Thanks to all who reviewed:
Devonshirelass: Exactly, you never hear what you think you heard! But this chapter only makes it worse… enjoy!
lucillaq: I'll try! But sometimes I just ramble… let me know when I do (like you did this time!)
LANCELOTTRISTANBABY: Hope you like this one.
Babaksmiles: Actually, I haven't decided what his response will be or even if I'm going to let him be alive. Suggestions?
Author's Note: I'm going to be working a lot of hours for the next couple of week (can't turn down that overtime!) but I'll try to update a couple of times each week. Hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing. My husband actually said he enjoyed reading the first few chapters one day while I was working! And he's a picky reader. I was so pleased I was on cloud nine all day when he told me.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything as wonderful as the legend of King Arthur and his knights. What luck! Huh?
When the crowd had finally been served and was settled down a bit, she went back to the table and plopped down next to Gawain. "How're you feeling?" She asked him when he looked at her. "A little tired, maybe, but other than that I'm fine." He looked at her for a moment and said, "You look tired. I know you have to get up early tomorrow. Do you want to go so you can get some rest?" She thought for a bit, then replied, "No, I just want to sit for a while. My feet hurt and my shoulders are a bit tense. We can stay as long as you feel like it." He nodded and turned back to Bors, who had asked him a question.
The group sat around for quite a while after she sat down and she found herself fascinated by the tales of their adventures. She watched as Galahad and Tristan threw knives at the chair they had set on a nearby table and noted that both of them were good. Tristan was the better of the two, but she had no doubt that either of them could kill with a single throw if the need arose. She wondered how it would feel to know that she could take care of herself as these men did. It had to instill confidence in someone to know that should the need arise, they could handle themselves and have a better than average chance of surviving.
After a bit, she leaned forward and put her head in her hands so her neck could relax a bit. She watched Gawain out of the corner of her eye and noted that he was extremely handsome, with a confident air about him. She remembered the feel of his lips on hers and wondered how it would feel if he earnestly tried to satisfy the lust he awakened in her body. She didn't know how long it took, but she soon drifted off to sleep. She awoke a few minutes later when she heard someone calling her name.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear what you asked." She said sleepily. Gawain smiled, "I asked if you were about ready to go." "Only if you are." She told him. "Well, since you were already asleep in your chair, I'm guessing we'd better. You know I can't carry you home." She started to tell him that she didn't need him or anyone else to carry her home, but remembering the argument from the night before, she decided to just let it pass.
They made their way slowly out of the tavern and toward his room. Before they had made it more than half way, he stopped and turned to Sarah, "You know you don't have to go all the way back to my room. You'll have to just turn around and go back to the tavern to get to yours." He searched her face for some sign that Lancelot was correct in his assumption that Sarah had feelings for him.
She took a few minutes to say anything and during that time he saw the hesitation in her eyes. Was she hesitating because she didn't really want to go with him or because she did? If only he could just ask her and get it over with. He hated this uncertainty. He wasn't used to having to second guess his life, his feelings, or his thoughts. Finally, she shrugged, "I don't mind. I wouldn't be able to go to sleep unless I knew you'd made it without problems anyway. Unless you just don't want me to go…"
She had let her sentence trail off, waiting for confirmation, one way or another. She took a breath of relief when he told her, "I'd appreciate, no, I'd like for you to come with me." He saw her smile and thought he saw relief in her features. Then they started walking again, both lost in their own thoughts, both trying to think of something to say that would relieve the tension between them.
Once they were inside his room, Sarah straightened his bed and stepped outside the room while he undressed and got in. She gave him as long as she thought it would take, then she knocked gently to warn him that she would be coming back in. When she stepped back in she found him sitting on the side of the bed, still in his pants and shirt. She raised her eyebrows in question and he smiled sheepishly, "I couldn't get my shirt off by myself. Will you get Lancelot or one of the others to help me?"
She watched him for a minute, then sighing, "Here, I'll help you. By the time I find one of them and get back we'll have wasted the better part of an hour." He could see how tired she was and suddenly felt bad about letting Lancelot talk him into this little farce. But he had been persuasive, saying the more Gawain appeared to rely on her, the easier it would be to get her to realize how much she had come to care. Well, it was too late to back out now. But Gawain was surprised just how much the man seemed to understand the heart of a woman.
She unlaced his shirt and helped him pull his good arm out, then told him to hold his other arm still while she pulled it over his head. From there it was easy to pull it off his arm without hurting his shoulder. She pulled his boots off, then his socks. He saw her hesitate when it came time to pull his pants off. Then he saw the determination in her face as she told him to lie back so she could unlace the waist. He could tell she was concerned about what he was or was not wearing underneath, so he said, "If it helps any, I have on underpants." He tried to hide his smile, but he knew she had seen it when she replied, "Not that it matters, you wouldn't be the first man I've seen without pants."
"And just how many men have you seen?" He only half-teased. She stopped what she was doing and looked at him. Her expression wasn't what he expected. He'd expected indignation or maybe even anger at his forward question. Instead he saw hurt in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. It is none of my business." His nonchalant tone belied the seriousness of his features.
