Lost: Young Man, Answers to Harry

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"How do I begin?" Lupin asked, looking up at the sun which he hadn't seen for over three days. He, Sirius, Harry, Tonks and Charlie had walked to a nearby muggle park and sat down on one of the lawns to talk. Tonks and Charlie were busy trying to conjure a picnic lunch, and having no luck at all. All they had managed so far was a basket of uncooked potatoes (from Charlie) and some kind of raw meat (from Tonks) that nobody wanted to touch. Tonks was now teaching Harry a spell to flame-grill the potatoes, leaving everybody with burnt fingers and scorch marks on the grass.

"Why did you never come to look for us?" Sirius asked quietly, "I mean, at first, I was glad, I thought it meant no one could find us. But after a while…well, it wasn't easy, raising him all by myself."

Lupin closed his eyes, "I don't know," he said slowly, "at first, it was just – it hurt so much to think about you. I had lost Lily and James, and then Peter, and then you and Harry – all in the space of a few days. Every time I thought about coming to find you, I wanted to jump up and go at once, but my legs failed me. It just hurt. Then, when I came to teach at Hogwarts, the hurt went away, but I felt guilty instead. What would you say if I came now? I had no excuse for not looking for you at once, and I felt guilt at the thought of facing you and telling you that. And Harry…I still felt so guilty about Harry. It was as if I was the one who had run away and abandoned you both. I couldn't bear to face either of you.

"And then, after a while, it was fear of my own cowardice betraying me that kept me away. Dumbledore has done everything for me. He alone came to help me when I was wallowing in self-pity. He alone offered me shelter, and a job, and friendship. If I found you, how could I keep it from him? I knew I would reveal your hiding place to Dumbledore, I knew I couldn't lie to him, and I feared what he might do if he found you."

"Will you tell him now?" Sirius growled, "now that you know we're both alive and well?"

Lupin shook his head, "no," he said, "I think I'm strong enough, now, to keep that secret," he looked over at where Harry and Tonks were pelting each other with burnt bits of potato, while Charlie looked on, making an embarrassed face at such childish behaviour, "I see the truth has not affected Harry."

Sirius didn't answer. Lupin looked at him, and frowned a little, "you have told him?"

"No," Sirius shook his head reluctantly, "he doesn't know about the Horcruxes. He thinks we're in hiding because of his lycanthropy."

"What?" Lupin's face twisted, "what?" he repeated, "he doesn't know?"

"I couldn't tell him. He was too young. And somehow, the truth got harder every year," Sirius refused to meet his friend's eye, "I've always meant to tell him what he is, but I just…never got round to it."

Lupin goggled at him, "tell him now," he said, "Sirius, this is unbelievable! Tell him the truth right now, or I will."

Sirius grabbed his arm, "no you won't," he said fiercely, "you mustn't. He'll hate me for keeping this a secret from him."

"Every day you put it off will only make it worse!" Lupin said loudly. Harry looked over at the two men, curious. Sirius turned Lupin away so that Harry couldn't see their faces.

"I'll tell him," he said, "it has to be me. But not yet. Don't you understand, Remus? Once he knows, he'll know that he is doomed to live a short, unhappy life. He'll know that the fate of the entire wizarding world, the freedom of every witch and wizard in Europe – and with you-know-who gaining power overseas, it will soon spread beyond Europe – hinges on one event: his death. Without it, you-know-who can never be destroyed. I will not burden him with that knowledge, not until I know he is ready."

Lupin shook his head, "this is wrong. Keeping something like that from him is wrong."

"Please," said Sirius, "please, let me tell him when he is ready. When I am ready."

Lupin made a face, then sighed, "alright. I won't tell him. But I'll nag you about it until you do. You know I will. I'll nag you like an old wife."

Sirius smiled, and he looked ten years younger, "there's the Remus I know and love."

He yelled as Harry pounced on him from behind, "hey, watch it, cub. You're getting heavy!"

"You mean you're getting old and frail," Harry replied, "have you two kissed and made up yet? I can't entertain Tonks forever, you know."

Lupin looked up as Tonks and Charlie flopped down beside him. Tonks offered him a basket of rather sooty and mashed potatoes, "they're not delicious, but they're not bad," she said apologetically.

"Thank you," Lupin took one of the less-mashed potatoes, "and thank you as well for coming to get me. I think I will reconsider France as a retirement option."

"Bill did far more than us," Charlie said, his mouth full of scalding potato.

"Is he alright?"

"He's gone with Fleur," Charlie replied, swallowing his mouthful, "poor guy. He loved Iolanthe, he really did…and now he's got that French girl following him around, making him feel guilty."

