Disclaimer: See chapter 1.
For the next few days all people seemed intent on doing was walking into my room and coughing, or shuffling their feet and murmuring something or another about Will Turner. It was making me want to take a leap from the balcony once or twice. And it wasn't just Mary, no. Somehow, she'd gotten Linda in on it too; even Elizabeth's maid, Eleanor, who had never had a reason to come into my room, peeked her head in through the door to inform me that Will had made a faithful romp up to the mansion every morning to talk to me. Faithful being the operative and sarcastic word.
And pretty soon all of the staff that my father had working for him would take time to see me throughout the day. Anita would walk in, making sure that she would serve me herself the special cake that she had baked. Eleanor offered to put a bath up for me - I hadn't bothered to get up from my bed for three days. I had stayed in my room and slept for three full days. By the fourth morning, however, I had gotten quite fed up with lying still all day, and reading - as much as I love the pastime - had begun to irritate me. I stood up and slipped into the bath that had been set hours before, grateful to slip under the cold water and wake up a bit. I bathed slowly, allowing myself to grow accustomed to the near frigid temperature, and looked around the mess that was my room.
The bed was awful, it probably smelled as if something had died there, no pun intended. I couldn't help but think that something did die there, and that thing was a faith in love. For three days I laid in bed and contemplated how easily I had been led astray by the words of a man I had been smitten with for years. And I had the nerve to think that I had been stronger than that. But as I looked at the rumpled covers, I wondered at how many tears had been shed in a short seventy-two hours, all for the name of one man. And all the years that I'd put up with him moaning on about Elizabeth and his devotion to her, it took just one single kiss for me to believe that all of that was just some shred of an infatuation of his. And it took witnessing a single kiss for me to realize that I had been as naïve as an eight year old who is promised a sweet if she completes her mending on time. I sighed and shook my head, no longer bawling at the thought of what had transpired in the garden three days past. I dunked under the water again and forced my mind to clear, unbelievably irritated with myself at having let it drift once again.
I got up and pulled on my shift after hastily drying off. I walked to the door and called for Mary, I knew she would be hovering about nearby, and sure enough she walked up from behind a statue in the hallway. "Is there something I can help you with, miss?" Mary asked, walking into my room. I didn't even bother to tell her not to call me miss. I nodded and held out my corset to her, lifting up my arms so she could lace me up. She did so, quickly, and said, "What, no complaint today about how tight I've laced them up?" she laughed nervously. I turned around and forced myself to smile.
"No, Mary, its fine, thank you," I said. She nodded and clasped her hands in front of her, wringing them anxiously. I pulled on a dark blue dress and allowed Mary to tie my hair up with ribbons. I took off the black pearls that had rarely left my neck and laid them down beside my comb on the dresser.
"So, you will be going out today, then, miss?" she asked hopefully, eyeing the pearls with disbelief. I took a deep breath.
"Yes, Mary, I do believe I will go out today - now, don't get your hopes up, it wont be to see Mr. Turner. But I think I am due for a breath of fresh air, and if I have to see this room for another moment I will scream," I said. Mary said nothing, but her anxious smile faltered. There was silence, a very uncommon thing between Mary and myself.
"Where will you be going then?" she asked. I shrugged and walked over to the balcony, paying careful attention to not looking down at the garden, which I had come to dislike very strongly. I looked up instead to the clear blue sky, and at the scenery which told of hills leading down to the lying portrait of a quiet town. The town was anything but quiet, especially during the day and perhaps even at night.
"Have a care, Mary, and have the bed stripped. It's become quite rank in here, I'm afraid," I said, drifting out of the room and down the stairs. I reached a hand up momentarily as I made my way down the last few steps and realized that I was still wearing the claddagh ring that my father had given me. I tucked it into my gown and made my way to the door.
"Where are you going?" I heard my sister's voice behind me. I froze and closed my eyes, willing myself not to shriek or cry or do something stupid like I had done for the past three days. I turned around and faced her, forcing myself not to lodge my nails down her throat or bolt in the other direction.
