Our victim today is Hanatarou and my disclaimer is: If I owned Bleach, I'd so have Byakuya sing the Ballad of Abarai Renji, just for the crack factor.
He was running late, and he wasn't sure how patient the therapist would be. Granted, she had to have at least a modicum of patience to be able to deal with her patients without losing her temper, but he didn't want to risk her ire just yet. Besides, all he knew about Soujuku Chiyuu was that she was the official therapist of Seireitei and she was in his Division, but he couldn't remember ever having seen or met her. Her existence to him was a total mystery. And now that mystery might never be solved.
This has to be my fault somehow, Yamada Hanatarou thought gloomily, asthree drunken men from the Eleventh Division loomed over him and excitedly debated what to do with the unfortunate healer: take his medical pack and make him try to jump for it while they held it high over his head? Or perhaps just beat him until he was reduced to a small bloody spot on the ground and then hang him from the highest building?
They decided to go for the second option and reached for Hanatarou, but someone got there first, standing in front of him with feet firmly planted on the ground and the most belligerent look he'd ever seen on any other person besides Ichigo.
"I'm sorry," the short girl in the shinigami uniform and the red floppy ribbon said politely to the slovenly, badly-shaven man who had his face currently shoved so close that their noses almost touched. "But I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to move. Your face is invading my comfort bubble and you're harassing a fellow member of my Division and making him late for his appointment with me."
The man sneered. "Like I give a DAMN about what you---GAAAAAAAAAAAH! My nose! My NOSE, YOU LITTLE BITCH! YOU BROKE IT!"
Hanatarou stared. The realization that this girl was his therapist was shocking enough. The fact that she'd just let her fist fly into the nose of the offending shinigami just made his jaw drop even further.
"Eh..." Soujuku Chiyuu cocked her head, studying the man intently. "It looks better that way. Come on, Hana-chan!"
Before Hanatarou could protest or even ask her how she'd been able to deck an Eleventh Division member in the nose like that, she'd impatiently seized his hand and dragged him after her. The other men followed them for a few moments, but the therapist kept running until she'd reached her office, tugged Hanatarou inside, and shut the door behind them both. Silence existed between the duo until she released his hand, ambled towards her desk, and sat down very primly.
"That was fun!" She exclaimed happily. "I haven't broken a nose in years! Healers don't usually get to do that, you see,as I'm sure you understand. You're Yamada Hanatarou, aren't you?"
He found his voice (for a minute, he'd thought it had been left behind with the bullies). "U-um, yes... I'm Yamada Hanatarou. It's nice to meet you, Soujuku... err... dono."
Chiyuu's eyebrowsdrew together. "Don't call me that. I'm not all that respectable."
"Ah! I-I-I'm sorry... Soujuku... sensei?"
"...Keep trying."
"Soujuku-san?"
She sighed. "Can't you just call me Chiyuu?"
Hanatarou looked properly horrified at such a suggestion. "B-but you're a therapist! For me to use your name in such an informal manner, I... I-I-I... it would be..."
"Rude?" Chiyuu helpfully supplied. When he sheepishly nodded, she sighed. "Look, Hana-chan, let me lay things out to you. Yes, I am a therapist. No, I don't expect to be treated with that much respect. I only demand that you listen. And if anyone called me Chiyuu, that would make me very happy. If it's not that, it's my last name, or 'Hey, you' or 'Therapist', or sometimes even 'Meddling bitch'. Now, can we try again? I promise, I won't be offended."
The boy took a deep breath, quivering in his chair in front of her desk like a condemned prisoner. "... Chiyuu-san?"
"Good!" The therapist clapped her hands and glanced down at the file already lying open on her desk. "Let me see... judging by your deferential behavior and your constant stammering, I would say that Captain Unohana referred you to me for issues of low self-esteem?"
Hanatarou slowly lowered his head dejectedly, which gave her all the answer she needed. "I-I'm sorry..."
