- I must agree, CUTENESS all around. I mean the first time I saw them it was like... STORY BEHIND THEM! And now I have corrupted it for my own means, but glad you like it!
heheangel kisses- LOVED the new episode, totally. CUTE. Just dont ever watch the new bleach people dubbing wise, THEY DONT dub everything. Drove me mad. I will be a lunar faithfull here until the day I die... I mean it. Nothing can make me that desperate ever again. And yes it was supposed to be Chibi but I can't spell half the time, and well... Matsumoto is the proverbial wrecker of sap scenes, and she just couldn't help herself. Paper work is adequet revenge I think.
Gina- awww thanks, but your the cool person! YOU keep reviewing! Total bonus points there! And I am afraid there will be a little longer spaces between these chapters, but hey... it cant be helped I think... homework is of the devil!
Imaginator- ya chibi... typo, i shall call it a typo. And the rest comes from editing my own stuff, so if you see something I do regularly let me know please! And thank you very much, I try, very hard. Tried to take a little of my own shy self and give it to Hinamori (current boyfriend had to lock me in a laundrey room for 45 minutes to have the 'discussion') so hopefully its not coming across to sappy.
Chibirebel and ldybookiie- I am afraid its Matsumoto's job in life... she will redeem herself one of these days I think...
MommyRogers- um thanks!
lacus-chan - havent decided exactly how the ending sequence will be, but its in the next two chapters!
Kirby - hey thanks! Dont burst!
lleaves - maybe! ponders that would be a LOT of reviews to respond to...
Maria - thanks! And good ole Matsumoto...
WaterLilly - cough he almost kissed her!
anGeL Hinaningyou- lots of edges of seats! I LOVE Byakuya, seriously. Third favorite character... second... something like that. He is jsut so darn COOL! Of course I couldn't appreciate this in the current episdoe cause some new group of dubbing DIDNT dub half of it scowls at them. But he is ubber cool! So glad you liked it!
reader - frustrating for me to, cause now I gotta think of a way to get them together without cheesyness... ah well it couldn't be helped. So glad you like it!
Ylen- i know, men like him just dont come around often do they? He is vedddddy nice!
Thanks once again for the reviews everyone!
The next chapter will tentively be called 'The Redemption of Matsumoto..." maybe, since I don't really know if I will get to that part or not, these people just take over themselves...
Thanks!