Thanks to juju for letting me know I screwed up! So, to make up for it I'm also going to upload Chapter Fourteen as soon as I get the correct chapter thirteen up. Thanks, hope you like it.
When they stepped into the kitchen she saw that Lancelot was already there. He had graduated his flirting to the maidens that worked in the kitchen and she shook her head at how they were blushing and running to fetch whatever he wanted. Had she looked as flustered as they did now? How she hoped she hadn't, but she was ashamed to admit that more than likely she had. She stole a sideways glance at Gawain and saw him flash a grin at his friend. She followed his gaze and saw the smirk on Lancelot's face. So he thought her a conquest. She wanted to be angry at the assumption, but she couldn't, all she could feel was shame that he was basically right. She still didn't understand why the man standing beside her with his arm around her shoulder had backed away when she offered herself to him. Of all his possible reactions, that had not been one of them.
"Good morning. You two look mighty pleased with yourselves." Lancelot drawled lazily. Sarah quickly spoke up before Gawain could say anything, "Yes, pleased that Gawain is healing so quickly." She felt Gawain's arm stiffen a little and quickly stole a glance at him. She saw his smile hadn't changed and thought that maybe she had only imagined it. It seemed that maybe she would have been better off not trying to see if he had feelings for her. Now she was trying to find hidden meanings in everything he did. She had to get away from him and get herself back under control. When he sat down and pulled out a chair for her to join him she hesitated, "Actually, I'm not really hungry. Since Lancelot is here to keep you company, I think I'll go on over to the tavern and get a head start. I'll catch you later." She watched his face for any sign of disappointment. Seeing none, she turned to walk away.
She felt Gawain put his arm around her waist and gently tug her toward him. "I'll be over as soon as I find Dag and let him take these bandages off." He hugged her and she looked at Lancelot over the top of his head. She saw the confused look on his face until he noticed she was looking. He quickly replaced it with his usual smirk and she turned her attention back to the man before her. "Fine, I'll see you then." As soon as he released her, she headed toward the door leading into the courtyard. She was glad she wouldn't be there when he told Lancelot what had transpired between them only minutes before. How he had rejected her when she offered herself to him. How he only wanted to be her friend.
She felt the prickling of tears forming in her eyes and angrily wiped them away. Why was she being so stupid. He was only a man and she'd never let anyone affect her this way. She had always been so sure of what she wanted before and had been sure with time she would get what she wanted. 'Then why am I acting like a silly twit now?' she admonished silently. She was only reacting this way because of what Galahad had told her. She should have listened to her own head and she wouldn't have made such a fool of herself. A fool toward a man who, as far as she could remember, had never turned down one of the wenches at the tavern. 'Well, he has now.' She scoffed, feeling worse with each thought.
She made her way to the tavern, dreading all the mindless chatter she would face throughout the day. Then realized that all she needed to do was conduct herself as she always had. If she worked hard and planned for her trip home, she could get by without thinking about the man. She would be friendly, since that's what he desired. But she would only be marking time until she could go home. Then when he left, she would spend the rest of her life forgetting about him. Until then, she would think of everything else but him. Never again would she put herself in the position she had that morning.
When she got to the tavern, she began the morning routine, determined not to think about Gawain. Before long, she found that as long as her hands were kept busy, she could concentrate on what she was doing, just like she always had. The only difference was how she kept glancing at the entrance, longing for a glimpse of him. And dreading it at the same time. By the time he arrived, she had decided that she would still be friendly, but she would not have time to socialize. The less time she spent in his company, the easier it would be to forget what she'd done.
Lancelot waited for Sarah to leave the kitchens before asking Gawain what was going on. "So, I think I missed something. When you walked in I could have sworn you both had the look of lovers. Then in front of my eyes it all changed and you acted more like brother and sister than lovers. What gives?" He directed toward his friend but noticed he was still looking at the door she had gone through. "Gawain, did you hear my question?"
Gawain jumped and quickly turned his attention to Lancelot. "What? No, I didn't. What did you ask?" He saw Lancelot shake his head before repeating what he'd just said. "I don't know for sure if I understand what just happened. She has me so confused that one minute I think one thing and the next minute I think something completely opposite." He took a deep breath and started telling Lancelot what had happened in his room. When he told him how he'd stopped their lovemaking Lancelot interrupted him before he could give his reasons.
"You did what! Are you crazy? You just had her where you wanted her and you pushed her away?" He gave an exasperated sigh. "Don't you see? We've all been giving her hints that you had feelings for her and even Galahad told her you cared. She must have feelings for you or she would never have let it go so far. But you pushed her away. What do you think that told her?"
Gawain attempted to interrupt the man's tirade, but found he couldn't get a word in. He waited patiently until he'd finished before telling him, "I didn't push her away, she knows that the only reason I stopped was because I didn't want to be the reason she felt guilty if she gets back to her village and finds the other man still alive. She wasn't upset, she was just a little embarrassed at what almost happened." He hesitated for a second, "Lancelot, I think she's never been with a man and I didn't want it to be something that might cause her guilt. I want it to be something she'll remember for the rest of her life."
He saw the other man contemplating what he'd said, weighing each sentence before he replied. "Gawain, I understand what you're saying. But I hope you're right that she understands as well. If she doesn't, she may think you've decided that you're not interested after all. Just be prepared to tell her what you've just told me if she acts distant at all. You could not see her face as you hugged before she left. I could. She was disappointed and trying to hide it."
"I know she was disappointed. So was I, and frustrated as well. But I told her the same thing I told you when I pulled away from her. She knows I didn't stop because I don't care to take her to my bed. It's because I care more than that." He finished his words and remembered back to the incident. She did understand. Didn't she? Was Lancelot correct in his assumption that her disappointment was more than just sexual frustration? The uncertainty the thoughts brought forth made him want to search her out immediately. He would not let something come between them at this point. He'd been to elated to finally be able to voice his feelings and had no intention of letting things go back to the way they were before. He stood up and faced Lancelot, "I'm going to see her now and get this straightened out. I hope I'm right and this is all for nothing, but I will not take a chance that she'll back away and be happy to see him should he still be alive."
He started for the door and heard Lancelot's question quietly asked. "Do you really think he'll be alive when we get north?" Gawain turned around before he answered, "With my luck, yes." Then he went to the door and left the kitchen. Lancelot watched him leave with a feeling that things might get interesting between those two before this morning was over. He slowly got to his feet and headed the same direction as Gawain. He might need moral support if she acted the way Lancelot expected. He could still see the look in her eyes as she gazed at him over Gawain's head earlier. He would not have been surprised to find that tears had started as soon as she was out of their sight.