"Out," I said softly, meeting her eyes and forcing myself not to look away. Just because she had stolen Will from me - which, perhaps, may be the wrong term to use - did not mean that she stole my pride as well. I still have it somewhere, although it may not be entirely intact. Besides, if I could figure out a way to get in touch with Jack, I wouldn't be seeing much of Elizabeth anymore anyway.
"To see Will?" she asked, arching an eyebrow. The look on her face was an odd one, a mix between anger and regret, fear and resignation. I looked away, focusing instead on the floor, hearing his name from her lips was a hard blow indeed, and the fact that she was concerned if I was going to see him was a slap in the face with a hard metal object.
"No," I said quietly, not hating her but angry once again at myself. The term, "I told you so," was one my conscience liked to berate me with.
"Just out," I said, turning and coming face to face with Richard, who had become our new butler. He nodded at me and reached to open the door.
"I am sorry," Elizabeth called as I took a step forward. I turned around and looked at her quickly, before walking the rest of the way out.
I made my way down a path that led away from the town, a place I sorely did not need to go, and made my way instead higher up the hill, that would eventually lead down again to a beach. I walked past the place Will and I had had our picnic, and practically trotted on by, taking a detour and going instead to the stables - a place I hadn't been in months. Elizabeth and I had taken riding lessons, we'd taken nearly every lesson in every subject imaginable, and while Elizabeth feared the beasts almost as much as she loved them, I found solace in their warm large bodies. Of course, Elizabeth was a keen rider, and had only been unhorsed once, while I found time to fall off every horse I ever rode every time I rode him. Even while they were standing still.
I walked up to my favorite mount, a gray gelding named Hansel. The stable was not ours, directly, but all of the "important" people in Port Royal kept their horses here. My father had three of his own, one had belonged to my mother, a palomino name Titania; and one for each of his daughters. My sister's mare was named Gretel. We were so rich it was ridiculous, and my father had never come to the stable more than a handful of times in all the years we'd lived here. It seemed like a waste to me, but I knew the stable hands enjoyed it. I'd caught some of the younger boys taking out my father's horses for rides when I was younger, and had promised not to tell. Even for all that, they had kept themselves hidden unless Jerome had come up here. I used to sit in the rafters of the stables and watch them play, throwing hay at each other. I wished I could join them and not for lack of trying, but knew if I showed myself they would run off to their tasks. It occurred to me then that Will was the only person who didn't care whose daughter I was, or that he'd be in a lot of trouble if I was caught in the blacksmith's shop during one of our lessons; but he'd allowed me to be around him regardless. I sighed into Hansel's neck, and made my way into the stall with him, pulling out a comb to take the knots out of his mane. The stable was a place I'd never showed Will and therefore I was safe from any unwanted memories.
"Hey, boy," I nickered quietly to him, smiling as he turned his big head around to look at me with deep sea eyes. I smiled as he nudged me, always looking for something sweet. That's how he got his name. Since I hadn't originally planned to come to the stables, I had nothing to give him, and he turned away peevishly as I continued working the comb through his hair. "Haven't seen you in a long time, Hansel," I whispered, taking a brush and brushing his coat until it shined. He whinnied softly and walked forward, out of the stall. I laughed and grabbed his bridal, putting it on him before he could trot away unhindered. It was the first time I'd laughed in three days, and he seemed to know it, craning his neck to look at me again, and nip at a ribbon in my hair, pulling it free.
"What, you don't like me coifed?" I asked, braiding a small part of his mane and tying it with the ribbon. I grasped the bridal and led him out of the stall, not knowing where exactly we were going but walking beside the gelding as if letting him lead me. Maybe I was.
Hansel seemed to know where he wanted to go. He walked down a path, and then off it, and I held onto the bridal and walked beside him. And one point he just stopped and looked at me, and wouldn't move even if I walked ahead and tugged. So I walked up to him and scrambled up and rode without a saddle - a death wish if I'd ever made one. He started to trot and it was no easy business riding in a heavy dress without a saddle, so I hung on for dear life and prayed when I found myself slipping from side to side. Hansel had known me long enough to tell when I was falling, and he found it in himself not to trot too quickly as he took me to the edge of the hill, the highest point in Port Royal, and we looked out over the open sea.
