Another chapter revamped! You'll know if I've gotten to chapter two yet, got a bit of writer's block. Anyway, I am alot happier with my revamps, so it doesn't matter if anyone else reads it.

Well That Didn't Work

Chapter Three: The Good, the Bad, and the Weird

The students were all eating breakfast in the Great Hall. Ginny sat with her chin propped on one hand and a fork in the other, happily staring into space. The slice of waffle speared on her fork kept falling off before reaching her open mouth, but she absentmindedly continued the cycle of stabbing and falling, stabbing and falling. Hermione flopped into the seat next to Ginny's, startling the girl enough to make her look around.

"So," Hermione wasted no time in saying "how was your date?"

Ginny snapped her jaws shut, processed the question, and began to prattle "Oh it was wonderful! He's really cute, he's suave, he likes bread, and he managed to get us out of paying our bill at the restaurant!"

"How did he do that?" Hermione asked, knowing it wouldn't be pleasant.

Ginny nonchalantly replied "He blew up the restaurant, and while everyone was distracted we snuck out."

"Distracted? I—never mind-- Aren't you a teeny bit put off by blowing up a restaurant just to get out of paying the bill?" Hermione asked, holding her thumb and index finger five millimeters apart.

"Not really, no." Ginny said and returned to her waffles.

"Well that didn't work." Hermione muttered.

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Today being their first class of Defense Against the Dark Arts, Ron and Harry made an effort to be on time. Hermione was early as usual and vaulted over two rows of desks to claim the seat nearest the teacher's desk.

As Ron sat down, at a more sedate pace, he said, "Have you ever considered going out for the Hurdling Team?

"Why in heaven's name would I do that Ron? Honestly…" she gave him a funny look.

As Ron opened his mouth to reply, a loud bang echoed through the room.

The class simultaneously spun to face the door as it crashed open, and "Professor Logan" somersaulted in smashing into his desk. Parvati held up a piece of cardboard with a six penciled on it. Dean had a four on his. Neville held up a five, and Lavender showed a ten with "call me" written over it.

Professor Logan dusted off his jeans and stalked to the front of the classroom. His eyes darted back and forth staring menacingly at each student.

"My name," he said huskily "is Logan. Re…uh… Romulus Logan. Yeah, that's it. I'm here to teach you Defense Against the Dark Arts. One of the conditions of my contract is that I get a few days vacation at the full moon so that's the way it's gonna be." Logan stared at the students as if looking for someone to dispute his claims.

Logan whipped around and began drawing on the blackboard all the while shooting malevolent glances over his shoulder at the class. He continued to do this for five minutes or so, rendering the students too scared to move. When the professor finally stepped away an aura of confusion engulfed the class.

Seamus tentatively raised his hand and fielded a guess "Sir, is that a…stick figure?"

"Exactly!" yelled Logan. He threw the chalk he had been using at the blackboard's ledge causing it to ricochet of and hit Hermione in the head.

"Fear," he said, paying absolutely no attention to the scowling Hermione, "is bad. The Dark Arts are scary and therefore bad. However to fear the Dark Arts is to give in to fear which is bad. To be bad is not good and being not good is bad; so you must be good and not bad. You see being not bad is good. So do not be afraid, because fear is bad, but also be aware of fear so that you know what things are scary and therefore bad. Everyone following what I'm saying?"

Most of the students' eyes had glazed over by this point. The minority still functioning shook their heads dumbly.

"Lovely, let's move on now to jinxes, hexes, curses, and other crap like that. For today's lesson I have a very special jinx that I think you will all enjoy (pause for drum roll) the Fandango Spell!"

For a minute no one moved, then, rubbing the chalky mark off her forehead, Hermione raised her hand.

"Sir, isn't that illegal?"

"Well yes, it is the fourth and most embarrassing Unforgivable Curse, but hey, if Moody could Imperio y'all I don't see why I can't Fandango the lot of ya'. Now if all of you whipped out your wands and yelled "Fandangulous!" right now I doubt my legs would even twitch. It has to have a lot of power behind it. You have to really want someone to go dancing around like an idiot for the spell to work. All right, all of you take out your wands and Fandango me. Do it! Do it NOW!

At these words Professor Logan hopped up onto his desk and struck a pose. All of the students obediently took out their wands and yelled "Fandangulous!" at the tops of their lungs. Logan was thrown back and toppled out the window. The teens crowded to the window to see the "new" professor fall. They all heard a long drawn out (as long and drawn out as it can be falling from a three story window) "CRAAAAAAAAP!" and a noise that might have sounded something like "Bwoioing" or whatever sound a Hogwarts professor falling from a three storey window onto a trampoline would be.

It was a lucky break indeed that Dumbledore was a fan of trampolines. As he said, "To the well organized mind, trampolines are but the next great adventure."

Or was that death? Anyway, at the third storey window, Ron expressed what everyone else was feeling, namely, "What're the odds of that?"