Disclaimer: Don't own.
The feast began as the sky began to turn orange instead of it's pure, opal blue. The sun set as slowly as I'd ever seen it, which may have been yet another part of the island magic, and the feast would last until the very last portion of the sky yielded to the inky black of night.
Taeryn, Maurya, Naneth, Taeryn's husband and four other island men came to meet Will and I, along with Jack, Laurelyn, Mary and Commodore Norrington, oddly enough. Will and I were lifted up onto a large piece of wood that, I would soon find out, would become a dais where we would eat. There were columns on each corner of the square piece of wood, and from them hung a canopy woven of vines with red blossoms. We were taken into the forest to the very center of the island and places down in the center of a clearing. I was led away from Will once more by the island women. This part of the ceremony was hurriedly done - it seemed that everyone wanted to have time for the feasting and the dancing before Will and I were left alone for our very first night as husband and wife.
I alternated between praying for the sun to never set, and praying for night to hurry up and come already. Of course, I remembered my promise to Mary - but what if Will was expecting some of me? Would I really refuse him on our wedding night? Granted, it was an island wedding - which in fact, made it all the more romantic for me - but I was terribly frightened. I was twenty-years old, hardly a youth and well into my prime, but I'd never been in a position like this before. Besides, I wanted to be with Will, propriety be damned! I had refused to conform all my life - or, at the very least, I'd not gone willingly into corsets and bonnets. Why be a stickler for custom now? What Mary didn't know couldn't possibly hurt her.
Taeryn helped me dress once again. This time, I was given a dress that strongly resembled the ones the married island women wore. It was made of deerskin, though incredibly soft to the skin. But instead of the rich brown that the island women wore, this dress was lighter, untouched, an opaque off white the color of sand. Virginal, I noticed with an ironic smile. The butterflies in my stomach started to flutter anew, and I desperately wanted them to go back to their cocoons.
Once again, the dress was sleeveless, although it did have a high collar. On my chest, the dress was slashed in the shape of a teardrop, and the skin that would have been exposed was hidden with well-placed strings of tiny red shells that clicked together each time I drew in a breath. The teardrop stopped just short of being rather embarrassing, but another shape was cut over my stomach, and there was only one large shell here, held in place by the same thin strings the men used to fix arrowheads to their spears.
The bottom portion of the dress was cut open in the middle at just above my knees, the fabric at the opening ornately embroidered. Parts of the skirt were sewn up in an odd imitation of petticoats, which of course they weren't, and in the front the same strings of shells kept my legs from being exposed entirely.
Along with being dressed very quickly, Naneth, Maurya, and Taeryn also set about plaiting my hair back in braids. This time, however, there were no flowers woven into my hair, but the long dark curtain of my once unruly mane was pulled back entirely so that I could feel the air on my neck and back.
The final part of getting me ready for the feast and the first night of the rest of my life was to paint my face. A long blue line was painted between my eyebrows and down my nose. My eyes were line with kohl, dark wings painted from the corners of my eyes. My lips were stained with red; blood red, the red of life. Naneth, Maurya, and Taeryn each kissed me one both cheeks and the lips before making three points around me - Naneth in front, Maurya to my left and Taeryn to my right. Laurelyn and Mary walked behind me side by side, scattering petals in my wake.
"Tonight you are not simply a woman," Naneth said, not turning around to speak to me, yet her voice carrying all the same. "You are a goddess, a huntress, a vessel for life, of earth and island. You go to meet the man whose heart was made for yours; your stag, your consort. He is the sun to you, the sea, a dipper of water to an untouched land." She did turn around then, noticing that I'd stopped walking when I heard the disapproving tut that Mary gave from behind me.
"Forgive me, Naneth. On my island, it is not seemly for a man to lay with a woman to whom he is not -" I broke off. To say "not married to" would be rude, because by the rules of this island, Will and I were man and wife. Naneth did not seem perturbed, however.
"You do wish for the papers, do you not?" she said, a faint smile on her face. She touched my cheek gently, then traced the tattoo on my shoulder. "It is too easy for this old woman to forget you are not truly of this island - parts of your own island will remain with you forever. Jack brought you to us too late, it does seem. Very well. I will tell you this, my daughter. Whatever you do choose tonight, there do not be any shame in it. Follow your heart, it will not lead you astray."
I smiled and kissed Naneth's weathered brown hand. "Thank you, Naneth," I said softly, and meaning it. Jack is much wiser than I ever gave him credit for - him bringing Will and I to this island turned out to be exactly what we needed. There were still a few things that I was unclear about in this whole marriage business, and most of them had to do with what my purpose would be once we reached Port Royal. But being around these island people, with their brown, lean bodies and their views on life and love; how they revered their women as opposed to caging them into portable metal cages, it took away at least some of the fear. Whatever my role would be once we reached Port Royal, I knew I would do all I could to make it what I chose.