"It's beautiful, isn't it, Hansel?" I whispered, sliding off his back and stroking his neck. He whinnied and nodded impatiently, moving out of the way so I could see the familiar sails of the Black Pearl, just a few leagues off of the coast.
I had gotten back to the mansion as fast as I possibly could, meeting on of the stable boys on the way. "Please don't leave, I need you to do me a favor," I told him hurriedly, pulling a bracelet off my wrist and handing it to him. "Give Hansel as many sweets as he'd like, and some new hay," I said, ignoring his completely stupefied look at I led Hansel back to his stall and gave him an impromptu kiss on the velvety softness of his nose. I ran down the hill, almost slipping as I made my way swiftly back to the mansion. By now it was getting dark, something I'd hardly noticed at all, and the lights of the mansion were twinkling at me cozily. I hurried faster down the hill and ran up the stairs, bursting through the door to tell Mary the good news.
Only to be greeted by Will.
"Christina," he said, a bit surprised. I looked past his shoulder to a mirror and saw my disheveled hair and pale harried face, flushed with running. I blew the hair out of my eye and considered how I would make my way to the stairs.
"Hello, Will," I said quietly, meeting his eyes and then looking away, seeing in the mirror the desperate look of a caged bird. He walked toward me, and I took a step back.
"What brings you here, William? Does my father have another order for you?" I asked stiffly, crossing my arms over my chest defensively and pushing my chin up to look at him. He looked disappointed and I looked around. Elizabeth wasn't in sight.
"You know why I'm here," he said softly, looking at me and trying to pierce me with his dark eyes. I glared.
"Oh, right, well then let me just call Elizabeth and I'm sure she'll be on her way down," I said, pushing past him angrily. He grabbed my arm and turned me around - I really hate when he does that. Especially because a part of me loves when he does that. I clenched my teeth.
"You know damn well that's not why I'm here," he said coldly. I sighed and tried in vain to pull my arm away. Damn men.
"Why, then, hmm? Admiring the tapestries?" I asked, wriggling and finally getting myself free of his grip. I looked at his hands and swallowed, looking elsewhere very quickly. At the tapestries, perhaps.
"I'm here because of you, Christina. Mary told me that you haven't gotten up from bed in three days!" he said worriedly. I took another step back and rested my hand on the banister of the stairs.
"Did she now? Well, I'm afraid that's none of your business, nor was it hers. The truth is that I felt rather ill these past few days. Must have been something I ate," I said, taking one step up the stairs and trying to force myself to go faster. My eyes, however, did not want to stop looking at him. I stamped my foot impatiently and took another step up the stairs.
"It's awfully late, Will, I suggest you get back to the shop. You'll need your rest for whatever amount of orders you'll have to get through tomorrow -"
"Forget the orders, I don't give a damn about them! I want to talk to you, Christina, I came here every day for the past three days and Mary told me you were too ill to see me -"
"Well, she lied, I'm perfectly healthy, now goodnight."
"Then why wont you talk to me?" he demanded, rather frustrated at the moment. The cruel part of me wanted to laugh. The rest wanted to cry. I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Selective memory, is that what you have, Will? Or do you not remember kissing my sister directly in front of me-"
"It was an accident, I didn't know you were there!" he said.
"Oh, that is not going to help you at all, Turner," I snapped, my eyes widening at the nerve he had. As if it would have been okay if I hadn't been there, and hadn't seen it. Well, I suppose it would all be okay if I hadn't been there and seen it. I would just be led along blindly again. I took another step back, remembering how I had seen the Black Pearl, and would just need to find someone to take me to it - or perhaps get there myself - and I could leave, just like my mother did.
"That's not what I meant…" Will was saying.
I sighed, "Then what did you mean, pray tell? And do be very careful, Will, with how you answer me."
"I love you," he said.
Damn.
"Good night, Will," I said, turning around and fleeing the rest of the way up the stairs.
"Where were you all day, Christina?" Mary demanded as I pulled off my gown hastily and listened for the door slamming downstairs as Richard, who was the self proclaimed defender of my honor, now, it seemed, showed Will the door. I pulled on my robe and sat on the edge of my bed, too restless to lay down and too tired to walk around.
