A/N: sighs I'm really sorry in advance. Again this was an accident. mutters: 'I do that a lot.' I really hope you enjoy.
Summary: Puppyshipping (Seto Kaiba x Katsuya Jounouchi Joey Wheeler) What is life? What does it mean?…A young teen is sitting in the park pounding the answer to these questions as he argues with his rival.
Warning: Shonen ai (Male/Male) and heavy hint at character death. hides Sorry!
Life is…What?
Author: Digimagic
Editor-who-is-Terribly-Sorry-for-the-Lateness: CyberDeletion
Life is very different to each person. Life, to some, is everything and nothing else matters. Life, to others, is meaningless, there being nothing important about it. Life, to most, is just there. They don't think about it and it's not until another life is taken away or their life is threatened that they consider how fragile life truly is. Life is amazing once you think about it. It comes in so many different forms and no one has the same exact view of it. Every view on life is different, if only by the slightest detail. Life, to many, can mean so many different things. In general, life is thought of as the living, breathing body or the events people witness throughout their existence.
Life is energy; life is the soul, the spirit; life is everything, yet it can also be nothing. Life, to some, is just another thing to play with, something to threaten and hold over another to see how far they'd go to keep it. People will do the most drastic of things when their lives hang in the balance. Some will do most drastic of things to be rid of their life. Some hate life with a passion. Life is cold, cruel, heartless, unforgiving, and unyielding. Life is only kind when it feels like it. Life in never kind at the right moment, even if it may seem so. Life is only kind just so it can be cruel again.
I've never been a fan of life. I don't think I ever will be. Life has never been kind to me. Life does nothing but trick me, fool me into believe that it's being kind, just to turn around and hurt me yet again Life wounds but life never heals - only time can heal. Life cannot, and will not. Time is to life as light is to darkness: complete opposites yet one is not complete without the other. Life is the mystery that will never be solved no matter how hard people try.
Life is ironic. This I know all to well. Life has an odd sense of humor. I do not find life humorous, just as I don't find the irony life brings humorous. Life and love have a lot in common. Their sense of humor, for example. Life is unfair. Another common trait love and life share. Just as life and love almost come hand in hand, irony and unfairness will as well.
Sometimes I wonder if life has something against me. I wonder why it is that life torments me so. I guess I could say that I deserve all that life has done to me but I honestly can't see why. What could I have possibly done do to deserve all if this pain and torment? I think life just has a grudge against me. That is all I can come up with to explain why life does all that it does to me.
I don't understand life, but then again, is life really suppose to be understood? The day I understand life will be the same day I understand Kaiba Seto. Never mind. I think I have a better chance at understanding life then I ever have at understanding him. He is the most complex person I know and, with the people I know, that surely says something.
The only thing I think is more complex than him is my feelings for him, being as I have no idea what it is I feel for him. I hate him. He is obnoxious, cold, cruel, anti-social, not to mention the owner of a heart covered in the purest of ice. But then I also love him. He can be kind, protective, soft, determined, and, even if it is covered in ice, he still has a heart.
It's annoying. When we're arguing I want to kill him and kiss him at the same time which, in turn, leads to some very strange fantasies (if you can call them that ). I throw insult after insult at him and yet they all sound hollow to me. No acid tone. No anger. Nothing. Just hollow insults. I want them to come out in an acid tone. I want anger in them. I want something in them. I want to mean them and yet I can't. I don't mean a single insult - hell, I don't even hear them. I don't see the point in putting thought or energy into something that holds no meaning to you.
I guess that's why my life is just like my insults: hollow, empty. Life holds no meaning to me, so my life holds as much meaning as my insults. I guess you could say I gave up on life. I don't see the point in caring about my life when no one could care less whether I was alive or not. My mother abandoned me. My father hates me. My sister doesn't really know me because my mother keeps her from me. My friends have left me, not abandoned, they just…forgot …me.
"Inu (1)."
I look up into the icy blue orbs that confuse me so very much. I forgot we were arguing. I got too wrapped up in my thoughts again. This happens a lot. We'll be arguing but then my thoughts drift off and I forget where I even am. Must be my way of escaping my life. Escaping the pain…
"What."
I keep my eyes locked on his. I don't care if he sees the pain, the loneliness, the longing that they hold. Did you know that your eyes are the windows into your soul and if you can mask the emotions in your eyes, then you can mask your true self? I remember hearing that from someone but now I can't recall who. It doesn't matter; there is no need for me to remember who…
"…drawing?"
Umm…I didn't realize Kaiba was talking. He looks different…thoughtful. I wonder why?
"Care to repeat that, rich-boy?"
He just stares at me for a second…which is odd., for him at least. He hates repeating himself and hates it even more when I ask him to. Most of the time he won't even bother. But something seems different this time…
"What are you drawing?"
I look down to see what he's talking about and my eyes lay upon a black and white sketch. The sketch is focused on an angel . The angel's arms are chained above its head as the chains go off into the darkness. The angel's soft, white skin is tainted with blood as it flows from the many wounds upon its body. The angel is trying to scream but its throat is slit and the life in its eyes is fading swiftly. Its wings are coved in blood because of the many knives embedded in them. There is no light, just darkness, surrounding the angel. Like a void of darkness ready to swallow the angel whole. Blood is making its way down the angel's hair as it hangs back. As if the angel is waiting for death to take it.
"Just a sketch."
His eyes narrow as my words reach him. That is all it is. A sketch. Just as life as life just that: Life. (2) I didn't really notice what I was sketching until he pointed it out. I don't pay any attention to what I sketch…I let my mind control my hand as I bury myself in my thoughts.
"No. It's you."
I look up at him…surprised. How could he have known that? He must be lying. He…he just couldn't know that much.
"What makes you say that, Kaiba?"
He takes my chin in his fingers. His other hand starts tracing the outline of my eyes as he stares into them.
"Because…Your eyes are just as broken as the angel's."
He pauses and stares at me. Stares into my eyes…into my very soul.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I tried, but…you're too broken to be fixed. Goodbye Katsuya Jounouchi. My Koinu. (3)"
As he turns and leaves I feel tears cascading down my cheeks as my heart breaks because…I know he's right. I'm too broken to be saved. I smile as slit my wrist and look up into the night sky.
Goodbye Seto Kaiba. My Ryu (4).
(1)- Meaning 'Dog' in Japanese.
(2)- Yes I aware that this lines counters what I put in the beginning. I did that on purpose…yes, for once I did something on purpose.
(3)- Meaning 'Puppy' in Japanese.
(4)- Meaning 'Dragon' in Japanese.
A/N: I'm SO sorry! I never meant to kill Katsuya…again. sniffles I made myself cry writing this. One day I'll stop killing Katsuya. I swear! I love him! But I'm just really mean to him. Well I hope you liked it…even if I did kill Katsuya. Please review. I think I could use cheering up after typing this.
Byes-Byes!