Chapter 7

I am a wanton slut.

Its one phrase that every girl shouldn't think unless if fact you are a wanton slut. Yet, it's all I can think about, it's all I'm thinking about. All I can think about is him, me and my bed. It's rather silly, it's feelings that every girl should feel. Every girl should feel lust yet we're spit down on and called wanton sluts.

Heaven help me.

I hate sitting across from my mother, pretending that just a few days ago I was a stubborn virgin who just got deflowered and that it doesn't really matter. I hate pretending that I'm still the same girl I was before my senior year but I can't. I can't help but to think about how Inuyasha just stepped into my life, without any rhyme or reason, and suddenly my whole life has changed.

My life is…

Chaotic.

Heaven, I hate that word. It sounds like a freaking dance song. I feel like I should be talking about a gay disco club instead of my life but I am, I am talking about my life. My wretched life of a wanton slut.

But here I am, positively staring at my green beans as my mother goes on and on about what color should our new living room be. Would green be too bright or would red invite all the hookers over? She didn't say that but I wish she have, I need to laugh. I stand up quickly, muttering something lame about my homework, even though it is Friday evening and everybody knows that I do my homework right after school.

I give my mom a quick smile and run out of the house. Stupid. Who runs out of the house when they say they have homework? But there she is… Sango. It seems that we are connected at times, whenever I need her, she's just there. She appears out of nowhere, completely at random, without a notice. Out of sight, out of MIND!

I'm going fucking crazy. I smile half heartily at Sango as she approaches me, wearing the same half smile on her face. She wraps her arms around me as tears begin to spill down my face and words just come out. I have no idea what the hell I'm saying. None. But whatever I'm saying, it's shocking.

"You're not a meaningless hussy, Kagome."

"I just let him seduce me. I should've just done something dramatic and flung my hair and said 'take me, tiger', it's less whorish than pretending to be innocent at least people know not to be alarmed."

"You're not pretending."

"Fuck! Fucky, fuck, fuck!" I swear, "What's Kikyou going to do when she finds out?"

"Who the hell is going to tell her? Casper?"

Sango gives me this half look before sighing, stuffing her hands into her face. She looks—exhausted. Circles surrounds her bright brown eyes and her black hair looks tousled, as if she rolled out of bed, or probably had kinky sex with Miroku before realizing something was wrong. Either or I am touched.

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for. It was just something that happened."

"I hate myself."

"Good God, are we going to have to restrain you?"

I pause before muttering weakly, "No."

"Good. I do hate to use force; it's too kinky for my liking."

And there I have it, my first laugh. I stood there for forever, laughing, half crying, pushing my hair out of my face. It was a marathon of what I thought would never come. The first light of my tunnel, of my journey. I stare at Sango, wiping the tears from my eyes. The sun is slowly setting and the streets are suddenly glowing with this purple haze.

I sit down on one of the stairs, sighing, "I haven't told anyone, about it, I would think it would awkward to just announce it." She nods, understandably as she pulls me into her arms, "I never have been the one to keep secrets."

"You can't run away from him."

I close my eyes, I never been much of a runner, literally. If I run, I will never make it that far. I would just wheeze out of breath, hoping that somebody would just so happen to be on a massive killing spree and put me out of my misery. I feel a tiny drop of rain hit my head before the rain comes in. Just literally pouring.

The clouds begins rolling over and the thunder rumbles before Sango stands up, "I hate being wet."

"Have fun at Miroku's." I call, before folding my arms over my legs.

?….?

I find myself hours later at the front steps of the library. I have no rhyme or reason to be here. I just like the comfort of old smelly books and people being there for the sole reason that they need peace and quiet. A man holds open the door for me as I nod and smile, waltzing right in. Here's a place where I could be myself without anybody noticing.

Everybody here is worried about themselves and that's lovely. I didn't need another invisible eye watching me. I just couldn't handle it. I hate pressure. I smile quickly at the librarian before selecting a book and settling down on the nearest couch near the window. The rain still hasn't let up, it still is pouring but it is a lot better now that I'm inside and safe from harm's way.

I fold my feet under me, carefully opening the book, inhaling the sour aroma. It is a book about a sweet love tale, a young girl, loving a lord, and both running away. I love the story, it gives me hope.