"You are welcome here any time, my daughter," Naneth said in her gravelly voice, and I felt my throat constrict almost painfully. I'd never known my grandparents on my mother's side, and my father's parents had wanted nothing to do with Elizabeth and I. Naneth was like a mother and a grandmother in one petite frame. Her white hair glinted amber in the red light of the sun, beating down over the clearing. She was old and young at once, a mother, a sister, and a grandmother to me all at one moment. The sun felt warmer, the air bit into my skin and suffused it with island life even though it was quite warm. I could smell the celebratory beast being roasted, and the barrels of fish as they were cooked as well. The flowers and the trees of the forest hummed with life, I could feel the vibrating up through my very toes and into every part of me.
Naneth touched my face again and with I would later come to recall as the final step of my initiation in to the island whispered, "Raven's child." With a start I realized it as very similar to what my mother used to call me, but before I could dwell on it Naneth was turning away briskly and shouting that the feast would commence. Across the clearing I saw Will, shirtless and garbed in trousers of deerskin so burnished and dark they were almost black. He was across a bonfire, his body shimmering and wavering in the heat. On his chest, over his heart, was the same symbol tattooed on my shoulder, only about three times as large. A navy blue circle with a crescent moon inscribed in it. Squinting and being led closer, I could make out a navy raven in flight also inscribed in the circle, tiny in comparison but present nonetheless.
Maurya and Taeryn let go of my arms and I took my first step towards my husband as the sun continued to descend and the sky turned violet in reply.
1.
The feast lasted well into the night, longer than I had originally thought. It seemed that the island people had precious few celebrations of this caliber, and would take full advantage of them whenever the opportunity arose. I myself quickly lost track of time; between the eating and the dancing and the very ceremonial drinking of potent wine made from the inside of flowers, I didn't spare a thought about how this would very likely be my last night among such amazing people. I once again went back on my vow of never having anything with alcohol to drink again - but, as it was island wine and not rum, I decided that it was all right.
Finally, when even the light of the bonfire had died down so much that I could only vaguely make out the shapes of people dancing, laughing and carrying on, Naneth made her way to the center of the site. She threw a handful of something on the fire and it leapt up in flames of green and blue, and died down to red embers all in the same moment. I had no idea what that meant, but evidently everyone else did. It was successful in gaining everyone's attention, anyway.
"The time has come for us to retire," she proclaimed loudly, and the people did not make any disappointed murmurs, except perhaps for a few of the young girls and boys, who were having a lot of fun just being around each other. Naneth, in the dim glow of the embers, smiled as if she had been expecting that.
"The bonded shall retire to their wedding bed," she continued, and I felt my face flush heatedly once again, glad that it was dark so that Will couldn't see me. He seemed to catch on anyway - he could be remarkably perceptive when he wanted to be; when he wasn't too busy being a hardheaded hero, anyway.
Assuming that everyone was going to quietly leave, I walked over to the dais which Taeryn had explained to me would also serve as my wedding bed. It had been loaded with cushions and blankets sometime during the party, but I couldn't for the life of me have told you when. At first I had my doubts about it - it was made of wood, however, and didn't look very comfortable. Naneth took me over to the little makeshift bed chamber as each of the island folk walked over and places flowers around it before leaving. Mary looked horrified at the thought that if I so chose, I would be with a man for the very first time outside, on a tiny wooden raft with beams sticking out at each corner, no matter how many flowers and embroidered cushions garlanded it.
Naneth kissed me on both cheeks, and kissed Will as well. When she came up to place flowers at the foot of the dais, Laurelyn gave me a wicked grin before entwining her hand with Jack's. Jack offered a rather roguish wink to Will and a sly grin my way.
"Oh, off with you!" I snarled, feeling as though my face would explode if they didn't stop looking so blasted knowing. Mary, quite frankly, looked frightened on my behalf, and yet strangely excited for me also. She hugged me quickly and whispered in my ear, "Do what you think is right, Christina," before leaving with the Commodore and Gillette on each side of her. She didn't know how much this would torment me; or perhaps she did, which would explain why she said it. She was still garbed in a proper dress which evidently Commodore Norrington had thought would be necessary to bring along while he came to "rescue" Mary and I. Before I knew it, everyone was gone.
Very quickly, perhaps much too quickly, Will and I were alone. I coughed nervously, the scents of all the flowers making my throat itchy and my mouth dry. Will said nothing, but I could see his face in the moonlight. The dais had been placed with expert care - evidently the island people knew how to put it just so, so that the moon would be visible through the clearing. It looked unnaturally large, and beautifully so. If I hadn't already been struggling for breath, the moon would have taken my breath away.
