Sorry about the wait. This chapter goes out to my lovely reviewer zan189 and my great friend Evil. Sake is Japanese rice wine by the way.
Chapter Five
This Magic Liquid
Hermione, Ron, and Harry were looking in the window of the small Japanese steakhouse. Inside they could see Voldemort and Ginny eating some lovely Hibachi chicken. Ginny was patiently trying to teach Voldemort how to use his chopsticks, although it looked like she enjoyed feeding him herself much more.
Harry unstuck his nose from the glass and said, "This just sickens me."
"Oh Harry, don't be jealous." Hermione scolded gently.
"What? Me? Jealous? No way! I'm just concerned for Ginny's welfare, that's all! She's dating Voldemort, do you expect me to sit and do nothing?" Harry slumped against the wall and pouted.
Hermione felt a superior smile coming on. She turned to Ron, who was busy making faces on the window. A woman on the other side quickly lost her appetite at that sight.
Hermione slapped Ron on the back of the head ,who in turn hit his forehead on the glass, and turned him and Harry toward her.
"Ok, I think I might have a plan." Hermione whispered to the boys.
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Soy sauce flowed out of the bottle as if it was trying to drown the chicken, rice, and vegetables. Tom stopped the flow and looked at the magical liquid. Making soy sauce since 1604? Sheesh. He began to contemplate all things soy saucey.
"Hey Ginny, how 'bout we see who can chug the most soy sauce?" Tom said.
"Ok." Ginny herself was a white sauce girl, but whatever Tom wanted to do was fine with her.
Tom stole the soy sauce off of two tables and set one down in front of himself and one in front of Ginny. They clinked the bottles together, threw back their heads, and started chugging.
After taking about two swallows, a stream of liquid salt (aka soy sauce) sprayed out of Ginny and Tom's mouths onto the couple next to them.
"Holy $!&? That stuff is pure !$&?in' salt!"
"No $!&, Sherlock!"
After the two had thoroughly washed their mouths out they started laughing hysterically. The waiter, zan189, gave the couple a strange look while continuing to clean up the Exxon Valdese of soy sauce they had sprayed everywhere.
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Four people walked into the restaurant, wearing copious amounts of black and carrying instruments. Three of them had black berets and sunglasses on; the two guys had small goatees. The host tried to stop them, but the mysterious beatniks informed him they were the band and pushed past the puzzled man.
The fourth person, a slightly evil looking girl with a bassoon, scratched her head and wondered how she got there, but decided she would stay and play the gig. She hoped there would be money in it.
The band unpacked their instruments. The diners were interested in how the music would sound being played on a bassoon, a kazoo, maracas, and a guitar made from a tissue box and rubber bands.
Ginny and Tom had gone back to eating their meal and talking animatedly. Tom was waving his hands wildly and accidentally (or maybe not accidentally) upset zan189's tray so that water, salad, and sushi flew everywhere. Zan189 was starting to think that maybe working at a Japanese steakhouse might not have been the best career move.
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The band had launched into an indescribably horrible rendition of "The William Tell Overture" that left the audience speechless at the utter crappiness of it. The black haired, bespectacled, bescarred, begoateed guitarist stopped and pretended to get a drink of water. He edged off the stage and started crawling under the tables much to the puzzlement of the audience.
"Oh 'scuse me. Pardon me. Hey nice legs lady! Owch! Kidding, I was kidding! Ahh, here we go!"
The guitarist had arrived at his destination; under Ginny and Voldemort's table. He chuckled rubbing his hands together and rammed his head into the bottom of the table. Fortunately for him, the music had gotten frightfully loud, and the two lovebirds above him didn't hear anything suspicious.
The kazooist, who had red hair and a black goatee, also pretended to get a drink of water. He stuck a lampshade on his head and inched closer to Voldemort and Ginny's table, where he stopped hoping to be taken as a floor lamp. A waiter passed by and did a doubletake, wondering if this was part of the floor show. Luckily for Ron, the couple he was spying on was pretty oblivious to everything happening around them.
The maracaist made no pretense of water retrieval, but just walked away, sat at a table, and ordered a drink. This left the bassoonist all alone furiously trying to play "The Flight of the Bumblebee" until she passed out from lack of breath.
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"Do it again, Tom! Pleeeeease!" Ginny looked at him with big puppy dog eyes. Her lip started to tremble.
Tom couldn't resist the eyes. "Ok, one more time." The evil laughter made everyone in the restaurant shiver and all the candles blow out. They had electric lighting, so the effect wasn't as cool, but still…
Ginny had a bit of a thing for evil laughter. She just couldn't resist it. Tom's was by far the best evil laughter she had ever heard. It just made her melt.
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Under the table, Harry was having a hard time listening to their conversation because he was trying not to touch either Ginny or Voldemort's legs. Although, Harry thought, Ginny does have rather fine legs. Harry shook that line of thinking out of his head and reminded himself that he was on a mission.
Meanwhile, Ron was having problems staying still. He had drunk a bit too much water before trying to be a lamp, and he really needed to use the little wizard's room. Ron had his legs crossed and was hopping up and down trying not to wet himself, so obviously his eavesdropping was not really going well.
Hermione, however, had been throwing back sake for the last ten minutes and, not being used to alcohol especially in little teeny cups, was completely blitzed. A waiter had wanted to have a little fun and had told the poor witch it was virgin sake.
"WOOHOO! Letsh have shome fun, peoplesh! She bellowed while standing up woozily.
Hermione blinked a few times, trying to get the room to focus. "How 'bout shome Karaokeokeo!"
The soused witch weaved her way to the karaoke machine and began singing "Man I Feel Like a Woman" (aka the most annoying, and most popular, karaoke song ever)
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The terrible singing of the inebriated Hermione made Ginny and Tom hurry to leave. Zan189 tried to get Tom to pay the bill. He snatched it, looked at it, ripped it to pieces, and blew up the restaurant.
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Through the rubble a small voice could be heard saying, "Well that didn't work."