Chapter Two

Not a continuation of one, so these in reality aren't even fucking chapters, my friend. Get a grip you whacko. With how nutty you are you probably think I own FF7. Well I don't.

Atop a fifteen-story building, an infamous mog controlled by an annoying as hell cat stood, threatening to jump and surely splatter it's god damn guts all over. The cat screamed about how his ordeal with Sephiroth drove him nuts and he was going to jump...The police merely shouted "Don't do it, man! Don't do it!"

Now it seemed inevitable, the cat was going to jump. They couldn't stop the crazy little thing. It crouched down, preparing to vault to his death. Time slowed down to a near stand-still as the theme song for Duke Nukem began to play after a cop screamed "Jesus CHRIST!", obviously motherfucking horrified that a cute little kitty would want to die like this.

As the cat's feet left the mog it reacted quickly, painstakingly reaching out and catching the nutty thing by the nape of its neck. Cait's feet swung forward and then dangled loosely. The cat's eyes were scrunched closed for a little bit, and then it slowly opened them. It hadn't fallen. What the hell? Oh, god dammit.

"What? BULL SHIT!" Cloud screamed and threw down the newspaper he was reading.

MOG SAVES CAT'S LIFE

This past Friday, a cute little kitty that was one of the many heroes who saved the Earth from Sephiroth tried to fucking waste itself. The mog it rides ignored it's personal safety and well-being to save it's life. It will be awarded One MILLION Gil and some shitty badge next month at the annual "Has-Been Heroes" event.

This is way not cool. Why the fuck would a mog get an award? Why? WHY? Cloud was shaking with fury. So he sliced up anyone unfortunate enough to be in the bar he was at and then went to the Highwind, seeking transportation to a favorite place of his: the Golden Saucer.

Tifa got up from bed and took a shower like usual (I'm not gonna into detail before you ask, you naughty pervert). Then she ate her breakfast and all that shit. Regular old stuff. Her routine went terribly wrong when she called Cloud. There was no answer. No fucking answer. He didn't answer his fucking phone.

So she tried again. There was still no answer, man! It was time to find out where he was.

So she jumped down through a secret hole in the floor and landed inside her secret cave. The tracking device she'd secretly put on his face said he was in the Golden Saucer. Questions would be answered.

Your field of view zooms out a small bit to reveal that you are watching a TV. Tune in, this next part is important.

Cloud was walking down a hallway with what appeared to be a seedy hooker. They entered his room and got on his bed. Finally, Cloud's anger would be released in a healthy (kind of) way. As they were just about to, uh, connect, a knock came from the door. Cloud got up, so angry he didn't bother to put his clothes back on.

"Who the fuck is it?" He screamed. Before an answer could come he yanked open the door.

"Oh...oh shit!"

"Cloud? What're you?...Oh my god." Tifa spotted the whore on the bed.

"She's...I...well we're...um...oh fuck please don't hurt me." Cloud begged. Tifa goes inside and closes the door on the camera.

What goes on in the Golden Saucer, stays in the Golden Saucer.

A/N: So, the Vegas commercials have been made fun of, and Cait didn't die. In fact, none of them did. How odd, yes? But who fucking cares? Not me. If there's a third chapter, it'll be another Golden Saucer commercial or two.