Will didn't seem to be quite so nervous as I was, and I wanted to smack him soundly for it. Of course, it occurred to me now, he'd probably done this loads of times before. I felt very foolish suddenly, and very, very young. Never mind the fact that Will and I were the same age, with him being the elder by only a few scant months. There was a gulf separating us now that had nothing to do with age, but instead with experience. Sure, I could wallop him with a sword - mostly due to his exceptional teaching, but also due to my insane urge to be able to do something well that wasn't sewing or tittering away at some rich man's boring monologue. I could kiss and giggle and dally on with Will and, as of now, be almost comfortable with it. I could join a pirate's crew and save my sister from undead monsters. I could duel with pirates and endure getting slashed in the ribs - something not every woman could do, truth be told.
But marry a man and share his bed? To do the things that I, as a woman - and a Christian woman at that, brought up in essence properly (although propriety failed me time and time again, if not vice versa) - was made to do? To truly be with the man I love in a way as to bring children into this world? Well, it would seem that I was to be a failure to womankind. Try as I might I couldn't bring myself to meet Will's eyes. I didn't know what I wanted to do, and as I'd decided to leave it up to Will, he wasn't of much help to me either. He just stood where he was, so damn much taller than me, and didn't say a word. His hands found mine, which were cold and trembling, and he said softly, "You have only to do what you wish to do."
"DAMN YOU, WILLIAM!" I shouted, pulling my hands away from him and pacing away in the darkness. Out of the corner of my eye I watched him. He looked puzzled, and then rather angry. Good, I thought. If I made him angry, maybe he'd make the decision for me, like he'd done on the Pearl, when he shoved me against the wall. I felt something jump somewhere in my stomach, a thrill of fear and wanting, so entwined that I didn't know which was which. I glanced at Will again. He was struggling to control himself.
"I don't know what I wish to do," I said angrily, cursing the cool air that brushed against my chest, stomach, and legs, making the shells that were hanging there clink against each other. The trees were whispering and I could hear, ever so faintly, the sounds of waves on the shore. Suddenly I wanted to run away into the forest, into the ocean, anywhere away from the man I loved so much, and who so frightened me. Who I so desperately, desperately wanted, but didn't know how to ask for.
"I understand how you must be afraid, Christina, but I will not do you any intentional harm," he said softly. I snorted. "Oh, Will, that is so reassuring. Now I know that any harm you do me is completely unintentional. Let's have at it, then, shall we?" I glared at him with my arms folded over my chest, and even in the moonlight I could see how his ears turned red.
"You are the crudest woman I know," Will said, but he sounded rather fond which, inexplicably, irritated me more. "What I meant was - the first time, for you…it can be…uncomfortable." He sounded apologetic. I very nearly ran away at that. Instead, I raised my chin. "Well, I knew that of course. Having been through it before." I don't know why I said it, I really don't. But I hated being on uneven footing with him, hated him knowing so much more of these things than I did. Even in our wildest conversations, we'd never spoken of this. It was all well and fine for me to practice swordplay with him in a sweaty white shift, but there were things one did not talk about. And this subject was definitely one of them.
The expression on Will's face changed so quickly that it was almost laughable, if his expression didn't change to one of fury. "What are you saying, Christina?" he demanded, and again I felt another thrill of fear. He sounded enraged, betrayed, and protective all at the same time. Protectiveness won out in the end, though, and I could have kissed him for it, as well as thumped him upside the head.
"Who has had you, Christina? And why didn't you tell me?" He sounded as though he'd hunt down whatever names I gave him and make them pay for ever touching me. Too bad he'd be hunting down ghosts.
"I could ask you the very same thing, William." He sighed, and if I wasn't very much mistaken it was with relief. "It is different for me -"
"It most certainly is not, William!"
"Do not toy with me, woman! Who has known you?" he said angrily. The fact that the answer was nobody, and it was quite a simple answer really - and that I had caused trouble again - was amusing to me. The focus was not on me making a decision that I clearly had no idea how to make, and instead we were fighting again. And I was very good and secure in fighting with Will. It was almost fun.
"A handful of the stable boys," I said airily. Will growled angrily and grabbed me by the arm, spinning me around. It seemed ages since he'd last done it, and I was caught off guard. I could hear it as the shells on the bottom of my dress hit him in the shins as I spun. "I want names," he said dangerously.
"I don't know their names!" I snapped, trying to wrench myself free and aware that my answer had sounded a lot worse than I'd meant it to. For a minute I thought Will was going to slap me, but he didn't. I probably would have torn out his eyes if he did, although I'm quite sure I did deserve a good thrashing. Likely Naneth would agree.
Instead Will let go of me so quickly you'd think I'd been on fire. "You are a very different woman than I thought I knew," he said hoarsely, and quite suddenly I didn't want to fight anymore.
