Sorry for the wait people! I hope this chapter is up to scratch. I will try my best to get out the next chapter quickly. Since I haven't done a disclaimer recently: I do not own Harry Potter nor do I own McDonald's. If I owned both I might be as rich as Bill Gates, whom I also do not own.
Chapter Six
So You Want to Be an Action Adventure Star
Harry scrambled out from under a beam, while Ron attempted to lever a chunk of plaster off of Hermione, who was still rather tipsy. Zan189 wrote her two weeks notice, set the date for two weeks ago, threw it into the air, and stormed away from the wreckage of the Japanese steakhouse.
Harry sprinted off after Voldemort and Ginny, leaving Ron to take care of Hermione. He gave the witch an exasperated look, grabbed her wrist, and dragged the girl along after Harry.
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By the time they had arrived at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, Harry was panting, Ron was doubled over ready to either puke or die (he couldn't figure out which), and Hermione was quietly humming "On Top of Spaghetti". Ginny and Voldemort were holding hands and looking at the bright crescent moon. The pair set off through the woods, him strolling, and her sort of sashaying.
Dragging their feet, Ron and Harry wearily trudged after the happy couple. Oddly, Hermione didn't seem in the least tired. This may or may not have been because Ron carried her on his back for half the way. Whatever the case was, she was skipping along merrily running into trees.
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Tom put his arm around Ginny's waist and scooched her closer to his side. She matched her stride to his and snuggled closer. Behind them came a sound uncannily reminiscent of a bursting blood vessel from an overprotective brother or a jealous wanna-be boyfriend. The two paid no attention to the strange noises around them, after all Tom was the most feared person in the wizarding world. Who would dare attack him?
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Behind the oblivious lovers, Ron and Harry were angry enough to start punching holes through trees. Just as Hogwarts began to loom over the people in the forest, Voldemort leaned in for the Good-bye Kiss. This caused something in Ron to snap. He ran screaming like a maniac, launched himself into the air and tackled Voldemort before the Dark Lord could make contact. The Evil One kicked Ron in the stomach and sprinted off into the woods. Ginny saw him glance over his shoulder and blew him a kiss; she then turned to Ron, hauled back, and cold-cocked him. Harry managed to catch the elder Weasley before he hit the ground, then he dropped Ron to put his hands on his hips.
"Listen Ginny, this has gone on long enough. I won't allow you to go out on a date with Voldemort any more." Harry reprimanded sternly.
Ginny rebutted by saying, "And I care what you'll allow!"
Ginny gave in to the temptation to slap Harry senseless, and felt much better after she had. For good measure, Ginny decided to glare at Hermione, but this was probably unnecessary as the still inebriated witch was failing miserably at getting a stick to balance on her nose.
Ginny was startled from her glaring by a loud noise. She whipped around, dived into the underbrush, and snuck off to the school. Harry, Ron, and Hermione, however, were not so lucky. Like the famed bat out of hell, Snape swooped down on the trio.
"Detentions for all of you! Out of bounds and after curfew? It's a two for one bargain!" Snape was overjoyed by his luck.
The professor collected the remaining three delinquents and herded them back to the castle; all the while he was thinking of the most horrible detention for each individual and whistling "It's a Small World After All" cheerily.
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By the time they reached the castle Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all about ready to pass out, but Snape led them deeper into Hogwarts. Down, down, deep into his lair…er…office. He stood behind his desk and grinned down maliciously at the helpless trio.
After rubbing his hands together and laughing evilly while lightning flashed in the dungeon, he sentenced the students to their detentions. "Ok, Weasley, you will be scrubbing the bathroom floor with your own toothbrush!" Ron shuddered, but the professor kept going. "Granger, you will be doing lines. 'I am a stupid failure, and I hope to die in the near future.' Got it?" This pronouncement completely sobered Hermione up and left her sniveling. "Lastly," said Snape, ominously under-lit, "Potter, you will…" (pause for dramatic effect) "ANSWER MY FANMAIL!" Harry collapsed into a heap and was not roused till Hermione whipped out the bottle of smelling salts she had been saving.
"Ban, this sduff sbells horrible…Hey waidt! Sinz when have you had fan bail?" Harry asked stuffily.
Snape looked down his hooked nose at Harry. "Ever since those books came out everyone is convinced I have a heart of gold under my cruel greasy exterior. Fools."
There was a pause as Harry was shaking his head trying furiously to get out the odor of the smelling salts, Hermione was rocking back and forth muttering "I am not a failure.", and Ron was transfixed thinking about the abominable conditions of the bathroom floor, when the door crashed open and Professor Logan dived in.
Snape resisted the urge to strangle the living day lights out of the crazy teacher and instead screamed at him. "THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK YOU'VE BROKEN MY DOOR DOWN! IF YOU DO IT ONCE MORE, SO HELP ME, THEY WONT EVEN BE ABLE TO FIND YOUR REMAINS! YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO THEM? THEY'RE GOING TO BE CHEWED ON BY HAMSTERS AND LEFT TO ROT IN THE GARBAGE CAN BEHIND McDONALD'S!"
Logan took this all calmly and stood waiting for Snape's temper to reside. After fifteen minutes, however, he got tired of waiting and casually told the furious man, "I have to check and see if your door meets all the standards."
"WHAT STANDARDS?" The potions master roared.
Logan's eyes flicked back and forth searching the office for eavesdroppers. He lowered his voice to a whisper and said, "You know. Those standards."
Snape looked prepared to beat Logan's brains out, so he hurried to elaborate. "Doors must be in good condition and of a good enough quality to withstand the force of being kicked open repeatedly, as this is the main form of entry for action adventure heroes. It's all written in So You Want to Be an Action Adventure Star." He pulled out a well thumbed handbook and flipped to the correct page to show Snape the reference.
The poor man was entirely fed up with Logan's unexpected arrivals, and kicked out the new professor in all but the literal sense of the words. He also shooed out the trio, who were quite happy to be leaving. They rushed to their common room to try and finally get some sleep, but were drawn up short by the sound of a massive explosion coming from the dungeon. Logan, looking only slightly concerned flipped open his book to the bomb section and said, "Hmm…well that didn't work. It should have gone off after it counted down from thirty minutes and fifty-nine seconds."