AN: Picks up at the end of "I Can't Get Started" Jess's thoughts after he and Rory kiss. Cause, I think their great together!
Their lips melted tighter and Jess felt the electricity between them and his hammered in his chest so hard he thought it might brake. This was the moment he'd been waiting for from when he first saw her. When he moved back to New York he hadn't been able to make himself say bye to her. A searing pain had cut through his heart every time he tried. So he took the painless way out, he just didn't say goodbye.
He had called her once. He wasn't going to but for some strange reason he, it was like he had no control over his hand as it punched in the number and picked up the phone. But he was glad he did call. The next day she came to New York to see him. And he had been so happy! She had done something totally un-rorylike to come and see him. And he had been so happy, but he hadn't admitted that to himself.
He'd tried to deny the feelings he had for her, but when he saw he eave New York on that bus he felt something inside him snap. So, that's why he'd come back. Even if he wouldn't admit it to anyone. And now she was kissing him. And it was the happiest moment of his life to date. Heaven.
Suddenly she pulled away and Jess immediately felt a feeling of loss. She was just looking at him with her perfect brown eyes, already red with tears. He had to say something to make it all better. Think Jess! Think!
"Rory…" he started but she wasn't having any of it.
"Don't say anything!" She yelled at him and it hurt. Hurt that she was regretting kissing him. She told him not to say anything and it hurt more than he wanted to admit to himself. So he said the only thing he could.
"Ok." And she ran.
She ran away from him and his heart broke. She ran away because she kissed him. She was running back to Dean. That ass-hole. Sometimes he envied Dean so much it killed him, but sometimes he thought that maybe he had got the better deal. To be that close to her and not have her…To hold her hand, kiss her and be with even though she was thinking about him, maybe that was worse.
And of course she thought about him, or else she wouldn't have come to New York to see him and she wouldn't have just kissed him. And it scared her. It scared her that maybe she wasn't in love with Dean. He had known that since the whole bracelet ordeal a while ago. Like he told Lorelai, maybe she should re-think the whole being madly in love thing. Well, the madly in love with Dean thing anyway.
He looked back at her. She was almost at the wedding now. Almost as far away from him as she could manage right at this moment. And he hated it. He wanted to have her near him. Forget what he thought before about maybe having the better deal, Dean defiantly had the better deal. And as she ran away from him he realised something he'd known for a long while now.
He was in love. In love with Rory Gilmour.
He had to laugh a little at himself for that. Jess, the bad boy, was in love with Rory, the good girl. Who would've guessed? Not him.
Now she was at the wedding and Jess could just about see her walking down the aisle in her bridesmaid's dress. She looked beautiful in that dress. She had just kissed him wearing that dress. He touched his lips, as if to hold on to the tingling feeling that was held there. He sighed slightly. A few moments ago Rory had been close to him. Now she was far away. Not so much in body but in spirit she was. And he couldn't see her coming back to him any time soon. He had lost her now. A few moments ago he had been in heaven. Now he was in hell.
A moment in heaven for a life time in hell.