Title: Happiness All Along
Disclaimer: None of this is mine, except for the plot.
I slammed the door shut, and rubbed my jaw that still stung like hell.
I couldn't fucking believe it.
Not again.
Was there some unknown curse against me? In which everyone I had feelings for would end up screwing the next best thing that came along? So much for not being able to turn people.
I grudgingly made my way down the stairs of the building all the while trying to think of some horrible mistake I made so God felt the need to punish me with a life without affection.
I wiped my eyes ridding them of any stray tears that had fallen on the way down and took a deep breath, failing miserably at calming myself. I opened the door to the loft, silently praying Roger had took it upon himself to get the groceries we were in dire need of so I would have enough time to collect myself (and not look like the miserable, broken-hearted boy that I certainly was).
But of course, no such luck. On the windowsill sat Roger, absently strumming his guitar, humming the song he had written for Mimi, as he watched the spring rain collect in puddles on the sidewalks.
I tried to walk as swiftly as I could to my room in an attempt to avoid a conversation with Roger. But, today was clearly not my day.
"So, how's the yuppie scum doing?" Roger asked, eyes still on his beloved guitar.
"Fuck off Roger." I retorted, deciding it was easier to be angry than broken-hearted.
"Well someone's pissed," Roger noted obviously, "What happened Marky? Benny cheat on you?"
"I told you to fuck off Roger" I spoke, my voice faltering towards the end of the sentence. Shit. I couldn't break down in front of him.
"Wait! He did cheat on you?" He asked excitedly, hopping off the windowsill. Apparently my love life (or lack there-of) was some game he had a pleasure in watching collapse.
I ignored him, not trusting my voice enough to give him an answer and was just about to walk into my room when Roger bounded in front of the door, body stopping me from entering the room. I tried to push past him knowing full well there was no way I could ever push past the strong body that was Roger.
"You're not leaving until I get all the details Cohen!" He said, grinning like a child.
"Roger…. just…. please," I begged in a quiet voice, staring at the floor, holding back the emotions threatening to spill over.
"C'mon Mark, how bad could it be? He cheated, big whoop. Unless he cheated on you with…"
Shit. He knew it. He was going to say her name.
"Did he cheat on you with a girl?" Roger asked, a smile now forming on his lips. Maybe he didn't know…
Roger took my staring at the floor even harder as a yes and roared in laughter, oblivious to the girl in which he was referring to. "Jesus Mark, what is it about you that always seems to change people's sexuality?" He asked, smile even bigger; referring to the only three people I had ever been in a relationship with. First was Nanette, who really liked me when we first started dating, but I later found out she only stayed with me to see my sister; Then was Maureen who I dated for over a year before she turned into a lesbian and cheated on me with Joanne, and now Benny who, after dumping Allison announced to all of us that he was gay (Collins confirmed this announcement, but wouldn't elaborate, saying the evidence he had would give us nightmares), but now that I've caught him cheating with a female I've been led to believe otherwise.
I kept my interest focused on the floorboards, hoping the wetness that was settling in my eyes would go away. "Mark, who was she?" he pried, lifting my chin with his fingers. I winced in pain as his fingers grazed my cheek, suddenly remembering the angry punch Benny gave my face minutes before.
"Did that fucking jerk hit you?" Roger asked, all signs of the smile he wore moments ago gone as he stared at the bruise on my face.
"No!" I answered quickly.
"Well then what the fuck happened to your face Mark?" He asked, angry now.
"He…well….but I deserved it!" I managed to stutter out.
"I'm going to kill that piece of shit!" He shouted, clenching his fists, thinking of what do first.
"No Rog, please…. please don't." I pleaded.
"You expect me to let him hit you and get away with it!"
I couldn't hold it any longer. All the tears that were threatening to spill over, rushed out as I lost control. Roger stood, dumbfounded for a moment. Physical pain he could deal with any day, but when it came to emotional pain he was lost. He stepped towards me closing me in a hug.
"Shh…it's okay Mark…. Benny never deserved you anyway. He's just a stupid horny prick. C'mon, don't be so upset over an asshole." He soothed.
It wasn't so much Benny that was upsetting me, hell I don't think I was even in love with him, I just liked the feeling of having someone to care about. This was just the realization that I would always just be Mark the filmmaker, who watched the world through a lens.
