Disclaimer: You know the drill – belongs to Tamora Pierce.
Chapter 14 – The Letter
Daine was waiting outside Numair's rooms for more than 15 minutes before Alanna found her. She had knocked and knocked with no answer. She was starting to fear that he had left already. And then, when she saw Alanna's face, she knew he had left.
"Why?" Daine pleaded. She couldn't believe how much her voice could crack when she had only said one word.
"Youngling, he had to. He couldn't bear to fight with you again about coming with him."
Silent tears streamed down her face. "But he left without saying goodbye," she squeaked. She had a powerful fear that she would never see him again. Alanna handed her a handkerchief and pulled her into a hug.
"He will be back before you know it. And he did say goodbye. He left you a message." Alanna gave her the envelope.
Daine ripped into it and unfolded the paper inside. It was a fairly long letter. She sat down against Numair's door to read it.
Dearest Magelet,
I am so sorry to say goodbye this way. I knew you would try to follow me because that is what I would have done if you were leaving to do something dangerous. I am also sorry that I never got to properly apologize to you. What I said was the truth. I do not see you as a child. But I am sorry for the rest because it hurt you.
You are strong and good in a fight. You are also a thousand other wonderful things. I did not decide to go alone for any reasons other than those which I gave you. I am entrusting you with something very precious to me. Tortall is my home. No one is able to defend it the way you are. It is because I trust you that I know I will not have to worry.
Daine, if you don't know it already, you have earned my respect. When we have faced struggles together, I never had to question whether I was safe with you. It never mattered if you were using arrows or magic, you always met every challenge and you never complained that it was difficult or uncomfortable. I admire you greatly for that.
I also need to apologize for being too protective. I realize I have been a little obnoxious. So many times in my life I have lost what was important to me. I have a tendency to cling because I'm afraid of change. But change is natural. You have grown to be a beautiful young woman and I'm holding you back. You deserve to fall in love, get married, have children, and build a legacy for yourself. I think the young man who sent you the chrysanthemums is sweet on you. I promise not to scare him off if you want to see him.
Magelet, you are pack to me. I remember how strange it seemed when you introduced me that way to Brokefang. However, it is the most accurate statement that ever was. We are not family by birth, we are family by choice. You are dear to me and I never, ever meant to hurt you. I hope you can forgive me.
If all goes well, I will see you very soon. I hope you will tell me everything I missed. I will tell you everything that I see. If the Copper Isles are worth revisiting I will take you and Kit someday.
Numair
Daine read it three times in a row before she realized that Alanna was still standing there.
"I'm sorry, honey, but I need to let our fake Numair out. Are you going to be alright?"
Daine looked again at the letter in her hand. "He apologized. I never got to say I was sorry to him – but he apologized over and over. And he said I'm pack. He told me to date Perin."
"Daine, you're not making sense," Alanna said.
Wordlessly, Daine handed the letter to Alanna. "Are you sure this isn't private?" Alanna asked. Daine just shook her head. She couldn't have told Alanna how she felt right now if she tried.
Daine was thinking about everything she should have said and she was thinking about the last thing she had said. She remembered him reaching for her and she pulled away and walked out. If she never saw him again then that would be his last memory of her. Brokefang had told her that Numair was a good pack leader for her. Wolves saw things so much more simply than people. They knew nothing of age differences or social classes. A pack leader for Daine would be a mate. That was something her heart wanted very much. But he wanted her to "see" Perin.
"I think that's a very beautiful letter, Daine."
"I won't ever see him again will I?" Daine voiced to Alanna.
"I think you will. I think he will save that child and bring him back in record time."
Daine felt a little more hopeful, "Really?"
"Yes. But I do think if you want to apologize you might have to pry Elyra off of him first. If you ask me, she's a little fond of Numair."
Daine frowned. "Do you think he will marry her?"
Alanna chuckled and shook her head. "No, I don't. Love takes time, Daine. You should never marry without love. I know Jon would argue, but that's my opinion. Anyway, Numair doesn't love her and I don't think he could. I've seen him date women like her but if you notice, he has never fallen in love with them. I think he wants a stronger woman." Alanna bit her lip. She looked like she wanted to say something more, but was holding back.
"I should let you get Simu-Numair."
Alanna laughed. "That's a good name for him. Just don't call him that in mixed company."
Daine laughed too. "I'll keep that in mind."