"Will," I said softly, touching his shoulder (he'd turned his back on me) and making him freeze. "There hasn't been anyone," I whispered. He turned around and looked me dead in the eye with a gaze so hard I thought I'd turned to stone. I could barely breathe. "Then why did you say -"
"Bloody flaming hell, I'm scared, Will! And its so much easier to fight with you than to admit that," I added softly, looking away. Will pulled my chin up so I could look him in the eye. "What did you think I would do? Do you think I'd force you?" he asked, and suddenly, even though there were shadows across his face, I could tell he was hurt. I felt terrible, then, that I'd lied to him. But what made me feel worse is that Will didn't even question me when I told him the truth; he trusted me completely. Or perhaps I was just easy to read, perhaps it was obvious that I was untouched, untried. I was annoyed again.
I shoved him. "Don't you make me feel guilty, Will! Of course I know you wouldn't! But," I broke off, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. The fact was, it wasn't him I was frightened of at all, but instead it was what my choices would lead me to become. Wench or Governor's daughter? Sinner or angel? Wild or caged?Act on impulse, on desire, on love; or repress myself and wait? Would he thinkdifferently of me, depending on my choice?Thoughts were speeding, flying through my head faster than I could hope to understand them. I felt faintly sick. "I had hoped that you'd choose for me," I finished. Will looked mildly surprised. "That is the last thing I would ever expect to hear you say, Christina."
"Yes, well, there you have it." I felt my eyes begin to sting and I turned away from him, willing myself not to cry. I mustn't cry in front of him, I was pathetic enough already. "You don't understand. This is a terribly important decision - on the one hand, I could say 'Yes, Will Turner, take me I'm yours!' and be just like my mother. On the other, I could say no, and be like Elizabeth because surely that's what she would do." And I was suddenly very confused, even more so than before. Did I want to be like my mother, who was beautiful and strong and free? My mother, who had left Elizabeth and I when we were ten? My mother, who had followed her heart, no matter who she hurt along the way? Did I dare be that free?
Or Elizabeth, who was caged, but the perfect portrait of a happy songbird. Elizabeth, who was beautiful and proper and who almost followed her heart, and would have too if I hadn't gotten in the way of her and Will. Elizabeth, who had hurt me deeply and who I still, unaccountably, loved. Elizabeth, who everyone loved and envied, who could make acting on impulse seem admirable because she was just that perfect. My mother, or Elizabeth? I looked to Will and begged him silently to choose. Who did he want me to be? But he was silent. I thought of saying no, and how I would be Elizabeth to him then. No, no, no! I took a step closer and leaned up to kiss him, gently, on the lips. Would I become Belynda St. Paul in this moment?
Very quickly I discovered that gentle wasn't something that I wanted anymore. I clung tightly to him, felt his bare skin under my hands as we tumbled onto the dais amidst the cushions and the flowers. He was everywhere, above me, around me and I was more alive than I'd ever felt before. There was fear and anger, sadness and an almost painful joy; but most of all there was love. Will loved me as he whispered my name. Not Elizabeth's, and certainly not my mother's. Will loved me as he kissed me soundly, the only sounds were the distant smack of the sea on the shore and the hum of the trees and the sand; the sounds of the island interrupted by the ragged breathing of my husband and I as our lips broke apart.
"Are you sure?" he asked me, tracing the tattoo on my shoulder with a careful reverence. I bit my lip and took a deep breath. And sneezed. The scent of the flowers had actually begun to get to me. I grinned apologetically as for the second time that I could remember, Will closed his eyes because I'd sneezed on him. "I'm sorry," I said, laughing as he rolled off of me. I curled up next to him, my head on his shoulder and my right hand tracing his tattoo. In the end, it was the island I suppose that chose for me. I was not my mother's daughter, nor was I my sister's sister. Not completely. I was more than that. I was myself, and I was in love with Will Turner as he lay, breathing harshly, beside me. My husband, regardless of what documents were needed. I was more married to him now than any pompous ceremony could proclaim.
I took a deep breath and the scent of the island flowers did not make me sneeze this time. I looked up at Will, and saw that he was watching me steadily. He didn't look boyish, he didn't look awkward or unsure. With a dull pang of jealousy, I realized that this was nothing new to him. He had been here before, with another girl. Another woman. I raised my chin and glared at him, jealous that he wasn't as nervous as I was, jealous that some other woman had loved him before me, jealous that this choice had to be made by me. It wasn't his fault, of course. It was only natural - and that grated against me, that it was natural for men to go about and enjoy whichever wench threw herself at them while women must stay cloistered and chaste inside stone walls and metal corsets - and we'd be in even more of a mess had Will been as inexperienced as I. I wasn't angry with him, of course, but instead felt in me rise a fierce love. This man was mine, now, as much as I was his.
"You are my husband, Will Turner," I said softly, heatedly, ready to answer his question as myself, and no one else. "I have never been so sure of anything in this life."