This fic is more of silliness than actual reading. My LOVELY cough sister contributed quite a few SILLY ideas to this. We were laughing our heads off. Its all very silly.

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Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was absolutely, outrageously bored. He had tried all the magic tricks in the book. Reading the minds of a fair few students in Hogwarts was the first- Hermione Granger had been interesting, in an intellectual sort of way. Who knew there was a potion that give you a complete gender change? Pity she only used it on Ron. Severus Snape, now that would have been a laugh. Dumbledore laughed to himself, picturing Snape nancing around with a basket of posies, in a frilly black summer dress. He shuddered.

Then…There was Sybill Trelawney. Oh, That was horrific. He was just tapping into her mind…

"Ah, tasty, tasty indeed. I never foresaw THIS coming…Must admit though, those hooves were hard to get past.."

OH NO! She's finally eaten Firenze!Oh dear…

Dubmledore retched. That would leave terrible mental images.

Then he had tried a variety of different spells to keep him amused. Of course, they worked for a little while, especially the one that made you laugh for no good reason. He had first laughed because Fawkes feather had fallen to the ground, then he had laughed at the fact that he had laughed at Fawkes' feather falling, then he had laughed at the fact that he had just laughed at the fact that he had just laughed at the fact that Fawkes' feather fell onto the ground. Then he…Well, lets keep to the fact that the laughing went on for quite a while.

Then…after spells, wordless spells, wandless magic, reading minds, battling with random teachers, watching levetision (or letevision? He would never get that word right), and annoying Snape, he had only one last hope left…

His trusty plays station.

A couple of hours later found Dumbledore playing 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of secrets'.

"Die, you moldy, ugly old spiders! Yeah! That's more like it! Hahah! Incendio, INCENDIO! NO!" HE groaned. This was terrible! HE had lost! A sudden knock on the door made him forget his high score for the moment.

"Hmm…A visitor. Maybe its Minerva. Or maybe its hagrid, he is rather nice to talk to . Or maybe its Harry. Yes, its probably Harry, the poor boy has so many troubles, what, with being 'The-Boy-Who-Lived". Unfortunate lad is probably running from rabid fangirls or whatnot. I had better to help him." Indeed, the banging was getting louder, more urgent. So Dumbledore stood up from his game, walked over to the polished mahogany door, and happily opened it

Harry Potter he expected, or Rubeus Hagrid, or even Minerva McGonagall would have been lovely, but when Dumbledore opened the door, he did not expect this. There, in all his dark splendour, stood Lord Volemort himself, You-Know-Who, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, the Dark Lord himself. Dumbledore smiled calmly.

"ah, Tom. What can I do for you?" Voldemort swept past him and faced him, wand pointed out.

"You know very well what you can do for me, Dumbledore." Dumbledore tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"Um…I'm afraid not, dear boy. I can't say I do."

"Come now, Professor, can you think of nothing that I need?" Voldemort coughed, something that sounded oddly like 'Potter'.

"hmm…Nothing has come to mind yet. Perhaps you would care to enlighten me?"

"Its very dark, and oh so sweet…"

"Revenge?" Voldemort slapped his forehead, something very unlike him. Dumbledore was starting to get worried now, although it didn't show on his face.

"What is it you want, Tom?"

"…Tea." Dumbledore raised his eyebrows, and smiled.

"Well, why didn't you say so?" Voldemort shrugged, conjuring a black pouffe and seating himself in it, as Dumbledore busied himself with the tea.

"Sugar, Tom?"

"Four lumps."

"Milk?"

"None, thanks, Dumbledore. Remember, dark and sweet." Dumbledore handed him the cup, and Voldemort gratefully sipped from it. He looked up, only to see Dumbledore peering at him over his half moon glasses. He started, and scowled.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you its rude to stare?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with amusement.

"Why, no, I can't say she did, Tom. Although she did tell me to never to befriend a blast ended skrewt." Dumbledore's face grew serious. "But that is not why you're here, is it? Tom Marvolo Riddle never visits anyone, least of all me, without a reason. Why are you here, Tom?" Voldemort sighed. Where to begin?

"Well, Albus, it starts like this. For sixteen years, I've been after Harry Potter. When he was but a little child, I merely pointed my wan at him and attempted to kill him. But he somehow escaped that, leaving me very weak and tired. The, in his first year of school, he annihilated the body I was living off, and turned me into a ghost type creature. Second year, I came back as a memory, and tried to kill him using the basilisk from the chamber of secrets. But he killed the basilisk with that damn Gryffindor sword" (Here, he glared at the gleaming sword sitting in a glass case on one of Dumbledore's shelves)

"And he ruined my memory form. Fourth year, I used the triwizard cup to portkey him to me, and engaged in a duel with him. Even then, just as a fourteen year old, he defeated me, with the help of his parents and friends. In his fifth year, I attempted to kill him once more, in the Ministry of magic, but you were there to rescue him."