Roger continued rubbing circles on my back before he kissed the top of my head. "Why don't you get some rest Mark? Just go lay down and I'll get some ice for your cheek." I nodded, and we both stepped out of the embrace, and I found myself cold from the loss of contact. Roger gave me a quick, reassuring smile before walking towards the kitchen in search of some ice cubes and I walked into my room. I walked over to my bed and slid beneath the thin covers. I did feel somewhat worn out from the day's events and I shut my eyes waiting for sleep to come.
I stuck my hand in the ice box and placed a few cubes on the paper towel on the counter. I can't fucking believe it. Why the fuck would Benny hurt Mark like that? I wasn't just talking about the bruise on Mark's jaw that had already formed, Mark seemed so broken and upset. Something tells me this has got to do with a lot more than Benny just screwing around with some other girl.
I quietly made my way over to Mark's room, but stopped short when I realized he was sleeping. I watched him in his slumber for a few minutes, noticing how distraught he looked even in sleep before shutting the door and discarding of the ice on the table. I paced around the couches for a few minutes before deciding I'd go up and see Benny. Perhaps I'll talk to him before I bash his face in.
I made my way up the stairs to an empty apartment where Benny had been meeting Mark these past few months (apparently our building wasn't up to his living standards anymore). I didn't bother knocking on the door, I simply turned the handle and stormed in.
Within a few seconds Benny had run out of a room I presumed to be the bedroom looking quite tussled and surprised.
"What the hell do you want Roger?" He questioned.
"What do I want Benny?" I sneered, stepping closer to him. "I want to know what the fuck you did to Mark!"
"Mind your own damn business Roger!"
"Mark IS my business asshole!"
"Then why don't you ask the little cunt yourself!"
I was across the room in a matter of seconds, grabbing Benny by the collar. "What did you say?"
"I said, Why. Don't. You. Ask. The. Little. Cunt. Yourself!" he answered, accentuating every word.
Without thinking about Mark's previous pleas I punched Benny square across the jaw and dropped him on the ground. As soon as his body made a 'thump' on the ground I heard rustling inside the room from which Benny had come from moments before, and Mimi emerged with a bed sheet wrapped around her body.
She walked out there, not even caring that I had just caught her sleeping with a man who had been dating one of her best friends, not even caring that she cheated on me!
"What the fuck are you doing Roger?" she screeched.
"Fuck off Mimi!"
"Are you insane Roger! Why did you hit Benny?"
"I hit that fucking bastard because he punched Mark, that's why Mimi."
"Mark deserved to get punched for what he said!"
I didn't even think twice at Mimi's words, nothing Mark said could have made him deserve being punched by Benny.
"That little shit walked in here while me and Benny were just having a good time, and he went off on Benny telling him how all Benny ever does is screw things up for everyone, and he went ranting about how you and me were fine until Benny started screwing things up, and…"
"Can you get to the point already Mimi!"
"Well Benny told Mark to get over it, saying how he never meant anything to him at all anyway, and Mark said the only reason why he was with Benny was to keep his pants occupied so you and me would be okay, and you wouldn't have to worry about Benny screwing me."
"So Mark deserved to get punched for that?" I asked, my patience running out. "Because Mark told Benny he was the piece of shit that he is he got punched like that? Because Benny screwed my girlfriend he deserves to be broken and upset like he is now? Your logic's fucking skewed Mimi. Have a great fucking life," I concluded before slamming the door shut.
I ran down the stairs to the loft, and once inside slammed the door shut. This wasn't making any sense. I should have known Mimi was going to cheat on me with that piece of trash again. But how could someone be so heartless as to hurt fragile Mark? Mark, who detached from the world and hid from the camera. Poor old Mark, the scrawny Jewish kid who was always the glue holding everyone together even though he was falling apart without any help. This was the last thing Mark needed right now; he was still recovering from his whole ordeal with Maureen when Benny came along. I should have known something was up! Benny was never nice without ulterior motives. He just saw Mark as a little game he could play with until he got bored and moved on.
I paced around the couches again before lodging my fist into the wall. Whoops, Mark would yell at me for that in the morning, but for now I didn't care. It felt good to let some of this anger out, even if it wasn't exactly solving anything.
A few moments after I settled onto the couch Mark peeked out his bedroom door still looking somewhat groggy and sleepy.
"Rog, are you alright?"
"I'm fine Mark. How are you doing?"
"I'm fine. I'm just going to make some tea, do you want some?" He asked, slipping out from behind the door.
