Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of his buddies :o(

A/N: Thank you sooo much to all who reviewed! I really appreciate it! It motivates me so much more to write!

Also, I know his birthday is in July...notice his letter said sorry I know it is a bit late...and I am changing Dracos comment about Sirius...I knew what I meant to say but I typed something else...Sorry Also, I am going to attempt to make it easier to read/follow

Chapter 3

Harry and Hermione and Ron arrived at platform 9 and 3/4's around the same time. They all exchanged hugs though Ron's to Hermione's lasted a little bit longer than usual. Harry didn't really take much notice but Hermione did...she slowly tried to peel him off of her.

"Really, Ron...you act like you haven't seen me in ages."

Blushing Ron stammered, "You...you're the one who went to hug me first!"

Sighing exhasperatedly Hermione rolled her eyes and smiled at Harry who was not smiling but looking off. He did not really seem like he was all there.

"Harry?" Hermione touched his shoulder. He jumped with a start and turning red for his obvious revelation that he had not been paying attention he muttered,

"Let's get a good seat on the train so we can all sit together..." Then as an afterthought to appear as though he was alright he added, "And don't worry Ron I wont sit by you so you and Hermione can sit together."

Ron began sputtering and Hermione said " Oh Harry please..." as Harry flashed both of them an evil grin...Hermione noticed that even though he was grinning his eyes still looked dead. Even their vibrant green color did not seem as vibrant any longer... Needless to say Hermione sat beside Harry on the train ride there not to cause any more akwardness than was already present. Ron snuck dirty looks to Harry.

They tried to have conversation but it almost always ended up with just Hermione and Ron talking. Harry noticed Hermione was not as cheerful as usual and he had wanted to ask why but not in front of Ron. Also he felt as though he could barely keep his eyes open. Harry looked like he hadn't slept for days. He had black under his eyes. He also kept nodding off on the train as he looked out the window but Hermione noticed just as he seemed as though he finally nodded off to sleep he would jerk awake and look around wildly. After doing this for the third time Harry announced,

"I'm going to just go on a walk for a bit around the train...I'll be right back" and with that Harry was gone.

XxX

There was an awkward silence briefly between Ron and Hermione and she finally just came out and said,

"Ron if you like me just tell me so, because I really love you as a brother but right now I do not want a boyfriend...the problems I have been having at home may cause me to no longer be here anymore and I am afraid to get attached to anyone and I am sorry..." Blushing furiously Hermione looked down at her hands. She had hoped she made the right assumption as to the odd way he had been acting and she wanted to get it out in the open as soon as possible.

Ron of course just gaped at her with his mouth open.

"Er..I uh...okay." was all he spit out. "How did she know?" he thought to himself.

Feeling like a bitch Hermione said softer this time, "Ron I really am sorry and I really do love you as my brother and my best friend and I don't know where I would be without a friend like you..." and she smiled at him. Ron just glared at her and Hermione sighed.

"Really Ron you should close your mouth!" she spat.

Snapping it shut and kind of relieved it was all over, Ron offered her a chocolate covered frog and she accepted graciously. She was starving. She had not eaten much over the last few days because she was so worried about her parents.

"So why would you not be here Hermione?" Ron asked suddenly realizing what she was saying after the initial shock.

"They think it would be much safer since V-Voldemort has returned...Ron will you please not cringe! We must get over this.."

"But you cant leave..." Ron began sadly... "You're my best friend and I..." he gulped "I...um...don't know what I would do without you..." He couldn't. She meant so much to him, not only because she was his best friend...but he felt as though he could say he truly loved her...though he could not say it just yet. Especially since she had basically told him off.

"What, you would actually have to write your own essays in potions?" she smirked at him snapping him out of it as he proceeded to throw a chocolate covered frog wrapper at her.

"Hey Hermione", Ron asked, "Is Harry acting different to you...?"

