Mourning Part 2

"How can you say that?" I asked bitterly. His eyes changed in mood, looking at me as though I dumped his peroxide all over the cold floor. "How can you say you love her? You…you tried to rape her."

"Dawn…"

"No! That's not love, its…sick. A sick vampire thing that you…vampires do."

"I didn't mean to," he replied, his teeth clenched.

"You didn't mean to! Oh god please don't tell me you just said that. You just accidentally fell on top of her, accidentally pinned her arms down and whisper not-so-sweet-nothings into her ear?"

"You bloody well know that's not what I meant!" he yelled, reaching over and shaking my shoulders. My eyes went wide and connected with his. I felt like crying but I couldn't. This was Spike. The guy that I used to adore, and now suddenly he's the guy that I absolutely despised. I always felt disgusted whenever looking at him. Now I looked at him like he was a vampire, and treated him like a vampire. Soul or no soul.

"You're still you, Spike." Water filled my eyes yet did not leak out; it just blurred my vision of Spike. But I guess my vision of him was already blurred. I let out a furious smile. "You're still you." His eyes went from angry to confused, but then suddenly realized what I meant.

I shrugged his hands off my shoulders, getting out of his angered embrace. "And don't ever touch me again. Ever. I may not have super-strength like Buffy, but like I said, I'm pretty sure I know how to set a dead person on fire."

He looked at me with the same look he had when I threatened him last year, nothing but shock. I took a step or two from him when I remembered something. "Oh, and Spike?" I turned around, looking him straight in the eye, speaking in a bitter tone although it should have sounded enthusiastic and joyous. "Incase I don't see you next week, Happy Valentine's Day."

The crowd went through me like a ghost, almost knocking me off my feet in the process. I quickly recoiled, but panic engulfed me when I realized Spike wasn't with me.

"Spike?" I called out, but no answer came. My eyes wandered around me, trying to search through the club to find bleached hair followed by the darkest clothing. I turned around and looked but…

I didn't find him.

How could he not be here? One second he was there, hanging on to my hand and the next, gone. Poof. He would not just walk away. So quickly at that.

M-Maybe this is all a dream. Everything. Sunnydale becoming Sunnyhell—literally, and Spike taking care of me until this very day, then disappearing in a flash. I mean, that's rational…right?

I rolled my eyes. Good try, Dawn. He probably just walked off for some reason…hopefully a good reason. My hands went into a form of tight fists from nervousness. Stupid crowd.

The people gave me space; hence I was out in the open. But still no Spike came to my rescue.

I rolled my eyes again. Darn it, Dawn, it's just a club. No terrifying demons and vampires, remember? It's just a fun, little club in a little town with little to no beasties, as Spike likes to call them. Then suddenly I felt little. Spike was like a security blanket…literally. Well not the blanket part, because that would sound erotic in some ways. But definitely the security part.

I frowned, glancing around the club once again before settling on an empty seat by the bar. The bartender smirked at me mischievously, not helping with the uncomfortable factor much.

"What would you like, sweet thing?" he asked in a husky voice as he planked his towel over the counter next to my hands. My eyebrows wrinkled in disgust, but then I started to rummage through my pockets for money. Turning up nothing, I shrugged to the perverted bartender and walked away.

My eyes landed on him. His weak body shivered against the gravestone, and I could tell that he was crying. And I knew why. I looked at his position, his side faced the tombstone, and his head rested in his hands. I sighed as the wind wrapped around me as I hugged myself, trying to keep my body warm.

"Spike?" My voice quavered, my feet picking up the pace as I walked to his shriveled body. His head jerked up, and that's when I saw tears in his eyes.

"I-I didn't mean to," he mumbled.

"I know" I said as I crouched down beside him, my eyes leveling with his.

"I hurt her. I hurt all of you." His voice was hoarse and distant, and he looked at the ground in front of him, trying to hide his eyes from mine.

"We should get you home. You shouldn't be out here alone," I said nonchalantly. His head turned to look at me, and he seemed upset, with a little bit of angriness in his eyes. Not angry at me, but angry at himself.

"Why! So I don't hurt anybody else? I know what you're thinking…you don't have to keep it all in. I know what I'm capable of." He sighed, but continued. "I'm evil."