"Yes, dreadfully sorry about that." Dumbledore patted his shoulder. "So why are you here?" Voldemort placed his head in his hands.

"Its just… I'm tired of being evil. Have you ever felt like that, Albus? Tired of being who you are?"

"Personally, yes. I don't mind being the wizarding worlds' most powerful wizard, but it would be nice to be treated like a human being, not like a godly figure."

"That's exactly what I mean! Take last week, for example. I felt bored, what with being in hiding and all, so I went out to Hogsmeade for a few items, just a few robes and such. You won't believe the commotion on the streets! People running and screaming, children crying. Terrible! The only upside is that I got everything for free! But whats the point of being loaded with galleons, sickles and knuts if you can't spend any of it! So I offered some to a shop, but she just fainted! So I went to Diagon alley, hoping that they would be a little more open minded, and civil, but noooo! It worse there! People screaming and running, children crying, and men aiming curses at me! I had to walk around with a shield around me for five hours! FIVE HOURS! Do you know what that does to a mans' skin? I—" Voldemort was interrupted by the door bursting open, and a very frightened Ronald Weasley bursting through it.

"Professor! Professor! Vo-Vol" he strained to say the name, but failed miserably, so he opted for another route. "You-Know-Who is at Hogwarts!" Ron stopped. 'You-Know-Who' was in one of the pouffes, sipping tea in a depressed manner. So Ronald Weasley did the only thing a Male who just met the most powerful dark wizard on earth could do. He screamed like a woman.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Vo-You Know Who!"

That was when Voldemort cracked.

"There! Right There! You see what I have to put up with?" Voldemort cried, placing his cup angrily on the table. "Oh, I HATE Being evil!" And with that, he put his head in his hands and sobbed.

"Oh, Mr. Weasley, did you really have to do that? Look, you've upset the poor lad!" Ron looked ashamed of himself. He walked towards the sobbing dark lord.

"Sir…Mister Riddle, I'm really sorry. Here, have a hankerchief. Its black, just like your heart!" Ron realised what he had just said when Voldemort wailed and dew his knees up to his chest, breaking out in a fresh wave of sobs

"No one understands me! I have no one! NO ONE!" Ron and Dumbledore both patted his shoulders. Ron kept patting his back, while Dumbledore made another cup of tea.

"There there, Tom, its alright. You have me. I feel your pain. I mean, when I found out that JK Rowling killed me off, I was slightly disappointed. But look how well it turned out for me!"

"Yeah, Mr. Riddle, at least you're still alive. And you have an excellent role. Main evil villain! What about that, huh? All I am is the clumsy sidekick!" Voldemort looked up, eyes still watering, and drew in a shaky breath.

"That's it, Mr. Riddle. Deep breaths. There we go. I think that you're the best evil person I've ever met! You're smart, powerful, witty, articulate, and you're incredibly handsome bloke! The women all go for the bad boys just as much as the heroes, trust me!" Voldemort blinked.

"R-really?"

"Honestly. And you have me as a friend too. Just feel free to owl. I'll explain to my family about the real you."

"You-You would do that?" Dumbledore clapped a hand to his back, making him choke on his tea.

"Of course he will! And I will too! You can stay at the house of black with us if you want. Sirius, after dying, had retreated into the country, leaving it quite empty. And its all cleaned up!" Both Ron and Dumbledore beamed. Voldemort smiled, and shook hands with the both of them.

"Thank you both. You know what? I am evil! Its who I am! And if other don't like it..Then…Then they can shove it!"

"That's a boy, Tom!"

"You go, Mr. Riddle!"

"You can call me Tom, Ron. I think you've earned that privilege."

"Okay…Tom." Voldemort grinned.

"Say, how about the three of us go for a drink and a spot of shopping? Its on me!"

"Ooh, okay! But what about your evil look? People will try to kill you!"

"A quick spell can change that."

"Goodie. What are we waiting for?

"And together, the three wizards walked happily out the door.

And somewhere, within the misty, over perfumed depths of her office, Sybill Trelawney was just finishing the remainders of…

…Roast pig.

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This was written merely to calm my hyper..ness…Hope you enjoyed it though!