"I don't know how he can resist her, she must be part veela," grinned Sirius, and Harry hit him.

"That's awful, Sirius!" he scolded, "you're old enough to be her father."

"Harry, when you reach adolescence, you'll know what I mean," said Sirius, pulling his godson over his shoulder so that he was holding Harry upside-down, "and I'm only being sympathetic to Bill. In all honesty, I think maybe after he's had a while to recover, he won't mind Fleur's company any more."

"I noticed you didn't seem too affected by her," Tonks elbowed Charlie, "already immune to her charms because of all the years you've spent resisting mine, huh?"

Charlie wiggled his eyebrows, "something like that."

The two younger wizards lapsed into a conversation which made Lupin's mouth gape, and he put his hands over Harry's ears, "you two should be a bit more discreet," he muttered to Tonks, so she and Charlie moved a bit further away so that they were out of earshot.

"What were they saying?" Harry asked, once Lupin deemed it safe to uncover his ears, "surely it can't be worse than Sirius swearing at Kreacher."

Sirius coughed loudly while Lupin glowered disapprovingly at him.

Harry leant his head against Lupin's arm like a cat asking for a cuddle, "I missed you," he said, "it's almost like having Mum again. I do remember her, you know."

Lupin almost pulled away from Harry for a moment. He felt awkward, as if he was an intruder in Sirius and Harry's life. Then he relaxed and smiled, "that is more than anyone could ask of you. I am sorry, Harry, that I have not been here before now. That is my own stupid fault, and I promise, I will try to be there as much as possible from this moment onwards."

"Then that's all I ask," said Harry.

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The sun was sinking towards the horizon, and Bill and Fleur were standing in an empty courtyard together. The sunset turned her hair as red as his, and she was staring at him with a mournful look on her face.

"Will you not let me comfort you, at ze least?" she asked softly.

Bill shook his head. He had spent the afternoon with the strange, beautiful French girl, who seemed so infatuated with him it was almost frightening. But Iolanthe's death was still too real, too raw. He turned towards Fleur a little, and said, "even if I could love you, you're barely fifteen. You're still at school, you haven't even come of age! Wait a bit, a year, three years – then, if you still want me, come find me. But wait, and give me time to pull myself back together."

Fleur sniffed, and bent her head, "very well, zen zat is what I will do. But I promise you, Bill Weasley, I will still love you, no matter 'ow long I 'ave to wait."

"Alright," said Bill, "goodbye, Fleur."

Charlie had appeared on the other side of the courtyard, with Tonks just behind him, talking to some French children who were pointing at her bright pink hair. Charlie waved at him, and Bill waved back. He let go of Fleur's hand and jogged across the flagstones towards his brother. When he reached Charlie, he looked over his shoulder, and raised his hand to Fleur. She made no sign in return, but stood still as stone, and watched him walk away.

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Sirius and Harry saw Lupin off before he left for Hogwarts. The awkwardness that Lupin had felt around the young boy was rapidly evaporating. Lupin had spoken to Sirius again about Harry's education in the magical arts, but Sirius had still refused to consider letting Harry go to school. The DADA Professor could only promise to bring Harry text books and other study materials.

"I'll come visit the first weekend I get off, and as many weekends as possible after that," he told Harry as they arrived at the bus stop. The sky above them was overcast, a grey light filling the empty street and diluting Harry's smile.

"Perhaps you could come during the full moon," Harry said hopefully as he hugged Lupin goodbye.

Sirius and Lupin looked at each other, "er, perhaps that's not such a good idea," Lupin replied. He and Sirius had already talked about trying to procure Wolfsbane from the Hogwarts potion master and sending it to Harry, and both had agreed it would not be possible without arousing too much suspicion. But if Harry and Lupin were to transform together, Harry would probably notice that Lupin's mind was not that of a wolf, which seemed a bit unfair on him.

"Well, think about it," said Harry, as he and Lupin parted, "you must be very lonely, all by yourself every month. And Sirius in his dog-form usually sleeps through it nowadays, so it's very boring for me."

"You're a better behaved werewolf than you used to be," Sirius laughed, clapping his godson on the shoulder.

"I'll think about it," Lupin cupped Harry's chin as the bus that he was catching to King's Cross Station arrived. He got aboard and Harry and Sirius waved to him as the bus pulled away.

"Poor Moony," said Harry, once the bus was out of sight.

"Why do you say that?" Sirius asked as they turned and began walking back to Grimmauld Place.

Harry shrugged, "well, I think he needs us more than we need him," he said sadly, "and I was just thinking of all those years he didn't have us."

His godfather smiled, "he's got us now," he said.

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TBC