"Why did you let him in, Mary?" I asked. She glared at me, pulling angrily at the ribbons in my hair, her anxious behavior of the morning evidently forgotten as she pulled a comb through my tangled tresses with a vengeance.
"This time, I'll have you know, I did not let him in. He was at the door and Elizabeth answered it, she was about to leave I think, and he asked for you. And she told him that you weren't here, and he said that he would wait. She offered to let him come in, and he said no, it would be best if he waited outside for you to return. He is an odd one, isn't he?" she said, braiding my hair back. I winced and told her my scalp was bleeding.
"And then you're father came by and said to stop being ridiculous, come in for a cup of tea. Mr. Turner declined of course, but did come in. And then you barged in here with the devil on your heels, I presume; what did he say to you?" I sighed and scratched at my head, the braid incredibly annoying.
"Nothing, he just asked me why I wouldn't see him for the past three days, and if I was feeling all right. Ha!" I snorted, scratching my scalp.
"And that's what made you come running in here like a madwoman?" she asked, opening my bed for me. I glared at her and stood up, walking over to the balcony again and tugging at the braid.
"Well?" she prodded.
"No, its not, alright, Mary? He…he said he loved me."
"Well, that's good then," Mary cried, taking me by the arm and pulling me back to the bed. I rolled my eyes at her and shrugged her arm off, standing up again.
"No, it's not. A lot of nerve he has, coming here every bloody morning after he kissed her. And then demanding from me the reason why I refuse to see him! As if it isn't obvious! As if I like being toyed with, as if I'm going to just leap back in his arms and marry him, while he still harbors feelings for her," I snapped, pacing around the room and making Mary red with aggravation.
"I think the both of you really love to be thick, now don't you?" Mary retorted, giving up on getting me into bed and hurrying about the room, picking up whatever had been left around and straightening up my dresser.
"What are you going on about now, Mary?" I moaned, laying down on top of all the blankets and crossing my arms over my chest. I watched her as she scurried here and there, fixing a whole lot of nothing and not fooling me for an instant with how occupied she was.
"And I don't really like the way you just dismissed me like that this morning, by the way. I know its not my place as your maid, but as your friend I think a deserve a bit better than 'have a care to change the bloody sheets'!" she said, tossing my pearls to me rather harshly. I held them for a moment before placing them on my nightstand, fingering the claddagh ring around my neck.
"I'm sorry," I said softly. She walked over and shoved me over, laying down next to me the way she did when we were both little girls and she'd be tired from working all day. We used to spend hours reading at night, performing scenes from any of the plays I'd had, the books that I'd treasured, given to me by my mother. And all Elizabeth had gotten was mother's ruddy jewelry, a fat lot that does for her.
But anyway, I'd known Mary for the majority of my life, and in all that time I had never treated her as harshly as I did this morning. Thinking back, I felt quite awful about it. I'd treated her the way Elizabeth might treat one of her maids.
"It's forgotten," Mary said, raising herself on an elbow and taking the claddagh ring from my hand. "What's this?" she asked, meeting my eyes. I sighed and took the ring out of her open palm, peering at it closely.
"My father gave it to me, the night that…he said he'd gotten it made because my mother had one just like it."
"They exchanged rings?" Mary asked with bright eyes. She looked at the ring again, as if it was familiar to her.
"No," I said slowly, pursing my lips. "He said that she'd been wearing it the day they were married…he wanted one identical to it - I suppose to let everyone think that they'd exchanged them as wedding bands," I said, watching her interestedly.
Mary smiled, "But they didn't?" She had an odd look on her face.
"No," I answered, bewildered.
"I've seen these rings before…you're father told you they were claddagh, of course?" Mary asked. I nodded, still at a loss to what she was implying. She smiled impishly at me. "Perhaps you're father isn't as much of a dithering idiot as you seem to think he is," she said, happily providing no other tidbits of information after that enlightening sentence. She makes me very angry.
"Meaning?" I prompted, glaring at her.
"In Ireland, claddagh rings were exchanged among the poor folk who couldn't afford real wedding bands. It's the Irish wedding band, Christina," Mary explained. I dropped the ring onto my chest.