"You think running away is going to do you any good? You're just going to hurt more people," I replied bitterly, but realized that my words struck him hard. I took a deep breath. "But we can help you. You come with me and we'll help you."

Spike shook his head. "It's too strong."

I took his hand in mine. And for the first time, I saw him for who he really was. "But we're stronger."

He looked at me, confused. "You forgive me?"

I couldn't lie to him. Fact was, I didn't. Well not completely, anyway. "No," I whispered so faintly that if he didn't have his super-hearing he wouldn't have heard it. "But I will…in time. Just come with me."

I wrapped my arms around my thin frame, wishing I could just be invisible as I walked around the people, trying my best not to bump into them. It was hard since I was so out of it. Ever since…ever since that night I've been kind of people-phobic, I could only be around Spike…but Spike isn't a person, so I guess it kind of works out.

I stared at the people dazedly, trying to sort out real from not real. Sometimes I would see their faces, smiling back at me. But they ended up turning evil, always a devilish smile toying with me. Spike would always tell me those were not real. That I had to ignore them. It was hard to…ignore them I mean. A few days ago at a gas station, I thought I saw Xander.

But it was always fictitious…suddenly I would see the real person, an unfamiliar face, staring back at me in confusion. They looked at me as though I was psychotic, and I started to believe I was.

But I bet if I went to see a psychiatrist, they would tell me it was all normal. Just a common stage of getting over what I just had to deal with. But I'm not sure if I'm ever going to get over it. I mean, how can a person get over something like that? They would end up going insane.

God, I hope I won't go insane. Then again, maybe I already am.

This sucks.

And it's not like Spike helped me much; he never comforted me in any kind of way. Just protected me as if he was obligated to. Maybe he was still in shock. Or maybe he just didn't care.

Whatever, its not like I ever expected him to care about me, anyway. He never did, so why should he start?

He never really calls me by his usual nicknames for me anymore. Once in a great while, he does. But it's mostly 'Dawn'. That pretty much sends a chill through my spine. It's always serious. Nothing's ever light anymore.

Always dark.

How I want this to be over with. This pain that set up camp in me. It'll never go away. It's only been such a little bit of time, but I can already tell. I will never, ever get through this. Every night I cry alone, always alone. Not a hand to help me out, not a hint of comfort.

But I think it would take much more than that. Comfort is useless when you think about it. It's like a drug: feels good at the time but then all of a sudden, has the withdrawal of leaving you emptier than ever. But maybe that's all that you ever get to pull you out of your great misery. Spurious happiness, if you want to call it that.

You know, all this stuff is really making my head hurt.

I stopped when I saw an emergency exit door in front of me. I don't know how I could have thought all that in such a short distance of walking. I looked behind me, and I saw that I went across the whole club. Turning back to the door, my lips twisted in an act of thinking. Spike would kill me if I left, but I really needed to get out of here. The social interaction was really pulling me out of my comfort zone. Then again, I was uncomfortable the first millisecond in here.

I really have to stop thinking so much.

I quickly pushed open the supposedly cumbersome door without effort, stepping into a lit alleyway. The heavy door closed behind me in a heart-breaking thud, making me wince. Stupid door. Everything was stupid. You know, maybe I should invest in some higher vocabulary to further explain how I hated everything.

And once again, I was rudely interrupted from my reverie, but by a different a source. A loud bang. It seemed distant, but loud all the same.

I hurried down the alleyway, trying to pinpoint the sound. Maybe someone needed help. I don't know what kind of help though. Getting raped? Being attacked by vampires? I rounded the corner, my feet making pathetic little pants on the ground.

That's when I saw it, the whole scene laid out before me.

His boot reached forward and jerked up, the stake flying to his hand at an unbelievable speed. They were ganging on him, and he knew it. Quickly he dug his foot into the male vampire's chest, sending him backwards, then he turned to the female, giving a knowing smirk that she was about to get staked. I just stared, not knowing what to do to help. The female let out a hoarse, mirror-shattering scream before she turned to ashes, and he gripped his stake tighter as he reverted back to the other four vampires.

He was in trouble now.

