The daily life at the fort settled into a routine for Sarah and the members of her village. Arthur had allowed them to move away from the wall, to the south, where they began to "re-build". While Gawain was away or busy with the duties of a knight, she often walked the short distance to the new village site to see how everyone was doing. It was a pleasant surprise when she learned that her brother had all but taken over the many duties that a leader needed to take care of and she made a point to tell him how proud she was. He had mumbled something that she took to be "I'm just doing what needs to be done" before he rushed off to do another of the many things that kept him busy. As she slowly walked back toward the fort, she found that more often than not she had a smile on her face. Life was truly a very pleasant place right now and she had a hard time thinking about anything that had happened before that might upset her. This time, she was so wrapped up in her happy mood, that it took a while to realize that there was angry shouts coming from the direction of the practice yard. Once she realized that it was more than just the usual sounds of the knights good-natured banter, she picked up her skirts and ran toward the sounds.
She stopped just short of the group when she realized that the only thing keeping Gawain and Bull from each other was the fact that Lancelot and Galahad were holding Gawain and Bors and Dagonet were holding Bull. Gawain was shouting at Bull and the bigger man was shouting back. Everything had been so pleasant that she had completely forgotten about the fact that Bull had helped Derek, but it seemed that the subject had somehow come up between the two men. And from the sound of things, Gawain was none too pleased about it. Taking a deep breath and steeling herself, Sarah walked determinedly toward the group.
"Gawain! Bull!" she shouted to get their attention. She noticed that Bull looked at her before her husband and immediately began to try to explain, "Miss Sarah, will you explain that I didn't do nothing to hurt you on purpose? I tried to tell him," he gestured toward Gawain with his head, "but he won't listen. He thinks I'm spying for Derek!"
"Bull, I'm sure Gawain doesn't believe any such thing, and this is my fault for not remembering to mention any of what you told me before now. Now, I think you can let go of them so we can get this straightened out." She spoke to the four men trying to keep them from killing each other, but she was looking directly into Gawain's eyes as she spoke. The fury she saw there disturbed her, partly because she had heard the tales of his fighting abilities, but mostly because she knew she had just turned some of that anger toward herself when she admitted that she had known of Bull's involvement with Derek for quite a while. She held his gaze and prepared for the outburst as best she could, but after a moment he looked away and spoke to Bull.
"It seems I was wrong. I offer my apologies for accusing you of spying, but I don't apologize for saying I will kill you if you cause her any harm. That I meant." He waited until Bull registered what he'd said and nodded his understanding. Bull began trying to explain again and Gawain held up his hand. "No further explanation is needed, just promise me one thing, if you see or hear anything from him again, I will be the first man you seek out." Bull nodded, "I'll do anything to help keep Miss Sarah safe." Satisfied, Gawain turned away from Bull and stepped toward her. "Come, we have some things to talk about." He took her arm and she either had to go with him or be pulled away from the group. She noticed the look of surprise on the faces of his fellow knights and wondered that none of them had said a word since she had walked into the argument.
Gawain didn't say anything the entire walk back to their quarters, but Sarah could tell he was still mad, so she didn't speak either. She decided to let him rant and rave as much as he wanted, after all, she did deserve it for keeping Bull's story a secret. But, she had only wanted everything to calm down and thought that by telling him it would only keep things stirred up. Surely he would understand that she just wanted to forget all that had happened and begin their new life in peace? Once he had calmed down, she decided she would try to make him understand her side, but right now was not the time. Right now she would be lucky to get a word in and she was quite certain that he wouldn't hear anything she said anyway.
Once the couple stepped into their room and he had slammed the door behind them, Gawain walked over to the table and poured some water into the bowl. He splashed his face and keeping his back to her, he dried the water off and wrapped the towel around his neck, holding the ends in his hands as he turned toward her. She was sitting on the edge of the bed looking meekly at her hands folded in her lap. As he watched her, she slowly looked up and the look in her eyes made all his anger just disappear. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears and he felt physical pain that he had caused those tears. Why couldn't she just understand that he was only worried because that man was still running around out there somewhere and at any moment he could show up to cause her harm? With a sigh, he took the two steps that separated them and sat down beside her.
"Why did you feel it necessary to keep it from me that Derek had been traveling with us?" His voice was as close to a whisper as she had ever heard and the fact that he did not shout only made the tears begin to slowly slip down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I meant no harm. I just wanted to forget everything about that part of my life and start over. I wanted us to be happy, without worrying about what could happen." She didn't mean to sound so pleading, but the anguish in his eyes made her realize just how she had hurt him by keeping secrets from him. "Oh, Gawain, please don't think badly of Bull, he really meant no harm and he's always thought that people are basically good. I just wish Derek would stay away and never come around again. I don't want you to feel that there is a constant threat of danger regarding him. I really meant to tell you when we arrived at the fort, but, when everything settled into such a pleasant way, I just forgot all about it, that's all."