Hermione shook her head, "Yes...but we figured this would happen...we just have to be there for him and not try to pry anything out of him he does not want to talk about...you know how he is..."

"Yeah..." Ron muttered "At least I used to...now he just seems like a totally different person."

XxX

Harry was wondering around the train and he saw Malfoy in one of the rooms. He tried to walk faster not wanting to deal with confrontation and then he heard the dreaded voice...

"Well, well if it isn't POTTER!"

"Just shut the fuck up Malfoy..."

"OoO Potter now has a potty mouth...why so angry...it couldn't be that you're all alone...once again...one more filthy muggle lover...dead and gone...and everyone will be talking about you behind your back all year...like last year...oh and like every year before that."

For once, Harry did not retaliate. When he mentioned the fact that Sirius was dead he just froze. He stared at him as the pit formed in his stomach.

"What... got nothing to say Potter?" Malfoy sneered. "Looking mighty pale there...awww did I hurt Potter's feelings? I thought you were supposed to be strong! The "Boy Who Lived"...turned out to be a..."

Before Draco had a chance to finish, Harry turned around and walked back to Ron and Hermione's seats. He did not even get to see the surprised and utterly astonished look on Malfoy's face as Harry was walking away.

"Did he just let me get away with that? What is with him?" Confused at whether or not he should go punch Harry in the face just to get a rise out of him the train had stopped and they had arrived at Hogwarts.

"What the bloody hell..." Malfoy pondered. Apparently Hermione was not the only one who noticed a difference in Harry.

XxX

When Harry arrived back to his seat Hermione and Ron collectively gasped.

"Harry!" Hermione whispered..."Are you alright? You look so pale..."

"And green around the edges..." Ron added.

Hermione looked at Ron as if he were a blast ended skrewt.

"Oh...I just got motion sickness that's all..." Harry looked away and shakily said, "Well lets get our things we don't want to be late for the feast." And with that the three of them got off the train together.

XxX

After the feast, Ron's little celebration seemed to cheer Harry up just a little bit. He had brought a ton of butter beer and after a few bottles Harry began to feel quite warm and everything looked a little fuzzy. He felt so comfortable that even though the party was going on around him he soon sunk into a chair and fell asleep...he did so easily due to the fact he had not been sleeping much this summer. Soon Harry felt like he was spinning into darkness...and the darkness enveloped him like a warm blanket...things began to come into focus and Harry was soon walking through a grave yard...and he heard a voice...

'Kill the spare...'

Harry jerked awake with a yell and jumped from the chair. Everyone was staring at him.

"Heh..wow this butter beer sure makes you have to...you know...um... GO!"

With that humiliating statement Harry ran up to the bathrooms cursing himself for what he said under his breath. Harry washed his face in cold water...his scar was searing with pain. He came back down to the party and realized everyone was looking at him funny. He crept over to the seat by the window sill and sat down. Not knowing what to do to get their eyes off of him, Harry raised his glass and said,

"Cheers!" as happily as he could force and everyone shouted "Here, Here!"

They all guzzled it down...except for Harry who only pretended to be doing so. The smell was now making him sick and the effects of it had worn off as soon as he had woken up from his nightmare. Nobody really noticed but Ron and Hermione that Harry did not seem to be partaking in the festivities at his own party...they were just having too great of a time. He just stared out the window and reassured Ron and Hermione that he was alright just tired. Hermione began to leave soon after asking Harry for the thousandth time whether he was sure he did not want to participate. She was not feeling much like partying anymore anyway. She kept thinking to herself... "This is the last time I will be with my friends like this again." Then she looked at Harry. "What if it is him who must kill the Dark Lord. What if it is up to him." She could not let him go alone. She had to be there for him...she just had to. Harry had caught her staring at him and he smiled the first genuine smile he had all day. Blushing Hermione grinned and looked down as she tucked a curl behind her ear. Harry got another warm feeling in his stomach though he had not taken another sip of butter beer. He felt shocked at this and just shook it off. Hermione went over to him.