I snapped out of my staring mode, and quickly grabbed a scrap of wood lying against the wall next to me. The damp wood prickled against my skin, giving it blisters although I didn't care. My feet steadily hit the ground, running the short distance it took to reach the vampires, they noticed of course, smelling the sweet scent of fresh blood. Spike noticed too, giving me a worried glance before he received a punch in the face, sending him against the wall…hard. For a moment I thought he was unconscious, but I was proved wrong when he quickly recoiled to his feet.

Two vampires ganged up on him, and the other two slowly walked towards me, their elongated teeth glistening as they smiled.

Good luck, Dawnie.

The larger one lunged at me, but I stepped out of the way, and because of his speed, he crashed in a pile of garbage nearby. I gripped my stake tighter, ignoring the blood that was pouring from my palm. He turned back in fury, letting out an animalistic growl before he lunged at me again, but this time I didn't get out of the way fast enough. He sent a punch my way, knocking me square in the jaw. I flew backwards, landing on my back, pain running up my spine. I tried to get up but I couldn't, and the closest I could get to standing up was resting on my elbows, the rest of my body clinging to the ground. The pain was wince-worthy.

And darn it, I knew I couldn't fight. I was way too out of it to even consider taking on a vampire. The pain hurt, of course, but it didn't bring me back to reality.

I looked up at the vampire, who had a smile plastered on his face. The sick sounds of his laughs made me cringe, which made him laugh even harder.

"Poor little girl, thinks she could take on a vampire like me. Who do you think you are? The slayer?" He laughed again.

Once again I was reminded of Buffy, her voice telling me everything was going to be alright. Her laughs when she was happy; cut short by hungry growls of pain. I wondered how she did it, slaying I mean. Even with super-strength, it must have been hard.

A tear threatened to come out, and it did. The salty drop dripped off my eyelid, and made the vampire laugh harder, if that was even possible.

Bastard.

I caught a glimpse of platinum blonde hair creeping behind the vampire. Smiling, I replied, unnerving the vampire. "No, I'm her sister."

His eyes went wide before exploding into dust, clouding the view of Spike before the ashes landed on the ground in a heap.

It was silent before I managed to spit out weak syllables. "And the others?"

"Staked them. I guess this town isn't as demon-free as we thought it was." He let out a deep breath even though he didn't need to.

A creepy feeling made its way inside me, completely taking captive of my body. No town will ever be safe. More tears seeped through my eyes, and I looked on, behind Spike, behind everything.

"Whoa, what happened to you guys?"

We turned to the culprit of the voice, the landlord. She took a drag of her cigarette as she raised her eyebrow. Does she ever stop smoking!

"Some crazy blokes tried something on Dawn, here." Spike signaled to me. I didn't have the energy to say something else, which the landlady took as a hint that I didn't want to talk about it.

We passed through the main room, exhausted. Well I was exhausted, but I wasn't sure about Spike. His hair was in light curls, which ran over his forehead a bit. I myself didn't look that great either; a new bruise was starting to form on my jaw.

Room 184 appeared before us, representing the dark and dank room we were about to enter. The door itself resembled something from a cave. I didn't mind, I guess. Neither did Spike, he's used to living in crypts and dark underground areas.

He pushed open the door, letting me in first. I spotted the big bed in front of us, and quickly climbed into it, digging my head into the pillows. The dusty sheets added even more dirt to my hair and clothing. But at this point of time, I didn't care. All I wanted was sleep.

I felt the presence of Spike, hovering over the bed, staring at me. He was utterly silent, so pants of breath coming from him. When I was younger, I'd always expect pants of breath to come out of him. But that usually never happened. Sometimes it did, and he'd blame it on habit.

My body slowly rolled onto my back, and I glanced up at him.

He just stood there.

"You know, we have to stop with the off to space staring," I mumbled. He shook, snapping back to reality, and then walked into the bathroom without a word.

I heard him wailing later on, his soft cries barely making it to my ears. He never came out of the bathroom, and for some reason I never went in there to comfort him. Is this what it'll always be like? I didn't have anybody, not even Spike. And he didn't have anyone either.

A few minutes later, he came out of the bathroom, and I acted like I was sleeping. I heard him rustle through some bags of ours, and then retreated to one side of the bed, edging toward his end of the bed…away from me.

I was like a disease.