Everyone thinks that what I'm going through is because of Oz's departure, but it isn't. I drove Oz away. He deserves someone who can understand him, who can love him. I didn't feel the way I thought I had. Things between us started going wrong after graduation.
I was happy when we were together. But when he left her and things changed. Oz and I had just shared so much and now my feelings were changing. Our relationship changed into the 'I'll call you but then you just don't call.' We were hardly around each other. I spent my entire summer with her and not with him.
Summer faded away softly. He called me and said he was going, going far away from Sunnydale. What surprised me was that I wasn't upset at him for leaving, but I was upset with myself for pushing him to it.
Buffy and I ended up in a dorm room together. She had no idea of my recently developed feelings for her. I had hid my feelings all summer. She cried for nearly a month after Angel left and I comforted her as best I could.
Why I cry now is because of her. She and the others think I am still having trouble with the departure of Oz even though that was three months ago.
What has she done to make me cry? She goes out with him. That's what I call that foul, sorry excuse for a man. Everyone thinks she's happy again but I know the truth. She's still hurting. I swear every night that I'll find Angel and kill him for hurting her.
She lets him hurt her. She pretends that they just went to a party or out but I've heard the truth. She screams in her sleep every night. She always tells him to leave her alone to get off of her.
Do you know him yet? The evil bastard that dares hurt Buffy! Angel will pay! I swear he'll die for his torment of her! He has lost that soul of his yet again and he's been poisoning her.
Now I'm jolted from my thoughts as Buffy stumbles through the door. She collapsed to the floor. I ran over to her. She was warm. She must have a fever. I surprise myself by lifting her up into her bed. I watch over her all night. She stirs late in the morning maybe 11:30. She looks at me.
"It hurts," she whispered, "But then again you already knew that. You always know Willow," She says.
I run my hand over her face. She's still burning up. I stare at her. I'm at a complete loss for words. She mumbles something which sounds like "Willow I'm cold." I think to myself 'how can she be cold?'
I turn around. I can't watch her suffer. I grab the washcloth from the container filled with cold water and I softly ring the water out and place the cloth on her head. She closes her eyes. She likes it. She's so calm now. I watch as she starts to doze off again.
"Where is he Buffy?" I ask.
"Hiding," She answers, "He's hiding from what he is, hiding from the guilt and the sun," She finishes.
I understand her message. I grab a stake knowing that when I find him he won't put up a fight.
I find him in the mansion. He feels me there and turns and looks at me. He notices the stake. He comes closer. He's daring me to do it; he wants me to do it. I shove the wood through his heart and he turns to dust, ashes at my feet.
I did this to him. When I restored his soul last time I added this little feature. If he lost his soul again he would feel guilt as long as the sun was overhead. His new curse and now his death.
I walk home to take care of Buffy. When I arrive she's wide awake and looking healthy again. I hug her. She still says she's cold, but I know she'll be fine.
I look down at her and without thinking I grab her lips to mine. She kisses me back. When we pull apart she just looks up at me and says, "I was waiting for you to do that."
"You knew?" I question.
"I always know, Willow," she whispers, before pulling me back down to her waiting lips.
"But you thought," but she cuts me off.
"I knew it wasn't Oz. Remember Willow, I always know. Besides if it was Oz's leaving that upset you I think you would have spent more time with him, you know because you did spend the entire summer with me."
"God you really do know," I say.
"I really do," she whispers, before once again grabbing my lips to her own.