As Gawain watched her face he realized that she was telling him the truth. She might have kept it from him at first, but she had not done so purposely since then. He released the towel and reached out to pull her into his lap. "Sarah, I just don't want any surprises coming from him. I love you and I couldn't bear it if anything happened because I was unprepared. Promise that you will tell me everything from now on." He felt her head move slowly up and down on his chest as she sniffed and a smile replaced the frown he'd kept since arriving in their room. Taking her shoulders, he pushed her back and looked into her eyes. "And I don't have any bad feelings toward Bull, I know he didn't mean to cause trouble. Now, dry your eyes," he teased gently, "and tell me how you came to find out about Derek being with the caravan."
She quickly wiped at her eyes with her hands and began telling him what Bull had told her weeks before. She finished with, "So, you see, he saw how much we loved each other and couldn't stand it. That's why he left and it's highly unlikely that we'll ever see him again." The hopeful look made him hesitate to tell her what he truly believed, but he would tell her, hadn't he just made her promise to tell him? "You might be right, but it's more likely that he's off somewhere trying to come up with a plan for revenge. He's not a man that's capable of rational thoughts right now. If he ever was. So, from now on when you walk to the village I want you to take someone with you. Either me or one of the other knights or even Bull. I know he thinks highly of you and won't let anything happen to you. Promise you won't go off alone again?"
She waited for a moment before answering, "I promise, but can't you see that by doing so we've let him win another battle? Now I am no longer free to do as I please. I might as well be locked up somewhere and I hate to let him do this to me."
Gawain felt physical pain at the dejected way she sounded, but he would rather see her sad at being sheltered so as to risk having something happen because he let her have her way. "I'm sorry you think so, but maybe it won't be for too long. Eventually, someone will come to the wall that has heard some news and we'll know whether or not he's anywhere near here." She slowly nodded and he wrapped his arms around her, gently kissing her lips. "Shall we stay in our room for the rest of the day?" His breath was warm and the memory of how he made her feel caused her cheeks to blush as she seriously considered his question. A soft knock on the door took their attention away from each other and Gawain quietly swore, "Damn, I guess not," before he released her to open the door to reveal an embarrassed Bull standing there holding his hat in his hand.
"Everything's fine, Bull. Come in." Gawain greeted the man. Bull looked from Gawain to Sarah and back before speaking, "I just wanted to say that you shouldn't be mad at Miss Sarah. It ain't her fault at all." When he had first arrived, Sarah had noticed how he hunched over trying to look smaller like he had when he was younger, but as he spoke, he had straightened up to his full height. She smiled, "Bull, Gawain's not angry with me anymore. I explained everything to him and I promised not to keep secrets anymore." Then with a little of her old stubbornness coming through, she added, "At least not any secrets that could come back to haunt me later." She noticed that Gawain had not missed the last and she laughed at his expression of doubt. "Come on, you two, let's go join the others at the tavern. You know they're all sitting around placing bets on who's going to win this argument and I don't want them to be left to wonder for too long or they'll be worried that my punishment is too harsh."
She looped her arms through each man's arm and headed toward the door. She stopped when she felt Bull pulling her backward when he stopped. "Miss Sarah, I just want to say that Gawain here is right. It ain't safe for you to go around thinking that Derek has gone off and will never come back to bother you. He's not right now, you know, in the head, so you just be careful. If you ever need me to go somewhere with you all you have to do is ask." Sarah pulled her arm from Gawain's and took both Bull's hands in hers. "I know, Bull, and I appreciate your offer. And don't worry, I won't let him catch me by surprise. From now on, I'll make sure one of you goes with me if I leave the fortress for any reason. Now, come on, we're keeping the others waiting and I'll wager that Bors is trying to talk one of them into coming up here to check on us."
Gawain laughed out loud and teased, "Then maybe you should stay here and I'll tell them I locked you in our room until you can behave yourself." He placed his arm around her shoulders as he spoke and she looked up at him as she answered his tease, "You and what army?" They both laughed as Bull answered seriously, "I'll help if you think it's needed." Sarah had never felt so safe in her life than she did at that moment. A woman was lucky to have two such men to make sure nothing happened to her and she knew she wouldn't have it any other way.
When they walked into the tavern Bors held up his drink and shouted, "See, I told you she'd talk her way out of it! Now, pay up, all of you." Sarah saw Galahad and Lancelot hand over some coins as Dagonet was digging in his pocket. Only Tristan made no move to pay their friend. "Tristan, didn't you place a wager?" she asked as they stepped up to the table. But before the man could answer, Lancelot spoke up, "He wouldn't, said he only bets on a sure thing."
