My friend was talking about how Kagome sometimes sounds suicidal. She asked me to write this fan fiction.
Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha or the song this is based on. The song is sung by Vanessa Carlton and is called Paradise.
Kagome stood over a balcony. It had been a year since she last saw InuYasha. A year since she could no longer go through the well without seeing the destruction. She had thrown herself into her studies and gave in to her mother's wishes. The thing was that she would close her eyes and always see what could have happened.
She could have not fought with InuYasha.
She could have not ran and murdered Kikyo with InuYasha's sword.
She could have not seen the look in her beloved's eyes. The murderous look. The look of pure demon.
She could have not escaped with the few slashes she had after the encounter.
She could have not done anything but what would have been normal for her.
But she didn't. She, Kagome who didn't believe in murder, had murdered Kikyo. It was Kikyo's fault. Had always been. Her want for InuYasha to be dead caused her to attack InuYasha when he was on his death bed already. Kagome had fought with InuYasha and wanted to make up for it, but ended up protecting him. She took his Tetsusaiga and killed Kikyo purely by accident. InuYasha had been fighting Kikyo anyways when she nearly murdered him. With Kikyo dead and his blood reacting faster than ever, InuYasha turned into a full-blooded demon. Kagome had tried to subdue him, but it didn't work. Miroku and the others ran, obeying Kagome's wishes. Kagome fought. InuYasha ended up passed out with many injuries while she bore the majority of battle's wounds. Kagome ran away that day.
Kagome swung her legs over the railing and looked below. It seemed so lovely. She could no longer face the man she loved and doubt he ever wanted to see her after what happened. The thought was one she could not fight. She had hit bottom.
Nothing hurts. Nothing bleed. When everything is tucked in tight.
The thought struck her mind.
Paradise. One more day in paradise is to have the last chance to feel alright.
It taunted her.
NO! she tried to argue. Finally, she swallowed the fear and convinced herself through lies. Dropping five stories would hurt, but she wouldn't feel it for long. It was dark. Now, everyone would be inside and not find her for a few hours. The sun had stolen her only light and her reasons to survive. InuYasha hated her and was never coming back for her. She was sick of pretending. Time to push everything out. The note was sealed and placed under her pillow.
Kagome breathed in and dropped. She looked up to see the faces of those she knew. They were screaming for her. Trying to save her. At least they still cared.
Suddenly, she was in someone's arms and everything was black.
Kagome stood in a room and saw everything she knew. Like her childhood and her firsts. When the movie of her life was over, Kagome noticed that it was playing again. Only this time it was stuff she didn't know. InuYasha had been there since her birth. He was greeter for new mothers. He smiled greatly at her and gave her a kiss on the forehead. When Kagome's mom looked at the door, waiting for her family, InuYasha whispered something in Kagome's ear. "Don't run away anytime soon. I have been waiting for you my dear." InuYasha said his good-byes to her mother and left.
He was there when she was growing up. Her guardian angel that happened to be demon. He sat in the tree and watched. Watched when he saw himself and hid only when his past self decided to be in the tree. Kagome's mother seem to know.
Kagome's mother had tried to convince InuYasha to move on. "I don't care what she will do. Leave her alone for now. Your past self should be able to get through the well himself and get her. You have been her guardian since she was born and know more about her now then you did then, but she needs a normal life. Don't you think it will be strange to explain things like you been her guardian? The silent guest. at her birthdays?" Kagome's mother had asked the day Kagome came home crying for the last time.
"I love her enough to wait 500 years and I would await 500 more if I need to," InuYasha answered. He look like he did the day she met him.
Kagome screamed. She did not want to know more. She saw InuYasha posing as a student. The silent one that never talked except to the teacher. It was too much for her. The room went black.
Kagome awoke in her room. It was dark with the threads of moon light dancing through the window. Kagome looked over at her desk. She made out the figure to be a man with dog ears.
"InuYasha?" she asked, not wanting to know rejection at all.
"I'm here. Always have been," he answered. Kagome blinked and suddenly remembered all she had learned. "Always will be." Kagome sat up and put her feet on the floor.
"I want to know something. What happened the day Kikyo was killed? You know the day I left?" Kagome asked. InuYasha glanced at the floor.
"I woke up in great pain. Kagome, I thank you for leaving your first aid kit. Without it, I wouldn't be here today. Anyways, I put two and two together when I saw my sword lying next to Kikyo's ashes and your kit sitting near me. I got some bad explanation. I couldn't believe that Kikyo would do that, but then I realized that you were tried to warn me of such things since the beginning. I also realized that Kikyo is dead and she was never coming back. If she did, she would be a dumb clay pot. I needed the real thing which was you. When I realized you weren't coming back, I tried to get through the well, but you had sealed it from my side. So, I waited then Sango got sick. She had the jewel and gave it to me. It was still pure. I didn't know what to do with it except make Sango, Miroku, and you have the life span of half-demon. Sango got better and is living with Miroku in a place uptown. Time changes people, Kagome. As I watched you grow up, I couldn't help wondering if I should stop myself from dragging you back into the well.," InuYasha explained. Kagome nodded in understanding. Then, she slipped from the room before InuYasha could stop her.
Kagome felt a new sense of freedom as she ran down the stairs that originally led to the shrine. It was feeling she didn't like too much though. Her freedom was at a price. The price? Her letting go of everything. She was supposed to be laying on the sidewalk. Dead. Everyone was supposed to be happy and enjoying their lives now.
InuYasha watched her run out in the streets and stand there, waiting for a car. Lucky for her, one was going really fast. InuYasha ran and saved her just in time. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"
"What I had planned from the beginning. I'm glad you are alright, but you can return to whatever family you made to someone else," Kagome snapped. She glared at InuYasha. He started to laugh. InuYasha laughing? This had to be a dream.
"Why would I have done that when the one I really love is standing on the street with nothing but a nightgown on?" InuYasha asked. Kagome looked at the ground. Good question. Wait! Did he just say that he loved her? Yes! He did!
"I don't know," Kagome answered, giving in like she had for a while. She ran a hand over her arm, suddenly remembering the slashes and cuts that were either from her last battle with InuYasha or her releases. InuYasha just picked her up in her silence and carried to her house.
"When you get better, paradise won't be far away," InuYasha whispered as she closed her eyes. She was ill and had been for a year so far. She closed her eyes and saw what could have been without InuYasha there. She shuddered and decided to wait a little longer for paradise. Her paradise. To spend the rest of her life with InuYasha. Finally, Kagome felt alright.