"I believe I am going to go on to bed, I am very tired and you look as though you are too." She said looking at the dark bags under his eyes and is slumped demeanor.

"Before you go Hermione, is everything alright? What's wrong? You didn't seem yourself today."

Harry looked at her intently. Hermione had to fight back tears. She had forgotten she had not told him...probably because she was too worried about HIM being so down. And yet even though he had so much angst going on in his conscience and he did not seem himself, he still asked about her.

"Oh I am fine Harry, she said meekly." "I'll be alright... whats been wrong with you?"

Harry paled as she asked him and he muttered "I'm fine...I asked about you."

Harry's stare seemed to bore into her eyes because he knew she was lying when she said she was fine. Hermione just could not bring herself to tell him yet. Not with everything going on with him, she felt like her problems were not even worth being upset over...but yet they were somehow. She did not want to leave Harry. She didn't know how he would take it. She was one of his best friends after all...and then she would be another one close to him that he would lose. She looked away...

"I'm fine Harry...really," she stammered hating herself for lying to him.

"Goodnight Harry..." said Hermione as she gave him a hug and a rub on the back.

She had not noticed that Harry had taken a smell of her hair as she pulled away, and he felt guilty about it and wasn't quite sure why he felt like he wanted to smell it in the first place...but he caught a whif of it as she went in to hug him and the smell made him feel safe for some reason. He waved and she went off into the girls dormitory. Harry walked by Ron, patted him on the back and thanked him for the party but he was just so tired he had to go to bed. Ron, having had quite a few butter beers replied rather loudly...

"OKAY HARRY! HEE HEE! HEY GUYS...GUYS...LOOK LOOK...I LOVE THIS GUY! I DO! I LOVE HIM! EVERYONE LOVES HIM! OF COURSE! HE'S FUCKIN' HARRY POTTER! HERE'S TO HARRY! THE GREATEST FRIEND A GUY COULD ASK FOR!"

"HERE, HERE!" Everyone chimed in.

Extremely embarrassed and now red, Harry did a slight wave and a half smile half grimmace and patted Ron on the back and walked up to his room...a little angry at the fact that Ron rubbed it in that he was "fucking Harry Potter" and "everyone loved him. Little did Ron know that even he, Harry, did not love himself...and he no longer wanted to be Harry Potter.

XxX

Hermione was laying in her fresh new sheets in the girls dormitory. It felt great to be back and away from all the drama at home... It was even better this year because they all had their own rooms due to recent renovation. Apparently all the guys were still in someone's room right beside her partying it up and even though she heard a lot of bumping and wrestling around through the wall in the boys dormitory she was still glad to be there. She heard Ron's distinctively loud burp and she laughed. She felt safe for some odd reason... and hearing their laughter made her smile...made her feel like maybe something could turn out right. Even so, she was not going to be getting much sleep tonight...not until the guys went to bed anyway. Finally around 3:00am she heard no more. As she was drifting off to sleep she began to hear loud groaning and quick panting. "Oh great" she thought to herself. "Someone is apparently having some fun tonight" as she rolled her eyes she turned over to put the pillow over her head when the groaning turned into sounds of crying. Then she heard the voice mutter,

"NO! I can't...I don't want to do this anymore...just let everything be normal again...stop! I DON'T WANT TO BE HUMAN! I'VE SEEN ENOUGH! I WANT IT TO END! SHE KILLED SIRIUS! ILL KILL HER! SIRIUS NO! PLEASE STOP! NO! YOU'RE ALL I HAVE! GOD DAMN IT! Then she heard the sobbing again and the moaning and groaning.

"Oh, Harry..." she thought to herself sadly. Then she heard a hit against the wall and more tossing and turning. She couldn't bear to hear him like this so she threw on a robe, grabbed her wand, and tip toed out of the girls dormitory and over to the guys side. When she got to the door she realized it was locked.