"No thanks, I'm okay…how's your cheek? Does it still hurt?" for some reason the conversation seemed somewhat forced and awkward.
"Oh no, it's fine."
"It doesn't look fine to me," I said as I got up from the couch and walked over to him. "Let me see."
"Rog! It's fine, just let it go." He argued uncomfortably.
Despite his protests I still walked over and examined the bruise, "He really got you huh?"
"I don't see what the big deal is, it'll heal like everything else."
"Mark! Benny punched you in the face because you caught him sleeping with Mimi! He's the asshole, yet you still take the blame on yourself!" I answered, becoming more annoyed. Why was he dismissing this like it was nothing?
"H…..how….Mimi never slept with Benny Roger." He stammered nervously.
"Mark I'm not stupid. I went up there and had a little chat with Benny and Mimi and I know exactly what happened."
"Did you hit Benny?"
"It doesn't make a difference Mark! He's an asshole and we're both better off without them."
"No Roger! Your better off with Mimi! She makes you happy! Without her your lonely and depressed…and…." I held Mark in a tight embrace before he could finish.
"Mark, she's not the only thing that makes me happy. And if she cheated on me again then she's not worth my time, and she cheated on me with YOUR boyfriend, so I want nothing to do with her. Why do you keep doing this to yourself Mark? You always make excuses for why you can't be mad at other people!"
"Because I'm the one who always screws it all up Roger!" Mark shouted as he broke away from me, and started to sob again, "Because I liked thinking someone could actually like ME Roger, and I hoped I would be somewhat pleasing to Benny so he would stop screwing with Mimi, so the two of you could be happy! But, yet again Mark Cohen screws everything up and you end up screwed over in the end because of it."
"Mark! You helped me realize that Mimi and I don't have anything anymore! This isn't your fault Mark! Stop beating yourself up over this!"
"You don't understand Roger! I liked convincing myself someone could care for me! I liked that I was able to help you be happy! I liked knowing that I actually had some place, some importance in this Godforsaken city! I was helping you to stay happy! I could never do that before! First April made you happy, then drugs made you happy. Then when April was gone your happiness died with her, and then I took your drugs away, the only thing that kept you going. I wasn't enough. Then Mimi came along and she made you happy. But when that started to fade too I knew I had to do something. I couldn't stand to see you suffer Roger!"
"And what about you Mark? What about all the suffering you've done? Don't you deserve some happiness?" I started to shake. How could he say this? How was my Mark saying this? He kept me happy! "You keep me happy Mark! April, Mimi and the drugs are just short lived happiness, but if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have the chance to be happy, I'd probably be dead in a ditch somewhere after O.D.'ing! You make me happy, in a longer-lived way. Please Mark, please, don't ever think your not good enough. Your more than I could ever ask for. After April and the drugs I had you to keep me sane and okay. Through all this shit with Mimi I've had you, and I know if you weren't here I would have never made it through. After everything I've always had you, no matter what happens, and no other kind of happiness could replace that. I love you Mark, more than anyone or anything else."
"That's just nonsense Roger," Mark stated, still arguing, "I could never inspire your songs the way April or Mimi did, I could never get you out of the house the way they could, I could never…"
"And all those things with April and Mimi never lasted Mark, and you were there all along." I said, as I reached down to take Mark's hand and I kissed his knuckles, "I survive without them because of you, I'd die without you."
I then bent down and placed a light kiss on Mark's lips, praying I wouldn't break the already-fragile boy, but also praying I could show him how much he truly meant to me in that little kiss.
I looked down at Mark and his lips turned into a smile, and he looked at me in such a way that I wanted to kick myself for putting him and myself through all of this when my happiness had been living with me all along. We shared another kiss, this one more passionate and loving and when we broke away I gathered Mark into another hug, whispering in his ear, "I love you."
Mark broke away from my embrace abruptly. "No you don't Roger, don't say that. You can't love me."
"I can, and I do Mark. And no matter what happens, I swear, I'll always be happy with you, and nothing you try to say will change that." I leaned down to kiss him again, and this time it was him who whispered, "I love you" in my ear.
The end.
So…how was it? I really didn't like this one, its just so frustrating cause I have it in my head but it just doesn't come out the same way! And all my fics sound the same (for some reason my subconscious likes abusing Mark, I dunno.) and they all end to abruptly and agggh.
Just review PLEASE. THANK YOU.