I just couldn't resist uploading another chapter before I start my work week. I hope you all enjoy and review, because how will I know that you like/dislike where I'm going if you don't!
As usual, I only own the things that you do not recognize. If you recognize it, then it's not mine.
The group rode at a steady pace throughout the day and Sarah secretly admitted that she loved riding her own horse instead of sitting in front of Gawain. As much as she loved the man, she didn't feel at ease most of the time when she rode with him because she always tried to anticipate his movements and hold herself out of his way as much as possible. To make the situation more uncomfortable for her, she had to do this without seeming to do it. The day before he had regularly asked her to relax against him and she had pretended to do so, while not actually doing so. It was tiring and she was glad not to have to do it this day. Maybe he would just let her ride beside him today when she left Timothy later. Unknowingly, she frowned at her last thought and was surprised when Tim leaned over toward her to whisper, "What brings such a frown to your face?"
She thought about it for a moment before answering with a question of her own, "Tim, I remember how you used to worry about my actions, always telling me that I should be more like Anna." She saw him trying to understand what she was getting at and decided to just ask him, "Did Anna always act that way or did you make her change to suit your own ideas of how women are supposed to act?" She knew by the way he sat straighter in the saddle that she had touched on a subject that he did not wish to discuss, but she really needed to know the answer.
Timothy bristled at the implications in her question, but after a minute of watching her face, he relaxed a little and began to try to explain, "If you're asking me did I force her to act a certain way, then no, I didn't. But she did change a little after we married. But not so much that she wasn't the same woman. I would not have liked that and she knew it. What makes you ask such a question?" She cocked her head a little, she knew her brother would not like what she was about to tell him, maybe enough that he would confront Gawain, but she didn't like keeping secrets. There had been too much of that already.
"I want you to listen to everything I have to say without judging me or getting angry. Promise?" She asked him. After a moment, he nodded and she began to tell him about her relationship with the knight. As good as his word, he didn't interrupt once. But she saw the way he stiffened when she admitted that she and Gawain had let their love move to the physical act without waiting for marriage. She also noted that his stiffness only lasted a moment before he relaxed a little, only averting his eyes for a second before looking back at her. Once she had finished her story, she said, "I love him, Tim, and I want to be his wife, but I can't stand the thought of being smothered by him. I want to be my own person as well. But, I'm not sure how long that will be acceptable and not cause us to argue all the time. That, I do not want and I hope he doesn't either."
She waited for him to say something, hoping he would give her some encouragement. She saw him look ahead to where the knights were all riding in a small group with Arthur in the lead. She looked in that direction and saw Gawain glance back a few times in the short time she was looking. When she sighed, she looked at her brother and found him watching her closely. Finally, he smiled. "Sarah, you're my baby sister and I've never really thought of you as a woman. But I see how he looks at you and I realize that to other men you are a beautiful creature, very alluring and I have to admit it makes me want to protect you." He paused and she gave him a challenging look, but didn't interrupt his speech. "I don't like the idea of you sharing a bed with any man without waiting to be tied by marriage. It is not right and you know it. But I can also see that he loves you. He is not just using you to warm his bed and fulfill his lust." He saw her lower her gaze as her cheeks became redder in embarrassment. "Since Father is not here to give you this talk, it has fallen to me. I don't mean to embarrass you and I know we have never discussed anything so personal before. But it is a part of life, the gods must have been in a particularly foul mood the day they decided to make men desire a woman's body to the extent they do."
She noted the last part was said almost to himself and despite the turn their conversation had taken, she couldn't help but smile at his words. When he turned to look at her again, she didn't hide her smile or turn away. He was her brother and she valued his opinions, even if she didn't always agree with them. "To answer your biggest question first, I don't think he wants to change you. If the circumstances hadn't been so abnormal with Derek being crazy and all, I don't think he would be trying to smother you, as you put it. He is just concerned that he wasn't able to keep you from being hurt by the man." She had opened her mouth to say something and he held up his hand, "I know, he didn't hurt you as much as we all feared, but it could have happened. When you love someone as much as he seems to love you, then you think of the things that could happen as much as the things that do happen. Give him some time and you'll see that things will work out."
Sarah looked at her brother for a while before nodding, "Tim, Gawain asked me to marry him as soon as we get to the fort. Do we have your blessing?" She asked. "Would it matter if I said no? But to answer your question, yes, you have my blessing. I think I need to ride with your knight for awhile and let him know that even though he is used to having his way because of his station as one of the knights of Arthur, he must still go through the customs of our people. He should have discussed this with me before asking you in the first place." Sarah was surprised at his tone. He sounded just like her father, and like her father, she knew she would get her way, he just wanted to assert his position as her guardian. "Oh, Timothy, promise me you will not say anything that will embarrass me." She implored. He grinned, "I'm not making any promises until he tells me what his intentions are." His tone had become the tone of the 'big brother' once again and she laughed. "Then go talk to him and get it over with. I'm just glad that he has Arthur for a commander. Any other commander wouldn't allow him to marry until his service is up. It wouldn't be that long, a few months, I think, but considering I probably would be with child before that time came, I'm just glad we can get married now."
Timothy tried to give his best shocked expression, "I think any commander would have to let you get married when I filed a formal complaint against one of his soldiers. The very idea that he would allow one of his men to dishonor my sister without the bonds of matrimony would put him in a very bad light." Sarah reached across the distance between their horses and slapped her brother on the arm. She was laughing when he turned all serious once more, "You know, it seems that you and Gawain are destined to live out the same life Father and Mother did. He was still in service to Rome when they met and his commander also agreed to let them wed before his service ended. So you see, not all Roman commanders are strictly by the book. Life isn't always strictly by the book either, remember that." Having said that, he rode forward and she watched as he spoke to Gawain. Gawain said something to Tristan and the two of them slowed to ride side by side. She saw Tristan pull off to the side and when she came up to him, he began to ride beside her. She then knew that either Gawain or her brother had thought it necessary for her to have a 'companion' until their discussion was over. It seemed that change would be slow in coming.