"Don't apologize for things that aren't your fault," she chided lightly, peeking at the file again. "You were the one who was kidnapped by Kurosaki Ichigo and Shiba Ganju when they first broke into Seireitei and tried to rescue Rukia-chan, right?" When he nodded, she grinned at him. "I'd heard about that, although I was helpingin Sick Bay 16 then, so I couldn't see it for myself. But Rukia-chan tells me that you were very brave and you even stood up to Captain Hair Curlers to protect her! I'm very impressed, Hana-chan!"
"N-no, I'm nothing like that!" He protested, but she shot him a look that all but screamed "DON'T DENY IT" and he wavered. "I-I mean... I suppose it was something like that... but I was afraid the entire time, and Ganju-san had to save me! I wasn't... brave at all..."
Chiyuu snorted amusedly, letting her elbows fall on the desk and propping her chin in her hands. "For risk of sounding horribly cliché, true courage is doing what you need to do, despite the overwhelming, crippling fear that the expressionless man in front of you is going to destroy you and scatter your twitching, bloodypieces into the wind."
Hanatarou slowly but steadily turned a pale shade of green and she laughed, but not unkindly. "Sorry, that was a little too graphic, wasn't it? What I mean to say is that you were extremely courageous during your time as a captive and you became a hero for the Fourth Division. When we all heard how hard you struggled to oppose what everyone knew was wrong... we wondered, 'Can I be like that, too? Can I stand up for what I believe in?' And we all began to fight, just to become a little braver. Sure, we still get harassed by the Eleventh Division all the time, and they're scary as hell, but someday, we'll fight back!"
"You punched that man in the nose today," he reminded her. "You're already brave."
"I'm a therapist. There's a fine line between the two." She stretched one arm above her head and absentmindedly flipped through the pages of his file. "So here's the deal, Hana-chan. In five days, I guarantee that you'll be a more confident person. Do you believe me?"
For the first time since he'd entered her office, Hanatarou raised his voice. "F-f-FIVE DAYS? That's all it's going to take? Really?"
Chiyuu's lips twitched slightly. "I wouldn't say it if I was lying. I'll see you tomorrow."
Hanatarou still had his doubts, but he decided to trust her. After all, there was nothing in her tone or posture that suggested that she was telling anything other than the gospel truth. He just hoped he wouldn't be late tomorrow.
It has to be bad karma! Hanatarou's mind wailed, as he tremulously backed away from the seven or eight men surrounding him. One of them (wearing a wad of bandages on his nose) cracked his knuckles threateningly.
"That little brat isn't here to save you this time, pansy!" He sneered thickly, stepping towards the seventh seat. Hanatarou cringed, waiting for the inevitable first hit to be laid upon him.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you."
"Well, it's a damned good thing you're not me, ISN'T... it... br..." The shinigami trailed off as he whipped around to scream at Chiyuu... and discovered just what sort of company she kept these days.
The therapist beamed tranquilly from her perch on Zaraki Kenpachi's back alongside Yachiru. "Yes, I'd say it IS a damned good thing I'm not you, or I'd be in a lot of pain in a few seconds."
This a miracle, Hanatarou thought. Or a very strange dream. Why is Chiyuu-san on Captain Zaraki's back? The immense spiritual pressure the man was emitting was enough to make breathing difficult, as if Kenpachi's power was pressing against his lungs.
"Get off, Yachiru, Soujuku," Kenpachi growled, as both girls obeyed and slid to the ground. "I'm gonna deal with my men." His eyes gleamed dangerously, and the "men" all shuddered in unison.
"How... Chiyuu-san, how did you... Captain..."
"You mean, how did I get Kenpachi-kun to help me?" The girl grinned wickedly, offering him a helping hand (his legs had refused to support him when Kenpachi arrived and had given out like melting jelly). "We're good buddies. Or, more like, after I put him through hell for his therapy, he decided I was tolerable and he wouldn't kill me, after all. And hey..." She jerked her thumb at the bawling men now running every which way in absolute terror. "They brought reinforcements, I brought reinforcements."
Hanatarou didn't know whether to hug her or back away slowly from her. What had he gotten himself into?
Chiyuu dropped her voice to a hushed whisper. "And besides, Kenpachi-kun is grateful to you. If you hadn't healed Ichigo-san after his fight with Ren-kun, Kenpachi-kun would have been unable to fight him. So, in a sense, this is his way of thanking you."