Sarah's curiosity was peaked, "You didn't think I could make Gawain see that he was being unreasonable?" She didn't think he was going to answer, it took him so long, then, pulling out a chair and sitting down, he said, "I didn't think he was unreasonable at all and I would not have let you off so easy."
His answer caught her by surprise. She had never thought him to be possessive. "But you see, he didn't let me off easy. I now have to have an escort any time I leave the fortress, which means I am basically a prisoner while a madman gets free reign to roam anywhere he wishes." She watched Tristan nod his agreement to the arrangement and suddenly felt angry. She had meant it as a joke, or so she thought until she saw that all the men at the table were nodding. Suddenly her anger became so strong she just couldn't sit there any longer and she stood up, making the chair fall over backwards with a loud thud. The noise drew the attention of everyone in the room and she looked around the open air bar once before shouting, "Am I the only one who thinks it's ridiculous to think the man would chance coming here?"
When no one answered her question, she let out a deep sigh, "Well, you'll see. He's off somewhere as far from here as he can get and I'm being treated like a child for no reason at all." She waited for someone to say something, and when they didn't she finished with sarcasm in her voice. "Since I can't be treated as a woman instead of a child, I think I'll go to bed like a good little girl. Enjoy your evening." Then she turned and stalked off toward her room. If her anger had allowed her to think rationally, she would have realized that she was behaving exactly like a child, instead she was fuming when she passed Arthur coming in as she stormed away. She didn't notice the look on his face or she might have slowed down and thought about her actions or reactions to the events of the day.
Arthur watched Sarah as she walked away. By the way she carried herself, he knew she was angry, but he couldn't figure out what had made her so. He turned toward the table where his men sat, and saw Lancelot grab Gawain's arm to stop him as he started to get up. Whatever had happened had everyone sitting quietly and judging by the looks on their faces it must be serious. He slowly made his way over, deciding it would do no good to ignore the tension in the air.
"So, who has upset Sarah and about what?" he questioned the group. Lancelot handed him a cup of ale and began telling him of the events of the afternoon. When he finished, Arthur looked at Gawain, "So you really think he's likely to show up here after what he tried to do to us?" When Gawain nodded gravely, Arthur looked at the others, seeing each of them nod in turn. "Well, then, maybe we should come up with a plan that will prevent such an occurrence while still giving Sarah some freedom." He sat down beside Gawain and waited for someone to speak up. Bors, always the first to come up with a suggestion, said, "Maybe we should just hunt 'im down and kill 'im. That would solve everything." He saw the others seriously contemplating the suggestion and felt compelled to point out holes in the plan.
"Yes, Bors, that would solve the problem. But where do you suggest we start? And while we're away, hunting him down, who will be here to ensure he doesn't show up to cause trouble?" He looked around at his men and saw that as eager as they had been to agree with Bors, they didn't like the thought of leaving the fort with only Roman soldiers and villagers to protect all they had fought so hard to maintain. "Now, let's see if we can come up with a better plan between us." He was about to make a suggestion when Gawain spoke softly, "You think I was wrong to make her promise not to go out on her on?"
Arthur felt sorry for his friend, but he had to be truthful, he always had and he always would. "Yes, but your reasons were not wrong. How long do you think it would take for her to start resenting all of us for making her feel so closed in? Judging by the way she's reacted before, not long. Then what would you do? No, you can't let her be a prisoner in her own home just to keep her safe." He waited a moment for his reasoning to sink in. Then he continued, "But, you can teach her how to protect herself. Teach her how to use a sword and Tristan, you can teach her how to shoot a bow. If the man comes around he won't be expecting her to be able to do any of those things and that will be to her advantage."
Galahad quickly took up where Arthur left off, "Yes, I've seen her when she gets angry, I think she would do well enough to at least get away and find someone to help her."
Only Tristan kept his thoughts to himself. He agreed with Arthur, everyone should know how to fight, Sarmatian women had always been capable of taking care of themselves. But Sarah wasn't Sarmatian and as tough as she tried to appear, he was sure she would not be able to do what she must should the time come. She said she thought Derek was a madman, but he thought she secretly harbored hope that he would still be the man she had thought him to be before. That would be her undoing, for he would take advantage of her doubt and gain the upper hand in a fight. He watched the doubts cross Gawain's face and hoped he would still ensure she wasn't alone when she left the fort. He decided that later he would talk to him and plant the idea of having Vanora watch Sarah when they had to be away. She could send someone with her, discreetly, and Sarah would never have to know that she was being watched over. Even another woman would make it difficult should he wish to take her away by force. Surely one of them could escape and be able to tell which way to go should he succeed in his plan. And no matter what she said, Tristan believed Derek had a plan.