What Brunettes want
summery: Slightly AU, Severus and Sirius spend a moment alone when Remus walks in. Humor, like "blondes" only not!
Disclaimer: yeah, I own the books with exception of 1 and 4, the 3 movies and a modified shirt and a Gryffindor tie. Actually I have three copies of the sixth book. But the frandise no, I own no part of the frandise, can't even spell it.
What brunettes want
"Hey wake up!" Sirius pounced on the sleeping Slytherin.
"Coffee?" Snape rolled over and burrowed under his pillow.
"But of course. What you think I would even come in here in the morning without coffee?" Sirius produced the much needed drink. "Can't have you grouchier then usual."
"Ha Ha Ha, Black." Still, Severus took the proffered coffee. "Why the hell are you so bloody happy?" Sirius shrugged.
"Not sure, afterglow?" Sirius kissed him. "Your really fun in bed. And your dick's bigger then mine. It was fun."
"You said fun twice."
"Yeah. Well, your doubly fun!" Sirius kissed him, again. "What are my chances for a repeat performance? Without alcohol?" Sirius snuggled up to the Potions Master.
"Fucking you without the influence of some form of intoxications? Next to zero, Black."
"So I have some hope then?" Severus glared at him. "What?"
"Hope springs eternally in the stupid." Severus grumbled.
"Yup, that it does." There was a beat of silence. "Hey, did you just call me stupid?"
"Of course not, dear, I implied you were stupid, I call you a brainless, dazed, deficient, dense, dim, dodo, doltish, dopy, dotterel, dull, dumb, dummy, foolish, futile, gullible, half-baked, half-witted, idiotic, ill-advised, imbecilic, inane, indiscreet, insensate, irrelevant, irresponsible, laughable, ludicrous, meaningless, mindless, moronic, naive, nonsensical, obtuse, pointless, puerile, rash, senseless, short-sighted, simple, simple-minded, slow, sluggish, stolid, stupefied, thick, thickheaded, trivial, unintelligent, unthinking, witless, backward loser." Severus took a breath and sip of coffee. "You're backward arrested, behind, checked, delayed, dense, dull, feebleminded, imbecile, late, moronic, retarded, subnormal, underdeveloped, underprivileged, undeveloped, balmy, absurd, cracked, crazy, daft, deranged, foolish, harebrained, idiotic, loony, mentally incompetent, moronic, nuts, nutty, odd, potty, preposterous, silly, insane, slow, banal, blah, bland, bromidic, clichéd, common, conventional, corn, corn-fed, cornball, corny, dull, everyday, flat, hackneyed, ho-hum, hokey, hokum, humdrum, insipid, no place, nothing, nowhere, old hat, ordinary, pablum, pedestrian, platitudinous, square, stale, stereotyped, stock, tired, tripe, trite, unimaginative, unoriginal, vapid, watery, wishy-washy, zero, commonplace, le blah, doux, bromidic, clichéd, terrain communal, conventionnel, maïs, maïs-a alimenté, des pop cornes, bébête, mat, journalier, plat, rabattus, ho-fredonnement, monotonie, éventée, aucun endroit, rien, nulle part, vieux chapeau, ordinaire, pablum, piéton, plat, carré, éventé, stéréotypé, actions, stupide, fatiguées, tripes, banal, dénuées d' imagination, l'unoriginal, plat, aqueux, bromidic,common, herkömmlich, Mais, Mais-einzog, der Gefühlsdusel, blöd, stumpf, täglich, flach, Hosummen, der Humdrum, fad, kein Platz, nichts nirgendwo alter Hut, Übliche, pablum, der Fußgänger, platitudinous, quadratisch, verjährt, der Vorrat, dumm, müde, die Kaldaunen, abgedroschen, unimaginative, unoriginal, das vapid, wäßrig,null, el asno, birdbrain, blockhead, bonehead, boob, bufón, dimwit, dodo, dolt, burro, droga, dork, goteo, duffer, dullard, conejito mudo, cluck mudo, cabeza muda, buey mudo, dumbbell, dunderhead, tonto, goof, bola del goof, goon, mitad-cocio' al horno, mitad-ingenio, idiota, ignorante, imbecile, jackass, tirón, knucklehead, cojo-cerebro, peso ligero, loon, lout, lunkhead, moron, nerd, nincompoop, ninny, nitwit, numskull, oaf, pinhead, scatterbrain, schmuck, schnook, simpleton, spaz, se inclina, twit. You are, in short, a fool." Sirius pulled the script from his back pocket and looked through it.
"That's not in the script, Snape." Severus shrugged.
"I'm improving"
"Ah" Sirius nodded sagely "I wanna improv to. You are a hot." Sirius removed the coffee to the nightstand. "Goregous" He slide over top Severus' prone form "Hunk" He winked and was about to kiss him when Remus walked in.
"Ya know you two are going to miss breakfast." He said and glared cutely. "And your screwin' the script over."
"Who cares? The author sure don't." the animagus said. (Author-cam: Tropic waves "Nope!" )Remus slapped his head and did an anime drop to the floor. He quickly recovered however and said
"Well, your hot hot monkey love kept me up half the night so the lest you can do is stick to the script."
"Only half the night? Oh come ooooonnnnn, Moony, I last longer than that!" The two other men snorted in tandem.
"No you can't."
"Awwww, that's harsh." Sirius pouted.
"It's the truth." Snape snorted and retrieved his coffee. "But half the night, Lupin? He was only good for about an hour."
"I know, but the stark truth always traumatizes him, so, I lied." The werewolf shrugged. Sirius gapped back and forth looking for all the world like a landed fish, crying.
"Butbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbut-"
"You're a good friend." Snape said, sipping his drink.
"And a better lover then Sirius. You and I should hook up." Sirius made a little helpless noise, he was ignored.
"Too bad your straight."
"If what Sirius brags is half the truth, then I might be convinced to go rogue. So are the rumors true?" Severus smirked. And pulled the blankets out of his lap. His ahem was HUGE! "Oh"
"They're true enough."
"I'm convinced! Take me lover!" Remus leaped into Snape's lap and they started making out. Sirius had fainted. And turned blue. And fell out the window. Severus and Remus stopped kissing. "Should we go remind him it's April Fools' Day?" The Potions Master grinned.
"Nah"
"yah! Black out the window!" Snape deadpanned.
"Hey! I am not as good a storyteller as you." Harry frowned, straightening Snape's covers. "Sorry you broke your arm."
"If you hadn't lied to me I won't have had." (AN: Read "What Blondes want" to understand)
"You chased me around the bleeding house!"
"You left your broomcare kit out all over the living room floor.
"You trip in the corridor over your cat. Whose fine by the way."
"Like I care?"
"You do, you just like to hide it." Harry grinned "Really Really well."
"If my wandarm wasn't broken I would hex you until next week."
"I love you, too."
End
this one was not as good as the blonde one but hey, we brunettes have more common sense
(i meant no offense to any blondes as i know several, and only the male one is a dummy)
review, no flames