"STOP RUNNING, DAMMIT! WHO'S A PANSY NOW, HUH? LIKE HELL I'M GONNA READ YOU BASTARDS THAT SHIT ABOUT A FROG TONIGHT! DON'T FUCK WITH HIM, YOU GOT ME?"
Screams, grunts, and loud wails of pain and agony followed Kenpachi's rant, along with the constant vocal support of Yachiru.
"Yaaaay, Ken-chan! Beat 'em up, beat 'em up!"
Yes... this all had to be a very strange dream.
---Day Two of Five---
"So, did you do what I asked you to do?" Chiyuu inquired, softly swinging her legs back and forth as she sat behind her desk.
"Yes!" Hanatarou was proud to reply, fishing the paper out of his uniform and passing it to her. It had taken him all night to laboriously write it up, but he had finally finished with "Reasons Why I Like Myself".
The therapist squinted at the paper, her mouth moving soundlessly as she read it. And then she looked up at Hanatarou sharply.
"You could only list five things?"
"Yes!" He hastened to reassure her, for the therapist looked as if she was rapidly developing a headache. "I can clean, I do what I'm told, I can make people better, I'm good at cooking, and..."
"Ayasegawa Yumichika once told you that you had pretty eyes and kissable lips," she finished for him, reading off the paper.
"Mm!"
"... You're also brave, gentle, a hard worker, and you're always willing to help in whichever way you can." Chiyuu jotted those things down on the list and slid it across to him. "Keep that with you and remember that all of those things are true."
Once Hanatarou had left, she sifted through her drawers, found a particular file, and wrote on it, Remember to have a talk with Yumichika about the consequences of hitting on fragile young boys.
---Day Three of Five---
"First of all, if you act like you're afraid of your own shadows, people see you as a natural target," Chiyuu instructed her patient. "You need to learn how to appear more self-confident. If you LOOK confident and determined, there will be a smaller chance of you getting picked on."
Hanatarou bobbed his head up and down, trying to figure out what this was leading to.
He found out soon enough.
"Repeat after me." The shinigami pushed herself out of her chair and jumped on top of it, placing one foot on top of her desk. "I am BRAVE!"
Hanatarou STARED.
Chiyuu rolled her eyes. "Ne, Hana-chan, I'm not doing this for my health. Say it with me! I am BRAVE!"
"I... I am... brave?"
"Louder!"
"I am... brave!"
"SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!"
"I am BRAVE!"
"LOUDER!"
"I AM BRAVE!"
"Atta boy! Now... I AM IMPORTANT AND SPECIAL!"
"I AM IMPORTANT AND SPECIAL!"
"AND I EAT BABIES!"
"AND I EAT-- hey, wait, Chiyuu-saaaaan!"
She coughed. "Sorry, couldn't resist. Back to work. I LOVE MYSELF IN A NON-NARCISSISTIC MANNER!"
Abarai Renji, wandering past the office, heard this and shuddered delicately, quickly picking up his pace. He didn't WANT to know.
---Day Four of Five---
"Please?" Chiyuu begged earnestly, clasping her hands in front of her in the most beseeching manner she could muster. "It's not for me, it's for Hana-chan!"
Hisagi Shuuhei uncomfortably scratched the back of his head, not sure why he was even here in the first place. "No offense, but if I have to go through this, I'm gonna pretend it's for you. I hardly even know this Hanatarou kid."
"I don't even know why I have to do it ALL," Renji complained, exchanging uneasy glances with Kenpachi and Rukia. "Find someone else, Soujuku!"
"Oh, gather ye round and I'll tell you a tale..." Chiyuu sang very quietly.
The vice-captain's face flamed crimson as everyone else snickered. "Fine, FINE, dammit! I'll do it! Just... stop singing!"
The therapist grinned at him. "Thank you! You can wear the skirt, okay? And the rest of the Fourth Division will be there, and the Eleventh Division too, ne, Kenpachi-kun?"
