Scars

How will I ever survive if I am alone? I don't want to look at your lifeless body any longer. It's breaking me down slowly. They're all leaving, and they're calling me to come with them. But I can't move my legs. I'm frozen to the spot. The snow flutters down and melts in my hair, and on my face making my skin turn even paler. With one final movement, I drop the snow covered red rose on your casket. I'm not staying to watch them put you in the ground. I'd cry too hard and make a fool of myself. Which, is just an excuse that I'm using to get away from the horrible pain.

"Come on, let's go." His voice is stern, though I can hear the faintest hint of sadness. I don't move, even as he tugs gently on my arm. I can't move, not yet at least. I have so many things to tell you still. You have to hear these words which cloud my mind night and day, begging to be released. I inhale quickly, falling to my knees on the snowy ground, my eyes watery.

"I…" I can't say anything yet. The words are stuck in my throat. I clear my throat, which just sounds like I'm just choking instead. "I miss you so much! I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you like I should've been. I want to go back. I need to go back. I have to tell you so many things. Please…please come back to me."

"Really, you're going to make me cry. Now let's go." He was kneeling next to me in the snow. I could see that he had been crying secretly, but wanted no one to know. Still, even as I knew I needed to go, I didn't move a muscle.

"I can't leave him here by himself." My voice was trembling terribly, and I couldn't control it. "There's spiders…you know how much he hates spiders." I couldn't hold it in anymore. My tears came quickly and quietly. He put his arms around me, rocking me from side to side and trying not to cry as well.

"I know…it's alright." I felt him take a shaky breath and lift me to my feet. "Come on now. We can't linger. They're waiting for us." He placed his arm firmly around my shoulders and tried to pull me. But I stood my ground.

"Wait…I have to say one more thing." He looked at me strangely, but nodded and released me. I hovered over the casket and bent my head slowly. I waited a minute for the wind to pick up, that way I knew it would carry my words to you.

"Hurry up…please." I ignored him, and took a deep breath, lifting my head up and looking at the sky.

"I love…you…" With that I turned and walked back to the car. I sat in the back with the rest of them. No one spoke, and I had called the window seat. I stared at the land, coated in a sparkling blanket of white. It was so peaceful…so beautiful. But underneath the snow, the grass was cold and dead. Dead…my entire soul felt dead.

"Dear?" I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up into the puffy red eyes of Molly. Looking around I noticed we were back at the Burrow, so I climbed slowly out of the car. I decided on staying here for a while, so did Harry. We weren't going to leave the family like this.

"Sorry, Molly. Is there anything I can do to help…?" Half of the school was gathered inside the tiny house, which of course was made bigger by magic. A picture of the red headed boy stood on the mantle, surrounded by flowers. She must've saw me staring and just gave me a warm smile.

"Relax, and remember the good times with Ronald." I moved away from the crowd, taking a seat by the twins in the corner of the room.

"I'm sorry, Hermione." Fred said softly, placing a soothing hand on my shoulder. I just looked at them.

"He was your little brother. It must be very hard. I'm sorry too." The three of us held each other close, our body's shaking with sobs. I heard someone clear their throat behind me and I turned to see Percy standing there.

"Fred. George." He nodded at each of them as we slowly released each other. Taking the hint, I left the three alone to talk. Bill and his wife were there. So was Charlie and a few other people I couldn't name. I noticed Lavender crying with a few of her friends trying to comfort her. Nodding slowly, and assuring myself that she wasn't anything to you anymore, soI walked over and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, Hermione…" She rose to her feet, her eyes watery and puffy. Her cheeks were tear stained. "I'm so…sorry." I nodded slowly.

"I am too." I was more than sorry. I was torn apart from the inside out. How much more I could handle? I wasn't sure I'd be able to go on. Surely, no one knew how muchyuor death had tortured me. They would never know. Not until tonight. While everyone was asleep, I would show them how much I really loved you.