"Hey."

I jolt, as I casually set the book down in front of me. His gold eyes stares at my intensely before glancing at the book that is set down before me. He quickly smiles at me as he picks it up, looking it over and sitting down. Inuyasha seems so interested in the book that it appears that I'm not here.

"You read?"

I hit him softly before laughing, "What else would a boring old maid do?"

"I don't know." He chuckles, "On Wheel's Fortunes? Is it good?"

"It's amazing."

"Amazing." He seems like he's testing the word out, tracing his tongue over his teeth, smiling, "Let's get out of here."

"Where we're going?" I look at him, suspicious, with my narrowing at him. He senses it, he turns around and he stiffens.

"Not like that… we're… I'm not going to… rush. It'll be utterly… just absolute shit. Stupid. I'm not like that. Not with you. Not with Kagome Higurashi." He struggles, stuffing his hands in his pocket.

"I'm not made of china, I can handle this."

He sucks in the stale air, "I never said you're not. It's just… I know you're waiting for me to fuck everything up, you're analyzing every move I make. I don't want to fuck this up again. I don't want to be the way we were."

"We'll never be back to where we were."

"Then let's go." He pleads, "Let's go somewhere. Let's drive. Let's for god's sakes get the fuck out of here."

I nod as he smiles confidently, throwing his jacket over my head as we run out of the library and into his car. His pride and joy. He quickly peels out of the parking lot and onto the highway. Sign after sign passes by us, it seems as though we're never going to stop. I didn't want to stop. I just want to sit in silence, in the car, next to him.

It feels like old times and I would have to be naïve to say that it is like old times but it did feel like it. Even though when Inuyasha and I were friends we weren't old enough to drive, so we rode our bikes to God knows where and God knows how far, ten, fifteen miles? It didn't matter. Wherever he went, I followed. Or something of that nature.

Back then everything was so simple. Everything was either right or wrong or wrong and right. There were never any gray's. There was no need of happy mediums. It was just—simplicity. Pure absolute sincere simplicity. Simplicity that I wish I have right now.

"Sometimes I just want to run away." He says breaking the silence, "Everything just seems so hard."

"And it only gets harder."

"It's frightening isn't it? We think we're having problems now, imagine us twenty years later, dealing with marriages, divorces, kids." He chuckles bitterly, "What the fuck are we going to do then when now we're running away?"

"I don't know. Maybe they're wrong. Maybe it does get simpler. Maybe there is a solution."

"Maybe there are answers." He says harshly, shaking his head, "I wish there was. I wish I could know all the answers to every fucking problem then there couldn't be any more problems. Everything would just be—"

"Perfect but then what? Then what is there to do? Everybody would just be like everybody else and selfish fucks who do not know anything about themselves because they didn't have problems to face and to teach them about life and themselves. Then what?"

He sighs, staring dully at the road ahead of him, "I wish I'd know. I just wish that I could turn back time. Everyday I wish I could then I could be this happy seven year old with his happy friends and just be overall happy."

I realize at that moment that I have no real problems. Sure, I slept with this man, this boy, that I hardly knew that I knew once, and sure I regret it but… it wasn't the same. Here he is, used to living in this delusion that his life is perfect, that his family is perfect and just suddenly his facade world is crumbling down around him.

It is shocking. His parents are the most perfect people in the world. Disgustingly so. His mother is the typical mother, she comforts her children when they are in need, and love them when they need to be love. She is that way with her husband as well and her father this disgustingly handsome man who could charm anybody's pants off and has this amazing smile. They were so amazing together. There would be times when I would see them glaze affectingly at each other when they thought we weren't looking.

Whatever happened? How could something so right just go so wrong? Why is life so hard?

"I just wish there was something I could do." I whisper.

"Me too. God, once upon a time, they were so happy." He strains to whisper, "And now… I don't know. I just don't understand it anymore."

I didn't either and for once in my life, I didn't want to either.

Yeah, I know, I wrote a chapter 7 ages ago but I hated it, it was dreadful. So I deleted it and wrote a new one. I honestly as I said before want a true relationship between Inuyasha and Kagome and hopefully these next coming chapters will show that.