"My father gave me a wedding band?" I gasped. I sat up quickly. "Are we not seeing how completely unethical that is?" I demanded as Mary just stared at me. She hit me with a pillow.
"You certainly love being a fool," she teased. I sat down.
"Well, then, Mary, tell me how you interpret the fact that my father gave me a wedding band," I snapped. She sighed, as if being in my presence drained her intellectually.
"He wants you to give it to Will, of course," she said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Let me get this straight. My father wants me to propose to Will, who, mind you, he never really approved of in the first place," I told her, sitting up again. Mary nodded, sitting up with me.
"But that's…preposterous! Women don't do that!" I argued. Mary laughed.
"Nor do they set sail with pirates, or duel with the Commodore, but it seems you've overlooked those two adventures in your life," Mary pointed out airily. I shot her a glare.
"First of all, I had no choice in either of the matters -"
"Liar," Mary cut in.
"Second of all, dueling the Commodore was hardly an adventure," I continued.
"That's why you lost then, is it?"
"Mary, I don't remember you being so sharp of wit!"
That one earned me a good smack. Before long, Mary and I were belting each other with pillows, something we haven't since turning thirteen, I suppose. But there was a loud rap on the door and my father stepped in.
"Good heavens, Christina, what is going on here?" my father said, standing in the doorway and looking around at the feather strewn room. I pulled my robe closed, still a bit irked that my father had given me a wedding ring, no matter what sense Mary made of it, and hopped unceremoniously off the bed.
"Mary and I got into a bit of an argument," I explained. My father glared at Mary, who flushed even more than she already was, and looked away.
"Is that so?" my father asked stiffly. I nodded, and clasped my hands in front of me, the very portrait of Elizabethan (and I am not talking about the monarch) faux-innocence. My father sighed. "Well, I'm happy that you seem to be feeling better, but really isn't proper for a girl of your age to be jumping on beds and wreaking goose down pillows!" he scolded. I bit my lip. Proper indeed.
"I would say that I expected better of Mary at least, but one never knows what she is up to," he said rather harshly. Mary looked quite ashamed. I glared.
"Father, it's quite late and seeing as how you are getting on in years, I'd advise you to take your rest now," I said tersely, walking up and closing the door. My father said a very colorful word and all I heard after that were his boots clicking down the hall.
"Mary, I'm terribly sorry about that," I said, putting an arm around her.
"He's still very angry with me, Christina. He doesn't care that you told him it was your idea! What if he sends me away?" Mary said miserably, putting her face in her pale, slender hands. I sighed, "Don't worry, Mary, he wont. I shall make sure he doesn't," I told her.
"You also said you'd make sure I didn't get into trouble, and now look at the mess I'm in," she pointed out, though not as harshly as one would have expected. Nonetheless, it stung. "Goodnight, miss," she murmured, walking out of my room quietly and closing the door. I held the ring around my neck again and decided it was time for me to go to sleep.
But, I found, that it was near impossible for me to find sleep, even though I was incredibly tired. The news that Mary had given me around the claddagh ring was rather disturbing - the fact that my father, the proper Governor of Port Royal, wanted me to propose to a man who I had just found kissing my sister was almost scandalous. Especially for my father. It was something I would expect more from the mother who I barely remember, because honestly, I do not remember much from when I was ten and before, but not from my father.
He mentioned her, though. How I shouldn't run away from love, or let it run away or whatever balderdash he had given me. Which really, I knew, was a wise thing to say. Because I couldn't get it out of my head, and I lit a new candle (the old one having burned low) and examined the ring in my palm.