"You're right. You shouldn't have asked and no, it isn't any of your business." He finally saw the flash of anger in her eyes. "But to answer your question, two. My brother and my betrothed." Then she resumed untying his pants. "I'm sure you can't give the same answer." He saw her take her bottom lip between her teeth again and knew she was only trying to make conversation to take her mind off what she was doing. It suddenly bothered him that she knew him to be somewhat of a womanizer. 'Hell, be honest with yourself, you are a womanizer, or at least you were until you met Sarah.'
He then realized that since he had met her, he hadn't even thought about any of the other women in the fort. It had been at least a week since he'd been with any of them and it didn't bother him in the least that he'd been alone in his bed for that long. He hadn't noticed that she had stopped and was looking at him with a strange expression on her face. Then he saw that she was waiting for him to move so she could help pull his pants down. He gave her a small shrug and turned slightly to the right and raised his hips up, leaning on his right elbow. She tugged the legs of his pants until they slipped over his hips, then he let his weight back down as she pulled them the rest of the way off.
He saw her take the time to fold them neatly, then she helped him pull the blanket up to his waist. "There, now I'll be back in the morning with your breakfast. Do you need some water or anything until then?" He wanted to tell her all he needed was for her to climb under the covers so he could hold her against him while she slept. He needed to feel her head against his shoulder and smell her hair. He needed for her to stay. But instead, he said, "No, I'm fine. Thank you for your help. I'll see you in the morning, then." She nodded and went to the door and closed it behind her as she left. All told, Lancelot had been right. But that could be because it wasn't a lie. He did need her. Maybe not to wait on him hand and foot because he was unable to do for himself. But because she had worked her way into his heart as well as his thoughts. He sighed and closed his eyes. It would be a long night with her gone.
Sarah left the room and the man that haunted her both day and night. Whenever she was away from him, all she did was think about him. Then when she was with him, all she could do was try to keep her distance. If she didn't, she knew she would give away the fact that he affected her more than any other man. More than Derek. She walked to the top of the wall and looked across the field below. She closed her eyes and tried to bring Derek's face to her eyes, but all she saw was the smiling face of the blonde man she'd just left. If only she'd never left her village. She wouldn't be plagued by the uncertainty she now felt.
She thought back to her life before she'd left. How certain she was that she wanted to spend her life with the man she'd known since childhood. How she had worshiped him and thought he was the greatest man in the world, except her father and brother, of course. Now she saw the things about him that sullied the perfect image she had held in her heart. How he always thought he had to be the best at everything. How he'd resorted to belittling the other boys if they bested him at anything while they were growing up. How he'd always wanted to know exactly where she was at all times. How he'd argued with her brother that she needed to be tamed and not allowed to hang around with the boys of the village. How she should be with the women and learning how to take care of her husband. All of those traits would turn her away now. How had she ignored them before? Or, more accurate, how had she not seen them before?
The breeze blowing across the wall blew her hair about her face and she pushed it away almost angrily. Then she pulled it up off her neck and felt the cool air against the warmth of her neck. Hadn't it only been a few days ago that she had turned her nose in disgust at the way Gawain had acted at the tavern? Always flirting. Always trying to lure women into his bed. Now she saw his actions as a way to cover the loneliness he felt. The same as a healing salve covered an open wound to help keep the pain away. Getting to know him better only made her question everything she'd believed up to this moment. Had she really been so wrong in her self-righteous beliefs? Could she go back home now and continue the plans she'd thought so important before, knowing what she now knew?
Suddenly tired and disgusted with herself for living a lie for so long, she leaned her forehead on the cold stone before her. How had her life become so messed up? She knew she had feelings for the man lying in his bed inside the fort. She also realized that the feelings she thought she had for Derek were only a shadow of what they should be. She hadn't truly loved him. She had only been in love with the thought of being in love. That's why she had felt so little when he'd made love to her that one time. The kiss that Gawain had given her had made her stomach flutter and made her yearn for more. She had no doubt that she would not feel the disappointment with him that she'd felt with Derek. And not because he was more experienced. It was because the desire ran deeper. The desire came from her heart.
She heard the footsteps before she saw anyone coming. When she turned to see who was coming her way she saw that it was Galahad. He was staggering slightly and she was afraid he might stumble and fall off the top. When he stopped beside her, she expected some kind of scathing remark, instead, he just glanced at her before turning to look across the field as she had when she arrived. After several minutes of silence, with only the sound of their breathing and a random call from some bird flying overhead, he finally spoke to her.
"Sarah, can you not see that Gawain is infatuated with you? Do you not care that he will chance being killed to do what you ask of him?" He didn't sound angry, only sad, that she held his friend with such little regard. She thought about what he said, "Galahad, I think you are mistaken about Gawain's feelings. He is only doing what he thinks he should as a knight and maybe, as a man who thinks a woman should be coddled and treated with a certain amount of reverence. I don't think his intentions go any further than that." She told him, keeping the sadness of her thoughts hidden.
"Then you truly don't know Gawain as I do. He would help any woman in need, that part is correct, but if you would just look into his eyes when he sees you enter a room, you'd know that there is much more than just being chivalrous. He's falling in love with you, if he hasn't already fallen." She saw him turn toward her as he finished. "Think about it. Watch him and you will see. But don't use those feelings to cause him pain, either physical or mental or I will never forgive you. He is more than my friend and fellow knight. He is my brother in every way except blood." Then he turned and walked away from her, not staggering at all, she noticed as he headed down the steps.