" Alohomora" she whispered and it slowly creaked open.

She wasn't sure how long it was going to take to find Harry's room out of everyone elses until she heard him whimper again. She carefully stepped over some people passed out on the floor and shaking her head she found his room. She slowly opened his door and found him twisted up in his sheets jerking about and sweating terribly. He began to shout again...

"CEDRIC! No no no no...I'm sorry...its all my fault...I'm sorry Cedric no...get to the portkey...get to the portkey...NO! HE'S BACK! SOMEONE BELIEVE ME! I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...Mr. Diggory...I'm sorry...I never meant for this..." Then more tears.

Hermione felt as though someone had punched her in the stomach...she had to fight back tears herself. Slowly she went over to him and he was breathing very heavily and she could see his eyes under his lids rapidly moving about. She was a little afraid to touch him, she didn't know how he would respond. Lightly she rubbed his arm and jerked her hand back because he was terribly hot and wet.

"Harry..." she spoke timidly "Harry please wake up" this time she rubbed his hair and moved it out of his eyes and she saw his scar was extremely red.

His eyes fluttered open and he jerked up and crazily looked around the room. Then he promptly proceeded to vomit on the side of the bed right where Hermione was standing before she jumped out of the way. Disgusted with himself Harry looked at Hermione,

"Hermione...um...I am really sorry...er...must have been too much butter beer..."

Hermione just shook her head and took out her wand it said, " Deletrius" and it instantly vanished. She handed him his glasses.

She knew Harry barely had anything to drink that night and it probably had something to do with his dreams...and his scar.

"Thanks..." Harry muttered. "Wh-what are you doing in here?" Harry exclaimed obviously embarrassed.

"I heard you...I heard you um...in my room when I was trying to sleep."

She did not want to say, "I heard you screaming your dead stepfathers and Cedric's name and sobbing.

"Sorry Hermione...if I woke you up I really didn't mean to...I guess I was dreaming again... I'm alright" he finished lamely

"Are you sure you're alright? You were really worked up...and look at you, You're soaking wet, your sheets are soaking wet..."

"I did NOT wet myself!" Harry interjected huffily...remembering his little announcement at the party earlier.

"I KNOW!" Hermione said rolling her eyes but she could not hold back a smirk, you're just sweating a lot because you're bloody on fire! Are you ill?"

A towel appeared out of nowhere and she wiped his face with it.

"No... I'm not ill," Harry said though he knew he sure felt like it every time he had dreamt...which was about every single night. Then he felt a sort of admiration for Hermione as she just magically made a towel appear out of nowhere...smart girl.

His dreams did make him sick. Seeing Sirius fall over, and over again and seeing Cedric's dead body...and him carrying it back to his father. Seeing his parents...seeing the disgusting body of Voldemort..

"Harry...are you going to be sick again?"

He snapped out of it.

"No...sorry about that...earlier...I'll warn you next time."

"No its really alright...I under..." and she stopped herself.

She knew he would be angry with her if she said she understood. Because nobody understood. Nobody could. Harry had been through more in his lifetime than anyone at Hogwarts except for maybe Neville...but even still she felt as though she had no right to say it. Harry looked down.

"Are you going to be alright?" she asked...knowing what his answer would be.

"Of course, " Harry said unconvincingly. "Just go back to sleep, I'm sorry. Really please just go back to your room and I will see you tomorrow before lessons."

"But Harry..."

"I'm FINE Hermione!"

After shouting Harry felt guilty

Hermione nodded seeing as Harry had closed back up again and turned to walk out of the room.

"Hermione," Harry said softly...

She turned around secretly hoping he would ask her to stay.

"Thanks..."

"Of course Harry...I'll always be here for you."

When she realized what she said she wanted to kill herself because she knew this may not be true and she did not want to get his hopes up.

"Goodnight Harry," she whispered as she walked out of the room...not knowing that Harry too wanted her to stay and he didn't know why.