It was very pretty. Bright silver, like I've never seen before, the intricate carving of the hands making even each nail and wrinkle visible, but not so much that it seemed overdone. The heart was untouched, shining even brighter than the hands, perhaps, but what drew one's attention - or at least my attention - the most was the crown. A complex crown that would not symbolize loyalty unless each crease, each tiny wave and indent was in its place. I felt my throat close as I stared at the crown. Loyalty, which really should be a rather simple attribute, was so often misguided. Not only by Will…but perhaps by my mother, who was not loyal to my father, but had run away. By Elizabeth, not loyal to her sister, her blood, but instead helpless to a whim of desire. To my father, not loyal to his promise of love to my mother, but forcing her into wigs and jewels and powder so she would seem to be the proper noble woman. Perhaps even me, not loyal to my father by doing as he wished, not loyal to my sister by leaving Will alone even though it was so plain to see that they fancied each other. I had insisted on befriending him, with the excuse of learning the art of swordplay to be near him. I wiped a tear away from my eyes and dropped the ring again, not willing to take it off but not wanting to wear it either. I looked to the balcony, the doors were closed. I remembered seeing the Pearl just leagues off the coast earlier today, and decided that I would do whatever I could to get there. I didn't want to stay in Port Royal anymore, in this place where I'd have to see Will and be confused and hurt. Or be stuck in the same house with Elizabeth everyday, or with my father who wanted to push me into marriage. Or Mary, who could be sent away. If I could, I'd bring Mary with me. I wanted to get away, not forever, because I could never really leave Port Royal, which had been the most comfortable home I'd ever had. I couldn't leave the town, or the mansion, or the stable, or even my father, as infuriating as he undoubtedly is. But I could go away, just for a little while.
Besides, it would be good to see Jack again.
And not have to wear a corset for a couple of days.
I crossed the room quickly and went to my closet, kneeling down in the dim light of a solitary candle and rooting around for the clothes that Jack had given me at Tortuga. Of course I knew that I would not be joining the crew of the Black Pearl tonight, but perhaps I could find some of the crew at a pub or what not and have my intentions known, before they sailed too far away. I put on my clothes quickly and picked up the sword that Will had given me, not having anything else. I tucked my hair into the back of my shirt, not wanting to draw too much attention to myself, but then again at a pub most are too drunk to notice.
I carried my boots in my hand, not wanting to make a racket walking down stairs. I did not want to leave via the garden, as foolish as that sounds. I left my room after blowing out the candle and prayed that I'd be able to get back before my father asked where I was in the morning. Or before Mary walked into my room and sounded the alarm that I'd run away.
As I walked down the hall, I froze when I heard voices coming from Elizabeth's room. There was light visible from the floor and I heard her talking to Eleanor, her maid.
"I didn't mean to, though! Or perhaps I did, but I never meant for her to find out!"
Elizabeth was saying. I clenched my teeth.
"Yes, Miss, but that doesn't make it right," Eleanor answered timidly.
"I know, but I never meant for her to see us…and I never expected her to react in such a way. Eleanor, she was in bed crying for three days! Three days! She's supposed to be the strong one, after all, she battled pirates! On purpose, I mean, because I did too, but I had no choice..."
"Yes, miss," Eleanor said.
"I was quite terrified when she cried for three days, Eleanor…I didn't know she would take it so harshly," Elizabeth confessed.
"Well, when the man one loves is found kissing another woman, its not preposterous for one to take it rather harshly," Eleanor said quietly. "Especially if they see it for themselves," she added. Elizabeth groaned.
"I know, and she looked so angry, I thought she would strangle me!"
"Can you really blame her?" Eleanor asked, surprising me.
"No, I suppose not. I know I wanted to strangle her a couple of times when Will was here with her…its not fair, Eleanor, he came to rescue me just to end up proposing to her! Where is the logic in that?"
"Miss Elizabeth, there is no logic in love. And I think your sister is still very much in love with Mr. Turner, as he is with her," Eleanor said. I bit my lip so hard I nearly yelped.
"He was supposed to be in love with me. That's the way he was acting after we escaped from Barbossa for the first time…those awful pirates…" Elizabeth said with a shudder in her voice. Evidently, she was still very much afraid of the pirates. "It was rather cruel of him to pretend to love me," she continued, sounding like she would cry. Oddly, I found myself relating with her. It is cruel when someone pretends to be in love with you.
"Didn't you do the same to the Commodore?" Eleanor pointed out.
"I agreed to marry him. I didn't say I loved him. It was only to get Will back…Eleanor, I didn't kiss him to hurt my sister, even though that's what everyone thinks I did…I do love Will," she said, crying in earnest this time. I closed my eyes for a moment and walked away before I would have to hear anymore.