This is a revamp of What's his name vs. the world. If you read the first one, this'll be better; it'll make more sense hopefully, but I will use a few more curse words. As all of the chapters are written, hopefully I'll get it out soon. If some part of the story seems disconnected, it's because I changed a part, and I haven't gotten to that chapter yet. I really hope everyone enjoys this.

Well That Didn't Work: A Story of Romance or Something

Chapter One: The Unlikely Begining

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were all in Hogsmeade on one of the school excursions. (obviously, Ginny's friends were all ummm sick, so she had no one else to hang out with) They were wandering aimlessly when the group heard a small pop. Harry looked around slowly, but then felt a tap on his right shoulder.

Harry looked to the right, which was completely deserted. He looked to the left, directly into the insanely grinning face of Lord Voldemort.

Except, it didn't look like Voldemort; it looked like a sixteen-year-old Tom Riddle. Still, looking into an insanely grinning face when you're not expecting it is rather startling, and Harry, quite justifiably, screamed.

"Hello Harry. We meet again," Voldemort said smoothly.

"Harry? Who is that?" Ginny asked, rather breathlessly.

"I am Lord Voldemort!" said the evil wizard.

"You're too cute to be Voldemort!" Ginny blurted out.

"Is that a compliment?" he asked just as Harry said, "Hey! Whose side are you on?"

"Anyway, I've come to kill you, Harry!" Voldemort looked down his nose arrogantly.

"Well, I've kinda had time to prepare for it now." Harry said, rolling his eyes.

"I bet you weren't expecting this!" Voldemort said as he pulled a grenade out of his pocket with a flourish.

Ron asked, "What is that?" and Hermione replied, "It's a muggle device used for blowing things up. See you pull out that ring at the top and throw the grenade at something and it explodes."

"So you have to pull this thingy out?" Voldemort asked. He pulled the ring out and threw the grenade at Harry who caught it and threw it back.

"Well that didn't work." after saying this Voldemort tossed the grenade over his shoulder. The grenade then exploded, showering the entire group with dirt and leaving a gaping crater. "That definitely wasn't my best plan ever." Voldemort dusted himself off and prepared to leave.

"Oh here, take this." he took a two way mirror out of his voluminous pocket and tossed it to Ginny. He then made the "call me" sign and disapperated.

"Wow. That was seriously weird." Ron scratched his head.

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Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny trudged back to the castle, utterly bewildered by Voldemort's most recent attack. Harry and Ron tried to take the mirror, but Ginny held on to it muleishly. (I think that's a new addition to the English language; write it down and use it often) Soon after arriving at Hogwarts, the group went to dinner only to find the doors to the Great Hall blocked by a crowd of teeming teens.

"OK move along. Move along. You can all see from you seats." Professor McGonagall was shepherding the students like a crossing guard.

"I wonder what's going on." Hermione puzzled.

After getting to their seats they found that the chair for the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was not empty as it had been for the previous month or two.

Dumbledore stood up to announce "This is Professor Logan. He will be your new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. He's been absent all this time because he was out fighting evil and stuff. So anyways lets all give Professor Logan a big hand."

Professor Logan stood up. His hair was styled up into two earlike points and he was strangely wearing a t-shirt and jeans.

"Wait," said Ron "that looks exactly like Professor Lupin except with a new hairstyle and new clothes."

"Shut up, Ron." Hermione hissed "He's obviously in disguise."

"Oh… Yeah… OK, we're on the same page now." A look of dawning realization spread across his face.

"Great, Ron, now I can die happy," Hermione retorted.

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Later that night in the girl's dormitory, Ginny was doing her homework when she heard a noise coming from her bag. The girl rummaged franticly, trying to find the source of the sound.

"Why can't I ever find anything in here when I need it?" Ginny said, exasperated.

She finally looked in the front pocket and found that the mirror was producing the strange sound. Ginny hurriedly tried to straiten her hair then looked into the mirror.

"Hi Lord V…Vol…umm, hi." Ginny said as she mentally beat herself up.

"Please call me Tom. It would be…a bit easier on you" said the face in the mirror "I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner with me."

"I'd love to…Tom, but how am I going to get out of the school?"

"Sneak into the Forbidden Forest, and I'll pick you up there." With that the face of Tom Riddle disappeared. Ginny fell back on her bed and hugged the mirror.

"Now, the question is, what will I wear?" The red head muttered to herself as she picked through her clothes.

In the Forbidden Forest, the Dark Lord, master of evil, scourge of the wizarding world, was sitting on a stump sucking on a tick-tack and worrying.

"What am I doing? I feel like an idiot! I haven't been on a date in over thirty years! Wait… have I been on any dates, ever? All kinds of things have changed since I was really sixteen." He took a deep breath and smoothed back his hair. "Stop talking like that," The Dark Lord told himself "You are the most evil and powerful wizard ever! You're name makes every magical being quake, and you look good, darn good!"

The wizard whipped out a mirror and scanned his sixteen year old face for any sign of pimples. He smoothed back his hair, again, flashed a smile, then propped his chin on his fist and sighed.

Back at the ranch…er…castle, Hermione went into Ginny's room to check on the girl. She pulled the curtains on the bed back only to find a mirror. The bushy haired witch raced to Ron and Harry's room where she threw the mirror on the bed.

"We've got a problem." She said breathlessly

Together Ron and Harry yelled, "IT'S GO TIME, BABY!"

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End Note: If you were wondering why Voldemort is masquerading as a sixteen-year-old, it was because it's easier to sneak around Hogsmeade when you don't look like an anthropomophised snake. He performed a complex spell to make himself younger, but it unfortunately (for him) affected his brain, so he is now thinking like the average teenager. And having a pretty good time.

Why Lupin (aka Logan) is acting so funny, as you will eventually see, is because of massive head trauma and lots of alcohol. Lots.

If you can't tell I kinda pulled these explanations out of "thin air" to put it delicately.