"Bet on it," Kenpachi assured her in a low growl. "Those bastards are gonna pay. I owe that kid too damned much."
"He did so much for me," Rukia added, hiding a smile behind her hand as Hanatarou walked past, plastered in smiley face stickers and other various stickers that read, "I am someone amazing" or "I believe in myself" or "Can't hold me down, beeyotch".
Chiyuu gratefully bowed to them all. "Thank you so much! I'll see you tomorrow!"
Hisagi quirked an eyebrow. "… Did one of those stickers say 'beeyotch' on it, Chiyuu? Or was that just my imagination?"
She quickly averted her eyes. "Er... well, it WAS sorta inspirational... and I thought it had a nice ring to it." And off the therapist ran before anyone else could inquire further, while Renji wondered whether he'd really have to wear a skirt.
---Day Five of Five---
Hanatarou had seen some strange things in his life, but nothing like this had everhappened to him before.
And Abarai Renji carrying pompoms, along with the entire Eleventh Division, Fourth Division, Kuchiki Rukia, Zaraki Kenpachi, Kusajishi Yachiru, and Hisagi Shuuhei definitely qualified as strange. No, more than strange.
Disturbing. Yes, that was the right term. Disturbing beyond belief.
And it only got worse when Chiyuu (who had led him out of her office to see the spectacle) cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, "Go for it, guys!" As one, the entire group began to chant.
"2-4-6-8
Whowill we annihilate?
Those who mess with Hanatarou
We will beat til no tomorrow!
Hanatarou's really cool
He always makes the ladies drool
And that is why we're here to say
Three cheers for Hana, yay, yay, yay!"
"And we'll beat whoever messes with him to death where the blood oozes out and makes pretty colors!" Yachiru piped up, wildly waving her pompoms and narrowly missing smacking Kenpachi in the face.
Poor Hanatarou still couldn't speak. "Wh... wha... what..."
"We're your fan-club," Renji informed him, gently bopping him on the head with his own fluffy cheering device (and secretly relieved that he'd escaped skirt treatment). "So get confident already, because I'm sure as hell not gonna sing that damned chant again."
The Eleventh Division looked very uncomfortable, except for Yumichika, who was still leaping up and down and cheering until Ikkaku kicked him. Hard.
"Hanatarou." Unohana Retsu stepped in front of the crowd, looking unerringly at her Division member. "You were brave, you were selfless, and you did so much for Seireitei that you needed to know how much we appreciate you. On behalf of the Fourth Division and everyone else assembled here today, we thank you."
"Th... thank you, Captain Unohana!" Hanatarou managed to smile and thanked Chiyuu profusely when the woman had walked away.
"You helped me to believe in myself and I can look people in the eye now... and I know that I'm just as important as anyone else here! Except... maybe all of the captains and the vice-captains and the--"
"Close enough," Chiyuu interrupted, laughing and ruffling his hair. "I'm just glad that you're happier now and you're definitely stammering less. Just know that you're important and you have friends who will make sure nothing happens to you."
"HANATAROU!" One of the members from their Division yelled. "Come on, we have to clean the sewers!"
"Ah...! Coming..." Hanatarou shuffled off, presumably to collect his broom and Kenpachi twitched, perhaps remembering his fun experience in the sewers.
Chiyuu watched the boy wander off with his head held high and smiled in satisfaction... then turned to her next victim.
"So, Yumi-chan, what's this I hear about you praising Hana-chan's pretty eyes and kissable lips?"
Ikkaku could only watch as his friend was chased by a little girl, yelling, "STOP TRYING TO SEXUALLY MOLEST MY PATIENTS!"
Ah, yes. What a beautiful day it was.
---OOC---
I should SO not try to write at 11 PM or so. It does weird things to my brain. Anyway, please review and thanks to an overwhelming response, here are the next three victims/chapters!
1. Kuchiki Byakuya
2. Shunsui and Nanao
3. Hinamori Momo
Not to worry, Yachiru and Ukitake will show up somewhere after those three chapters… and then, our therapist takes a break to head down to Karakura and help the poor souls there!
One of these days, I'm so gonna get shot for writing this stuff.